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Home from RehabThey’re BAAaaack! What should you do when he comes back from treatment?

What Now?
When the recovering person comes home from treatment, the real journey is about to begin. They have just been immersed in a crash course—Everything you need to know about addiction and how to live substance free. Coming home is an important event. How successfully will your husband apply his newfound wisdom? Will your friend be able to make a lasting change now that she is back in the real world?  Remember, they just left a safe place where they made friends and received daily encouragement—and now they are back, facing many of  the harsh realities of life.

Most likely, your loved one will feel a real sense of accomplishment, having successfully completed the program. Having confidence that he can start a new life is a good thing. At the same time, however, he is about to receive his first dose of reality. Now all the knowledge he gained about recovery must be practically lived out. He is going to have a myriad of questions: How do I tell old friends about my new life? How are they going to react? How am I going to react if they aren’t supportive of my new lifestyle? Will I have the strength? What will I say? Who should I see and who should I avoid? What do I need to start doing right now to avoid using again? Where will I find a new group to belong to? What if I don’t find a group of people I like? How hard do I have to work to stay away from alcohol or drugs? Do I have what it takes to do this?

Seek Support
All recovering addicts must decide what they need to do to continue their lives in recovery with success and then follow through with action—all by themselves. In light of their own circumstances, only they can take the next step. Obviously many people and groups can be helpful, but it’s the individual that must decide to seek out the support that will make his commitment to change successful. This needs to happen soon. Some form of support will be needed to keep this recovery ball rolling, whether it’s AA, NA, an outpatient group, or counseling. This period of time, when the person has just returned home, is when all the talk and good intentions need to turn into positive action.

It should not take long to determine the sincerity of the recovering person. Actions speak louder than words, and no one successfully recovers alone. How much and how long the person makes use of outside support will depend on the situation, but everyone will need some form of support as they adjust to life on life’s terms.

What to Do
So as a family member or friend, what do you do? If possible, anticipate this situation by meeting with treatment staff for sound advice before your loved one comes home. This can be a time to debrief and get answers to some of your questions. Try not to be overly self-conscious about what you do or say to the person returning home. You don’t need to be walking on eggshells. Talking about recovery and encouraging someone is a good thing. By the same token, recovery shouldn’t dominate all discussions. The process is just beginning, and you should give it time. The recovering person is trying to build a new life—one they can call normal. The more they see that life can be normal without using, and that they can deal successfully with everyday situations, the more motivated and encouraged they will be to continue with sober living. It may take time, but it does become easier.

When I returned home after treatment, I was both confident and scared at the same time. I know that sounds like a contradiction, but it’s true. I was having an internal battle: part of me believed that I would do whatever it took to stay away from drugs, but another part of me wasn’t sure about the “do whatever it takes” strategy that we had discussed in treatment. My family knew it wasn’t going to be easy. For the most part, they left me alone. When they saw that I made the effort to go to work and regularly attend my group meetings, the atmosphere gradually grew more relaxed. They saw that I was moving in the right direction and seemed to discern that it was okay to trust me. I’m glad they gave me some space. I guess they knew they didn’t have the answers I needed anyway. Only another recovering person can really understand what it’s like, so my parents and family could not fully put themselves in my situation. Their ability to understand what I was going through was limited, yet I needed their support.  This is when I began to spend a lot of time with other recovering people.

Not everyone will be able to go to a residential treatment center; therefore, recovery will look a little different in such cases. It will mean attending a lot of evening and weekend groups. A healthy level of busyness can help ensure sobriety. Work and recovery should be the two main priorities for those in recovery. If your loved one is not working, then that means they should spend more time attending groups. Idle time can be a strong temptation to revert to old habits.

For families in this recovery situation, encouraging the recovering addict to continue with his new life and not give up will take a great deal of patience. Because the user has not been totally removed from his life setting, it may take longer for him to become strong. Remember, you have a limited understanding of addiction and recovery, so attending some Al-Anon or “open” AA meetings would be an excellent idea. This will give you more knowledge about what your loved one might be going through. In addition, these meetings are a way for people in similar situations to connect and give one another support and advice. Attending these meetings is also a huge sign of support from you to your friend or loved one.

