12 step alanon

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Maggie M's Story of Hope
We asked Maggie if she would be willing to share
her powerful story of hope for parents of an addict with us.

She replied:

Hi Joe,
Of course you may! When I got past the anger phase of this, I made a deal with myself and determined there is a mission of letting other parents of an addict know there is a way to get out of the drug addict spiral in the family. I saw it like a drain, just sucking all of us down with the addict. So when this page popped up in the Weekly, I checked it out and saw other people trying to get back to life again.
Thanks for contacting me!
Maggie

My story of story of hope for parents of an addict

Moving to the foothills was a smart move at the time, thinking I would keep my kids out of the gang, drug loop that was on the other sides of town. Little did I realize that one of my kids would become a heroin user for 6 plus years. What always amused me was the name itself–there is no hero in heroin.

My home was a coming and going of my sons other addict buds when I was at work. If I came home and found the kids at my home I would make a calm phone call to the other parents to let them know what was happening and they needed to be aware of the problem. The names I was called for letting these parents know was absolutely horrific. The realization that they were scared kept nagging at me. The defense mechanisms were in high mode. What parent wants to really hear that their kid is using a drug so debilitating?

The reality is I walked around like a zombie for about 2 years trying to find a way out of the nightmare my family was in. I had an ex that was the classic addict mentality and enabler undoing anything I did to try and get our kid to reach out for the help. We buried 6 of his friends up here from OD’s. Often the ones that died were fresh out of very expensive rehabs. The point I am making is this–it is love and love alone that will help you and your family thru this nightmare. Tough love mostly. The realization that this person you gave birth to is an addict, making very adult decisions about their life and that they are capable of doing anything and everything under the sun to feed that habit. My home was burglarized; jewelry gone, car gone, anything worth anything-Gone.

Keeping out of my life and giving him over to god to deal with was my only salvation. I realized that personal survival was the order of my day. He had made a decision to no longer survive.One of our conversations was I would give him my gun with hollow points in it and drive him somewhere to end his life. I would have rather buried him one time than bury him daily in my head. Nothing I could do , say or give him would matter except I told him I loved him. Then I let him go. I knew I might one day get the call from the coroners office that he was dead. He has had 8 double strapped US Marshalls after him. He spent time in jail both county and state.

He has a felony record which makes it tough to get real work. BUT, he is clean for almost 2 years. I saw him a couple months ago and said he and God were responsible for his life being where it is now. Most importantly, he was honest with me. We spoke openly about our feelings about the nightmare we all went thru. I brought up somethings that possibly brought him to the place he is at now. He understood why I did what I had to do at the time.

My hope is that he will be able to help other people in the grips of addiction. He has counseled some but at this point feels it is also important to stay away from anyone involved with the lifestyle. He is working, playing in a band, has a nice girlfriend, is clean of alcohol, drugs, and cigarettes. He eats organic and lives as clean a lifestyle as possible. As parents we need to love our kids enough to not be their friends but to be their parents. They need that more than an I-phone or a car. Parents need to be good to their own selves. An addict will bring wrack and ruin to even the best marriages. I do not feel lucky to have a son that has beaten the addiction route. We were blessed. Faith and prayer were the only way to make it out the other side and the smile on my sons face is proof that it worked.
Maggie M

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MORE REAL PEOPLE, REAL STORIES:

> From Hopkins to Homeless: My true story of prescription drug addiction

> A Mother Reflects on Her Daughter’s Addiction

> The Haven, Moms and Meth: Breaking the Cycle of Addiction.

> Wife of Alcoholic. An Amazing Story

> Addiction: Powerless to Prevent

> The Accidental Addict

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JoeHerzanek
Not long ago we posted this question on an Al-Anon blog site.
We’re re-posting it here along with some of the responses we received and our response.
Feel free to express your own 2$ worth!

Gambling vs. Drug Addiction?
This topic/comment/question was posed to me by someone who is in the midst of experiencing firsthand, the devastation caused by Meth–on a mother, her child and the surrounding family. I asked her if we could post this topic to see what others have to say.

Thoughts please. . . What is your opinion?

I work at a Casino, in the Spa, doing massage therapy. We had a mandatory meeting about “responsible gambling” and how we are supposed to handle the topic with our clients. The speaker posed this question–True or false, it is easier to spot a drug addict/alcoholic addiction then a person with a gambling addiction.

