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Bottled: A Mom’s Guide to Early Recovery

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Bottled: Hilariously Serious


Book Review:
Bottled: A Mom’s Guide to Early Recovery
~by Dana Bowman

 

We’re excited to share our review below and have also added Dana Bowman’s “hilariously serious”  memoir to our popular resource:
Favorite books and DVDs for families of substance abusers and addicts.

Bottled: A Mom’s Guide to Early Recovery
~Review by Judy Herzanek/Changing Lives Foundation

 

 

Bottled-Dana-Bowman
I love this book.
From the very first pages of “Bottled. A Mom’s Guide to Early Recovery.” I was drawn into Dana’s world—a world I strongly identify with on a personal level.

Dana tells her story, while combining the serious and insidious nature of alcoholism with unexpected wit and humor. She takes us on her journey as a young suburban teen to a successful career-minded twenty-something to a newlywed with the world at her fingertips, to a reluctant young mother with an ever-growing love of fine wine.

Excerpt from Chapter 1: Birth with a beer chaser

My darling husband is leaning over me as I rest in the hospital bed with Charlie snoozing in my arms. Brian is smiling widely, but I am distracted because his pants seem to be…clinking?

“My darling,” he kisses me. “Here is your beer.”

I don’t like beer. And yes, I know. An alcoholic saying she doesn’t like beer is kind of like hearing a doctor say, “I’m just not that much into stethoscopes. They’re cumbersome.” But beer’s hops make my face itch and whenever I drink it my nose starts twitching like a rabbit, and I sneeze a lot. Yes, I am also willing to accept the irony that I actually really have an allergy to alcohol, as the Big Book says. But, in my hospital bed, I clearly remember looking over at that brown bottle that Brian had proudly delivered to me from his cargo pants pockets (finally! a reason for all those pockets!) and thinking, “YES, PLEASE.” I then looked down at the adorable squinched up face of Charlie, just hours old, and thought, “NO, THANK YOU. I’m scared. How did this happen?”

Dana humorously recalls details of her life of play-dates, parent/teacher meetings and jelly beans. We also accompany Dana on her descent to what ultimately becomes her “bottom.”

For me, the biggest joy throughout the book was anticipating the next “me too” anecdote that Dana so masterfully recalls and colorfully illustrates (my personal favorite involves cowboy boots)!

I encourage everyone (especially women) to read “Bottled.” This triumphant book not only entertains, but provides insight and newfound hope into the increasingly common and important issue of addiction.




Author Dana Bowman


About the Author Dana Bowman
Dana Bowman is a long-time English teacher and part-time professor in the department of English at Bethany College, Kansas. Author of the popular momsieblog.com, she leads and presents workshops on both writing and addiction, with a special emphasis on being a woman in recovery while parenting young children.

Buy “Bottled: A Mom’s Guide to Early Recovery” on Amazon

 

 

 

Judy Herzanek Telluride

Judy Herzanek is the Director of Creative Development and Marketing for Changing Lives Foundation. She graduated from Columbus College of Art & Design in 1976 and worked as Graphic Designer and Art Director for Hallmark Cards, Kansas City, MO (12 years), Celestial Seasonings, Boulder, CO (16 years) and owned and managed her own design business.

Chaplain Joe Herzanek and Judy met in 1984 at an AA meeting in Kansas City and have been married and in long-term recovery for over 30 years. She loves working from her home office in Berthoud, Colorado and the opportunity to combine her design, marketing and online skills with her 30+ years of sobriety to bring the message of hope to families struggling with addiction.
Please visit Changing Lives Foundation website




RESOURCES:
> Recommended Books and DVDs for families of substance abusers and addicts.

> Addiction Recovery Resources for Families of Substance Abusers, Addicts and Alcoholics

Why Don't They Just Quit? Hope for families struggling with addiction.



Why Don’t They Just Quit? Hope for families struggling with addiction.
~By Joe Herzanek

New! 2016 Updated Edition!
Contains 7 new chapters and info on: Heroin, Shame & Stigma, Harm Reduction, Marijuana, Synthetic Drugs, 12-Step Groups & The Church, and much more!