In some cases, it would benefit the recovering person to temporarily relocate. If they can live with a relative or friend for a few months, it will give them a chance to concentrate on their recovery without the pressures of dealing with old buddies, bad influences, and triggers that can cause a relapse.

If you have been a positive influence in this person’s life, continue that support. However, you will need to provide a healthy balance of support. Don’t smother them with an unusual amount of concern, as this will make them feel self-conscious. On the other hand, don’t distance yourself, because you may be afraid and unsure how to act around them. Be yourself. Help them to see that life without using can be fun. They may have been afraid of losing all their friends, including you. Be a friend. Good friends who don’t use are what they need.

It won’t take long to figure out how serious your loved one is about their new life. Their attitude will be one indication of how they are adjusting. Admitting complete defeat in the face of addiction is a humbling experience. In my case, life in recovery meant acting differently than I did before: striving to listen to others without overreacting, and learning how to be patient. This again is a process that takes time. Some moodiness should be expected, but if it persists it needs to be addressed, as it could be a sign of too much stress. It could also be a result of the void created by not using, sadness from losing old friends, and abandoning an old lifestyle that defined who they were.

There will be some peaks and valleys in early recovery. Remember: If relapse occurs, don’t be too harsh. Rather, be concerned about the next step they need to take. If your struggling friend gets right back to their recovery program, then stay as optimistic as possible. And when they fall down, help them to get back up and moving in the right direction. Remember, recovery is a process, and your relationship with your friend or loved one can greatly impact their desire to stay on course and make the right choices.

This article excerpted from Part 4/Life in Recovery: Why Don’t They Just Quit? What families and friends need to know about addiction and recovery.

_________________________________________________________________________________

Addiction Counselor Joe Herzanek

Addiction Counselor and Interventionist Joe Herzanek

Tried everything?

Wise Counsel and Professional Intervention Services for Your Situation.

Providing families in crisis with over 30 years of real-life,
hands-on experience and success.

Your situation may be unique, but it’s not hopeless.
We specialize in those tough, “seemingly impossible” situations.

There IS a solution. Together we can formulate a plan to restore sanity to your life—saving you and your family time, money, stress and unnecessary heartache.

Learn more about personalized consultations and professional intervention services
with author/addiction counselor and interventionist Joe Herzanek.
Specialized to your unique situation.
(in person or by phone)

Call: (303) 775.6493
or
Email: jherzanek@gmail.com

to learn more about this option.
(call now to speak to Joe about our many options)

Note:
At Changing Lives we know that the need for counseling is not run on an 8 to 5,
Monday through Friday schedule.

We are often available on weekends and even holidays.
Please don’t hesitate to call as the need arises.

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December 7, 2010 by jherzanek | No comments

DEA BannerMARIJUANA: THE FACTS


Q: Does marijuana pose health risks to users?