Answer? she said “true.” I said “not true.” She asked me why. I said, “because addiction, any addiction follows the same path, runs the same course, AA, NA, GA, SA, EA,–they all have the same program for the simple reason” the signs are the same. You see the signs, you know what you are looking at–addiction.

Was my answer wrong? She said I was wrong, and she also said a gambling addiction is financially more devastating, because it is all about money. Well, depends on what you see as financially devastating–the loss of money, or the loss of your life little by little. . . ?

Reply by Selena:
“I know first-hand that addiction is addiction. It is deadly however you look at it. Some forms may be financially more deadly, while others may mean that you give away your *self*. I sure did. Now that I am aware of what addiction looks like, I can spot it wherever I go, not because I’m some great detective, but because that was my life once.

And I’m talking from my own experience with sugar addiction and co-dependence here. Whenever I’d get one part of my addiction in check, it would pop up in another area of my life until I discovered recovery.

Great topic!”

Reply by Jen:
“I have to agree. Addiction is addiction. It doesn’t matter what the drug. Be it money, meth, alcohol, food, or entanglement in the lives of others. It is all equally devastating, though that devastation can come in many forms.”

Reply by Sharon H:
Hi Judy, the answer to this question lies in understanding what “addiction” is.

“Addiction is a spiritual problem – and specifically, it is a WORSHIP DISORDER. And this disorder manifests itself through various behavior patterns, viz (Rom 7:15) “I do not understand what I do; for I don’t do what I would like to do, but instead I do what I hate.”

This disorder ( addiction) occurs when people displace the Living God from the center of their inward being and outward life. So that there exists a gaping void in their life that needs to be filled. And addictions are the means of filling the void.

Based on this definition, anything that becomes more important to us than God, and anything that controls our life other than the Living God, is classed as an addiction – and is a form of “idolatry”. Everything, other than the Living God, must be had/done in moderation and small doses.

We must therefore always be looking at our own lives to ensure that we are not being controlled by a substance (cigarettes, food, caffeine,sugar,etc ), another person ( husband, boss,children, friends, parents, in-laws, pets ), or activities (cell phone, Internet, gym, gambling, gossiping, career, sex, TV, sleep,shopping, money,dieting,etc)”

Reply by Joe Herzanek:
Hi Sharon,
Thanks for commenting. I agree with much of what you have said about the spiritual part of addiction, especially the verse from Romans. At the same time I feel there are several more components to alcohol and drug addiction. I can’t lump these in with many of the other things on your list. Cigarettes, caffeine, in-laws, pets, and going to the gym are in a different league than methamphetamine, alcohol and opiate pain meds etc.

These have a clinically proven effect on the brain and central nervous system. They cause brain damage. Once the brain and central nervous system have been conditioned or “trained” to expect these substances they will revolt when they no longer get them.

Many people begin using these as an experiment and to “have fun.” The biological dependency develops slowly and insidiously over time. No one sets out to become an addict. Some begin using as a coping skill to deal with a current, past or ongoing traumatic event.

Complete abstinence, quitting, becomes complicated.

Society has begun to call many things “addictions” that I would not. Some of these are just compulsive behaviors that are much less difficult to take care of.

The journey becomes a process that has parts to it. The spiritual part is a big one but it’s not the only one. As a follower of Christ myself I have seen some of my brothers and sisters in the Lord try to just label this as another sin and people just need to stop sinning. I wish it were that simple.

Grace and peace, Joe

* Have you “tried everything?” To learn about phone counseling for family members with Joe Herzanek (in person or by phone) click here.

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Gambling, Drug Addiction, Gambling vs. Drug, Gambling vs. Drug Addiction

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12 Step Prayers

12 Step Prayers

Thanks to our friend Holly Jo for passing this on to us. These little prayers are great for anyone in AA, Alanon, Alateen or anyone who wants to have a greater understanding of the 12 Step Program, in order to grow closer to their friend or loved one who is in recovery. Enjoy.

~First Step Prayer~
Dear Lord,
I admit that I am powerless over my addiction.
I admit that my life is unmanageable when I try to control it.
Help me this day to understand the true meaning of powerlessness.
Remove from me all denial of my addiction.

