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The Addict's Mom

 

#2

Changing Lives is proud to partner with The Addict’s Mom
to bring our readers even more support, hope and friendship.

This question was posted to all members of  The Addict’s Mom Facebook Group. One of the valued members Elaine Altman-Eller took all the answers and compiled them together to create this collective perspective.  Hope it is helpful in better understanding the “Expectations vs. Reality” in the recovery process of a loved one.

Question:
How do our expectations of the recovery experience for our loved ones differ from the reality of their recovery?

Answers:
Our expectations are just that; they are formulated ideas in our minds as to what the addict should do, how they should go about doing it and how we feel they should go about accomplishing it. The reality is that it’s their disease and their recovery.  For instance, they may have an expectation that after a specific amount of time, they should have our trust back, and we may be under the illusion that they have already earned our trust, simply by agreeing to enter into recovery. Truth is regaining trust as well as losing trust takes time. We have to remember to use caution without offending, and the addict must be willing to accept this emotional limitation.

Our expectations may lead us to believe that once in a program, life will resume as it once was. The reality is that we as Mother’s must reprogram our thought process to a healthier and more productive supportive system. Mothers tend to believe they love unconditionally so this seems like an insurmountable task and completely against nature. Our roles as caregivers must take on a new meaning. 

The reality is that most often things will be revealed that we were never aware of and couldn’t possibly imagine. We must be open-minded and willing to accept these revelations in order to move forward. Open and honest communication is the key; sometimes the reality of that can sting. There are many gripping realisms of this challenge.

The addict owns their addiction and cannot, should not, be forced to take on your feelings of disappointment. They have to navigate their own recovery the way it was meant to unfold, with only emotional support from us.  We own what we contributed and they own what they have done.

We should seek treatment so we don’t fall back into the same damaging patterns as before. Expectations can set you up for disappointment, but you cannot expect any person to live up to your ideas of recovery. The reality is, it is an individual journey and an individual effort. The expectation of the addict becoming clean as quickly as they became addicted is one of the harshest realities for a loved one to experience.

Fact is: the disease of addiction is a roller-coaster of emotions on the part of everyone who is actively involved in the addict’s life.  The addict expects the enabler’s behavior to remain the same as it was prior to entering recovery; in fact they have learned to rely on it. It is vitally important that all the family members enter into recovery.
Barbara TheodosiouThe Addict’s Mom,” founded by Barbara Theodosiou is a group focusing on the mothers of addicted children. The relationship between the mother and addicted child is unique; that does not diminish the experiences of other family members. This group however, is dedicated to addressing the mother’s pain but more importantly, the commonalities of our experiences thus illustrating to the grieving mother that she is not alone nor is she unique in this respect. One line, one thought can help change her perspective for the better. (click here to explore the new Addict’s Mom membership site)

 

 

MORE from The Addict’s Mom:
-She Just Couldn’t Do It Anymore

-Visit The Addict’s Mom Website

ASK JOE:
-“I need help because I’m not able to deal with my live-in fiance’s need to get drunk every night”

RETURN:
-from The Addict’s Mom.” Expectations for Our Loved One’s Recovery vs. Reality, to Blog Home

 

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The Addict's MomChanging Lives is proud to partner with The Addict’s Mom
to bring our readers even more support, hope and friendship.

This question was asked of a member of Addict’s Mom, Teri Murgia. She is a recovering prescription drug addict and the mother of an addict who now dedicates her life to helping others who are suffering.  It is a powerful lesson she shared about enabling, and how her mother’s decision to walk away changed her life.

Question:
When your Mother found the courage to stop the enabling process by walking out on you when you were facing uncertain death how did that make you feel in your heart?


Answer:
~by Teri Murgia
The day my Mother found the courage to walk out of my hospital room was the day I had made another personal attempt to end my life. She just couldn’t do it anymore. My Mother had already lost two children by this time, her heart was broken into a million pieces and all she could do was fall to her knees and cry out to GOD!

My first thought when she walked out of the room that day confirmed what I was feeling “even my own Mother couldn’t love me”. Then all the feelings of anger, bitterness and sometimes even a bit of hatred flooded my thoughts. What kind of Mother could walk away from their only daughter? How could someone be so cold and unfeeling?  Her last words to me that day were,  “I AM NOT GOING TO SIT BACK AND WATCH YOU KILL YOURSELF ANYMORE; IF YOU WANT TO DIE THAT’S YOUR CHOICE BUT I WON’T BE HERE TO WATCH IT!!” And she left.

