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Is it okay to smoke some weed

 

JoeHerzanekQ Is it okay for a recovering addict
to smoke pot?


A. No


This has also been referred to as the “marijuana maintenance plan.”
Regardless of what a person’s past drugs of choice were, smoking pot
during recovery is a very bad idea.

Many people who have tried this have ended up with one of two results:
the same lack of control and abuse problem with smoking pot, or a return to their drug of choice.
Drug users tend to make poor choices while under the influence
of any mind-altering drug. Good intentions fly out the window when
any use begins.

This is actually just an attempt to continue using something—
anything—rather than remain substance free. In order to set the record straight and make this simple, below are questions I am asked over and over, and I’ve included the answers I give over and over.
Our persistent attempts to find a loophole can be quite
humorous at times!

 

JoeHerzanekQ Is it okay to smoke some weed once
in a while?


A. No


 

JoeHerzanekQ If I was a heroin addict and I quit that drug
completely, is it okay to just smoke some weed?


A. No



 

JoeHerzanekQ If I’m a recovering alcoholic, is it okay to
smoke some weed?


A. No


 

JoeHerzanekQ I’m in recovery, but since weed is found to
grow naturally in many places, is it okay
to just smoke weed?


A. No


 

JoeHerzanek

Q Since weed is not really a drug, is it okay to
smoke some weed?


A. No


 

JoeHerzanekQ I heard about a guy in recovery that smokes
weed. Do you think I might be able to?


A. No


 

JoeHerzanekQ There is an organization called NORMAL.
If a group like this is able to get marijuana legalized,
do you think I could just smoke weed?

A. No


 

JoeHerzanekQ I’ve heard about smoking “medical marijuana” for people
with health problems. What’s up with this?


A. This is one really bad idea.

 

Supposedly for pain relief, it is now possible to get a medical marijuana
(MM) card. The typical MM card-holder is a twenty-three-year-old
male. Even if it were true that we have high numbers of young males
with chronic pain—smoking marijuana for “medical reasons” is still a
mistake. First of all, it is very easy to just extract the active ingredient,
THC, and use it in pill-form. Why inhale the smoke into the lungs, other
than to get the quicker rush, or “high” the drug produces?

Secondly, this is one more way of throwing our hands up in the air and saying
“People are just going to get stoned and there’s nothing we can do about it.”

Do we, as a nation, want to make it easier for young people to get stoned? Personaly, I don’t think so. Lastly, marijuana addiction is number three on the list of reasons people seek treatment. The first is alcohol, second is for
opiates (pain meds) and then marijuana. After these three, come cocaine, and methamphetamine.

“We owe it to the people we serve to speak out
about the unintended consequences legalization (of
marijuana) would have and the toll it would take on the
health and safety of our communities.”
“Over the course of my career, from St. Petersburg
to Seattle, I learned a lot about the damage drug abuse
does to the fabric of our society—and about the terrible
toll it takes on individuals, families and communities
across this country,” Kerlikowske told his former peers.
“I’ll never forget the rage and despair I felt when I
worked undercover and I saw a drug dealer take a hit of
marijuana—and then blow the smoke in the face of his toddler.”

~Gil Kerlikowske, Director, Office of National Drug Control Policy
(comments from a speech given at the International Conference of Chiefs of Police Annual Convention, October 23, 2009).

 

Why Don't They Just Quit? What families and friends need to know about addiction and recovery." by Joe HerzanekThis “Q & A with Joe” is excerpted from Part 5 of “Why Don’t They Just Quit? What families and friends need to know about addiction and recovery.”

 

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MORE ASK JOE:
>How can I know if my addicted friend or loved one is telling the truth?

>”I need help because I’m not able to deal with my live-in Fiance’s need to get drunk every night.”

>Should my husband “back off?”

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okay for recovering addict to smoke pot okay to smoke pot okay for recovering addict to smoke pot
okay to smoke pot okay to smoke weed

 

 

February 16, 2012 by jherzanek | 5 comments

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alcoholic or heavy user?

 

JoeHerzanekQ How can I tell if someone is an addict/alcoholic or just a heavy user?


A. It is almost impossible to tell when someone has crossed
this line.

 

What you will be able to see, however, are the signs of dependency.
Sometimes these signs will be subtle and other times they’ll be more
obvious.

Here are a few questions regarding behavioral signs that may
signal dependency:
• Has this person’s attitude changed?
• Are they using daily?
• Are they unable to control how much they are using?
• Are they defensive about their using?

• Has work or school performance declined?
• How long has this persisted? Do they try to hide their use?
• Have they lost interest in people or activities that were once
important to them?

Beyond these, there may be more obvious signs such as legal problems,
DUIs, or frequent job changes. Seeking advice from a professional
is always a good idea. You may also take a self-test. It you’re
concerned about this person, you probably know him or her fairly well.
Take the self-test for alcoholism/drug addiction found on our Changing Lives Foundation website and answer as if you were your friend or loved one. See how well you score.