~Second Step Prayer~

Heavenly Father,
I know in my heart that only you can restore me to sanity.
I humbly ask that you remove all twisted thought and
addictive behavior from me this day.
Heal my spirit and restore in me a clear mind.


~Third Step Prayer~
(Page 63 – A. A. Big Book)
God,
I offer myself to Thee
To build with me and to do with me as Thou wilt.
Relieve me of the bondage of self, that I may better do
Thy will. Take away my difficulties, that victory over them may bear
witness to those I would help of Thy Power, Thy Love and
Thy Way of life, May I do Thy will always!

~Fourth Step Prayer~

Dear God,
It is I who have made my life a mess.
I have done it, but I cannot undo it.
My mistakes are mine, and I will begin a
searching and fearless moral inventory.
I will write down my wrongs,
but I will also include that which is good.
I pray for the strength to complete the task.

~Fifth Step Prayer~
Higher Power,
My inventory has shown me who I am,
yet I ask for Your help in admitting my wrongs
to another person and to You. Assure me, and be with me, in this Step,
for without this Step I cannot progress in my recovery.
With Your help, I can do this, and I do it.

~Sixth Step Prayer~
Dear God,
I am ready for Your help in removing from me the defects of character
which I now realize are an obstacle to my recovery. Help me to continue
being honest with myself and guide me toward spiritual and mental
health.

~Seventh Step Prayer~
(Page 76 – A. A. Big Book)
My Creator,
I am now willing that you should have all of me, good and bad.
I pray that you now remove from me every single defect of character
which stands in the way of my usefulness to you and my fellows.
Grant me strength, as I go out from here to do your bidding. Amen

~Eighth Step Prayer~

Higher Power,
I ask Your help in making my list of all those I have harmed.
I will take responsibility for my mistakes, and be forgiving to others as
You are forgiving to me. Grant me the willingness to begin my
restitution.
This I pray.

~Ninth Step Prayer~
Higher Power,
I pray for the right attitude to make my amends,
being ever mindful not to harm others in the process.
I ask for Your guidance in making indirect amends.
Most important, I will continue to make amends by
staying abstinent, helping others, and growing in spiritual progress.

~Tenth Step Prayer~
I pray I may continue:
To grow in understanding and effectiveness;
To take daily spot check inventories of myself;
To correct mistakes when I make them;
To take responsibility for my actions;
To be ever aware of my negative and self-defeating attitudes and
behaviors;
To keep my willfulness in check;
To always remember I need Your help;
To keep love and tolerance of others as my code;
And to continue in daily prayer how I can best serve You, my Higher
Power.

~Eleventh Step Prayer~
Higher Power, As I understand You, I pray to keep my connection with
You open and clear from the confusion of daily life.
Through my prayers and meditation I ask especially for
freedom from self-will, rationalization, and wishful thinking.
I pray for the guidance of correct thought and positive action.
Your will Higher Power, not mine, be done.

~Twelfth Step Prayer~

Dear God,
My spiritual awakening continues to unfold.
The help I have received I shall pass on and give to others,
both in and out of the Fellowship. For this opportunity I am grateful.
I pray most humbly to continue walking day by day on
the road of spiritual progress.
I pray for the inner strength and wisdom to practice the principles of
this way of life in all I do and say.

12 Step Prayers
Source Unknown

__________________

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A recovering Addict’s taste of tough love! (for the loved ones of the addict)

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for Families Dealing with Drug or Alcohol Abuse

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Can’t afford treatment:

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Can’t afford treatment? Need to know cost of treatment? Low cost treatment?

 

Does treatment have to cost a lot?
Addiction crosses all education level “from Yale to jail.” IQ has little to do with it. Some of the lucky ones recognize the problem early, swallow their pride, and seek help. The majority, though, are like me. By that I mean they have an attitude–an attitude that says, “No one is going to tell me what to do!” One person may need only a few counseling sessions. Another might need a few months in a residential setting. Many centers offer outpatient and intensive outpatient treatment as well as residential treatment.

Inpatient or residential treatment is one option, though it is the most expensive. Even at discounted rates many families cannot afford a 28- day program. However, this isn’t necessary for every drug-dependent person. In fact, more than half of all recovering people didn’t have the inpatient experience. As I make this point, please bear in mind that I’m not suggesting that inpatient treatment isn’t beneficial. It would be wonderful if this was available to everyone; but it’s not. There just aren’t enough facilities for the demand. Even if there were, many people can’t afford it.