It was that day when my long and difficult journey toward recovery began. You see . . .  my Mother made the ultimate choice that day; she chose her life. She knew her life was worth something and she was no longer going to allow my addiction to destroy it!  She was no longer going to be a victim of my destructive behavior.

Today I live my life grateful that she had the courage to walk away–as it was the very thing I needed–to begin my recovery. Thank you MOM, I love you! 
Barbara TheodosiouThe Addict’s Mom,” founded by Barbara Theodosiou is a group focusing on the mothers of addicted children. The relationship between the mother and addicted child is unique; that does not diminish the experiences of other family members. This group however, is dedicated to addressing the mother’s pain but more importantly, the commonalities of our experiences thus illustrating to the grieving mother that she is not alone nor is she unique in this respect. One line, one thought can help change her perspective for the better. (click here to explore the new Addict’s Mom membership site)

 

MORE from The Addict’s Mom:
-Overcoming difficulties living with an addict
-Expectations for our loved one’s recovery vs. reality
-Visit The Addict’s Mom Website

ASK JOE:
-Addiction. What if they just CAN’T quit?
-Is an addict ever cured?

RETURN:
-from The Addict’s Mom. ”She just couldn’t do it anymore”, to Blog Home

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end of my rope

Dear Joe,

Thank you so much for talking to me today.  I was at the end of my rope, until I talked to you. 

I am the 72 year old mother and grandmother of 2 addicts. 

After talking to my son I determined that he is not yet at the point where he wants help, but we (the rest of the family and I) are detaching from them as you advised and I know it is the right thing to do.

I am so glad that I found your website and I can’t wait to get your book and the DVD.  Keep up the good work.

Sincerely,

Nancy

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Addicted Grandsons,end of my rope,detaching,grandmother of 2 addicts

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The Wisdom of the Rooms

So many people who call Changing Lives Foundation feel like they are all alone in their struggles. Our best advice to those who have limited resources is to visit an Open AA meeting or two, attend an Al-Anon or Nar-Anon meeting. There , you will find others with concerns, similar to yours. Many of these people offer gems of wisdom just like this—one of our favorites:

 

“Bring the body, the mind will follow.”
~ by Michael Z.

 

This is a quote I heard early on in my recovery, and it has served me well over and years. Over and over again, when I haven’t wanted to go to a meeting, I went anyway and once my body was there, my mind ended up being glad it went along, too. Like much of the wisdom in the program, I can apply the truth in this quote to many other areas of my life as well.

What I’ve learned is that taking action is almost always the gateway into feeling better. Rarely have I been able to think my way into different behavior or results, instead it’s only when I take action (especially when I don’t want to) that things begin to shift, and I begin feeling better.The program, like life, doesn’t work when I’m into thinking, only when I’m into action.

It’s interesting how, even with this knowledge and experience, my mind still tells me not to do the things that will make me feel better. Often I’d rather watch TV than go to a meeting, rest after work than go to the gym, procrastinate rather than take action. The good news, though, is that it always works out for the best when I go ahead and take action anyway.

Whenever I bring my body, my mind always follows…
Wisdom of the Rooms, Volume 4

 

Volume Four Now Available! Order Your Signed Copies Today!

Just $14.95 each!

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This beautiful, Fourth Volume will enrich your recovery for years to come!

To go from “12 Step AA Wisdom” to  Visit “Why Don’t They Just Quit?” Home

Related Articles:
Drug Addiction: Moving Into Recovery

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Joe Herzanek, Author, Addiction Counselor and Interventionist

Joe Herzanek, Author, Addiction Counselor and Interventionist

ASK JOE: ADDICTED TO OXYCONTIN

Q
Hi Joe:
I purchased your book in Jan. I read it from front to back several times for more than one reason. It was so full of information I wanted to make sure I absorbed it all.

My 20 year old son has just entered rehab for the 3rd time. We have tried to send him to the best places and so far have spent $30,000.00. He is addicted to Oxycontin. I had so much hope the first few times and now I am starting to realize what a stronghold this drug has on him. I am worried that he may never recover.

