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Holli Kenley, Mountain Air

 

Changing Lives Foundation is proud to introduce Holli Kenley, licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and author of the award-winning new book on relapse “Mountain Air: Relapsing and Finding the Way Back . . . One Breath at a Time.” We have recently added it to our “Recommended Reading” page and our review will be coming soon.

Holli has recently taken the time to read and review “Why Don’t They Just Quit?” and we reprint it below with gratitude. Thank you Holli for your eloquent and heartfelt words. We are honored to be associated with an author of your caliber.

 

Where Was This Book 10 Years Ago?!

Why Don't They Just Quit? What families and friends need to know about addiction and recovery." by Joe Herzanek

“Why Don’t They Just Quit? What families and friends need to know about addiction and recovery.”

~ Review by Holli Kenley, M.A., MFT

I just finished reading  “Why Don’t They Quit” by Joe Herzanek, and I have just one question  – Where was this book 10 years ago when I needed it?!!

Of all the recovery books I have read on addiction and recovery, there has not been one that equals this one in scope, in sequence of organizational formatting, and in its informative, experiential, and common sense approach.  I think it is often a challenge, for an author who is integrating life experiences into his self-help book, to do so with an objectivity and openness to the myriad of complex recovery theories, methods, and approaches. Joe Herzanek does so with clarity, completeness, and concrete strategies for finding one’s way through a maze of pain and with sound practical steps for moving forward.

Although I felt that every section of “Why Don’t They Quit” was extremely important, if I had to choose just one, it would be Part 4—Life in Recovery. This is a partly due to my own professional and personal view about recovering. I love this quote by Joe, “I like to say that life is an odyssey, an extended adventure with peaks and valleys. A person in recovery can use this time to find greater life purpose and be healthy enough to help others fight the battle of addiction. This is a great way to think about life in recovery.”  I believe that if we all applied that philosophy to life in general—as we all experience injury as well as joy in everyday living—we would spend less time in the pain-field and more time seeking its purpose and meaning.

I also strongly support the concept of a holistic approach to recovery that Mr. Herzanek shares in Part 4—addressing the body, the mind, and the spirit. At a time when there are so much focus on a singular quick fix solution to our illnesses, diseases, and challenges, I was so impressed by the time and attention that Herzanek gives to this critical piece in recovering. Step by step, he guides the reader through a myriad of practical healing tools and strategies while blending them into a comprehensive and complimentary process.

And although I am quite familiar with the topic of relapse, I was highly impressed with Chapter 30 in which Mr. Herzanek addresses this essential topic—“Relapse: Plan on It”.  I appreciate how he normalizes it as a part of recovery, and yet makes clear that there are solid steps to take in minimizing it and preparing for it. With the shame that accompanies relapse, there is no need to pile more layers of guilt and self-blame. Mr. Herzanek once again provides us with clear insight into its causes with common sense tools for moving through it without shaming the reader in the process!

Lastly, In Part 4, I was incredibly moved by the Conclusion where Mr. Herzanek writes: “I have heard story after story from addicts about how unfair life can be. But regardless of the amount of unfairness we have experienced, we must make peace with it—or allow us to destroy us. The choice is ours.” I think so many individuals who have been wronged (by themselves or by others) wait around for someone else to make it right or make it go away. And the longer we wait, the longer we hold ourselves hostage to our circumstances.  And, we remain sick.  Every fiber in my being agrees with Mr. Herzanek for I have witnessed it many times with former clients and in my personal life. While so many things are out of our control, our wellness it not.

And finally as an overall comment, I really appreciate how Mr. Herzanek not only brought in soulful quotations from famous as well as infamous individuals, but I was moved by how he blended in the short anecdotes from his wife, his mother, his former wife, his daughter, his son, and from himself. For anyone who is living the nightmare of addiction—as a family member or friend of an addict—there is no better way to feel understood and comforted than to know that someone else has traveled in your shoes. And, there is no better way to instill hope.

I often say and write, “Wellness awaits each of us. We choose the time.”

Get a copy of “Why Don’t They Just Quit?
Your wellness awaits you—it is right here in this book. Grab hold of your recovery and don’t let go!

 

Holli Kenley, M.A. Marriage and Family TherapistHolli Kenley, M.A., MFT

Author:
> “Mountain Air: Relapsing and Finding the Way Back…One Breath at a Time”
> “Breaking Through Betrayal: And Recovering The Peace Within”

 

 

 

RELATED:
Relapse. It Happens.
~by Joe Herzanek

RESOURCES:
Addiction Recovery Resources for Families of Substance Abusers, Addicts and Alcoholics

 

Why Don't They Just Quit? What families and friends need to know about addiction and recovery." by Joe HerzanekWhy Don’t They Just Quit? What families and friends need to know about addiction and recovery.”

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> Audible Audio Download  (LISTEN TO 4 MIN. SAMPLE)


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Why Do Alcoholics Drink? ~by Toby Rice Drews

Why do alcoholics drink?
~written by Toby Drews, author, “Getting Them Sober”
Posted with permission.

“It is so easy to slide into believing that the alcoholic drinks “because of a problem.”  And that if the alcoholic just “gets to the root of the problem” the drinking/drugging problem will just “wither away” by itself.”

 

That was the thinking of almost the entire mental-health profession about 25 years ago—before the days of James Milam (author of “Under the Influence”), who, along with other pioneers in the field of addictions, toured the country on a regular basis, lecturing and training mental-health practitioners, judges, pastoral counselors, nurses, criminal-justice personnel, and others, to help them understand that alcoholism is a primary disease.

What does that mean? It means that nothing can get you drunk. It means that no matter what else is going on in your life; no matter what your childhood was like; it means that no matter what your job is like, your spouse and/or kids are like; that none of those things get you drunk.

Yes, they cause stress! Life causes stress! And if everyone who had stress drank alcoholically, everyone would be an alcoholic.

“But the stressors of life are not what makes one an alcoholic.”

Why do alcoholics drink?
You “get” alcoholism because you are genetically predisposed to it. (You have to go back about six or eight generations to see the proclivity to alcoholism in one’s family; just because your parents did not have it, doesn’t mean it is not in your family. And back then, no one said people were alcoholic unless they were falling down in the gutter. And they certainly did not say that women or the clergy or any “good people” were alcoholic).

But, getting back to the mythology of “stress causing alcoholism”: Yes, stress can make you want to drink. Yes, having violent parents and being thrown out on the street at age 17 can make you want stress-relief and want to drink. But if you don’t have the brain receptors, etc., to be alcoholic or addicted, it’ll be a “passing phase” (It’s like the veterans after Vietnam: many, many of them tried heroin in Vietnam; but only 1/3 of those who took it in Vietnam, continued to take it, after they came home. Why? Because if you don’t have the physical set-up to become an alcoholic or other-drug addict, you won’t.