Let’s talk about a few other ways to begin recovery. Determining which treatment is appropriate will depend on the drugs the addict has been using, how much, for how long, and his or her level of motivation. We will start with the simplest and work our way up.

Counseling
For those who experience intervention early, before the addiction has become severe, the recovery process might be less complicated. It may involve only a couple of counseling sessions with an addiction counselor and then committing to attend recovery group meetings. There will be some who commit to recovery sooner than others, and the sooner, the better. Some people are lucky enough to not have to hit a low bottom (see chapter 18).

Outpatient Treatment
For those with a moderate problem, outpatient treatment may be appropriate. This works well for the high-functioning addict/alcoholic. By high-functioning I mean the user still has a job and a home, pays his bills on time and is generally responsible, yet knows he has a real problem. Maybe a spouse or a friend has noticed his excessive drinking and mentioned something about it. If the dependent person is doing well on the job or in school and just can’t leave for a month, outpatient treatment may be the answer. This candidate would attend group meetings, typically in the evenings and maybe also see a counselor a few times a week.

Intensive Outpatient Treatment

The next level of treatment is what is called intensive outpatient treatment. This usually consists of two-hour group meetings three to five nights a week. A professional addiction counselor facilitates the meeting. Again, the advantage here is that the addict can continue going to school or work and return to his or her home at night. This is a long day, but is an ideal solution for some who need daily support to be successful in recovery. It also is much less expensive, than residential treatment because the treatment center does not have to provide housing and meals. This option usually lasts four to six weeks and tapers down to whatever is best for the individual.

Inpatient/Residential Treatment
For serious cases, inpatient or residential treatment may be the best option. Residential treatment is what worked for me. I believe it is exceptionally effective for several reasons. First, it pulls the patient completely out of their environment, removing them from their friends, who are usually other substance abusers. A family may also want to consider sending the user out of state to really move them to a different environment (at this point, we are talking about only a few hundred extra dollars for traveling expenses).

Inpatient treatment is very structured. The first few days are often referred to as detox, which means going through some physical withdrawal. This phase varies quite a bit from person to person. Believe me, this experience is not fun, but I made it through. The severity of a person’s detox experience depends on the drug or drugs a person has been using. I’ve heard a few people say it was no big deal at all. Others have described it as four or five days of living hell. There are some drugs available now that can help ease the discomfort of the first few days of withdrawal.

When I arrived at the treatment center in Atchison, Kansas, the intake person asked me about my drug use history. Along with everything else, I had been taking a high dose of Valium every day. I didn’t think it was going to be a big deal to give up. But stopping this drug all at once, after years of use, was a shock to my system. I had a couple of very difficult days. The feelings I had are not easy to describe. Along with the insomnia came some hallucinations. In some ways it was like having a nightmare while being awake. The rational part of my brain knew I needed to quit using, not just Valium, but everything else as well. But my body and part of my mind still wanted and needed that drug. There was a battle going on. A real fight. Had I tried to do this on my own, I seriously doubt that I would have stuck it out. Treatment centers want to move everyone through this stage as quickly as possible and get them involved in recovery work.

Most facilities post their regular schedule on their website. The lectures and groups that take place throughout the day shed light on every aspect of drug and alcohol dependency. The person learns in great detail what will happen (or has already happened) to them physically, mentally and spiritually. In addition to participating in groups, each person meets one-on- one with a professional counselor. Many facilities have a chaplain on staff. Few, if any, chaplains will get into debating religion or suggest that a person must adopt any certain belief-system. Regardless of this, people often come into treatment looking for answers to spiritual issues, and centers have found it beneficial to have a professional available to meet the spiritual needs of their patients.

I will always remember how meaningful it was to spend time during the evenings and weekends with others who shared the same struggles. There is a special bond among those who have been there. People are encouraged to take walks and to experience their feelings on a deeper level through journaling. Time allotted for reading, reflecting, prayer, and meditation are luxuries the addict did not have (and did not care about having) in his home environment. This experience can be a real turning point in a person’s life.