I am also feeling so much guilt and keep looking back to try and figure out what I could have done differently when he was growing up. I’m constantly convincing myself that if we had only been more firm with him, had more rules, if I hadn’t been a working mom and put him in so many daycares, things would have ended up differently (he wouldn’t be addicted to Oxycontin). I know that I’m just trying to find a way to ease my pain and guilt. Do you have any suggestions?

–Guilt-ridden in Minneapolis

A
Sorry to hear about your son who is addicted to Oxycontin. I’ll get right to the point. He doesn’t need another rehab to go to; he can completely stop using pain meds if he wants to–and you didn’t cause his addiction.

His age is a big issue. Most treatment places won’t even take him because he’s an adolescent. They have learned over the years that the success rate for treating adolescents is abysmal. He needs to feel the pain and consequences of his use.

I would use the tough love approach if it were me. Foster Kline’s book, “Parenting Teens with Love and Logic” is a book you should also read.

If the “want to” is there, your son will be able to quit. Your job is to make it crystal clear to him that you love him and will help him on the journey to recovery. And you will not do anything that keeps him from growing up and becoming a mature adult.

This is a process that will take some time but needs to begin now! The longer you wait the harder it will become. He will fight this in the beginning, that’s just the way it is. “Do you love your son enough to let him be mad at you?” I hope you do because that too is part of the process.

Seek some wise counsel for yourself as well.

Best regards,
Joe

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MORE ASK JOE:

Son needs $75 for drug dealer of he’ll be “killed for sure.”

“I need help because I’m not able to deal with my live-in Fiance’s need to get drunk every night.”

Should my husband “back off?”

 

addicted to Oxycontin addicted to Oxycontin addicted to Oxycontin addicted to Oxycontin

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Elderly couple in support group

Elderly couple in support group

Participants in a support group for older adults at the Hanley Center, an addiction treatment and rehab center in West Palm Beach, Fla. say a prayer. A remarkable shift in the number of older adults reporting substance abuse problems is making this scene more common. Between 1992 and 2008, treatment admissions for those 50 and older more than doubled in the U.S. That number will continue to grow, experts say, as the massive baby boom generation ages. Photo: Wilfredo Lee / AP

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An increasing number of Baby Boomers and elderly Americans are seeking treatment for substance abuse–and this number is growing rapidly. According to The Associated Press, The Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration reports that treatment admissions doubled in adults age 50 and over between 1992 and 2008.

It is widely predicted by experts that this wave will continue–as baby boomers who developed drug addiction problems 30 to 40 years ago continue to age. Older adults are more likely to abuse alcohol than illicit drugs, the article states. According to the AP, treatment professionals state that there are many older adults with substance abuse issues who are not seeking treatment.

Currently, there are few treatment programs specifically designed for older adults (with more and more coming on the scene each month). The article notes that seniors in mixed age groups may have a hard time relating to younger participants and may end up mentoring younger participants instead of focusing on their own issues.

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Big spike recorded in older drug, alcohol addicts

MATT SEDENSKY, Associated Press
Updated 02:39 a.m., Wednesday, May 18, 2011

WEST PALM BEACH, Fla. (AP) — They go around this room at the Hanley Center telling of their struggles with alcohol and drugs. They tell of low points and lapses, brushes with death and pain caused to families. And silently, through the simple fact that each is in their 60s or beyond, they share one more secret: Addiction knows no age.

“I retired, I started drinking more,” one man said. “I lost my father, my mother, my dog, and it gave me a good excuse,” said another.

A remarkable shift in the number of older adults reporting substance abuse problems is making this scene more common. Between 1992 and 2008, treatment admissions for those 50 and older more than doubled in the U.S. That number will continue to grow, experts say, as the massive baby boom generation ages.

“There is a level of societal denial around the issue,” said Peter Provet, the head of Odyssey House in New York, another center offering specialized substance abuse treatment programs for seniors. “No one wants to look at their grandparent, no one wants to think about their grandparent or their elderly parent, and see that person as an addict.”

All told, 231,200 people aged 50 and over sought treatment for substance abuse in 2008, up from 102,700 in 1992, according to the federal Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration. Older adults accounted for about one of every eight seeking help for substance abuse in 2008, meaning their share of treatment admissions has doubled over the 16-year period as other age groups’ proportions shrunk slightly.