Amazon.com reviews:
As the mom of a child struggling with addiction,
and the author of ‘The Joey Song: A Mother’s Story of Her Son’s Addiction,’ my ‘go to’ book is still “Why Don’t They Just Quit? ~Sandy Swenson

Best book ever about addiction. Written by one whose done it and is recovering. Easy to read, not preachy, just honest. I recommend this book to anyone with an addict in their life! ~Lynda A

Got an addiction problem in your family? Read this book. Joe knows his stuff. This book helps you to better understand those who are dealing with friends and family that are addicted to drugs and alcohol. I have read several of these books but this one is the best. ~RJ

> Paperback
> Audio Book CD (Listen to the book)
> Kindle
> Audible Audio Download (LISTEN TO 4 MIN. SAMPLE NOW)

Chaplain Joe Herzanek, Author ASK JOE:
> If someone can stop using drugs or alcohol for weeks at a time, they “aren’t an addict—correct?

> Chronic Pain Management & Pain Pill Addiction: What to do?

>How can I know if my addicted friend or loved one is telling the truth?

>Should my husband “back off?”

>Gambling vs. Drug Addiction? What is your opinion?

>How can I tell if someone is an addict/alcoholic or just a heavy user?

>What is Methadone? What is Harm Reduction?

RETURN:
from “Bottled: A Mom’s Guide to Early Recovery.” to Blog Home
________________________________________
Dana Bowman, Bottled, Early Recovery

 

 

 

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Our Addicted Child

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Our Addicted Child:
that feeling of powerlessness was horrible.

Our Addicted Child

 

~By Daniel Green (Recovering Addict)

Daniel Green interviews his parents on how they coped, living with an addicted child.

Daniel: So, first thing’s first, what was it like living with a child in active addiction?

Mom: It was horrible. Horrible beyond words. We never knew what to expect. I never knew what to expect and that’s true of the big stuff and the little stuff. When I say the big stuff, I mean thinking you were going to get arrested, overdose, or die. You know what’s so bleak about having a child who’s also an addict?

At the end of your addiction, I wanted you to get arrested. At least then I would know where you were and that you were alive. Having to seriously consider the fact that my child might die was also probably the hardest thing I’ve ever done. Imagine feeling all that and knowing there’s not much you can do to change it. Of course, I thought there was a lot I could do at the time.

“Coming to terms with my own, and your mother’s, powerlessness was very hard.” ~Daniel’s Dad

Dad: Yeah, your mother pretty much covered it. I’d just add that that feeling of powerlessness was horrible. I thought, man I even knew, there must be something I could do to help you. I tried everything. We paid for therapists, counselors, drug treatment, school, everything. None of it worked. Coming to terms with my own, and your mother’s, powerlessness was very hard.

Daniel: How did you cope?

Mom: I don’t know that we did cope. Well, I don’t know that I coped anyway. From the time you were about fourteen to nineteen, I was pretty much a mess. I lived in fear and anxiety. Once of the outpatient clinics you went to had a parents’ support group. I went there once a week and kept in contact with the other mothers. That was probably the most helpful action I took.

Dad: I’m with your mother on this one. I don’t think I coped too well, if at all. I tried going to the parents’ group, but I found it more depressing than helpful. We all sat around on these folding chairs. I don’t know. It just wasn’t for me. I threw myself that much harder into work [my dad is a doctor]. When I was at the hospital, I wasn’t thinking about you. Well, that’s not 100% true, but it offered me some relief.

Daniel: Where there other resources or techniques you used to deal with me basically being a living, breathing train wreck?

Dad: Well, I didn’t mention prayer. I prayed a lot. That helped, but again, it wasn’t a magical cure. It wasn’t a silver bullet. There probably wasn’t anything that was a silver bullet. I sought counseling from our Rabbi. That only went so far. I think part of having a child struggling with addiction is just gritting your teeth and hoping that things will get better.

“I never gave up hope. I don’t think a parent can.” ~Daniel’s Dad

Mom: The support group was really what helped me the most. Like your father, I did prayer and seek religious help and that was absolutely helpful. It only went so far though. Mainly it was talking with other parents who had been where we were and some whose kids had found recovery.

Daniel: Did you blame yourselves for my addiction?