 

Why Don't They Just Quit? What families and friends need to know about addiction and recovery." by Joe HerzanekThis “Q & A with Joe” is excerpted from Part 5 of “Why Don’t They Just Quit? What families and friends need to know about addiction and recovery.”

 

NEED HELP NOW?
Affordable Phone Counseling for Families Dealing with Substance Abuse

MORE ASK JOE:
>How can I know if my addicted friend or loved one is telling the truth?

>”I need help because I’m not able to deal with my live-in Fiance’s need to get drunk every night.”

>Should my husband “back off?”

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Joe Herzanek, Author, Addiction Counselor and Interventionist

Joe Herzanek, Author, Addiction Counselor and Interventionist

Rock Bottom, Raising the Bottom
or Tough Love?

After speaking to and emailing hundreds of parents, spouses and other family members, I know this is a lot easier said, than done. Raising the bottom is especially difficult for mothers and is one of the reasons I wrote the book Why Don’t They JUST QUIT? — to get the message to as many as possible.

Exactly what do I mean by “raising the bottom”? This whole idea of “hitting bottom” is out of date. Some people will wait years–even decades–for their friend to reach this mythical point in their alcohol and drug use. But why wait for them to “hit bottom”? Why not help them by raising their bottom? There are ways to encourage someone to reach for help much earlier. In doing so, we can avoid a lot of unnecessary pain and heartache and maybe even save their life. For some people, hitting bottom will be six feet underground.

So does everyone have to hit rock bottom? I would say no. Tough love can prevent a substance abuser from prolonging their usage. There are loving ways to refuse to rescue someone that in the long run will help him or her to choose recovery. Loving means doing the right thing to help. This can take all of our strength and energy at times. “We all hate to see someone suffer even when the suffering is a consequence of their bad choices. This approach, or some form of it, is something you might consider: Raise the bottom. Whether it is a teenage son or daughter, a spouse, boyfriend, aunt or uncle, the same principles can apply. A few nights in jail could be the best thing that ever happens to them. The next time this person you care about appeals to you to get them out of a bind (loan them money, pay their electric bill, buy them gas, pay for a lawyer), think twice. You just might be prolonging their disease and robbing them of the natural consequences that they need to experience in order to seek help and begin to connect the dots.

I receive a lot of mail from family members who are searching for “Al-anon type” answers and information. Here’s a typical email and my response (I’ve changed the name and some of the details to protect the identity of this woman).

Dear Joe,
I have just ordered Why Don’t They JUST QUIT? as my last resort to get off the emotional rollercoaster my alcoholic husband has put me on! He has been an alcoholic since he was a teenager. It’s like living with Jekyl & Hyde! The physical & emotional rollercoaster is killing me. He has been incarcerated about 4 times and was in many different programs for alcohol, at least 5 or 6. He drives while drinking, and gambles when he drinks. I could go on forever. I constantly walk on eggshells and don’t know how much more I can handle. This book is my last resort before I suffer a mental breakdown.

Thanks Joe,
Sarah

Hi Sarah,
Thanks for your email. Sorry to hear about your current struggle. Your life does not have to be this way! The book will definitely help and give you some insights on the addiction problem. The difficult part will be sticking with the tough love that is necessary to motivate your husband to begin recovery. You can do it and so can he.

I don’t know your entire situation, but the number one issue must be dealt with, and that is HIS alcohol and or drug use.

Keep that in mind. You didn’t cause this problem and you can’t control or cure it. What you can do is confront it and perhaps give ultimatums. You can force him to see the light or feel the heat.

At some point he needs to choose which relationship is the most important–his relationship with you or his relationship with alcohol. Let him know there is a high cost to continue his current way of living. The pain of consequences is often the best teacher.

Hang in there.
Joe

 

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ASK JOE:
>Son needs $75 for drug dealer of he’ll be “killed for sure.”

>”I need help because I’m not able to deal with my live-in Fiance’s need to get drunk every night.”

>Should my husband “back off?”

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RELATED:
Drug Addiction Help Recovery Resources for Friends, Families and Employers

Al-Anon, Nar-Anon and AA Abreviations

Return from Raising the Bottom? ~by Joe Herzanek, to Blog Home

 

_______________________________________________________________________
Rock Bottom Raising the Bottom Tough Love Rock Bottom Raising the Bottom Tough Love

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How can I tell if they are telling the truth?

 

JoeHerzanekQ How can I know if my addicted friend or
loved one is telling me the truth?