The growth outpaces overall population gains among older demographics. Between 2000 and 2008, substance abuse treatment admissions among those 50 and older increased by 70 percent while the overall 50-plus population grew by 21 percent. Experts say that’s because boomers have historically high rates of substance abuse, often developed three or four decades ago, that comes to a head later in life.

“The baby boom population has some experience with substance misuse and is more comfortable with these substances,” said Dr. Westley Clark, director of SAMHSA’s center on substance abuse treatment.

Treatment professionals believe the actual number of older people with substance abuse problems is many times larger than the amount seeking help.

While the number of older people with substance abuse problems is booming, relatively few facilities offer treatment programs specifically for their age group. Most pool people of all ages together; many divide by gender. Those that do offer age-specific programs say it helps participants relate to one another and keeps them focused on themselves, rather than mentoring younger addicts.

Provet said some have questioned whether it’s worthwhile to target efforts at seniors, who generally have fewer years left to benefit from treatment than younger people. He dismisses that reasoning, comparing it to arguing that a cancer patient should be turned away from chemotherapy or radiation treatments simply because they’re 65.

Besides, older participants at Odyssey House have the highest completion rate — 85 percent during the last fiscal year.

“It’s almost as if they say, ‘This now is my last shot. Let me see if I can get my life right finally,’” he said.

Among those taking that approach is Henry Dennis, who at 70 has used heroin for the past 50 years. He came to Odyssey before, relapsed and was arrested for drug possession. Dennis says he’s seen at least a dozen friends die of drug use, but it wasn’t enough to make him stop.

Now in his eighth month of treatment, he says he finally has the resolve to quit.

“I’m going to get it right this time,” said Dennis, who has worked a variety of odd jobs. “I don’t want to die, not just yet.”

Dennis’ treatment is paid for by the state of New York. Many pay out of pocket. Medicare offers some coverage for outpatient treatment but generally doesn’t cover inpatient programs.

Experts have observed a rise in illicit drug use, while treatment for alcohol has dropped even though it remains the chief addiction among older adults. The 2008 statistics show 59.9 percent of those 50 and older seeking treatment cited alcohol as their primary substance, down from 84.6 percent in 1992. Heroin came in second, accounting for 16 percent of admissions in that age group, more than double its share in the earlier survey. Cocaine was third, at 11.4 percent, more than four times its 1992 rate.

Surveys show the vast majority of older drug addicts and alcoholics reported first using their substance of choice many years earlier, like Dennis. That lifelong use can lead to liver damage, memory loss, hepatitis and a host of other medical issues. A minority of people find comfort in drugs and alcohol far later, fueled by drastic life changes, loneliness or legitimate physical pain.

Don Walsh, a participant at Hanley’s support group, falls into the latter category. He is among 19 men and women who gather on this day in the room with pale blue walls and the calming whir of a fish tank. One comes in a wheelchair, another with a walker; one dozes off during the session.

Walsh, a 77-year-old lawyer, says he didn’t develop a problem with alcohol until he retired a year ago. His relentless schedule of 12- to 14-hour days disappeared into a series of leisurely lunches and dinners where the wine flowed freely. One day, he blacked out in his garage. Had it happened while he was driving home, he thought, he might have killed himself and others.

After six weeks of treatment, Walsh says he no longer craves alcohol.

“I have a new lease on life,” he said.

RELATED ARTICLES:

Read about Al-Anon: The Critical Role of Al-Anon in Family Addiction Recovery

Drug Addiction and Alcoholism Recovery Resources for Friends, Families and Employers

Children of Alcoholics, Live in the middle of Life

Return from Baby Boomers and Elderly Seek Drug and Alcohol Treatment, to Changing Lives Foundation HOME

May 19, 2011 by jherzanek | No comments

Daily Prayers

I was talking with my Sponsor about prayers to God.. I pray to God in the morning for direction in my day.

Then I pray to God in the evening, thanking him for keeping me sober each day. That is all I do each day on Prayer.

I have also noticed that I also only pray when something seems to be not going the way I want them to.  As of yesterday, I will be praying more during the day, starting with the poor Alcoholic that is still suffering, and I will pray for God’s guidance through out the day, not just in the morning.