Mom: I did for a long time. Certainly I did when you were using drugs. I questioned myself a lot. Things along the lines of “what if I had done this?” and “Why am I such a bad mother?” It was hard! I’ve come to learn that I’m not responsible for your addiction or your recovery. That was another big thing for me to learn. There’s not much I could do to make you stop using drugs. I thought doing this or that would work. Ultimately, it was up to you.

Dad: I did blame myself. I thought maybe I wasn’t a good enough father or role model for you. I thought there were things I could have done differently when you were a child. I even blamed my genes. Addiction runs in our family, you know. I never had a problem, but others did. I used to wish I had different genes. That our whole family did. After doing a family workshop at the first residential rehab you went to, I learned I wasn’t to blame. I guess I knew that all along, but it’s one thing to know it and it’s another to feel it.

Daniel: Is there anything you’d like to say to parents struggling with a child in active addiction or alcoholism?

Dad: Don’t give up hope! You went to seven outpatient rehabs, two inpatient ones, and more private therapists than I can count. You seemed hopeless. That’s it. I never gave up hope though. I don’t think a parent can. I think it’s hardwired into us to never give up on our children. Anyway, I kept hoping you’d get it one day. That it [being sober] would click. And it did.

Mom: Yes, don’t give up hope and seek help for yourself. It was so important for me to have support during your addiction. Your father was amazing, but I needed more. He was just as clueless as I was. I needed parents who had been there before, who had come out and were able to smile again.

BIO:
Daniel Green
is a writer and media specialist at Lighthouse Recovery Institute  He’s been sober since 2008 and loves being able to give back to the still struggling addict or alcoholic.

FAMILY PHONE COUNSELING:
> Phone Counseling for Family Members

Gain peace of mind, knowing that you are taking the steps necessary to begin healing and recovery—for your loved-one and your family.

MORE Al-ANON-RELATED ARTICLES:
> Why is Addiction Called A Family Disease?
> Twelve Signs of A Spiritual Awakening in Al-Anon
> The Critical Role of Al-Anon in Family Addiction Recovery
> Are AA, Nar-Anon or Al-Anon twelve-step meetings really important?

RESOURCES:
> Books and DVDs for families of substance abusers and addicts
>
Recommended Books and DVDs for families of substance abusers and addicts
> Low cost, No cost Alcohol and Drug Treatment Directory
> Drug Addiction and Alcoholism Recovery Resources for Friends, Families and Employers

Why Don't They Just Quit? What families and friends need to know about addiction and recovery.
Get the help you need today.
Why Don’t They Just Quit?
What families and friends need to know
about addiction and recovery
~by Joe Herzanek

Author/Chaplain Joe HerzanekTo arrange a workshop or presentation at your organization with Author/Speaker Joe Herzanek
call: 303.775.6493 or email: Jherzanek@gmail.com

More info about Speaking Engagements with Author/Chaplain Joe Herzanek

RETURN:
From
“Our Addicted Child” to Changing Lives Foundation Blog Home

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How Alcoholism Affects the Entire Family

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How Alcoholism Affects the Entire Family

Al-Anon Faces Alcoholism 2015

~By Jail Chaplain Joe Herzanek, Family Addiction Counselor and Author of Why Don’t They Just Quit? What families and friends need to know about addiction and recovery.”

This article is included in the current FREE magazine download:  Al-Anon Faces Alcoholism 2015  (Page 21).

Alcoholism is devastating to all members of the family. Family members may have watched someone they love turn into a stranger. They ask, “How did this happen? Why didn’t we see it sooner? Are we somehow to blame? How do we make it stop? What if we can’t make it stop? Why won’t this person listen to us? Can’t they see what’s happening to them?” The list is long.

From the shared experiences of Al-Anon members at meetings and in Al-Anon literature, the family learns that alcoholism is not their fault. With that understanding, some of the pressure is lifted. By attending Al-Anon meetings, my clients gain clarity and peace of mind, so that they can take positive action.

“My family phone counseling clients who attend Al-Anon meetings come to understand that they can have peace, regardless of their loved one’s poor choices.”

Al-Anon supplements and reinforces the information I give my clients about alcoholism as a disease. My clients gain encouragement from attending Al-Anon meetings. The importance of this cannot be overstated.