A. Most of the time, you can’t.

 

There is no hard and fast test for honesty in a person—especially a substance abuser. Don’t be surprised or terribly hurt if and when a recovering
person fails to tell you the truth. I have done this myself, and seen it
during my interactions with the men and women I’ve counseled over the
years (particularly those in the jails and prisons). The thought life of the
chemically dependent person is all about the drug—24/7/365.
When I was using drugs, I planned my days around getting high.
When someone asked me what I’d been doing, where I was going, where
I’d been, why I needed money, or when I would be back, I just made
things up. Honesty would only have caused more problems for me. My
attitude was, I’ll tell you whatever I need to say to get you off my back.
This is one reason recovery is difficult at first, since it means being
honest for the first time in a long time.

 

This “Q & A with Joe” is excerpted from Part 5 of “Why Don’t They Just Quit? What families and friends need to know about addiction and recovery.”

NEED HELP NOW?
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MORE ASK JOE:
>Son needs $75 for drug dealer of he’ll be “killed for sure.”

>”I need help because I’m not able to deal with my live-in Fiance’s need to get drunk every night.”

>Should my husband “back off?”

Sign up for our Free Changing Lives E-Newsletter!

 

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Joe Herzanek, Author, Addiction Counselor and Interventionist

Joe Herzanek, Author, Addiction Counselor and Interventionist

Chronic Pain Management & Pain Pill Addiction

Q. What do you do with someone who is addicted to pain pills but can’t come completely off because of continual pain?

Joe,

I have read your book “Why Don’t They Just Quit?“ and also gave it to my sister to read.  She has a daughter who has a pain pill addiction.  The problem is–she can’t just quit because the reason she was put on pain pills in the first place was because she has an incurable back problem.

I don’t remember your addressing this in your book, but what do you do with someone who has a pain pill addiction but can’t come completely off because of continual pain?

~ Betty F. (Tampa, FL)

A. Dear Betty,

This is a difficult dilemma. If your sister’s daughter has genuine, documentable chronic pain (by that I mean a physician has done a thorough exam and can point right to the problem) then this can be a huge challenge.

There is a lot I don’t know from your short email such as her age, type of injury, how long it has persisted and so on.

If she were my daughter I would want to personally go with her to a Dr. appointment and hear the prognosis first-hand. And I am not talking about going to a pain management clinic–but to the physician who is medically treating her injury.

The downside to using opiate pain meds (pain pills) for pain is that the person can/will build a high tolerance to them (if used over many months or years) and even if the original issue that caused the pain were to heal, the patient won’t be able to tell–because their central nervous system now expects opiates to come in on a regular basis. If this doesn’t happen, the body will “revolt”–go into withdrawal.

Your email stated “she has an incurable back problem.” I don’t know what that may mean, how severe the pain is, what has or has not been tried. I’m not a medical doctor. I do know trying lots of other options with the hope of finding a better solution than opiates is worth the effort.

There are often, other options for chronic pain management. Neuromuscular stimulators, stretching, exercise, chiropractic adjustments, over the counter medications, acupuncture, as well as surgery are some treatments for chronic pain. Some physicians use placebos, which in some cases have resulted in a lessening or elimination of pain. Psychotherapy, relaxation and medication therapies, biofeedback, and behavior modification may also be employed to treat chronic pain.

These options require work and a willingness on the daughter’s part to maybe go through a little more pain to find an alternative.

Keep in mind that all the while–she knows in the back of her head, that she can just take another pill or two and get instant relief. This can be a real mental tug-of-war.

Perhaps the best advice is to take the time to find a doctor that truly understands addiction, chronic pain management, pain med abuse along with the psychological mind game that a patient will struggle with.

I can advise you of several resources for advice or suggestions that you may find helpful—depending on your location.

Best regards,

~Joe

 

RELATED:
Pain Meds Cause More Pain! The new silent epidemic.
Read more about this topic—chapter 27, Why Don’t They JUST QUIT?

RETURN:
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Jaywalker Lodge

Jaywalker Lodge

“Suboxone does get us on the road to recovery, but don’t confuse the the on-ramp with the destination.”

~ Bob Ferguson
Founder/Director, Jaywalker Lodge, Carbondale, CO

“Say what you will, the truth is that people, LOTS OF PEOPLE
—millions have quit all alcohol and drug use.
Methadone and suboxone users are users.”

~ Joe Herzanek
President, Changing Lives Foundation
Author, Why Don’t They Just Quit?