Look at all the spouses in Al-Anon who are not alcoholics who sat on bar stools to try to drink alongside their alcoholic spouses—to be there, to have their spouses at least physically with them—who could not keep up the drinking, even when they tried to).

And, if a catastrophe in life happens to a non-addict/non-alcoholic—and if they drink or do any other temporary thing to relieve stress—if they are not addicted, they will probably, after a while, not continue that drinking but get down to dealing with life on life’s terms.

Why do alcoholics drink?
The difference with alcoholics is that if they start to drink at all, even for a “legitimate stress reason”, then the craving and the obsession make them continue the process of the disease of alcoholism. And once that disease process in in effect, that disease does not need any “reason” to drink: In other words, alcoholics drink because the Yankees won; alcoholics drink because the Yankees lost; and alcoholics drink because the Yankees didn’t play.

“Alcoholics drink because the Yankees won; alcoholics drink because the Yankees lost; and alcoholics drink because the Yankees didn’t play.”

It often LOOKS like the alcoholic drinks because he lost his job—or because he hates the weather. But when that same alcoholic gets a job . . . a better-paying job and/or moves to where the weather is great . . . the probability is that alcoholic will still continue drinking or start drinking again, and the disease will still progress and the drinking will get worse. “Stuff” happens. “Stuff” does not cause alcoholism.

When alcoholics get sober and go to A.A. on a regular basis, they learn to replace that knee-jerk reaction of picking up a drink or a chemical for stress-relief—and replacing it with “taking it to a meeting” and talking about it. And by the Grace of God, it relieves it. A way is found to deal with it.

One more thing: when an alcoholic has, alongside the alcoholism, a psychiatric illness (like clinical depression) they may initially only drink to relieve the clinical depression—and they may receive temporary relief from it because they drank. But, and this is a big “but”—when they drink even for that reason . . . it gets and keeps the disease-of-alcoholism process going.

And even if that particular cycle of clinical depression “lets up” for awhile because of the temporary relief of the alcohol, the alcoholic drinking usually continues, because the alcoholism has its own dynamic and is itself progressive. It gets to exists alongside, in addition to, the psychiatric illness.

And if the alcoholism is not treated for itself and the drinking does not stop (even if the psychiatric illness is treated with medication and therapy) then two things usually happen:

A) intaking alcohol when the medicine is in the body usually makes the medicine less effective

B) the alcoholism follows a progressive course and continues to eventually make that person’s life worse on just about every level, if not all levels. And it usually continues to make that psychiatric illness worse, too.

“If a person with both psychiatric illness and alcoholism wants to get better, they usually have to get help for both problems.”

If a person with both psychiatric illness and alcoholism wants to get better, they usually have to get help for both problems—and that help is often found in an alcoholism treatment center (one that is A.A.-oriented) that is good at diagnosing and treating persons with both addiction and psychiatric illness. And after initial treatment is completed, ongoing counseling, as well as A.A., of course—is usually the prescribed course of treatment.

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This article, “Why Do Alcoholics Drink?” is from Toby Drews’ “Getting Them Sober” newsletter.
Click here to sign up

Getting Them Sober

What is “Getting Them Sober”?
“Getting Them Sober”, by Toby Rice Drews, is the million-selling series of books—endorsed by ‘Dear Abby’, by Dr. Norman Vincent Peale, and by Melody Beattie (author of ”Codependent No More” who wrote, ”Getting Them Sober’ is the BEST book for the family of the still-drinking alcoholic”).

How are the books different from each other?  What are the table of contents in each of the books?
Click to read excerpts and to purchase “Getting Them Sober”

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RELATED:
The AA Promises

All Those AA Meetings: What he’ll hear when he goes to those AA meetings

AA Facts and History

12 Step Prayers

Recovery Resources for Friends, Families and Employers

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Why Don't They Just Quit? What families and friends need to know about addiction and recovery." by Joe Herzanek
Why Don’t They Just Quit? What families and friends need to know about addiction and recovery

> Paperback

> Audio Book CD, MP3 (NEW!)

> Kindle

> Audible Audio Download  (LISTEN TO 4 MIN. SAMPLE)

 

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Real People, Real Stories:

Mother reflects on daughter's addiction

Many thanks to our good friend Cathy Taughinbaugh
for sharing her story with us.

As she says, “There is always hope.”

A Mother Reflects on Her Daughter’s Addiction
~ by Cathy Taughinbaugh

“I got the job!”

I had to pause and take a breath as I thought about my daughter’s words. I was thrilled that she had been hired for a new job and was now moving to northern California close to home after six years.

This hasn’t always been the case for my daughter.

I clearly remember the day when I discovered that my daughter was a crystal meth addict. She would not show me her arms because they were riddled with needle marks.

I was devastated.

She started out life as a typical little girl growing up in a suburban neighborhood in northern California. She excelled in school during her elementary years.

It was during middle school that I noticed her grades starting to slip a bit. She had many friends, tried different activities to participate in and seemed well adjusted.

Her first two years of high school went smoothly. She joined the water polo and swim team and made some close friends. I knew most of her friends’ parents.

The last two years of high school were a bit more rocky. Not dramatically, but we noticed. She kept her curfew, many of her friends remained the same, although there were a few news ones that made me a bit curious and concerned.

“It wasn’t long before things started to fall apart.”

Her father and I prodded her onward and encouraged her to do better, monitored her whereabouts, and tried to be on top of all that was going on. Graduation came and went.

She left one August morning on the flight to Colorado to start her life as a college student. It wasn’t long before things started to fall apart.

She was on probation after her first semester and needed to attend summer school after her first year to remain enrolled.

After the fall semester of her sophomore year, she was done. She could not continue her undisclosed drug habit and remain a student.

I flew back to see what I could do. We had paid a few rent checks because after taking a part time job, she was also unable to continue working.

“I know now. I was in denial.”

The rug was pulled out from under me when she finally admitted she was addicted to drugs. I should have known, and wondered why I didn’t know.

I know now. I was in denial.

She made a good choice at that moment in Colorado. She made the choice to come home with me. She made the choice to make a change and find a better way to live.

Within one week she was on a plane to Utah to attend a Wilderness program for five weeks, and then on to Southern California where she was in treatment for another three months and in a sober living home for six months.

After leaving the program, she remained in southern California, and has lived in apartments with amazing young women from her program. Several remain close friends.

Her program included getting a job and/or attending college. She did both and graduated from a local state university in 2009. A part time job in a grocery store helped pay expenses while going back to school.

“I felt the shame of addiction.”

She worked full time at the store until she found her present job in advertising.

She is now ready to come home to live closer to her family.

Being addicted is not what any mom dreams for her child. This is the last thing I expected. The emotional exhaustion sends you down a devastating path and it is a challenge to find your way back. The financial costs took my breath away.

As a parent we had the weekly calls from the wilderness camp, the weekly reports from her treatment center. I tried counseling, A-Alanon and Naranon in my efforts to find support.