  • Marijuana is an addictive drug1with significant health consequences to its users and others. Many harmful short-term and long-term problems have been documented with its use:
  • The short term effects of marijuana use includes: memory loss, distorted perception, trouble with thinking and problem solving, loss of motor skills, decrease in muscle strength, increased heart rate, and anxiety2.
  • In recent years there has been a dramatic increase in the number of emergency room mentions of marijuana use. From 1993-2000, the number of emergency room marijuana mentions more than tripled.
  • There are also many long-term health consequences of marijuana use. According to the National Institutes of Health, studies show that someone who smokes five joints per week may be taking in as many cancer-causing chemicals as someone who smokes a full pack of cigarettes every day.
  • Marijuana contains more than 400 chemicals, including most of the harmful substances found in tobacco smoke. Smoking one marijuana cigarette deposits about four times more tar into the lungs than a filtered tobacco cigarette.
  • Harvard University researchers report that the risk of a heart attack is five times higher than usual in the hour after smoking marijuana.3
  • Smoking marijuana also weakens the immune system4 and raises the risk of lung infections.5 A Columbia University study found that a control group smoking a single marijuana cigarette every other day for a year had a white-blood-cell count that was 39 percent lower than normal, thus damaging the immune system and making the user far more susceptible to infection and sickness.6
  • Users can become dependent on marijuana to the point they must seek treatment to stop abusing it. In 1999, more than 200,000 Americans entered substance abuse treatment primarily for marijuana abuse and dependence.
  • More teens are in treatment for marijuana use than for any other drug or for alcohol. Adolescent admissions to substance abuse facilities for marijuana grew from 43 percent of all adolescent admissions in 1994 to 60 percent in 1999.
  • Marijuana is much stronger now than it was decades ago. According to data from the Potency Monitoring Project at the University of Mississippi, the tetrahydrocannabinol (THC) content of commercial-grade marijuana rose from an average of 3.71 percent in 1985 to an average of 5.57 percent in 1998. The average THC content of U.S. produced sinsemilla increased from 3.2 percent in 1977 to 12.8 percent in 1997.7

Q. Does marijuana have any medical value?

  • Any determination of a drug’s valid medical use must be based on the best available science undertaken by medical professionals. The Institute of Medicine conducted a comprehensive study in 1999 to assess the potential health benefits of marijuana and its constituent cannabinoids. The study concluded that smoking marijuana is not recommended for the treatment of any disease condition. In addition, there are more effective medications currently available. For those reasons, the Institute of Medicine concluded that there is little future in smoked marijuana as a medically approved medication.8
  • Advocates have promoted the use of marijuana to treat medical conditions such as glaucoma. However, this is a good example of more effective medicines already available. According to the Institute of Medicine, there are six classes of drugs and multiple surgical techniques that are available to treat glaucoma that effectively slow the progression of this disease by reducing high intraocular pressure.
  • In other studies, smoked marijuana has been shown to cause a variety of health problems, including cancer, respiratory problems, increased heart rate, loss of motor skills, and increased heart rate. Furthermore, marijuana can affect the immune system by impairing the ability of T-cells to fight off infections, demonstrating that marijuana can do more harm than good in people with already compromised immune systems.9
  • In addition, in a recent study by the Mayo Clinic, THC was shown to be less effective than standard treatments in helping cancer patients regain lost appetites.10

  • The DEA supports research into the safety and efficacy of THC (the major psychoactive component of marijuana), and such studies are ongoing, supported by grants from the National Institute on Drug Abuse.
  • As a result of such research, a synthetic THC drug, Marinol, has been available to the public since 1985. The Food and Drug Administration has determined that Marinol is safe, effective, and has therapeutic benefits for use as a treatment for nausea and vomiting associated with cancer chemotherapy, and as a treatment of weight loss in patients with AIDS. However, it does not produce the harmful health effects associated with smoking marijuana.
  • Furthermore, the DEA recently approved the University of California San Diego to undertake rigorous scientific studies to assess the safety and efficacy of cannabis compounds for treating certain debilitating medical conditions.
  • It’s also important to realize that the campaign to allow marijuana to be used as medicine is a tactical maneuver in an overall strategy to completely legalize all drugs. Pro-legalization groups have transformed the debate from decriminalizing drug use to one of compassion and care for people with serious diseases. The New York Times interviewed Ethan Nadelman, Director of the Lindesmith Center, in January 2000. Responding to criticism from former Drug Czar Barry McCaffrey that the medical marijuana issue is a stalking-horse for drug legalization, Mr. Nadelman did not contradict General McCaffrey. “Will it help lead toward marijuana legaization?” Mr. Nadelman said: “I hope so.”