Quite a heated discussion regarding the article
Roxane Labs Generic Suboxone Hits the Market

 

Read all the comments below.
To follow the original discussion, click here on “Dad on Fire” blog

November 6, 2009 at 3:59 pm
It seems to me that way to many have bought into the idea that some people just won’t/can’t quit. Sad. Switching from one drug to another. At least now they can be strung out on a legal drug. Harm reduction is a joke. I’m sure the pharmaceutical companies are happy though.
Joe

November 6, 2009 at 6:06 pm
Point accepted. However, what is an affordable alternative? I would really like to know. I have watched a lot of young opiate addicts trip over recovery and rehab for years–over and over again. My own son; one of them. Even residential rehab wasn’t the answer to many. Initially, the intense withdrawals stops most of them from continuing–so comes replacement drug therapy. The big Pharmas do profit off it. That’s another issue. If an addict accepts suboxone or methadone for that matter without trying to use street opiates, they can regain much of what they lost physically and mentally and when stable, they can wean off of either of these. The problem with weaning off of suboxone is the issue of micro-dosing. Its a powerful drug. 1 mg is equal to 20-30 mgs. of methadone. Micro doses and time release implants are available in Europe just for that purpose; not here yet. Methadone is easier to wean off in that respect. the problems is timing. Being a craving addict doesn’t go away that soon enough–and then there is Methamphetamine of which physical and mental restoration is even more questionable. I think residential rehab is a better answer for that.
dadonfire

November 6, 2009 at 5:51 pm
I think this is good news. I am curious if Joe from the above comment has overcome heroin addiction. Suboxone DOES help addicts get off opiates. It may be addicting but it does NOT get you high, it does not ruin your life, it does not land you in jail or the grave. Therefore, its somewhat of a miracle drug. My insurance company covered it and we got it at a reasonable cost. I am all for it.
Barbara

November 6, 2009 at 6:44 pm
This is a really important discussion. I’m glad you brought it up. Suboxone and methadone are both controversial. But then again, so is rehab. I have known numerous families who have spent thousands of dollars (sometimes their child’s college fund) for one rehab after another and no lasting results. As parents we would do just about anything to help our children overcome their addiction problems, but in reality there’s not much we can do. I think Suboxone is one option, but my son ended up selling his doses to pay for heroin. Bottom line is they have to want to stop. Jail seems to be working for my son, he’s got 76 days clean now. The fear is when he gets out. There is NO easy answer.
Barbara

November 6, 2009 at 6:58 pm

As one recent story contributor put it “it is love and love alone that will help you and your family thru this nightmare. Tough love mostly.” I would add everything the experts can offer, sheer human will and a more compassionate world of recovery. Some 22 million drug addicts and alcoholics can’t be wrong. No easy answers is right. Someone I love dearly who fought opiate addiction for a decade and a half views jail as a rescue. I still want to see drug policy reform as part of a growing nation of compassion, acceptance and recovery.
dadonfire


November 6, 2009 at 8:10 pm

Wow, seems like a bit of a hornet’s nest. I spent sixteen years lost in addiction to alcohol and drugs. Heroin and opiate pain meds were some of my favorites. I now have a few decades of total abstinence. Say what you will, the truth is that people, LOTS OF PEOPLE, millions have quit all alcohol and drug use. Methadone and suboxone users are users. They have just switched to legal dope. They have convinced you that they are unique and they just can’t quit. Which is a bunch of crap from a bunch of cry babies.
Regards, Joe

November 7, 2009 at 8:30 am
I have to agree with Joe, millions of folks have recovered, myself included. Barbara, I also see the value of suboxone as a detox protocol–it’s a safe and effective bridge from active opiate use to chemical abstinence. But too many times, the addict and their caregivers get stuck on that bridge. Reducing the damage and consequences of active addiction through harm reduction is an intoxicating notion for weary addicts and their families. Often i have seen cases where active opiate addicts on the road to ruin will “behave themselves” once they start on suboxone. Harm reduction in that sense is effective, insofar as it goes. Many treatment providers LOVE this drug because it makes disruptive patients act compliant. But make no mistake, harm reduction + compliance does NOT equal sobriety. These folks are NOT sober–the pupils are pinned, they have a flat personal affect, and reaction times are off by at least a beat or two. What’s worse, they have switched from an unacceptable chemical dependence to a more socially acceptable drug dependence, and deep down, they know that. This stunts their self-esteem and blocks them from the freedom they are seeking. Sobriety is an onerous, difficult deal and involves a commitment to change and usually, some level of personal and physical discomfort. The notion that you can make lasting and profound personal change without experiencing any personal discomfort or sacrifice whatsoever–that is what the drug companies and their representatives are selling. It’s an intriguing, intoxicating notion, isn’t it? Suboxone does get us on the road to recovery, but don’t confuse the the on-ramp with the destination. The real work begins when patients and their doctors summon the courage to go from “less”chemicals to no chemicals.
Bob Ferguson

November 7, 2009 at 10:36 am
I may have been a bit harsh in my last comment. I tend to do that at times. Using suboxone for a brief period during detox can be helpful. Beyond that and the person has simply decided to use the drug rather than find another coping skill. Talk therapy is the key ingredient in long term total abstinence. 12 Step programs are the best place to turn for this long term help.
Joe