I thought about who I would tell. I felt the shame of addiction. I also felt guilty, frustrated, angry and afraid.

“She has come full circle.”

My daughter has come full circle. She is now mature beyond her years. She is insightful and has embraced a spiritual component to her life. In some ways, my daughter’s past is invisible.

She has moved on with her life, and doesn’t discuss her past often. She knows, however that life can be hard due to poor choices and the disease of addiction. She also knows that there is always hope.

She realized that her life could change when she was ready to dig deep, overcome her fear and take on the challenge to begin again.

 

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Bio: Cathy Taughinbaugh is the mother of a former crystal meth addict.
She writes on addiction, recovery and treatment at Treatment Talk.org

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RELATED:
> Maggie M’s story of hope for parents of an addict.
 
 

> The Haven, Moms and Meth: Breaking the Cycle of Addiction.

> Relapse. It Happens.

RESOURCES:
Addiction Recovery Resources for Families of Substance Abusers, Addicts and Alcoholics

Get the help you need today.

Why Don't They Just Quit? by Joe Herzanek
Why Don’t They Just Quit? What families and friends need to know about addiction and recovery.

> Paperback

> Audio Book CD, MP3 (NEW!)

> Kindle

> Audible Audio Download  (LISTEN TO 4 MIN. SAMPLE)


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ASK JOE:
Can a person just cut down on their drinking?:

Can a person just cut down on their drinking?

JoeHerzanek


Q:
Can a person just cut down on their drinking?


A. Yes, a person can just cut down.

But not if the person is an alcoholic or drug addict. When we are talking about cutting down, the implication is that the person has the ability to control how much he uses without going overboard or having problems.

Lack of control is perhaps the biggest sign of addiction. For the dependent person, alcohol or drugs now have control. At this point, it is often the person’s stubborn pride that keeps them from seeing the problem.

Whether you are asking this question of yourself or if you are thinking of someone close to you, it is a red flag—a warning sign.

Social drinkers rarely, if ever, need to think about being able to control how much they drink.

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cut down drinking cut down drinking cut down drinking

 

Why Don't They Just Quit? What families and friends need to know about addiction and recovery." by Joe HerzanekThis “Q & A with Joe Herzanek” is excerpted from
Part 5 of “Why Don’t They Just Quit? What families and friends need to know about addiction and recovery.”

> Paperback

> Audio Book CD, MP3 (NEW!)

> Kindle

> Audible Audio Download  (LISTEN TO 4 MIN. SAMPLE)


RELATED:
Relapse. It Happens.
~by Joe Herzanek

RESOURCES:
Addiction Recovery Resources for Families of Substance Abusers, Addicts and Alcoholics

NEED HELP NOW?
Phone Counseling for Families Dealing with Substance Abuse

MORE ASK JOE:
> Do you have to stop seeing all your old friends in order to recover?

> Is a relapse—failure?

> What is a Pink Cloud? What does the term “pink cloud” mean?

> If someone can stop using drugs or alcohol for weeks at a time, they “aren’t an addict—correct?

>Chronic Pain Management & Pain Pill Addiction: What to do?

>How can I know if my addicted friend or loved one is telling the truth?

>”I need help because I’m not able to deal with my live-in Fiance’s need to get drunk every night.”

>Should my husband “back off?”

>Gambling vs. Drug Addiction? What is your opinion?

>How can I tell if someone is an addict/alcoholic or just a heavy user?

>What is Methadone? What is Harm Reduction?

RELATED:

> Self-Tests: Alcohol and Drug Addiction

Sign up for our Free Changing Lives E-Newsletter!

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ASK JOE:
What is a Pink Cloud?:

what is a pink cloud

JoeHerzanek


Q:
What is a Pink Cloud? What does the term “pink cloud” mean?

“I fell off my pink cloud with a thud.”
~Elizabeth Taylor

A. Being “on a Pink Cloud” means to feel almost like being high, but without using drugs or alcohol.

The first few days or weeks in recovery are normally a time of adjustment for the addict’s body and mind. Early recovery can be a roller coaster of emotions—often frustrating and stressful. After this will come a leveling-out period in which many people will have an almost euphoric feeling, sometimes referred to as a “pink cloud.”

This ah-ha experience can last for days or even weeksI really have this recovery thing figured out; I can do this!

I remember feeling this way myself. It was almost like a natural high. But the addict should be careful not to think that he or she is cured, because this could lead to another try at controlled using (i.e., a slip or relapse).

Five months after leaving treatment I tried some controlled using. For me this verified that I indeed was addicted, and I quickly got back to working on my recovery.

A person in recovery can almost plan on experiencing a pink cloud, but the ensuing relapse doesn’t have to happen.

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What is a Pink Cloud What is a Pink Cloud What is a Pink Cloud

 

Why Don't They Just Quit? What families and friends need to know about addiction and recovery." by Joe HerzanekThis “Q & A with Joe Herzanek” is excerpted from Part 5 of “Why Don’t They Just Quit? What families and friends need to know about addiction and recovery.”

RELATED:
Relapse. It Happens.
~by Joe Herzanek

NEED HELP NOW?
Phone Counseling for Families Dealing with Substance Abuse


Recovery Resources for Friends, Families and Employers

MORE ASK JOE:

> Do you have to stop seeing all your old friends in order to recover?

> Is a relapse—failure?

> If someone can stop using drugs or alcohol for weeks at a time, they “aren’t an addict—correct?

>Chronic Pain Management & Pain Pill Addiction: What to do?

>How can I know if my addicted friend or loved one is telling the truth?

>”I need help because I’m not able to deal with my live-in Fiance’s need to get drunk every night.”

>Should my husband “back off?”

>Gambling vs. Drug Addiction? What is your opinion?

>How can I tell if someone is an addict/alcoholic or just a heavy user?

>What is Methadone? What is Harm Reduction?

RELATED:

> Self-Tests: Alcohol and Drug Addiction

Sign up for our Free Changing Lives E-Newsletter!

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~written by Toby Drews, author, “Getting Them Sober”
Posted with permission.

FAMILIES OF ALCOHOLICS WANT TO KNOW
“WHAT HE’LL HEAR WHEN HE GOES TO THOSE A.A. MEETINGS.”

What is often underlying that question is the fear that no one will tell him how serious this disease is . . . that no one will tell him that he must go to A.A. meetings a lot . . . that no one will tell him that he must stop drinking—and stay stopped.

What he’ll most probably hear from the old timers in A.A meetings:

1.) ”Don’t drink if your rear-end falls off. And if it falls off, put it in a basket and take it to a meeting.”

2.) ”Meeting-makers make it”—almost all relapses occur because people stopped going to meetings.

(Even if the speaker says he ‘slipped’ and doesn’t say why—if you ask the person privately after the A.A. meeting, ”did you stop going to meetings?” the response is almost always ‘yes’).