Q. Does marijuana harm anyone besides the individual who smokes it?

  • Consider the public safety of others when confronted with intoxicated drug users:
  • Marijuana affects many skills required for safe driving: alertness, the ability to concentrate, coordination, and reaction time. These effects can last up to 24 hours after smoking marijuana. Marijuana use can make it difficult to judge distances and react to signals and signs on the road.11
  • In a 1990 report, the National Transportation Safety Board studied 182 fatal truck accidents. It found that just as many of the accidents were caused by drivers using marijuana as were caused by alcohol — 12.5 percent in each case.
  • Consider also that drug use, including marijuana, contributes to crime. A large percentage of those arrested for crimes test positive for marijuana. Nationwide, 40 percent of adult males tested positive for marijuana at the time of their arrest.

Q. Is marijuana a gateway drug?

  • Yes. Among marijuana’s most harmful consequences is its role in leading to the use of other illegal drugs like heroin and cocaine. Long-term studies of students who use drugs show that very few young people use other illegal drugs without first trying marijuana. While not all people who use marijuana go on to use other drugs, using marijuana sometimes lowers inhibitions about drug use and exposes users to a culture that encourages use of other drugs.
  • The risk of using cocaine has been estimated to be more than 104 times greater for those who have tried marijuana than for those who have never tried it.12

In Summary:

  • Marijuana is a dangerous, addictive drug that poses significant health threats to users.
  • Marijuana has no medical value that can’t be met more effectively by legal drugs.
  • Marijuana users are far more likely to use other drugs like cocaine and heroin than non-marijuana users.
  • Drug legalizers use “medical marijuana” as red herring in effort to advocate broader legalization of drug use.1Herbert Kleber, Mitchell Rosenthal, “Drug Myths from Abroad: Leniency is Dangerous, not Compassionate” Foreign Affairs Magazine, September/October 1998. Drug Watch International “NIDA Director cites Studies that Marijuana is Addictive.” “Research Finds Marijuana is Addictive,” Washington Times, July 24, 1995.
    2National Institue of Drug Abuse, Journal of the American Medical Association, Journal of Clinical Phamacology, International Journal of Clinical Pharmacology and Therapeutics, Pharmacology Review.
    3“Marijuana and Heart Attacks” Washington Post, March 3, 2000
    4I. B. Adams and BR Martin, “Cannabis: Pharmacology and Toxicology in Animals and Humans” Addiction 91: 1585-1614. 1996.
    5National Institute of Drug Abuse, “Smoking Any Substance Raises Risk of Lung Infections” NIDA Notes, Volume 12, Number 1, January/February 1997.
    6Dr. James Dobson, “Marijuana Can Cause Great Harm” Washington Times, February 23, 1999.
    72000 National Drug Control Strategy Annual Report, page 13.
    8“Marijuana and Medicine: Assessing the Science Base,” Institute of Medicine, 1999.
    9See footnotes in response to question 4 regarding marijuana’s short and long term health effects.
    10“Marijuana Appetite Boost Lacking in Cancer Study” The New York Times, May 13, 2001.
    11Marijuana: Facts Parents Need to Know, National Institute on Drug Abuse, National Institutes of Health.
    12Marijuana: Facts Parents Need to Know, National Institute on Drug Abuse, National Institutes of Health.

Reprinted from http://www.justice.gov

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Marijuana Myths  Smoked Medical Marijuana  Marijuana Dangers Marijuana Myths  Smoked Medical Marijuana  Marijuana Dangers

November 16, 2010 by jherzanek | 6 comments

Hold on Tight When Your Teen RebelsHolding Tight When Your Teen Rebels

by Joe White


As this article states:
each situation needs to be assessed individually.
Learn more about how you can get
personalized counseling and
professional intervention services from
Author/Addiction Counselor and Interventionist Joe Herzanek

The worst nightmare of many parents is to have a rebel — a kid who makes her own destructive way through life, ignoring everything she’s been taught, refusing to abide by any rules, causing chaos in the lives she touches. The fear is so great that some parents stress over everything their teens do, taking even normal behavior as a sure sign that their kids are headed for the edge of the cliff.