Specialized Treatment
Gender-specific (all-men or all-women) centers have recently be- come a great option. A patient who is in a gender-specific facility has the advantage of speaking more openly and gaining a more complete understanding from group members who share the same life experiences. There are certain issues that apply to men more than women, and vice-versa. When addiction issues are dealt with in a specifically male or female context, a very therapeutic and powerful camaraderie forms.

Men, for example, find it difficult to admit weakness and accept defeat. But if they are with a group of other men who have also had their lives destroyed by drug abuse, they are more likely to be humble and honest in a group setting. Having to admit to brokenness in a mixed group is much more difficult (it’s that whole macho thing). Even the reason men and women become users can be different. Men seem to take illicit drugs to get a high and as an adventure, whereas women take them more often to relieve stress and to self-medicate.

Women in treatment often have been taken advantage of by men, so they may be more likely to open up without men in the room. They are more sensitive to the social stigma of addiction, and therefore may have been more private about their substance use than men. Women also are more likely to be dealing with parenting issues. Lately, more and more inpatient treatment centers are opening their facilities to children so they can stay with their mothers for the duration of their treatment.

Depending on the severity of a person’s addiction, longer treatment can be more effective than a typical twenty-eight-day stay. Sixty-day and ninety-day treatments are becoming more common. Someone who was using large amounts of methamphetamine, cocaine, or heroin over a period of years may need ninety days of treatment. But regardless of the drug the person has been using, there can be varying reasons why extended treatment may be to their advantage. For example, some people will need more time to work on ways to resist drug use and develop replacements for drug-using activities. There are many factors to consider before a person leaves treatment; the center itself will make recommendations. I can’t think of any cases where a few extra weeks in treatment turned out to be a bad idea. There is a lot at stake here.

Cost of Treatment
In today’s unstable economy, the financial strain of recovery is a real issue for families. How much does treatment have to cost? Who pays? The average cost for a one-month program is about $20,000. Prices usually begin around $10,000 and go up to $40,000 or more. This is a lot of money seemingly out of reach for most families. But when you consider how much money the addict has blown on drug and alcohol use in the past, and how beneficial this treatment program will be, it may be well worth it.

There are ways to defray the cost of treatment. First of all, some employers are willing to help cover the cost; all you have to do is ask. Some insurance companies will cover the cost as well, so families need to find out what their insurance plan will and will not cover. However, many treatment facilities unfortunately do not accept insurance. Dealing with insurance companies is often a paperwork nightmare, and some centers do not have the staff to keep up with what it requires. Moreover, some insurance companies try to dictate just what type of treatment they will cover and for how long, and this may not fit with a treatment center’s philosophy or diagnosis. However, there are centers that do take insurance, and usually they will make all the phone calls concerning coverage and handle the details for you.

If the employer won’t help cover the cost of a treatment program, and the insurance plan doesn’t cover it or if it does but the treatment center won’t accept insurance money you should know that many facilities will take people for less than the standard fee–sometimes much less. Occasionally, patients are able to get ten to fifty percent off of the normal rate. Some centers will even let you make payments on a discounted price. In these cases, they are essentially loaning you the money in spite of credit history. How do you find out about these discounts? Ask. That’s right, simply ask if there is any way to get a reduced fee.

How are they able to charge less? There may be some scholarship money available, or sometimes a hospital or a graduate of the treatment program will help cover the cost. If a treatment center sees that a person is able to pay only a portion of the cost, and if it is obvious that the person is motivated to begin recovery, those at the center will be motivated to help as well. For people working in this field, drug treatment is both a business and a passion. A high percentage of counselors, staff and owners are also recovering people. For most, it’s not all about the money. Call around. Ask a lot of questions. You just might be surprised what you find out.

So far we’ve covered the more formal, structured treatment methods. So, what other forms of treatment or support are available?

Twelve-Step Programs
Probably the most obvious are the twelve-step programs. AA (Alcoholics Anonymous) and NA (Narcotics Anonymous) are literally everywhere, all the time, across the world, and they are free. Al-Anon is also available to the family member who needs support or information. These groups all have listed phone numbers and will give you information twenty-four hours a day.

Sadly, within the Christian Community there are some who see a conflict with The Twelve Steps (of AA and Al-Anon) and biblical principles. I’ve studied this at length and I have found none. For those who are followers of Christ, we can simply know that He is our Higher Power–our understanding of God.