3.) What’s dangerous about “slips” (relapses)? As the old timers will tell the newcomer, ”you know you have another drunk in you, but you don’t know if you have another recovery in you” (i.e., you may feel like you can ‘slip and slide’ and go in and out of A.A. at will—and that ”a little slip that only lasts a short time doesn’t really count”).

But one day, the way this disease works, you probably will lose the choice and won’t be able to go back even if you want to. In other words, each ‘slip’, no matter ‘how long’ or ‘how short’, is akin to playing Russian Roulette with your life.

IT’S EASIER TO STAY SOBER—THAN TO GET SOBER.

_____________________________________________________

 

This article, “All Those AA Meetings: What he’ll hear when he goes to those AA meetings” is from Toby Drews’ “Getting Them Sober” newsletter. Click here to sign up: http://www.gettingthemsober.com/newsletter.html

What is “Getting Them Sober”?
“Getting Them Sober”, by Toby Rice Drews, is the million-selling series of books—endorsed by ‘Dear Abby’, by Dr. Norman Vincent Peale, and by Melody Beattie (author of ”Codependent No More” who wrote, ”Getting Them Sober’ is the BEST book for the family of the still-drinking alcoholic”).

How are the books different from each other?  What are the table of contents in each of the books? 

Click to read: http://www.gettingthemsober.com/excerpts.html

Related:
The AA Promises

AA Facts and History

12 Step Prayers

Recovery Resources for Friends, Families and Employers
Have you “tried everything?” To learn about Affordable Phone Counseling with Joe Herzanek click here.
•More info and testimonials click here

Why Don't They Just Quit? What families and friends need to know about addiction and recovery." by Joe Herzanek
Why Don’t They Just Quit? What families and friends need to know about addiction and recovery.”

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This simple little chart has surprising facts about AA, what it’s about and how well it works. We recommend taking a second to look and also to forward to a friend.

AA Facts and History Information Graphic

Courtesy of Rehab Programs. Designed by Dawn Shepard

Related:
The AA Promises

RESOURCES:
Addiction Recovery Resources for Families of Substance Abusers, Addicts and Alcoholics

Why Don't They Just Quit? by Joe Herzanek
Why Don’t They Just Quit? What families and friends need to know about addiction and recovery.

> Paperback

> Audio Book CD, MP3 (NEW!)

> Kindle

> Audible Audio Download  (LISTEN TO 4 MIN. SAMPLE)

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ASK JOE:
Old friends and recovery:

Friends Partying

JoeHerzanek


Q:
Do you have to stop seeing all your old friends
in order to recover?

A. It depends

When I was first getting off alcohol and drugs, many of my old friends
were just like me.
I knew that being around drugs and being around
people using them was a bad idea. Exposing myself to the wrong influences
would have been a set-up for relapse. It wasn’t easy to let go of
some of my longstanding relationships. At the same time, though, I was
meeting new people who were also in recovery. I quickly learned that
my new lifestyle and old friends were kind of like oil and water—they
just didn’t mix.



After several weeks of sobriety, I started to see these old relationships
in a different light.
I tried to talk to some of my old friends about recovery.
A few of them actually quit using. Others began to avoid me. I stayed
busy concentrating on not using. It was a little depressing, in a way. I
wanted so much to help them change, but many just weren’t interested.


This is a difficult time for the recovering person.
There is a sort of
lag-time between leaving old unhealthy relationships and developing
new and better ones. It doesn’t happen overnight—but it will happen.


Trust the process and trust God to provide.
For myself, I knew what was
at stake. I had to do this or soon return to the old life. The void in my
social life was going to be filled one way or another. This is one more reason
why support groups are important.

Recovery means making many changes,
and some are more difficult than others.

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Ask Joe, old friends and recovery Ask Joe, old friends and recovery Ask Joe, old friends and recovery


Jenny's Pearl NecklaceI am including this story of “Jenny’s Pearl Necklace” at the request
of my wife Judy.
It is one of her favorites—all about “letting go, and letting
God.” Time and time again Judy and I have found that once we were
willing to trust God, He would surprise us with a blessing far beyond anything we would have dreamed.

The story of “Jenny’s Pearl Necklace” touches everyone in a different way—as we are all at different stages of our journey.

 

Why Don't They Just Quit? What families and friends need to know about addiction and recovery." by Joe HerzanekThis “Q & A with Joe Herzanek” is excerpted from Part 5 of “Why Don’t They Just Quit? What families and friends need to know about addiction and recovery.”

RELATED:
Relapse. It Happens.
~by Joe Herzanek

NEED HELP NOW?
Affordable Phone Counseling for Families Dealing with Substance Abuse


Recovery Resources for Friends, Families and Employers

MORE ASK JOE:
> Is a relapse—failure?

> If someone can stop using drugs or alcohol for weeks at a time, they “aren’t an addict—correct?

>Chronic Pain Management & Pain Pill Addiction: What to do?

>How can I know if my addicted friend or loved one is telling the truth?

>”I need help because I’m not able to deal with my live-in Fiance’s need to get drunk every night.”

>Should my husband “back off?”

>Gambling vs. Drug Addiction? What is your opinion?

>How can I tell if someone is an addict/alcoholic or just a heavy user?

>What is Methadone? What is Harm Reduction?

RELATED:
> Self-Tests: Codependence

> Self-Tests: Alcohol and Drug Addiction

Sign up for our Free Changing Lives E-Newsletter!

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The Wisdom of the Rooms“We couldn’t help ourselves,
but we could help each other.”

~by Michael Z

So many family members who call Changing Lives Foundation
feel like they are all alone in their struggles.
Our best advice to those who have limited resources is
to visit an Open AA meeting or two, attend an Al-Anon or Nar-Anon meeting.
There,they will find others with similar concerns.
Many of the people in these meetings offer gems of wisdom just like this
from Michael Z.
Read what he has to say about helping others, the power of God and ultimately, helping yourself—


Before recovery I did everything I could think of to get better on my own. I’d try to stop drinking during the week; then on Mondays through Thursdays. I’d join a gym and exercise a while, or I’d go on a healthy diet. I went into therapy to work on myself, and I started journaling. At the end of all of this, though, I’d find myself alone, depressed and drunk.

When I entered the program, I thought I might finally learn how to help myself. Instead, I was given direction that made no sense. “Wash the coffee cups after the meeting,” I was told. “Get a commitment to get to a meeting early and set the chairs up.” “Become a greeter and ask other people how they are doing.” What about me? I thought. How am I going to get better if I’m focused on helping others rather than myself? Even though I didn’t understand it, I was desperate, so I followed your direction.

And that’s when the miracle took place. Over time I came to see that alone I couldn’t, but together we could recover. I learned that the solution began when I got out of myself and helped you. That when two alcoholics got together, that’s when the power of God flowed and healed us both. Ultimately I learned that when I was helping you, you were helping me and that was the solution I could never find by myself.