Other parents do the opposite. They ignore obvious warning signs, hoping it’s a phase their kids will grow out of. I’ve talked with moms and dads who couldn’t believe the alarms they missed — a pot-smoking son coming home glassy-eyed and wanting to devour every snack in the house, an alcoholic daughter returning on weekend nights and vomiting on the front lawn.

One couple discovered their son had helped a friend break into a truck. Later they would say, “We didn’t think our son was capable of anything like that. Now we’re finding out, OK, he’s done some serious drugs, he’s been involved in a crime, he’s hanging with a kid we hate. That night started us on the process of determining what we should do with him because it was apparent we had a problem here that was bigger than we were.”

No parent wants to live through something like this. But more and more are being forced to these days. They’re finding that no matter what they did to raise their children right, it’s possible that one or more will rebel.

Don’t give up

This is a tough section to write. Tough because there’s no easy answer to your situation. Each kid is different and will take his own detours.

That’s why each situation needs to be assessed individually. Consulting a pastor or counselor is wise; sometimes more drastic measures need to be taken. When a teen is a threat to himself or others, for example, a place where well-trained professionals can monitor him 24 hours a day may be the best call. There are many good counselors and programs available.

The temptation is to walk away, to throw up your hands and surrender. You wouldn’t be alone if you did. Many parents want to give up — and do. Unable to take the pain any longer, they protect themselves by pretending it doesn’t matter. Their child screams, “Leave me alone!” and so they just do what he says, removing themselves emotionally from his life.

What these folks don’t realize is that even though the teen’s every action and word are designed to push the parents away, deep inside he longs for his mom and dad to hang tough, to keep trying — to be there for him no matter what.

Insights from parents

It’s one thing for me to tell you what I’ve learned. What about parents who’ve watched their kids make bad choices, who’ve been dragged down the most dangerous detours, who’ve agonized and cried and prayed — yet somehow survived?

I’ve talked with moms and dads like these and want to share their insights with you. It’s surprising how many of them report learning similar things about what it takes to make it through. Here are some of their hard-won lessons. (For more on this subject, see the book Sticking With Your Teen.)

  • You can’t control your teen’s choices. Once your daughter leaves the house, there’s no telling what she’s doing. She can listen or not listen in class. She can throw out the good lunch you made and eat grease-laden fries covered with nacho cheese and suck down a 64-ounce Coke. She can take drugs, cheat on tests, drive drunk — or study hard and land in the top 10 percent of her class. She can be class president or class clown. And there’s nothing you can do about it.
  • Learn the art of relinquishment.This means letting go. It may mean releasing your dream for who your child would be, giving up control over your teen, leaving the results to God.
  • Get help for yourself and your family.If you broke your arm, you’d rush to the emergency room for help. So why are so many moms and dads ashamed to get help when a family is broken?Some folks prefer pastoral counseling; others opt for a therapist. Just take that initial step and get help.
  • If necessary, get your troubled teen out of the house to protect the rest of the family. When a teen becomes violent or brings home illegal activities like drug dealing, it’s time to act on behalf of your family’s safety.Forcing your teen to live elsewhere is no easy decision, and it should be made with the concurring wisdom of a professional. But if your teen is unmanageable, don’t hesitate to find a residential facility where he has a chance to turn his life around. At the very least, it’s a place for him to be relatively safe until he’s 18 and can sign himself out to live where he wishes.For help in locating a program or residential facility that might suit your situation, call Focus on the Family’s Counseling department at 800-A-FAMILY (232-6459).
  • Don’t be afraid to let others know what you’re dealing with. One parent admitted, “We didn’t want the whole world knowing [about our rebellious teen] because my husband was an elder in the church.”You don’t need to share details with gossipmongers, but be real. Many parents have been surprised at how their transparency proved helpful to families in similar situations. Pain shared is lessened; shared joy is increased.
  • Allow yourself some enjoyment. Many couples who have rebellious teens put themselves in suspended animation, grimly hanging on “until this thing is resolved.” Some feel guilty about having fun when they should be “doing something” about the problem; others are too vigilant, tense, worried or embarrassed to enjoy anything. But you can’t keep going without recharging.Don’t neglect the physical side of your relationship with your spouse. Take a weekend off. Set a regular date night, and don’t talk about the kids during that time. Relax in a bubble bath. Rent a funny movie, and watch it together.
  • Hold on to your core values. Don’t let the continuing crisis wear you down. Did you believe before that God knew you, right down to the number of hairs on your head? He still does. Have you always felt it was important to give your child a present on her birthday? It still is. Did you think you needed to use your gift of encouragement in the children’s ministry at church? You still do.
  • Try writing in a journal.Recording your thoughts, feelings and prayers can help you sort through the turmoil and discover what’s important. You can use a notebook, a blank book or a computer. You could even e-mail your entries to a trusted friend.
  • Be relentless.Never give up. Move forward no matter what. Don’t stop the good stuff. Try new things when old things aren’t working. Stick with the things you know are right. Love unconditionally. Stay put as a parent when you’d rather run.Karilee and Dan Hayden know the meaning of the word relentless. For over 10 years their daughter Wendi took a long and winding detour, making the most destructive choices along the way. But they hung in there — praying for her, loving her, never giving up. Wendi, like the prodigal son in Jesus’ parable, finally came around. (You can read the Hayden’s complete story in the Focus on the Family book Wild Child, Waiting Mom.)
  • Be tough and tender. You need a thick skin and a sensitive heart. That’s especially true when it comes to dealing with the comments of others. Even well-meaning people can be hurtful. Don’t let their barbs penetrate, but be tender enough to hear the supportive words others may offer.
Excerpted from Sticking with Your Teen. Copyright © 2006, Joe White. All rights reserved. International copyright secured.