As I mentioned earlier, many churches are now adding addiction counselors to their staff. Some churches even refer to themselves as Recovery Churches. Things are changing. An important point to keep in mind is that the addict or alcoholic must have daily support as they begin this road to recovery. In the beginning, a person in recovery is high-maintenance and needs daily support. This is why I believe that a twelve-step program must be part of early recovery. Are there rare exceptions to this? Yes. But remember how much is at stake. I personally know of many Christians who took advantage of what AA had to offer and are now glad they did.

Is AA or NA appropriate for everyone? This is a tough question. You can surely check it out for yourself. Discourage your friend or family member from making a judgment too quickly after visiting just one group. Each group has its own personality. Sometimes it takes visiting several to find a group that the addict will feel comfortable with. There are different meetings in all parts of town, including: men’s, women’s, open meetings (where a person doesn’t have to be an alcoholic to attend), and speaker meetings.

Some people in certain professional fields might not feel comfortable attending AA or NA meetings, even though the names of those attending, and the content of such meetings, are confidential. Why? Some people are very visible in their community. If a person is a doctor, dentist, police officer, city official, pastor, judge, lawyer, school-teacher, swim coach, school counselor, CEO, pharmacist, pilot, or bus driver, it might be very difficult to stay anonymous. Most people wouldn’t want to jeopardize their career to get support in such a potentially public manner. I wouldn’t want to meet my surgeon at an AA meeting! Some people may need to find a different resource, but more often than not, twelve-step groups are very beneficial.

Spin-offs of the traditional twelve-step groups include faith-based groups like Celebrate Recovery, Christians in Recovery and the Salvation Army. The Salvation Army also offers free in-patient recovery programs in some cities. There is help available for almost everyone. People that need recovery have choices, ranging from those that cost absolutely nothing to a multitude of deluxe high-priced options. Help is out there. Just ask.

Over the past two decades I’ve seen addicts and families recover from both mild and severe addiction problems. Sadly, there are others who give up the fight before they even get started. Finding a good support group or counselor doesn’t always happen overnight. Get referrals, talk to others who had similar problems, and be persistent. Determination always pays off.

There is help available for almost everyone.
People that need recovery have choices.”

“We can’t afford treatment. What now?”
excerpted from revised edition (pg. 101) of
Why Don’t They Just Quit?
What families and friends need to know about addiction and recovery.

(click on title above to purchase)

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Alcohol Drug Abuse: Christian Treatment Made in God’s image

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low cost treatment can’t afford treatment cost of treatment low cost treatment

May 4, 2010 by jherzanek | 4 comments

STEP 7: Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.

LISTEN TO JOE NOW (CLICK HERE)
Removing defects of character. Joe Herzanek, author of “Why Don’t They Just Quit?“,
discusses Step 7, (Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings) this week on Recovery Now!…

NEED HELP NOW?
Drug Addiction Phone Counseling for Families Dealing with Substance Abuse

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STEP 6: Became entirely ready to have God remove all our defects of character.

LISTEN TO JOE NOW (CLICK HERE)
Removing defects of character. Joe Herzanek, author of “Why Don’t They Just Quit?“,
discusses Step 6, this week on Recovery Now!…

NEED HELP NOW?
Drug Addiction Phone Counseling for Families Dealing with Substance Abuse

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TO READ MORE REVIEWS AND VIEW TRAILER CLICK HERE

NEED HELP NOW?
Drug Addiction Phone Counseling for Families Dealing with Substance Abuse

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Please join us this Thursday evening and tell your friends about this Workshop!

Almost everyone, “from Yale to Jail” has been affected by someone’s substance abuse. This seminar is for those who have friends, family or co-workers who are abusing drugs or alcohol and want to learn how to help that person. Straightforward answers from Chaplain Joe Herzanek, author, founder of Changing Lives Foundation, and an addiction professional who personally understands the powerful grip of addiction.

First Presbyterian Church, Boulder. (click for more details)
April 15th, 7:00-8:30
Open to the public.

Questions? Contact Joe Herzanek – 303-775.6493

* Have you “tried everything?” To learn about individual counseling with Joe Herzanek (in person or by phone) click here.

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