November 7, 2009 at 10:49 am
Joe, Thanks for your comments. I mean that sincerely. For me, what former addicts have to say on these subjects is very valuable because you are the only ones who actually know, first hand, what its like. The rest of us are striving to understand and willing to do just about anything we can to help our loved one, but what we learn over and over is that the addict has to be ready, they have to do it themselves. I hear that 12 Step is the way to go and am praying that my 18 y.o. will open his mind to it when he gets in rehab. You give me hope that anyone can do it – when they are ready. A lot of us just pray that our loved ones are ready sooner than later because we feel helpless as we watch them waste precious years. Thanks again.
Barbara

November 7, 2009 at 11:13 am
Thank you for your kind words Barbara. I didn’t start this yesterday for any other reason than it just makes me mad that SOME, not all, rehab places want to just put people on another drug to FIX their current drug problem. I also didn’t start this to sell books but having said that I am an author and have written a very helpful book on this topic. If you are interested in looking at it just google my name from the first comment.
Regards, Joe

November 10, 2009 at 11:13 am
I was really excited reading the posts. Especially from Bob–one of the best I’ve read in a long time. Gotta admit though I lost that excitement when I clicked on a suboxone link that brought me to a site sponsored by Reckitt.
Jay

November 10, 2009 at 11:13 am
Jay–I encourage you to stay linked with this site. Appreciate your comments a lot. We don’t support Reckitt’s recent actions, as their interest is to sustain profit from a drug (suboxone) that was developed to bridge addiction to recovery and has an expired patent. I say that because they are fighting generic status. We also do not typically support the long term use of drug replacement therapy. Both Suboxone and Methadone are difficult enough for an addict to manage initially. A lot to say about that later. These drugs usefulness is the bridge they provide to an ultimate full and sober recovery. I have to defer to Joe’s comments above for a good description of what they really are in a lot of cases. Legal replacement drugs have their “place”. If it stops an addict on a dangerous steep downhill slope, or pulls him or her out of an abyss; its difficult for addiction doctors in the therapy community to discount their use.
dadonfire

November 10, 2009 at 11:13 am
Great follow-up dad. Nothing wrong with a little help to get started in recovery. Then the real answer can begin, which in my opinion is talk therapy. This applies to more than substance dependent people. Almost anyone can benefit from a mentor of some kind.
Joe

* Have you “tried everything?” To learn about affordable phone counseling with Joe Herzanek  click here.

 

Suboxone addiction quit suboxone  Suboxone addiction quit suboxone  Suboxone addiction quit suboxone

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Joe Herzanek, Addiction Counselor and Interventionist

Joe Herzanek, Addiction Counselor and Interventionist

ASK JOE:

Q.
If someone has been smoking pot for 40 yrs. and every time they try to quit, every day gets worse. They get more depressed and can barely go 3 months until they have to start smoking again. The depression gets too bad after quitting pot.

My question is – how long do you think it would take before they feel normal again, or will that not be possible because of how long they have been smoking pot? Will their body ever be able to function normally without pot?


A:

Yes, it can. Quitting and going back to living life without substances will take several months. Especially considering the 40 years of using.

Since you are asking the question I have to assume that smoking pot is causing some problems for the user. There is a lot I don’t know from your short note.

Quitting and then working on recovery will require some support. We have many resources listed on our page “Resource Links for Families of Addicts and Alcoholics.”

I do offer addiction phone counseling for families and/or dependent people for problems like the one you describe.

If you want some information about counseling options please give me a call. 303.775.6493

Regards,   Joe

 

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Joe Herzanek, Author, Addiction Counselor and Interventionist

Joe Herzanek, Author, Addiction Counselor and Interventionist

ASK JOE:

Q:
“When an adult child recognizes that he has a problem with alcohol
–-even has called himself an alcoholic but refuses any help–-are there things that we, as the parents, can do to bring the adult child closer to getting help?
Are there things to avoid saying/doing?”

A:
There can be many variables with this question but let me give it a try.

First of all, regardless of the age, most know that stopping substance use and abuse is going to be difficult. It means making many changes and most of us resist change. It’s the same for a person who has found himself in a bad (very bad) marriage. Those who know the person can see how the relationship has deteriorated and so can the person—but they delay facing the inevitable. Why? Fear of the unknown.

So it is with the addict. They often know, but fear of the unknown will keep then stuck. The “unknown” for the addict is—trying to imagine life without drugs and also everything AND everybody that goes along with it.

What can family members or friends do about the addiction? The better question might be, what can they stop doing? Often the family will buy into the addict’s belief that their situation is unique, different (which means that the addict has “a good excuse for being the way they are”). Going one step further, the addict now may believe, and have those close to him believing that it’s something “outside of him” that is to blame.

The family needs to become educated on this topic and then move toward using some tough love. No rescuing, loaning money, bonding out of jail, paying utilities. Allow the consequences to do the work they are meant to do. Pain is a wonderful teacher. The addict will need to learn some lessons the hard way.