Today I know that while I can’t help myself, I can always help you – and together, we can help each other.

 

________________________________________________

Excerpted from “The Wisdom of the Rooms Volume 2″
~by Michael Z.

 

The Wisdom of the Rooms Volume 2Order Your Signed Copies Today!

Click Here
to Purchase

This makes a Great Gift for yourself and others you know in and out of recovery.

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Return from “We found we couldn’t help ourselves, but we could help each other.”
to Visit “Why Don’t They Just Quit?” Home

More from Wisdom of the Rooms:
Things might not get better for me, but I can get better despite things
12 Step AA Wisdom: Bring the body, the mind will follow

Related:
The AA Promises

Have you “tried everything?” To learn about Affordable Phone Counseling with Joe Herzanek click here.
•More info and testimonials click here
____________________________________________________________

couldn’t help ourselves couldn’t help ourselves couldn’t help ourselves

 

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alcoholic or heavy user?

 

JoeHerzanekQ How can I tell if someone is an addict/alcoholic or just a heavy user?


A. It is almost impossible to tell when someone has crossed
this line.

 

What you will be able to see, however, are the signs of dependency.
Sometimes these signs will be subtle and other times they’ll be more
obvious.

Here are a few questions regarding behavioral signs that may
signal dependency:
• Has this person’s attitude changed?
• Are they using daily?
• Are they unable to control how much they are using?
• Are they defensive about their using?

• Has work or school performance declined?
• How long has this persisted? Do they try to hide their use?
• Have they lost interest in people or activities that were once
important to them?

Beyond these, there may be more obvious signs such as legal problems,
DUIs, or frequent job changes. Seeking advice from a professional
is always a good idea. You may also take a self-test. It you’re
concerned about this person, you probably know him or her fairly well.
Take the self-test for alcoholism/drug addiction found on our Changing Lives Foundation website and answer as if you were your friend or loved one. See how well you score.

 

Why Don't They Just Quit? What families and friends need to know about addiction and recovery." by Joe HerzanekThis “Q & A with Joe” is excerpted from Part 5 of “Why Don’t They Just Quit? What families and friends need to know about addiction and recovery.”

 

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MORE ASK JOE:
>How can I know if my addicted friend or loved one is telling the truth?

>”I need help because I’m not able to deal with my live-in Fiance’s need to get drunk every night.”

>Should my husband “back off?”

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addict/alcoholic or heavy user alcoholic or heavy user addict or heavy user

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Al-Anon, Nar-Anon and AA Abbreviations

Al-Anon, Nar-Anon and AA Abbreviations
for Chat Rooms, Groups and Bulletin Boards

 

People who attend Al-Anon, Nar-Anon and AA often use abbreviations to simplify their conversations and to make typing quicker and easier when they are posting online. Have you found yourself trying to read some of these posts and thought you were reading a foreign language or secret code? You are not alone!

This post will make things a little easier. We have listed some abbreviations and terms that are specific to recovery chat rooms/boards:

A or The A: the alcoholic in my life

AA: Alcoholics Anonymous

ABF or AGF: alcoholic boy friend or girlfriend

AFG: Al-Anon Family Groups

AH or AW: alcoholic husband or wife

Active A: an alcoholic who is still drinking alcohol

Big Book: refers to the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous

CAL: Conference Approved Literature, writings that have been approved by the WSO

C2C or CTC: courage to change

CLOSED MEETING: a meeting of AA or Al-Anon that is only to be attended by members who qualify for either AA or Al-anon

CROSSTALK: During an Al-anon meeting cross talking is speaking when
someone else has the floor and is sharing.  It is also cross talking
when, after another member shares, someone shares and comments directly
about what the other person’s share was about and directs it to that
person.  Both of these things are generally discouraged at Al-anon meetings
because it disrupts the meeting, takes away the anonymity of the
person’s share and can also become “advice giving” which is also discouraged
in Al-anon.

DRY DRUNK: refers to an alcoholic who is no longer drinking alcohol but who is still exhibiting a lot of the negative behaviors associated with the drinking

ESH: experience, strength and hope

FTF or F2F: a Face-to-Face meeting; real world meetings

HALT: Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired

JADE: Justify, Argue, Defend, Explain

MIP: Miracles in Progress

ODAAT: one day at a time

OPEN MEETING: a meeting of AA or Al-Anon that may be attended by anyone who is interested.

Q-tip: Quit taking it personally

TYFS OR TFS: Thank you for sharing

WSO: World Service Organization Al-Anons headquarters

If someone puts your nickname in parenthesis (((((nickname))))) that means they are giving you a cyber hug!

 

RELATED:

Raising the bottom ~by Joe Herzanek

A recovering addict’s taste of tough love! (for the loved ones of the addict)

To read 413 more common abbreviations

Return from Al-Anon, Nar-Anon and AA Abbreviations to Blog Home

____________________________________________________
Al-Anon Abbreviations, Nar-Anon Abbreviations, AA Abbreviations

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This article excerpted from the award-winning book “Why Don’t They Just Quit? What families and friends need to know about addiction and recovery.” by Joe Herzanek

The Parable of the Prodigal Son

While he was still a long way off,
his father saw him coming.
Filled with compassion
the father ran to the son,
threw his arms around him and said,
“Welcome home.”
His son had come to his senses.
Let’s have a party!

His brother refused to come to the party
even after his father pleaded with him
to join them.
“I’ve stayed here all these years
and never caused a problem.
No one ever had a party for me,”
said the brother.
–paraphrased from the Gospel of Luke

Siblings often find themselves caught in the middle of the recovery process. In the story of the prodigal son, a father waits and watches expectantly for the return of his wayward child. The boy left home and not only squandered his inheritance, but also wasted a big chunk of his life. But there is so much more to the story. As we take a closer look at the entire family, we see that “the rest of the story” can apply to families and siblings today who are struggling with the early stages of recovery.


I know from firsthand experience how siblings can suffer. During my addiction, I was blind to how my actions were affecting my brother and two sisters. Actually, the entire family did not understand what was happening. Even now, more than thirty years later, some members of my family remain bitter, and we have never been able to resolve those hard feelings.

There is only so much time in any given day and when there is one high-maintenance family member, often the other children are neglected. Parents have a limited amount of energy for each day, and then they reach a point of exhaustion. In my case, which again is not unique, I received more than my share of attention. I, like many other addicts, was a very needy person. My life was one crisis after another. There were many occasions when I needed money. I drained my parents of their finances as well as their time and energy. Who suffered? At the time, it was far from obvious, but as I look back it is clear that my brother and sisters—basically good, low-maintenance kids were the innocent victims.

Mom and Dad spent a lot of their parenting energy either helping me with a problem or worried about what I might do next; they were even afraid to answer the phone. They couldn’t be in two places at once, physically or mentally. As a result, my siblings did not receive nearly the amount of attention they deserved. My parents missed their school programs and sports games because of my problems, and holidays were often ruined. Much of the focus was on Joe, and I was messing up my life while my brother and sisters were left striving to do the right thing and gain my parents’ approval and attention.