author/addiction counselor Joe Herzanek

Tried everything?

Need help now?

Phone Counseling and Intervention Services with Author/Addiction Counselor and Interventionist Joe Herzanek

Providing families in crisit with over 30 years of real-life,
hands-on experience and success.Your situation may be unique, but it’s not hopeless.
We specialize in those tough, “seemingly impossible” situations.

There IS a solution. Let me say that again—There IS a solution! Together we can formulate a plan to restore sanity to your life—saving you and your family time, money, stress and unnecessary heartache.

Learn more about phone consultations
and intervention services
with author/addiction counselor and interventionist Joe Herzanek.
Specialized to your unique situation.
(your first call is free)

Call: (303) 775.6493
or
Email: jherzanek@gmail.com

to learn more about this option.
(call now to speak to Joe about our many options)

Note:
At Changing Lives we know that the need for help is not run on an 8 to 5,
Monday through Friday schedule.

We are often available on weekends and even holidays.
Please don’t hesitate to call as the need arises.

October 17, 2010 by jherzanek | No comments

Powerless over alcoholWe admitted that we were powerless over alcohol
and that our lives had become unmanageable.
—Step One, AA 12-Steps

After many years in recovery,
I know that I must not forget
this one principle–I will
always be an addict.
–Joe Herzanek

Whether you are a fan of twelve-step programs or not, the first step an attendee will hear offers a great deal of wisdom. The alcoholic/addict should never venture into the world without remembering the important bit of knowledge that Step One provides: Chemically dependent people will not ever be able to gain control over their substance use. Millions of addicted people have tried, and many have even died trying. Not one person has ever successfully returned to social use.

Admitting Powerlessness
After many years in recovery, I know that I must not forget this one principle–I will always be an addict. Confusion on this matter can lead to disastrous results. My substance use took me places I didn’t want to go, cost me more than I wanted to pay and kept me longer than I wanted to stay. My addiction is now in remission. Just the same, it is alive and well–ready to inflict a lot of pain on me. To forget this would be my greatest mistake.

I have a friend who owns a treatment center in the Colorado Rocky Mountains called Jaywalker Lodge. He accepts only men who are highly motivated to change. The program is a four-month-minimum-stay facility, cash only, no insurance. The entire focus is on Step One. It’s for men who have made several attempts to quit, only to find themselves stumbling again and again. Frustrated and broken, they arrive at the treatment center willing to do whatever it takes to regain their sobriety. This facility teaches men that the key to recovery starts with a true admission of powerlessness.