READ MORE “ASK JOE”:

Son needs $75 for drug dealer or he’ll be “killed for sure.”

I’m not able to deal with my live-in fiance’s need to get drunk every night.

What if they just CAN’T quit?

 

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problem with alcohol problem with alcohol problem with alcohol problem with alcohol

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Joe Herzanek, Author, Addiction Counselor and Interventionist

Joe Herzanek, Author, Addiction Counselor and Interventionist

ASK JOE: ADDICTED TO OXYCONTIN

Q
Hi Joe:
I purchased your book in Jan. I read it from front to back several times for more than one reason. It was so full of information I wanted to make sure I absorbed it all.

My 20 year old son has just entered rehab for the 3rd time. We have tried to send him to the best places and so far have spent $30,000.00. He is addicted to Oxycontin. I had so much hope the first few times and now I am starting to realize what a stronghold this drug has on him. I am worried that he may never recover.

I am also feeling so much guilt and keep looking back to try and figure out what I could have done differently when he was growing up. I’m constantly convincing myself that if we had only been more firm with him, had more rules, if I hadn’t been a working mom and put him in so many daycares, things would have ended up differently (he wouldn’t be addicted to Oxycontin). I know that I’m just trying to find a way to ease my pain and guilt. Do you have any suggestions?

–Guilt-ridden in Minneapolis

A
Sorry to hear about your son who is addicted to Oxycontin. I’ll get right to the point. He doesn’t need another rehab to go to; he can completely stop using pain meds if he wants to–and you didn’t cause his addiction.

His age is a big issue. Most treatment places won’t even take him because he’s an adolescent. They have learned over the years that the success rate for treating adolescents is abysmal. He needs to feel the pain and consequences of his use.

I would use the tough love approach if it were me. Foster Kline’s book, “Parenting Teens with Love and Logic” is a book you should also read.

If the “want to” is there, your son will be able to quit. Your job is to make it crystal clear to him that you love him and will help him on the journey to recovery. And you will not do anything that keeps him from growing up and becoming a mature adult.

This is a process that will take some time but needs to begin now! The longer you wait the harder it will become. He will fight this in the beginning, that’s just the way it is. “Do you love your son enough to let him be mad at you?” I hope you do because that too is part of the process.

Seek some wise counsel for yourself as well.

Best regards,
Joe

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MORE ASK JOE:

Son needs $75 for drug dealer of he’ll be “killed for sure.”

“I need help because I’m not able to deal with my live-in Fiance’s need to get drunk every night.”

Should my husband “back off?”

 

addicted to Oxycontin addicted to Oxycontin addicted to Oxycontin addicted to Oxycontin

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Joe Herzanek/Addiction CounselorAsk Joe:

“Son needs $75 or he will be killed for sure

Dear Joe,
I’m curious how you would handle this. I’ve been told so many lies I don’t know what to do with this one. My son insists he was confronted by a dealer he owes money to. He claims the dealer put a gun to his head and threatened him. He insists that telling police will get him killed for sure. He wants me to give him $60 to pay his dealer back so he’ll leave him alone.

I don’t believe him, but what if it’s true?  I do hear about people getting shot over drugs.  How would you handle this?  I don’t remember you covering this in your book.

~ Mom, trying to do the right thing

 

Dear Mom,
I guess I might give the money. It’s not worth worrying ($75) about. You have no reason to believe him and it’s probably a lie, but this time I would give him the money—just in case.

Then tell your son this is the only time and the last time. If he asks again let him know you plan to call the police. Then do it!! Pick up the phone right in front of him and call 911.

Best,
~ Joe

 

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Help with drug addictions

Changing Lives received the following “interesting” email recently. We thought it was “interesting” enough to post—along with Joe’s response—in the hope that some of you will also share your comments.

Although the writer does not let us know exactly what she is responding to, we assume it is to Joe’s comments on our blog post “Cocaine vaccine shows promise in mice. Promise for whom?” or “The effectiveness of Suboxone in the treatment of Opicate Addiction.

Really, Joe?
You are criticizing people
who provide methods of making society safer and provide opiate dependent people a chance to make positive changes in their lives because “someone” is making money? AND you are doing that while selling your book and your method? You need to do some research if you want to have credibility. You are exactly what you are criticizing.

READ THE ENTIRE ARTICLE: Help with drug addictions . . . or “spreading the hate”?

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Is an addict ever cured?IS AN ADDICT EVER CURED?
~ by Joe Herzanek

In today’s world in which more and more information is readily available, there seems to be more and more confusion regarding the topic of an “Addiction Cure.” Is there a cure for addiction? Some people would argue quite convincingly that there is.

I will point out that “even quitting use completely, for many years—does not mean that someone is cured.

You’ll probably read or hear information on this topic with various points of view. The concept of an addict who has been clean for years and years—not being cured—is a tough one to comprehend.