God and Prayer is my mainstay in Sobriety; I cannot afford to let down of the spiritual part in my life.

Just my thoughts for this morning.  I owe so much to God, Alcoholics Anonymous, great sponsorship, and people just like you…

Thank you all for being my friends in recovery. I love you all..  Sobriety is still a Hoot for me…

Memories of past relapses

I was thinking about some of my many attempts to get sober, and when I just didn’t quite get it.  I can remember going to get that first bottle, going into the liquor store, looking around, as I was sure the AA Police were following me.  Buying the bottle still looking around like I might be robbing the place.  My hand shaking as instead of a normal person I placed the bottle in my pants, and sneaked out the door, still looking.   I guess I thought I was that important that people would follow me to a liquor store.

I have been blessed as God has lifted my desire to drink and I do not have to live that way today.  In my life Sobriety is a Hoot, that I won’t give up for anything.  Just my thoughts for today.

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Joe Herzanek/Addiction CounselorAsk Joe:

“Son needs $75 or he will be killed for sure

Dear Joe,
I’m curious how you would handle this. I’ve been told so many lies I don’t know what to do with this one. My son insists he was confronted by a dealer he owes money to. He claims the dealer put a gun to his head and threatened him. He insists that telling police will get him killed for sure. He wants me to give him $60 to pay his dealer back so he’ll leave him alone.

I don’t believe him, but what if it’s true?  I do hear about people getting shot over drugs.  How would you handle this?  I don’t remember you covering this in your book.

~ Mom, trying to do the right thing

 

Dear Mom,
I guess I might give the money. It’s not worth worrying ($75) about. You have no reason to believe him and it’s probably a lie, but this time I would give him the money—just in case.

Then tell your son this is the only time and the last time. If he asks again let him know you plan to call the police. Then do it!! Pick up the phone right in front of him and call 911.

Best,
~ Joe

 

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$5.95 Instant Download DVD Button

$5.95 Instant download DVD

Twenty-three professionally-produced high-quality, ‘jam-packed’ minutes with Addiction Family Therapist Joe Herzanek (a professional who personally understands the powerful grip of addiction).

  1. How can I tell …if a person is addicted or just a heavy user?
  2. How do I confront this person?
  3. How to handle adolescent use and abuse?
  4. How do I show my love without enabling?
  5. Does treatment work?
  6. We can’t afford treatment. What now?
  7. How do I handle relapse? Will this ever stop?
  8. What if they just can’t quit?
  9. I’ve tried it all. Nothing is working. What now?
  10. How do I get MY life back?

“A wealth of information. A valuable tool to use when
you don’t have time to wade through volumes of material.”

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I STILL DO STUPID STUFF SOBER

I went outside this morning to let Max out in the back yard. Went to let him back in as it was pretty chilly out there in my Jammie’s.  Apparently the door going to the deck locks—so I was locked out with Max in the back yard. I wonder if the Serenity Prayer works on stupid.

I had to go meet my new next door neighbor in my jammie’s to get help to get back in. If I would have been drunk I probably would have broken the window. Got in by a friend of mine that used to break into houses to get drug money. See—the Program does work if you work it…lol

Just a share to let you know we are all human and do things that just aren’t cool…Love you All.

MORE FROM CHARLIE

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Illegal Bath Salts“Just because something is not illegal does not mean it’s safe”

WASHINGTON (AP) — White House Drug Czar Gil Kerlikowske warned people Tuesday against taking the newest synthetic drugs, often marketed as “bath salts” and being sold legally on the Internet and in drug paraphernalia stores.

The powdered drugs are sold under such brand names as “Ivory Wave” or “Purple Wave.” Kerlikowske said synthetic stimulants in them have made hundreds of users across the country sick already this year. A Mississippi sheriff’s office has said the drugs are suspected in an apparent overdose death there.

“They pose a serious threat to the health and well-being of young people and anyone who uses them,” Kerlikowske said in a written statement. Read the entire article: Drug czar warns against taking “bath Salts” drugs

Also read:
Specialty “Bath Salts” linked to hospitalizations, suicides

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February 7, 2011 by jherzanek | 3 comments

Help with drug addictions

Changing Lives received the following “interesting” email recently. We thought it was “interesting” enough to post—along with Joe’s response—in the hope that some of you will also share your comments.