To make matters worse, my parents’ attention continued to be focused on me for a long time into my recovery. My siblings had to hear over and over, Isn’t it great that Joe’s quit using drugs? How wonderful that Joe is clean and sober. Joe has been drug-free for a year now “let’s celebrate!” These sort of comments continued, even after everything should have been back to normal. Talk about rubbing psychological salt in a wound; my brother and sisters must have been ready to puke. At that time, none of us had a clue how this would ultimately affect our future relationships.


Insidious: working or spreading harmfully in a subtle or stealthy manner. awaiting a chance to entrap; treacherous. harmful but enticing. Developing so gradually as to be well established before becoming apparent. (Webster’s Dictionary)

It was only after years of recovery and study on this topic that this realization came to me. Because of this disease’s slow progression, few families are aware of the effect addiction has on the family as a whole. Few addicts think of making amends toward those who did not appear to be directly affected.

When I entered treatment many years ago, there was not much emphasis placed on the importance of family in the recovery process. Today, this is a key component in most treatment programs. Parents and siblings are strongly encouraged to be part of the process. Some centers will even offer what is called Family Week. This is a time for those who have been negatively affected to become involved in the recovery process. Many times family members will refuse to get involved: “He/she had the problem, not me. And now you are asking me to get counseling? You must be crazy.” Nonetheless, I strongly suggest that family members attend some meetings–if for no other reason than to vent frustration. It will be worth it.

Addiction is treacherous for the whole family. Over time, relationships can become a tangled web. Feelings get hurt and bitterness creeps in, almost unnoticed. Strife begins to build, and after a while no one remembers why. But life is too short to waste years like this. Miracles can happen when a professional helps untangle the mess.

Time has yet to heal some of the wounds in my family. The impact of my addiction and recovery has left deep scars, and damaged relationships among my immediate family that we are still attempting to understand and mend. Despite our attempts to keep things simple, life can sometimes become very complicated. Over the years, my siblings have married. Bitterness and unresolved strife have colored relationships not only among my siblings, but among our spouses and children as well. Recovery and the process of making amends to those who were hurt takes a while. Sometimes these differences may never be resolved.

Quitting, as wonderful as that may be, is not the same as recovering. Recovery means taking responsibility for the broken relationships that occurred when the addict was using. Repairing broken relationships is critical to the process of recovery. With patience and time, progress can be made.

This article excerpted from the book Why Don’t They Just Quit?

* Have you “tried everything?” To learn about individual counseling with Joe Herzanek (in person or by phone) click here.

RELATED ARTICLES:
Alcohol Addiction, Getting Rid of Resentments; Easier Said Than Done
Children of Addicts: The Innocent Victims

RETURN:
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_____________________________________________________
Siblings forgotten ones Alanon siblings

November 20, 2011 by jherzanek | 6 comments

Just discovered this as I was poking around. Hope you enjoy it as much as I did.

1. A sponsor isn’t all that interested in why you used.

2. A therapist thinks your problem is lack of self-esteem and negative self-image; a sponsor thinks your problem is you.

3. A therapist wants to nurture your inner child; your sponsor thinks it should be spanked.

4. A sponsor thinks your inventory should be about you, not your parents.

5. A sponsor thinks you should not confront your parents, but rather make amends to them.

6. The only time your sponsor uses the word “closure” is before the word “mouth.”

7. A sponsor thinks boundaries are things you need to take down — not build up.

8. A therapist wants you to love yourself first; a sponsor wants you to love others first.

9. A therapist prescribes care-taking medication while a sponsor prescribes prayer-making and meditation.

10. A sponsor thinks anger management skills are numbered one through twelve.

11. Because you’ve been clean ninety days, a therapist recommends you make a list of all your goals and objectives for the next five years — starting with finishing up that degree. A sponsor thinks you should continue cleaning coffee pots and occasionally mopping.

12. Lastly, a sponsor will not lose his/her license if he/she talks about God.

~ this post from Addicted2Clean Blog

* Have you “tried everything?” To learn about individual counseling with Joe Herzanek (in person or by phone) click here.

 

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The Wisdom of the Rooms“Criticism: Advice That is Not Asked For”

~by Michael Z

So many family members who call Changing Lives Foundation
feel like they are all alone in their struggles.
Our best advice to those who have limited resources is
to visit an Open AA meeting or two, attend an Al-Anon or Nar-Anon meeting.
There,they will find others with similar concerns.
Many of the people in these meetings offer gems of wisdom just like this
from Michael Z.
Read what he has to say about criticism, advice and AA—



I have someone in my life that, after she asks how I’m doing and I begin to tell her, immediately begins telling me the things I need to change or start doing. Until this quote I didn’t realize that the reason her unasked for advice made me feel so bad was because it was thinly veiled criticism of the way I was living my life.

Thank God the program doesn’t work that way. If people in the program or my sponsor started giving me unasked for advice or telling me what to do, I would have left long ago. Instead, people give me suggestions (when I ask for them) based on their own experience. If they had a similar situation as mine and they did something that worked for them, then they may suggest that it might work for me as well. It’s up to me at that point to try it or not.

Because of the AA program, I have learned to apply this wisdom in my other relationships as well. In fact, people now call me a good listener, and it’s because I know that all people really want is to be heard and understood. If asked, the best I can do is share my experience with a similar situation – if I have it. Otherwise, it’s best to listen, empathize and help them process their experience.

That’s always better than giving advice that’s not asked for.

________________________________________________

Excerpted from “The Wisdom of the Rooms Volume 2″
~by Michael Z.

 

The Wisdom of the Rooms Volume 2Order Your Signed Copies Today!

Click Here
to Purchase

This makes a Great Gift for yourself and others you know in and out of recovery.

Subscribe to Quote of the Week

 

 

To go from “Criticism: Advice that is not asked for”
to Visit “Why Don’t They Just Quit?” Home

More from Wisdom of the Rooms:
Things might not get better for me, but I can get better despite things
12 Step AA Wisdom: Bring the body, the mind will follow

Related:
The AA Promises

Have you “tried everything?” To learn about Affordable Phone Counseling with Joe Herzanek click here.
•More info and testimonials click here

____________________________________________________________

Criticism Advice AA

 

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Resentments, the Ultimate PoisonResentments, the Ultimate Poison . . . to self.

~ by Nikki Holman

In recovery there is a lot of talk about resentments. WE ALL HAVE THEM, WE ALL CARRY THEM & HOLD ON TO THEM.  I can remember being in treatment & being told that it was paramount to our recovery to let these resentments go. Easier said than done at the time (you see for me I believed that holding on to these resentments kept me safe). They kept me safe both physically and emotionally. How totally totally wrong. Not only did it keep me twisted up inside, it prevented me from being FREE.