I recently received this letter (below) from a reader who presents his point of view. Please read it and then read my response to him. I believe you may hear and learn to discern some of the more subtle differences and truths regarding this baffling disease of addiction.
READ MORE: “Is an addict ever cured?”

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Addiction Cure Addiction Cure Hoax Cure for Addiction

January 18, 2011 by jherzanek | No comments

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Joe Herzanek, Addiction Counselor, BCBC

Ask Joe:
“I need help because I’m not able to deal with my live-in fiance’s need to get drunk every night”

I just now received this email/question asking for guidance.

Dear Joe,
I came across your site but I don’t have the money to buy a book or anything. I need help because I’m not able to deal with my live-in fiance’s need to get drunk every night. I’m not comfortable with it.

He says I need counseling to just deal with it because lots of people drink every night. He comes up with bizarre stuff to justify his drinking. Like he’s an Aquarius so he has to drink because . . . (Read the entire entry and Joe’s simple answer)

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need to get drunk deal with fiance drunk fiance

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Holidays are more stressful for families
struggling with an addicted loved one

Why? Because most of us realize that family gatherings are both special and important. These are times when most of us will go out of our way to say “I love you”.

The warning I’m speaking about refers to a select few organizations who try to take advantage of hurting people.

You may have noticed several recent TV and radio ads touting various “addiction cures.”

There is a solution and a way to manage addiction–but there is NO CURE.

 

Holiday WarningBeware of anyone who tells you otherwise.

It saddens me to know that there are hurting families who are even more emotionally and financially drained–by false claims.

Please know that alcoholism and drug addiction are manageable problems. There is hope. And many, many people begin the journey called recovery every day.
~ Joe Herzanek

Learn even more about the difference between “quitting” and true recovery in Part 4 of “Why Don’t They Just Quit? What families and friends need to know about addiction and recovery.”

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stressful holidays families struggling addicted loved one stressful holidays families struggling addicted loved one

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How can I tell . . .  if a person is addicted, or just a heavy user?

Learn why this disease is often called “insidious.”

Author/Addiction Counselor and Professional Interventionist  Joe Herzanek answers this and more in the DVD “The 10 Toughest Questions Families and Friends Ask About Addiction and Recovery. (http://www.whydonttheyjustquit.com/)

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Powerless over alcoholWe admitted that we were powerless over alcohol
and that our lives had become unmanageable.

—Step One, AA 12-Steps

After many years in recovery,
I know that I must not forget
this one principle–I will
always be an addict.

–Joe Herzanek

Whether you are a fan of twelve-step programs or not, the first step an attendee will hear offers a great deal of wisdom. The alcoholic/addict should never venture into the world without remembering the important bit of knowledge that Step One provides: Chemically dependent people will not ever be able to gain control over their substance use. Millions of addicted people have tried, and many have even died trying. Not one person has ever successfully returned to social use.

Admitting Powerlessness
After many years in recovery, I know that I must not forget this one principle–I will always be an addict. Confusion on this matter can lead to disastrous results. My substance use took me places I didn’t want to go, cost me more than I wanted to pay and kept me longer than I wanted to stay. My addiction is now in remission. Just the same, it is alive and well–ready to inflict a lot of pain on me. To forget this would be my greatest mistake.

I have a friend who owns a treatment center in the Colorado Rocky Mountains called Jaywalker Lodge. He accepts only men who are highly motivated to change. The program is a four-month-minimum-stay facility, cash only, no insurance. The entire focus is on Step One. It’s for men who have made several attempts to quit, only to find themselves stumbling again and again. Frustrated and broken, they arrive at the treatment center willing to do whatever it takes to regain their sobriety. This facility teaches men that the key to recovery starts with a true admission of powerlessness.

Once a recovering addict is convinced of their inability to ever control their using, they will no longer attempt to do so if they want to maintain their recovery. Incorporating Step One into a person’s life requires a daily ongoing shift in thinking–sometimes referred to as “one day at a time.” Lifelong recovery obviously involves much more than this one crucial admission. Recovery and rebuilding what was lost takes substantial time and effort. But it will all be in vain if this one fundamental principle is forgotten.

A Humbling Realization
Once the power or ability to control how much a person can use is lost, it is lost forever. Any attempt to regain control is futile. This applies to the user who is brand new to recovery as well as to someone with over two decades of abstinence. No one is tougher than addiction, and it’s one wound that time cannot heal. You, as a person close to the situation, should understand this fundamental step as a foundational principle.

It’s a humbling realization.

This article is excerpted from the book “Why Don’t They Just Quit?
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powerless over alcohol powerless over alcohol powerless over alcohol

September 15, 2010 by jherzanek | No comments

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Click here to watch
Addiction. What if they just can't quit?