Doing what’s best (which sometimes means doing nothing—but allowing consequences to happen) is often extremely challenging. Al-Anon members help and play a special role because they are like-minded and share common experiences as a result of living with an alcoholic.

My phone counseling clients who attend Al-Anon meetings come to understand that they can have peace, regardless of their loved one’s poor choices. Family members learn that recovery is a process that takes time. But they learn that they are not alone, and that help is available from the Al-Anon program.

FAMILY PHONE COUNSELING:
> Phone Counseling for Family Members

Gain peace of mind, knowing that you are taking the steps necessary to begin healing and recovery—for your loved-one and your family.

MORE Al-ANON-RELATED ARTICLES:
> Why is Addiction Called A Family Disease?
> Twelve Signs of A Spiritual Awakening in Al-Anon
> The Critical Role of Al-Anon in Family Addiction Recovery
> Are AA, Nar-Anon or Al-Anon twelve-step meetings really important?

RESOURCES:
> Books and DVDs for families of substance abusers and addicts
> Phone Counseling for Family Members
>
Recommended Books and DVDs for families of substance abusers and addicts
> Low cost, No cost Alcohol and Drug Treatment Directory
> Drug Addiction and Alcoholism Recovery Resources for Friends, Families and Employers

Why Don't They Just Quit? What families and friends need to know about addiction and recovery.
Get the help you need today.
Why Don’t They Just Quit?
What families and friends need to know
about addiction and recovery

Author/Chaplain Joe HerzanekTo arrange a workshop or presentation at your organization
call: 303.775.6493 or email: Jherzanek@gmail.com

More info about Speaking Engagements with Author/Chaplain Joe Herzanek


RETURN:
From “How Alcoholism Affects the Entire Family
to Changing Lives Foundation Blog Home

______________________________________________________________________________________
Family Alcoholism, Al-Anon, Family Alcoholism, Al-Anon, Family Alcoholism, Al-Anon,

 

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Do you have to stop seeing all your old friends to recover?

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ASK JOE:
Old friends and recovery:

JoeHerzanek


Q:
Do you have to stop seeing all your old friends to recover?

A. It depends

When I was first getting off alcohol and drugs, many of my old friends
were just like me.
I knew that being around drugs and being around
people using them was a bad idea. Exposing myself to the wrong influences
would have been a set-up for relapse. It wasn’t easy to let go of
some of my longstanding relationships. At the same time, though, I was
meeting new people who were also in recovery. I quickly learned that
my new lifestyle and old friends were kind of like oil and water—they
just didn’t mix.




After several weeks of sobriety, I started to see these old relationships
in a different light.
I tried to talk to some of my old friends about recovery.
A few of them actually quit using. Others began to avoid me. I stayed
busy concentrating on not using. It was a little depressing, in a way. I
wanted so much to help them change, but many just weren’t interested.

“Do not be misled: Bad company corrupts good character.”
~I Corinthians 5:33


This is a difficult time for the recovering person.
There is a sort of
lag-time between leaving old unhealthy relationships and developing
new and better ones. It doesn’t happen overnight—but it will happen.


Trust the process and trust that God will provide.
For myself, I knew what was
at stake. I had to do this or soon return to the old life. The void in my
social life was going to be filled one way or another. This is one more reason
why support groups are important.

Recovery means making many changes,
and some are more difficult than others.

____________________________________________________________________________
Jenny's Pearl NecklaceI am including this story of “Jenny’s Pearl Necklace” at the request of my wife Judy.
It is one of her favorites—all about “letting go, and letting God.” Time and time again Judy and I have found that once we were willing to trust God, He would surprise us with a blessing far beyond anything we would have dreamed.

The story of “Jenny’s Pearl Necklace” touches everyone in a different way—as we are all at different stages of our journey.

 

Why Don't They Just Quit? Hope for families struggling with addiction.

2016 Updated and Revised


This “Q & A with Joe Herzanek” is excerpted from Part 5 of “Why Don’t They Just Quit? What families and friends need to know about addiction and recovery.

RELATED:
Relapse. It Happens.
~by Joe Herzanek




NEED HELP NOW?
Phone Counseling for Families Dealing with Substance Abuse
Recovery Resources for Friends, Families and Employers




MORE ASK JOE:
> Is a relapse—failure?