Moving on and letting go of resentments was something I tried to do for a long time. I tried without success; the failure was not because I was doing all the right things, it was because I was failing to look HONESTLY AT MY PART.

Allowing myself to carry this resentment toward another person without accepting my part of the problem—gave me a feeling of entitlement to be angry. I have really been trying to live recovery—and for me that means looking honestly at situations with a different perspective.

The largest resentment I carried for years was in regard to my ex-husband. Did he harm me and mine? An emphatic yes!! But recently I have begun to realize that not only did I have a part in that harm but I also harmed him!! We harmed each other and boy how nice it was of me all these years to hold myself less accountable than I held him, NOT! We were both human, we allowed ourselves to become embroiled in a bitter harmful dysfunctional pattern. Who am I to say the wrongs to him were less painful than his wrongs to me. This has been so FREEING!

I recently dealt with him again on the phone; no he is not someone I care to hang out with, surround myself with—but I can be caring and kind and healthy in my interactions with the father of my children. And ultimately with the loss of this resentment I can change my patterns for the future.

I am so grateful to have come to this point. I was able to make amends with him regardless of whether he did the same to me. You see, I can ultimately only control me, my actions and reactions. If we are truly trying to find full recovery, we don’t get to withhold our amends due another—in a STAND-OFF till they “right their wrongs” with us (doesn’t work like that and we only keep ourselves miserable).

I finally understand how important this is. I am not a VICTIM; I am a HUMAN—one who makes mistakes. I’m no better, no worse than another.

THIS brings me peace.

 

MORE FROM NIKKI HOLMAN:
A recovering Addict’s taste of tough love! (for the loved ones of the addict)

RELATED:
The AA Promises

RESOURCES:
Addiction Recovery Resources for Families of Substance Abusers, Addicts and Alcoholics

Why Don't They Just Quit? by Joe Herzanek
Why Don’t They Just Quit? What families and friends need to know about addiction and recovery.

> Paperback

> Audio Book CD, MP3 (NEW!)

> Kindle

> Audible Audio Download  (LISTEN TO 4 MIN. SAMPLE)

 

RETURN:
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_______________________________________________________________
Resentments Ultimate Poison letting go Resentments  Ultimate Poison letting go

 

November 2, 2011 by jherzanek | No comments

The Wisdom of the Rooms“Things might not get better for me, but I can get better despite things.”

 So many people who call Changing Lives Foundation feel like they are all alone in their struggles. Our best advice to those who have limited resources is to visit an Open AA meeting or two, attend an Al-Anon or Nar-Anon meeting. There , you will find others with concerns, similar to yours. Many of these people offer gems of wisdom just like this—

Things might not get better for me, but I can get better despite things.
~by Michael Z.

When I was a newcomer, I was convinced that because I was now sober, things in my life would get better. I was sure my career would finally get on track, my relationships would improve, etc., and I knew that as those things came together, I would finally be happy. In fact, I secretly felt like I deserved for things to improve now that I was being “good”. Boy was I wrong.

What actually happened was that my life started to spiral out of control. It was as if things had a natural momentum to them, and even though I wasn’t acting the same way, the wreckage of my past was beginning to catch up with me. As I grew more and more miserable, my sponsor taught me something that set me free.

I remember he sat me down and asked me if I could make it through the day without a drink or a drug. I told him I could, and that’s when he taught me that while I may not be able to control all the things in my life, I could control the most important thing of all – my sobriety and my recovery. He told me that if I took care of that, then all the other “things” would work out.
While at first I didn’t believe him, it turns out he was right.

Today I know that while things may not always get better for me,
I can get better if I focus on the one thing that matters.

 

The above is excerpted from “The Wisdom of the Rooms” by Michael Z.

 

Wisdom of the Rooms, Volume 4

Volume Four Now Available! Order Your Signed Copies Today!

Just $14.95 each!

Click Here
to Purchase

This beautiful, Fourth Volume will enrich your recovery for years to come!

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To go from “Things might not get better for me” to  Visit “Why Don’t They Just Quit?” Home

Related Articles:
The Addict’s Mom. She just couldn’t do it anymore
Drug Addiction: Moving Into Recovery

 

Have you “tried everything?” To learn about Affordable Phone Counseling with Joe Herzanek  click here.
More info and testimonials click here

 

 

 

I can get better wisdom AA wisdom AA, Wisdom of the Rooms I can get better wisdom AA wisdom AA, Wisdom of the Rooms

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Running Away from Me

Running Away From Me

~By David Allan Reeves

The Best True Story Of Addiction and Recovery I’ve Read In A Very Long Time

~Review by Judy Herzanek

I’ve read quite a few books on addiction and recovery over the past years. Once in a while there is one that just “hits me” in a special way. This is one of those books. I didn’t want it to end. And I certainly want to follow David as he continues his amazing journey of recovery.

The thing that really hit home to me was the way David’s story began . . . no abuse, no trauma, no neglect or divorce. His story, like that of many others illustrates the insidiousness of addiction and how it creeps into a person’s life and takes hold with a vengeance.

“I can never sit back and say that I’ve completely recovered from my addiction. It has been with me for so long that it now defines who I am.” ~David Allan Reeves

Written with brutal honesty and passion, David illustrates the reality of how strong this obsession can be. The way it completely takes over a person’s entire life. . . mentally, physically and spiritually is mind-boggling. The reader follows him from his casual use, to resorting to actions that would previously have been unthinkable.

As we journey with David we learn firsthand of his struggles and life-lessons.

On the circle of addiction:
“More pain equals more drugs equals more pain equals more drugs, ad infinitum.”

On his many relapses:
“What is wrong with me? Do I have a split personality or something? Am I Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde? I’m a walking contradiction . . . I’m strong and I’m weak. I’m smart, but I act stupid. I want to quit and I want to use. I have a demon and an angel on my shoulders, and they take turns controlling my thoughts and actions.”

On Jail:
“There is a smell in these places, a mix of sweat, piss, and disinfectant that gets in your skin and stays there. If you get a whiff of it years later, all those feeling and emotions come back and slap you in the face. It’s the smell of condemnation.”

“I was spineless and pitiful. I was tough enough to take a gun and stick it in people’s faces to get what I wanted, but the thought of even a few days in prison had me whimpering and whining.”

On learning to deal with life:
“I was incapable of dealing with life on life’s terms. Life is a series of ups and downs, and I reached for the highs and was unskilled to deal with the lows. There is no above without a below, no light without darkness, and no good without bad. I had to learn to accept it and deal with it.”

On hitting bottom:
“For the first ten years I didn’t think I had a problem and saw no reason to quit. For the second ten years I knew I had a problem. But even after several attempts to quit, I couldn’t do it. For the first ten years, drug use was fun and exciting. For the second ten years it was pure hell on earth. For the first ten years, I could have quit if I wanted to. For the second ten years, it was too late.”