Once a recovering addict is convinced of their inability to ever control their using, they will no longer attempt to do so if they want to maintain their recovery. Incorporating Step One into a person’s life requires a daily ongoing shift in thinking–sometimes referred to as “one day at a time.” Lifelong recovery obviously involves much more than this one crucial admission. Recovery and rebuilding what was lost takes substantial time and effort. But it will all be in vain if this one fundamental principle is forgotten.

A Humbling Realization
Once the power or ability to control how much a person can use is lost, it is lost forever. Any attempt to regain control is futile. This applies to the user who is brand new to recovery as well as to someone with over two decades of abstinence. No one is tougher than addiction, and it’s one wound that time cannot heal. You, as a person close to the situation, should understand this fundamental step as a foundational principle.

It’s a humbling realization.

This article is excerpted from the book “Why Don’t They Just Quit?“
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powerless over alcohol powerless over alcohol powerless over alcohol

September 15, 2010 by jherzanek | No comments

 

Detachment. How Can I?
by Joe Herzanek

When life becomes one crisis after another, when emotional pain and endless drama become “the norm” what am I supposed to do? Over the past few decades I’ve received this question a lot. Recently it has become the #1 question. Why is that? What do I suggest to families who have arrived at this place? How about this: My suggestion is to do NOTHING! Stop “doing.” Quit “doing.” No longer “DO” anything.

Let’s talk about letting go and what that looks like (sometimes referred to as detachment). So there—I’ve said it; The “D” word, The Ultimatum, The Nuclear Option.

When to use it

Let’s start with “when to use it.” Detachment is usually the last resort—although it doesn’t have to be. This is most effective in the life of an “adult” loved-one who has demonstrated that they no longer have any ability to control or stop substance use on their own.

This person has a boatload of extremely negative consequences piling up all around them, but they continue to drink and/or drug. Often this pattern has gone on for years and gets progressively worse. Perhaps there were a few “okay” periods of time, but they didn’t last.

Sooner or later everyone sits down to a banquet of consequences.
~Robert Louis Stevenson

This person may or may not have a job (approximately 77% of all substance dependent men and women get up and go to work most days). They may function well enough on the job to be able to keep it. Many will even point to this fact as proof that they are not addicted. In reality most perform poorly on the job, miss work, and generally have a negative attitude about almost everything. This in turn, leads to “pour me another drink.”

Others move from job to job and eventually become unemployable. Some will tend to isolate and spend most or all of their time with their first love, AOD (alcohol and other drugs).

Family life, parenting, being the father, mother, spouse or sibling they once were is no longer a priority. In fact, it’s probably not on the radar screen at all. Borrowing money, promising to quit, burning bridges, causing heartache to anyone who comes close to them is the “new norm.”  When small children become part of this picture it gets more ugly. This is not sad; this is pathetic. If not now—when? When do the family members say, “We’ve had enough?”

This, dear reader, is the time to detach. This is the time to “do nothing.”

I also like to remind people of  “The Three C’s of Al-Anon” which are: “you didn’t cause it, you can’t cure it, and you can’t control it.”  What you can do is help the person to “want to” quit. If the “want to” is there, anyone can have recovery.

What does detachment look like? How do I do it?

Before I explain how it works, I need to add one caveat. I was recently in San Antonio conducting a workshop for The Palmer Drug Abuse Program (PDAP). The Program Director of this wonderful facility, a woman named Trish, reminded me of something important I sometimes tend to overlook. She said the family needs to be totally prepared for this step (intellectually and emotionally) and that for this to be effective, all family members need to be “on board.” Having emotional support and guidance regarding the necessity for such action, what to expect and being prepared is critical to the success of this step. This is not going to be a “walk in the park” and having good support is crucial.