> If someone can stop using drugs or alcohol for weeks at a time, they “aren’t an addict—correct?

>Chronic Pain Management & Pain Pill Addiction: What to do?

>How can I know if my addicted friend or loved one is telling the truth?

>”I need help because I’m not able to deal with my live-in Fiance’s need to get drunk every night.”

>Should my husband “back off?”

>Gambling vs. Drug Addiction? What is your opinion?

>How can I tell if someone is an addict/alcoholic or just a heavy user?

>What is Methadone? What is Harm Reduction?

RELATED:
> Self-Tests: Codependence

> Self-Tests: Alcohol and Drug Addiction

Sign up for our Free Changing Lives E-Newsletter!

RETURN:
From “Do you have to stop seeing all your old friends to recover?” to Changing Lives Foundation Blog Home

____________________________________________________________
Old friends and recovery Old friends and recovery Old friends and recovery

 

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When Your Child’s Addiction Becomes Your Own

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When Your Child’s Addiction Becomes Your Own

When Your Child’s Addiction Becomes Your Own

Many thanks to our guest blog author
—who wishes to remain anonymous.

From the moment you give birth, an innate force within secures a powerful and concentrated intent at the deepest level to protect your precious child, protect them from harm. As a parent, you accept this role with reverence as it carries the highest priority.

Holding your child carefully, keeping them warm, nourished and safe, you show them the immeasurable importance of their place on earth. They feel loved and of great value, knowing that you care about their happiness, comfort and fulfillment. You are their greatest fan and root them on as they step into the world, deciding for themselves how they wish to engage in the life experience. Seeing them off, deep steadfast desires to protect surge through you still. As their caretaker for many years, this powerful urge does not ever truly end. You simply let go, hoping the years of love, guidance and care remain as the foundation for their own ability to keep themselves safe from harm.



What happens when your child is involved in one of the most harmful behaviors possible and they fall away from the safety you worked so hard to instill, strengthen and ensure? How do you handle watching them sink deeper into a world that seems to swallow them into darkness, an unreachable place where you feel powerless – the world of addiction?

Addiction is dangerous and destructive to everything you have committed to keep safe. How do you protect your child? Your natural instinct is to shield them from harm, however in your attempts to do this, the addiction begins to engulf your life as well. This is when your child’s addiction becomes your own.

Three major reasons for this are:

1) Believing you have the power to change or control the person/addiction.

Feeling powerless, you strive for ways to gain a sense of control – life centers around fixing the problem and dealing with the addiction’s consequences.

Attempts to gain control are:

• Becoming a “perfect” parent, supporter, nurturer
• Being careful about everything you say and do
• Peacekeeping
• Taking care of the child’s needs over your own

2) Treating addiction as a moral, behavioral issue rather than an illness.

Expecting rational thinking from an irrational, altered state of perception – addictions cease to be rational by their very nature. Usual support and guidance are ineffective. When tried, there is a great sense of failure, frustration and hopelessness for all involved.

3) Believing the addiction means something about you.

Self-blaming causes guilt, anger, regret, and a sense of inadequacy as a parent. Identifying with your child’s addiction – either feeling responsible for fixing it or unable to face it. The key is not gaining control or changing the addiction. It is understanding you have no control over the addiction. You do, however, have power; the power to let go.

Letting go is:

• Supporting, not fixing
• Permitting another to face reality
• Allowing consequences
• Not taking responsibility for them
• Admitting the outcome is not in your hands
• Acceptance

In letting go, you truly embrace your parental power, by being the example of that which you wish them to do. The addict will be most positively affected by a healthy parent who takes care of themselves, has good boundaries, follows through, respects themselves and honors their life. You don’t need to control or change the addict’s actions, but you can learn to change your responses.



You best help your addicted child by:

• Reaching out for support of others who have been through it
• Expressing your feelings
• Letting your child solve the problems their addiction creates
• Focusing on one day at a time
• Not determining your choices by theirs
• Not doing for them what they can do for themselves

Remember, your child doesn’t need you to take them away from their journey toward discovering their light, they simply need to see your light shining as a reminder along the way.