I believe this book is perfect for those looking to really understand what it is like to be in the grip of addiction—particularly for family members and friends of an alcoholic/addict.

I would caution that giving this book to your addict to read may not be the best idea. The graphic description of drug use, thoughts and feelings before, during and after using are so well-written, vivid and real—too real for a recovering addict to read.

Lastly, the best thing about this story is that it gives families and friends hope. David says it best:

 “That small sliver of hope has grown into a volcano of joy, and if I can rebound from the pit of hell I was in, I believe anyone can. Saying I was hooked is inadequate; I was impaled and could not get loose without becoming self-destructive.”

“If it is really the darkest before dawn, then the sun must be about ready to come up.”

 

David will celebrate 7 years clean and sober on October 15, 2011

 

 

“A wonderful companion book to “Why Don’t They Just Quit?, by Joe Herzanek”

~Judy Herzanek
Dir. Creative Development and Marketing/Changing Lives Foundation
Book: Why Don’t They Just Quit?
90-Minute DVD:Why Don’t They Just QUIT? DVD Roundtable Discussion: What families and friends need to know about addiction and recovery.
New DVD: The 10 Toughest Questions Families and Friends Ask About Addiction and Recovery.
Kindle Edition: Why Don’t They Just Quit?

 

Running Away From Me Running Away From Me Running Away From Me

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The Addict's MomChanging Lives is proud to partner with The Addict’s Mom
to bring our readers even more support, hope and friendship.

This question was asked of a member of Addict’s Mom, Teri Murgia. She is a recovering prescription drug addict and the mother of an addict who now dedicates her life to helping others who are suffering.  It is a powerful lesson she shared about enabling, and how her mother’s decision to walk away changed her life.

Question:
When your Mother found the courage to stop the enabling process by walking out on you when you were facing uncertain death how did that make you feel in your heart?

Answer:
~by Teri Murgia

The day my Mother found the courage to walk out of my hospital room was the day I had made another personal attempt to end my life. She just couldn’t do it anymore. My Mother had already lost two children by this time, her heart was broken into a million pieces and all she could do was fall to her knees and cry out to GOD!

My first thought when she walked out of the room that day confirmed what I was feeling “even my own Mother couldn’t love me”. Then all the feelings of anger, bitterness and sometimes even a bit of hatred flooded my thoughts. What kind of Mother could walk away from their only daughter? How could someone be so cold and unfeeling?  Her last words to me that day were,  “I AM NOT GOING TO SIT BACK AND WATCH YOU KILL YOURSELF ANYMORE; IF YOU WANT TO DIE THAT’S YOUR CHOICE BUT I WON’T BE HERE TO WATCH IT!!” And she left.

It was that day when my long and difficult journey toward recovery began. You see . . .  my Mother made the ultimate choice that day; she chose her life. She knew her life was worth something and she was no longer going to allow my addiction to destroy it!  She was no longer going to be a victim of my destructive behavior.

Today I live my life grateful that she had the courage to walk away–as it was the very thing I needed–to begin my recovery. Thank you MOM, I love you! 

 

 

Barbara TheodosiouThe Addict’s Mom,” founded by Barbara Theodosiou is a group focusing on the mothers of addicted children. The relationship between the mother and addicted child is unique; that does not diminish the experiences of other family members. This group however, is dedicated to addressing the mother’s pain but more importantly, the commonalities of our experiences thus illustrating to the grieving mother that she is not alone nor is she unique in this respect. One line, one thought can help change her perspective for the better. (click here to explore the new Addict’s Mom membership site)

MORE from The Addict’s Mom:
-Overcoming difficulties living with an addict

-Expectations for our loved one’s recovery vs. reality

-Visit The Addict’s Mom Website

ASK JOE:
-Addiction. What if they just CAN’T quit?

-Is an addict ever cured?

RESOURCES:
-Addiction Recovery Resources for Families of Substance Abusers, Addicts and Alcoholics

Why Don't They Just Quit? by Joe Herzanek

Why Don’t They Just Quit? What families and friends need to know about addiction and recovery.

> Paperback

> Audio Book CD, MP3 (NEW!)

> Kindle

> Audible Audio Download  (LISTEN TO 4 MIN. SAMPLE)

RETURN:
-from The Addict’s Mom. ”She just couldn’t do it anymore”, to Blog Home

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AA sobriety chip

 

CHARLIE’S CORNER:

I dropped my AA Sobriety Coin in the parking lot of Price Chopper, and as my luck would have it landed on end and started rolling down the parking lot…

I was terrified, you would have thought I lost gold.. It just meant that much to me.. finally i was lucky and caught up with it…I love my sobriety… SOBRIETY REALLY IS A HOOT


 

NEED HELP NOW?
Affordable Phone Counseling for Families Dealing with Substance Abuse
MORE FROM CHARLIE:
I dropped my AA Sobriety Coin in the parking lot of Price Chopper

A Memory of my Relapses

A God “of my understanding”

I still do stupid stuff sober

Careful what you Pray for

Living Experience

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AA Sobriety Coin,Charlie Vaughn

 

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The Wisdom of the Rooms

So many people who call Changing Lives Foundation feel like they are all alone in their struggles. Our best advice to those who have limited resources is to visit an Open AA meeting or two, attend an Al-Anon or Nar-Anon meeting. There , you will find others with concerns, similar to yours. Many of these people offer gems of wisdom just like this—one of our favorites:

 

“Bring the body, the mind will follow.”
~ by Michael Z.

This is a quote I heard early on in my recovery, and it has served me well over the years. Over and over again, when I haven’t wanted to go to a meeting, I went anyway and once my body was there, my mind ended up being glad it went along, too. Like much of the wisdom in the program, I can apply the truth in this quote to many other areas of my life as well.

 

What I’ve learned is that taking action is almost always the gateway into feeling better. Rarely have I been able to think my way into different behavior or results, instead it’s only when I take action (especially when I don’t want to) that things begin to shift, and I begin feeling better.The program, like life, doesn’t work when I’m into thinking, only when I’m into action.

 

It’s interesting how, even with this knowledge and experience, my mind still tells me not to do the things that will make me feel better. Often I’d rather watch TV than go to a meeting, rest after work than go to the gym, procrastinate rather than take action. The good news, though, is that it always works out for the best when I go ahead and take action anyway.

 

“Whenever I bring my body, my mind always follows…”

Wisdom of the Rooms, Volume 4

 

Volume Four Now Available! Order Your Signed Copies Today!

Just $14.95 each!

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This beautiful, Fourth Volume will enrich your recovery for years to come!

 

 

Related Articles:
Drug Addiction: Moving Into Recovery

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Addiction Recovery Resources for Families of Substance Abusers, Addicts and Alcoholics

Why Don't They Just Quit? by Joe Herzanek
Why Don’t They Just Quit? What families and friends need to know about addiction and recovery.

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