Q: IS THERE A CURE FOR ADDICTION?*
A: NO.
Even quitting use completely does not mean someone is cured. Complete abstinence from alcohol or drugs is similar to a cancer in remission. As long as the addict/alcoholic does not start using again, his addiction will remain in remission. This is why the person will refer to himself as recovering instead of recovered.
One of the clear signs of addiction or alcoholism is lack of control. I have yet to meet the person who, once chemically dependent, has been able to return to responsible social use. If a person thought to be addicted successfully returns to social use, it means that he or she was not addicted in the first place. Sometimes people need to find this out for themselves before they are ready to seek help.
* Excerpt from page 239 (Q&A with Joe) “Why Don’t They Just Quit? What families and friends need to know about addiction and recovery.”
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Dear Angel,
“I just know that my daughter can not live in this turmoil any more and neither can I”
This sentence says a lot. I’m going to assume you have spent many years pleading with your spouse to quit. I’ll further assume he has promised many times to quit or cut back (which by the way is not possible for true addict or alcoholic to do). So for the sake of your daughter and yourself you have made the difficult decision to leave. He and his choices are the determining factor. Sadly it looks like he has chosen alcohol and/or drugs for his ‘first love.’
I do not have enough details to tell you exactly what to do. I do know this though. He will only get much worse and make your life much more miserable until he stops all use. No more broken promises, no more drama, enough heartache. It sounds like it’s time to move on. Your daughter is the innocent victim here and she also deserves better.
One last point. Until he has at least six months of sobriety you should not trust anything he says. If you want to talk more in detail, peruse counseling, my contact info is one the right side of this page.
Best, Joe
I have been married for 18 years we have had alot of rough times as has every couple. We have a 9 year old at home and 2 grown children during our marriage my husbands drinking has progressively become uncontrollable and has put our finances and marriage in turmoil. I have recently moved from our home with our daughter an have filed for a divorce. I felt that I had tried everything except detatchment. He still does not seem to understand that he needs to get sober he buys gifts does nice things but hasn’t tried to stop drinking he is still going to bars every weekend. I love him deeply and do not want a divorce. As the court date approaches I am feeling alot of pressure as I am not sure what to do . I just know that my daudhter can not live in this turmoil any more and neither can I if I am to be a good mother it has worn me down I feel so drained.Can you offer me any advice?