RESOURCES:
Addiction Recovery Resources for Families of Substance Abusers, Addicts and Alcoholics

Why Don't They Just Quit? Hope for families struggling with addiction.

2016 Updated and Revised


Why Don’t They Just Quit? What families and friends need to know about addiction and recovery.

> Paperback (Amazon.com)

> Audio Book CD (Listen in your car)

> Kindle

> Audible Audio Download  (LISTEN TO 4 MIN. SAMPLE)

RETURN:
FROM : “When Your Child’s Addiction Becomes Your Own”
TO CHANGING LIVES FOUNDATION BLOG HOME

__________________________________________________________
child’s addiction addicted child addict’s mom help addicted child

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Set free from alcohol or drug addiction?

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Ask Joe:

To be an addict or alcoholic is not

To be an addict or alcoholic is not “a bad thing”

 

Can someone be totally set free from alcohol
or drug addiction?

First let’s get a definition of the problem. Alcohol or drug dependency shows up as a loss of control over the ability to use socially. It’s been called a chronic relapsing disease that gets progressively worse over time if not arrested. It is fatal.

So if you’re asking, “Is there a cure?” the answer is no. No one has ever been able to return to social use, regain control–who was truly an alcoholic or an addict. That does not mean there is no solution.




Anyone who wants to badly enough–can completely stop their use and begin the journey of recovery. It is not easy in the beginning–but it does get easier over time. If the “want to” is there, people can quit and enjoy a life without alcohol or other drugs. Most will need some support group to get the ball rolling.

They will always be an alcoholic or addict BUT their disease can be–and can stay in remission if they choose to keep it there.

“So, is it a bad thing to be an addict or alcoholic? Certainly not!  Anyone who wants to badly enough–can completely stop their use and begin the journey of recovery. A life in recovery for an addict or alcoholic can be joyous, full and incredibly rewarding.”  ~Joe Herzanek

Sign up for our Free Changing Lives E-Newsletter!

NEED HELP NOW?
Affordable Phone Counseling for Families Dealing with Substance Abuse

Don’t bail them out. A few nights in jail
could be the best thing that ever happens to them.
~ Jail Chaplain Joe Herzanek

Joe Herzanek, Author, Addiction Counselor and Interventionist
If you found this article “Set free from alcohol or drug addiction?” helpful please see our “Ask Joe” posts listed at the bottom and consider reading “Why Don’t they Just Quit? What families and friends need to know about addiction and recovery.”
Available at:
> Our website, “Why Don’t They Just Quit?”
> Amazon.com
> Changing Lives Amazon Storefront (buy new for much less)

 

Why Don't They Just Quit? Hope for families struggling with addiction.

2016 Updated and Revised Edition

NEW 2016 Edition!
Amazon.com reviews:
Best book ever about addiction. Written by one whose done it and is recovering. Easy to read, not preachy, just honest. I recommend this book to anyone with an addict in their life! ~Lynda A

Got an addiction problem in your family? Read this book. Joe knows his stuff. This book helps you to better understand those who are dealing with friends and family that are addicted to drugs and alcohol. I have read several of these books but this one is the best. ~Robert J

I, like many people, have some knowledge of what drugs and addiction are, but are clueless on what the process of recovery entails. This book does a great job in what it would take to help a loved one, who is an addict and is willing to get clean and stay clean. It also gives one hope that your loved one will survive the nightmare they are living through with their family. ~Courtney G

Got an addiction problem in your family? Read this book. Joe knows his stuff. This book helps you to better understand those who are dealing with friends and family that are addicted to drugs and alcohol. I have read several of these books but this one is the best. ~Richard J

> Paperback (Amazon)
> Autographed Paperback (and other products) direct from Changing Lives Foundation
> Audio Book CD (Listen to the book)
> Kindle
> Audible Audio Download (LISTEN TO 4 MIN. SAMPLE NOW)

Joe Herzanek
Changing Lives Foundation/President
Author: Why Don’t They JUST QUIT?
www.changinglivesfoundation.org
www.whydonttheyjustquit.com

 

____________________________________________________________________________________________
free from alcohol  free from drug addiction  free from alcohol,  free from drug addiction

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