This clip is excerpted from the new DVD
The 10 Toughest Questions

Families and Friends Ask About Addiction and Recovery

What if they just CAN’T quit?

Learn the truth to this often misunderstood notion that some people “just can’t quit.” Author/Addiction Counselor and Professional Interventionist  Joe Herzanek answers this and much more in the book  “Why Don’t They Just Quit?”

 

 

Combo Pack Book & DVD

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HOW DO I SHOW MY LOVE WITHOUT ENABLING?


CLICK TO WATCH SHORT CLIP

The 10 Toughest Questions Families and Friends Ask About Addiction and Recovery

“What family & friends need to know” about alcohol and substance abuse in the life of a loved-one.

View a short video preview of DVD

• How can I tell . . . if a person is addicted or just a heavy user?
• How do I confront this person?
• How do I handle adolescent use and abuse?
• How do I show my love without enabling?
• Does treatment work?
• We can’t afford treatment. What now?
• How do I handle relapse? Will this ever stop?
• What if they just can’t quit?
• I’ve tried it all. Nothing is working. What now?
• How do I get MY life back?

For more info visit Changing Lives Foundation

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April 13, 2010 by jherzanek | No comments

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Ask Joe:

Q. Why is addiction called an “insidious” disease?

A. Because it is.

Insidious: working or spreading harmfully in a subtle or stealthy
manner. awaiting a chance to entrap; treacherous. harmful but enticing.
Developing so gradually as to be well established before becoming
apparent. —Webster’s Dictionary

“Insidious” means to spread harm in a subtle manner; to entrap in a seductive way. Addicts or alcoholics may be the last ones to realize their dependence problem. The drug works in a seductive manner and its victim often doesn’t realize what has happened until it’s too late—a housewife realizes that she needs a glass of wine to keep her hands from trembling; a college student realizes that he drove home the previous night but can’t remember doing so; a businessman finds that he needs to have multiple drinks throughout the day to maintain his façade.

At this stage, the addict is often living in denial, trying to prove to himself and the world that he is in control. No one likes to admit that they have been tricked. This is exactly what the drug is able to do. For the user, it is as though their best friend has betrayed them. Because of this slow and gradual process, most addicts aren’t aware of what is happening to them and don’t understand the changes taking place in their bodies and minds.

When a user’s brain ceases to function normally, he is no longer able to see clearly. People in recovery will often look back and say that it was as if their brain had been hijacked. This is why intervention is so important.

Excerpted from the revised/updated edition of: Why Don’t They Just Quit? What families and friends need to know about addiction and recovery
Part 5: Q&A with Joe

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Willpower. Isn't Addiction Just A Willpower Problem?
Q. Isn’t addiction just a willpower problem?

A. No.
When men or women begin using alcohol or drugs, willpower does play an important role. Deciding to drink or use drugs the first few times is simply a choice. The person may find the initial experiences enjoyable and pleasurable, but that doesn’t make them an addict or alcoholic. Certain drugs can have a much more powerful effect than others, which the user may want to repeat. Just the same, it takes time to become physically and mentally dependent.

Over time, the brain and central nervous system will expect the drug to come in from the outside. This is where physical dependence begins: stopping the use now will result in some signs of withdrawal. Mental or psychological dependence also plays a role in addiction. Once the person develops a physical and mental dependency (i.e. an obsession), willpower becomes less effective. The longer a person continues to use and build tolerance, the more difficult it is to just quit with willpower alone.

There is much to be said regarding this subject of willpower, or lack of it. Many recovering people swear, If not for a power greater than myself, I would still be using. Many addicts who recognize their need to quit do not want to quit. Where then will this desire come from?

Whether this power comes from the person’s spiritual life, or the power of their group or caring friends, recovering people recognize that sheer willpower does not work for them. At some point in recovery, a desire to stop using manifests itself in a person’s consciousness.

Call it what you will; I call this a miracle.
–Joe Herzanek

Footprints in the sand
~ Footprints in the Sand ~

One night I dreamed I was walking along the beach with the Lord.
Many scenes from my life flashed across the sky.
In each scene I noticed footprints in the sand.
Sometimes there were two sets of footprints, other times there was one only.
This bothered me because I noticed that during the low periods of my life, when I was suffering from anguish, sorrow or defeat,
I could see only one set of footprints, so I said to the Lord,
“You promised me Lord, that if I followed you, you would walk with me always.
But I have noticed that during the most trying periods of my life
there has only been one set of footprints in the sand.
Why, when I needed you most,
have you not been there for me?”
The Lord replied,
“The years when you have seen only one set of footprints, my child,
is when I carried you.”

–Author (still) unknown

This article is excerpted from the 2010 Revised and updated book “Why Don’t They JUST QUIT? What friends and families need to know about addiction and recovery.

Article photos by Judy Herzanek

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January 14, 2010 by jherzanek | No comments

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