Although the writer does not let us know exactly what she is responding to, we assume it is to Joe’s comments on our blog post “Cocaine vaccine shows promise in mice. Promise for whom?” or “The effectiveness of Suboxone in the treatment of Opicate Addiction.

Really, Joe?
You are criticizing people
who provide methods of making society safer and provide opiate dependent people a chance to make positive changes in their lives because “someone” is making money? AND you are doing that while selling your book and your method? You need to do some research if you want to have credibility. You are exactly what you are criticizing.

READ THE ENTIRE ARTICLE: Help with drug addictions . . . or “spreading the hate”?

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Shows promise for the pharmaceutical industry to make lots of $$$ like they currently do with Suboxone.

One more pill or potion to “help” addicts switch to a new drug

“Additional testing of the cocaine vaccine will be needed on mice, rats, and donkeys before it can be tested on humans. “This looks terrific but humans are not big mice,” he said.”

“but humans are not big mice” good catch.
~Joe

Cocaine Vaccine Shows Promise in Mice
An experimental vaccine tested on mice appears to nullify the effects of cocaine addiction by keeping it from affecting the central nervous system, CNN Health reported Jan. 5.

According to the National Institute on Drug Abuse (NIDA), about 1.1 million Americans abused cocaine in any form in 2008. When smoked, injected, or snorted, the well-known addictive substance causes euphoria and a heightened sense of energy in users. It can also dangerously accelerate heart rate and increase blood pressure.

The new cocaine vaccine, developed by a team of researchers led by Dr. Ronald Crystal at Weil Cornell Medical College, is a combination of “an inactive common-cold virus with a chemical that imitates cocaine,” according to CNN Health. It works by stimulating the auto-immune system to create antibodies that prevent cocaine from “passing through the blood-brain barrier.”

In the study, vaccinated mice injected with cocaine showed no reaction. Unvaccinated mice “went crazy,” Crystal said, becoming agitated and hyperactive. He said the results were “very promising.”

Crystal hopes the vaccine can be tested on humans in about two years. He said that if the vaccine works on humans, it might be adapted for use with nicotine, heroin, and other addictive substances.

Additional testing of the cocaine vaccine will be needed on mice, rats, and donkeys before it can be tested on humans. “This looks terrific but humans are not big mice,” he said.

The study, “Cocaine Analog Coupled to Disrupted Adenovirus: A Vaccine Strategy to Evoke High-titer Immunity Against Addictive Drugs,” appeared in the Jan. 4, 2011 issue of Molecular Therapy.

This article summarizes an external report or press release on research published in a scientific journal. When available, links to the sources are provided above.

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Illegal Bath Salts

Illegal Bath Salts

January 24, 2011
News Summary

Alarming numbers of adolescents and others are ending up in emergency rooms and mental hospitals after using ”fake cocaine” — a powder legally sold as bath salts, The Sacramento Bee reported Jan. 18.

The so-called bath salts are not common brands, but instead specially-made powders that are sold in convenience stores and specialty shops in half-gram bottles for about $25 to $30. Users snort them, smoke them, or inject them like cocaine to experience euphoria.

However, they can cause “paranoia, chest pains, and irregular heartbeats,” the Bee reported.
Continue reading Specialty ‘Bath Salts’ Linked to Hospitalizations, Suicides . . .

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William D. "Silky" Silkworth, MD

William D. "Silky" Silkworth, MD

This is the best description of the cause of relapse we have ever read. The following was published in the A.A. Grapevine, January 1947. Dr. Silkworth contributed the two letters included in “The Doctor’s Opinion” in the Big Book.

SLIPS AND HUMAN NATURE
By William D.”Silky” Silkworth, M.D.

The mystery of slips is not so deep as it may appear. While it does seem odd that an alcoholic, who has restored himself to a dignified place among his fellowmen and continues dry for years, should suddenly throw all his happiness overboard and find himself again in mortal peril of drowning in liquor, often the reason is simple.

People are inclined to say, “There is something peculiar about alcoholics. They seem to be well, yet at any moment they may turn back to their old ways. You can never be sure.”

This is largely twaddle. The alcoholic is a sick person. Under the technique of Alcoholics Anonymous he gets well—that is to say, his disease is arrested. There is nothing unpredictable about him any more than there is anything weird about a person who has arrested diabetes.

