family addiction help

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What is Addiction Phone Counseling for Family Members?

~by Joe Herzanek

Something Changing Lives Foundation began a year or two ago was our family phone counseling option. This has worked very well and continues to grow. Since I do not do psychotherapy but concentrate on addiction counseling for family members, phone counseling is even better than face-to-face counseling in many ways.

Phone Counseling vs. Person-to-Person Counseling:
Family members and friends of alcohol and drug dependent men and women want to get clear information and guidance about what they should do (and should not do) to help. When dealing with family members, I don’t have to be overly concerned about body language and eye contact. They have no reason to hide their real feelings and thoughts. It’s a different story all together with active users of substances.

Of course, some obvious advantages of Addiction Phone Counseling are that this can be done literally anytime, anywhere and between multiple households. Participants can remain relatively anonymous and don’t have to spend time or money arranging an in-person visit. They don’t risk being seen by someone they may not want to run into.

What will we talk about on a Phone Counseling Session?
One of the things that families are usually confused about is the question of what’s normal? Most are certain that something has gone very wrong in the life of their loved one but how wrong and to what degree is difficult to define. We discuss the question as to what should I do (or not do) at this point?

I can remember when my own son was struggling with substances in his teen years. Even I, “the expert,” wasn’t quite sure to what degree he had drifted from the normal baseline, so to speak. Even counselors need to talk to other counselors at times.

Most people who contact me for Phone Counseling know they are in crisis. Often the person is a spouse or an adult son or daughter. More often than not the issue has persisted for years. Rarely does someone call me in the early stages. When a family is in crisis, most individuals are too close to the situation and family members have become too emotional to effectively handle things alone.

After three decades of working with families and also networking with treatment centers across the USA, I can point people to helpful and appropriate resources close to where they live. When the stress level is high often our emotions lead us to some bad choices. I can’t tell you how many times the family has called and told me about a facility that they are considering which would have been a huge and expensive mistake (for various reasons). Sometimes the family has decided to let the person with the problem find a facility he or she likes best—sort of like letting the patient play doctor.

Don’t make that mistake.

At the end of a phone counseling session family members have a clear plan of action for how they are going to move forward, backup plans and suggested resources that are customized to their situation. The spouse, parent, family most always will proceed with a renewed sense of hope. Family Phone Counseling is a way for people to sort out options and know that they have done everything in their control to help their loved one.

NEED HELP NOW?
Call: 303.775.6493
or Email: jherzanek@gmail.com
Affordable Phone Counseling for Families Dealing with Substance Abuse

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Addiction Phone Counseling, Counseling Family Members, Addiction Phone Counseling, Counseling Family Members

To purchase Joe Herzanek’s Why Don’t They Just Quit? What families and friends need to know about addiction and recovery

RECOURCES:
Recovery Resources for Friends, Families and Employers

ASK JOE:
> Is a relapse—failure?

>Should my husband “back off?”

> If someone can stop using drugs or alcohol for weeks at a time, they “aren’t an addict—correct?

>Chronic Pain Management & Pain Pill Addiction: What to do?

>How can I know if my addicted friend or loved one is telling the truth?

>”I need help because I’m not able to deal with my live-in Fiance’s need to get drunk every night.”

>Gambling vs. Drug Addiction? What is your opinion?

>How can I tell if someone is an addict/alcoholic or just a heavy user?

>What is Methadone? What is Harm Reduction?

SELF TESTS:
> Self-Tests: Codependence

> Self-Tests: Alcohol and Drug Addiction

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May 4, 2012 by jherzanek | 2 comments

Expectations for our loved one’s recovery vs. reality

August 13, 2011 in Al-Anon Related. . ., Ask "The Addict's Mom" by jherzanek | 3 comments

Changing Lives is proud to partner with The Addict’s Mom
to bring our readers even more support, hope and friendship.

This question was posted to all members of The Addict’s Mom Facebook Group. One of the valued members Elaine Altman-Eller took all the answers and compiled them together to create this collective perspective. Hope it is helpful in better understanding the “Expectations vs. Reality” in the recovery process of a loved one.

Question:
How do our expectations of the recovery experience for our loved ones differ from the reality of their recovery?

Answers:
Our expectations are just that; they are formulated ideas in our minds as to what the addict should do, how they should go about doing it and how we feel they should go about accomplishing it. The reality is that it’s their disease and their recovery. For instance, they may have an expectation that after a specific amount of time, they should have our trust back, and we may be under the illusion that they have already earned our trust, simply by agreeing to enter into recovery. Truth is regaining trust as well as losing trust takes time. We have to remember to use caution without offending, and the addict must be willing to accept this emotional limitation.

Our expectations may lead us to believe that once in a program, life will resume as it once was. The reality is that we as Mother’s must reprogram our thought process to a healthier and more productive supportive system. Mothers tend to believe they love unconditionally so this seems like an insurmountable task and completely against nature. Our roles as caregivers must take on a new meaning.

The reality is that most often things will be revealed that we were never aware of and couldn’t possibly imagine. We must be open-minded and willing to accept these revelations in order to move forward. Open and honest communication is the key; sometimes the reality of that can sting. There are many gripping realisms of this challenge.

The addict owns their addiction and cannot, should not, be forced to take on your feelings of disappointment. They have to navigate their own recovery the way it was meant to unfold, with only emotional support from us. We own what we contributed and they own what they have done.

We should seek treatment so we don’t fall back into the same damaging patterns as before. Expectations can set you up for disappointment, but you cannot expect any person to live up to your ideas of recovery. The reality is, it is an individual journey and an individual effort. The expectation of the addict becoming clean as quickly as they became addicted is one of the harshest realities for a loved one to experience.

Fact is: the disease of addiction is a roller-coaster of emotions on the part of everyone who is actively involved in the addict’s life. The addict expects the enabler’s behavior to remain the same as it was prior to entering recovery; in fact they have learned to rely on it. It is vitally important that all the family members enter into recovery.

“The Addict’s Mom,” founded by Barbara Theodosiou is a group focusing on the mothers of addicted children. The relationship between the mother and addicted child is unique; that does not diminish the experiences of other family members. This group however, is dedicated to addressing the mother’s pain but more importantly, the commonalities of our experiences thus illustrating to the grieving mother that she is not alone nor is she unique in this respect. One line, one thought can help change her perspective for the better. (click here to explore the new Addict’s Mom membership site)