Continue reading: Relapse explained: “Slips and Human Nature”

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January 22, 2011 by jherzanek | No comments

rockstaryoMy name is Jaimie and I’m an addict. I found “In The Rooms” when it was just starting out. I was sick in active addiction, and was pretending to go to Narcotics Anonymous meetings. I was really going and getting high, but saying I was going to meetings bought me time.

Read more: “Pretending to go to Narcotics Anonymous”

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Is an addict ever cured?IS AN ADDICT EVER CURED?
~ by Joe Herzanek

In today’s world in which more and more information is readily available, there seems to be more and more confusion regarding the topic of an “Addiction Cure.” Is there a cure for addiction? Some people would argue quite convincingly that there is.

I will point out that “even quitting use completely, for many years—does not mean that someone is cured.

You’ll probably read or hear information on this topic with various points of view. The concept of an addict who has been clean for years and years—not being cured—is a tough one to comprehend.

I recently received this letter (below) from a reader who presents his point of view. Please read it and then read my response to him. I believe you may hear and learn to discern some of the more subtle differences and truths regarding this baffling disease of addiction.
READ MORE: “Is an addict ever cured?”

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January 18, 2011 by jherzanek | 2 comments

Joe Herzanek, Addiction Counselor, BCBC

Ask Joe:
“I need help because I’m not able to deal with my live-in fiance’s need to get drunk every night”

I just now received this email/question asking for guidance.

Dear Joe,
I came across your site but I don’t have the money to buy a book or anything. I need help because I’m not able to deal with my live-in fiance’s need to get drunk every night. I’m not comfortable with it.

He says I need counseling to just deal with it because lots of people drink every night. He comes up with bizarre stuff to justify his drinking. Like he’s an Aquarius so he has to drink because . . . (Read the entire entry and Joe’s simple answer)

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need to get drunk deal with fiance drunk fiance

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Detachment in the Real World and The Monastery

St. Benedict

St. Benedict

Below is part of a newsletter that I receive weekly from a monk at a Monastery in New Mexico. The name of the monastery is, “Christ in the Desert.” I make an annual retreat there every year.

It’s very secluded—at the end of a thirteen mile dirt road. It was built in the 60′s by George Nakashima, famous Japanese-American woodworker and architect. The Monastery is “off the grid” and the adobe construction blends perfectly with the cactus and the high canyon walls that surround it. Cloistered together there are about twenty-five monks and rooms for another ten or so guests.

Abbot Philip’s message this week addresses the challenge of dealing with difficult people in our lives—people we cannot trust. Below is a portion of that newsletter. I think his words help us (family members) know how to best deal with someone in our lives who has shown (often over weeks, months and even years) that they cannot be trusted. I guess that even among the monks “every day is not a hot fudge sundae.”
~ Joe

THE PRACTICALITY OF CUTTING SOMEONE OUT OF ONE’S LIFE (AT LEAST FOR A TIME).
~ Excerpt from Abbot Philip’s newsletter

“. . . In the long-run, whatever we do—presuming that we allow such a person to remain in our lives—is going to require huge amounts of energy from us, so we must be prepared for that, if we choose to continue to relate to the person. READ MORE . . . (and to see photos of Christ in the Desert Monastery)

To read more on the subject of detachment, read Joe’s very popular article “Detachment. How Can I?

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January 15, 2011 by jherzanek | No comments

author/addiction counselor Joe Herzanek

THE EFFECTIVENESS OF SUBOXONE IN THE TREATMENT OF OPIATE ADDICTION

For the past several months I have been receiving a lot of calls and emails from family members about their opiate addicted loved one. Opiates ranges from heroin, Oxycontin, methadone, vicodin and so on. These inquiries have lead to many questions about another drug that is supposed to help people get off these powerful opiate drugs. The name of that drug is Suboxone. I’ve read many articles on the effectiveness, or lack there of, of Suboxone. The attached link from the December 2010 issue of ‘Addiction Professional’ confirms what I have been saying for quite some time. Although this drug is/can be helpful for very short term use, it’s even more addictive than most people realize. And it too is an opiate based drug.

Anyone who has questions about this please read this article —Suboxone: concerns behind the miracle.

Best,

~Joe

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January 8, 2011 by jherzanek | 1 comment

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