So, how does one begin to do this? My first suggestion is to get a pen and paper and write out a plan (there is much more about this in my “Ten Toughest Questions” DVD and the link provided at the end of this article**).

Everyone’s situation will be unique, and obviously I can’t tackle each one here. Having said that, I suggest, at a minimum, that you jot down some bullet points you want to cover when you share your concerns with your loved-one. Even writing out what you want to say, word for word, is perfectly fine. Anticipate what the person will say or object to beforehand. Keep in mind that detachment is rarely forever. In fact, when you confront the person you have decided to detach from, put a timeframe on it (let them know how long it’ll be till you are willing to regain communication). Once you have reached this point, you need to remember that it’s too late for another broken promise or a few days of abstinence to mean anything.

So, here we go. You’ve prepared—both mentally, and you have a plan on paper–and you are ready to have a firm, but loving discussion with this person. A time to confront/talk with the person has been set and agreed to. You’ve asked this person to let you share your concerns and you simply read what you want to say or speak to them based on your written bullet points.

My suggestion is to determine a minimum period of total abstinence you are requiring from your addict or alcoholic—before you are willing talk to or see them again (thirty or sixty days should be the minimum). Begin by emphasizing to them that you love them very much and that it breaks your heart to see them continue with their substance abuse. Let them know that you (and all family members involved) have made this decision. You can list possible living options for them on their copy of your letter. Tell he or she–that they must decide which relationship is the most important—the one they currently have with their alcohol or drug use, or their own family. You must make it crystal clear that they have to choose–because they can’t have both.

There is so much more I could write on this topic—especially when I think of all the different scenarios possible. Please do your homework before attempting this, seek wise counsel*, read all you can and get a second opinion.

When it’s all “said and done” this tough love approach often works when nothing else will. Addiction, left alone will only get worse over time. What I remind people about in my book and in counseling is that “recovery is a process—not en event.”

This is why I sometimes suggest that you “do nothing.” The phrase “let go and let God” applies to the family members and friends–as well as the person seeking recovery. Detachment is one of the most difficult things that a person (especially a mom) may ever need to do.

Stay strong, seek support and know with confidence that no matter what happens—you have “done” everything you know to do.

* Have you “tried everything?” To learn about individual counseling with Joe Herzanek (in person or by phone) click here.


** Detachment–Letting Go of Someone Else’s Problem

_______________________________________________________________
Detachment letting go tough love Detachment letting go tough love Detachment

_______________________________________________________________

Joe Herzanek, Author, Addiction Counselor and Interventionist

Joe Herzanek, Author, Addiction Counselor and Interventionist

Tried everything?

Wise Phone Counsel and Intervention Services.

Providing families in need with over 30 years of real-life,
hands-on experience and success.Your situation may be unique, but it’s not hopeless.
We specialize in those tough, “seemingly impossible” situations.

There IS a solution. Let me say that again—There IS a solution! Together we can formulate a plan to restore sanity to your life—saving you and your family time, money, stress and unnecessary heartache.

Learn more about personalized consultations and intervention services with author/addiction counselor Joe Herzanek.
Specialized to your unique situation.

Call: (303) 775.6493
or
Email: jherzanek@gmail.com

to learn more about this option.
(call now to speak to Joe about counseling details)

Note:
At Changing Lives we know that the need for counseling is not run on an 8 to 5,
Monday through Friday schedule.

We are often available on weekends and even holidays.
Please don’t hesitate to call as the need arises.

RELATED:
Detachment is Hard–Radio interview with Joe Herzanek
Codependent, WHY do we continue to rescue?

September 7, 2010 by jherzanek | 27 comments

The Flame

Joe and Judy Herzanek, Changing Lives Foundation

Joe and Judy Herzanek

Your Local Mission Dollars at Work
Joe Herzanek founder of Changing Lives Foundation

by Russ Teets

Editor’s note: This is the fourth in a series of articles describing the people and agencies in and around Boulder that First Pres supports through Local Missions.

First Pres’ relationship with Joe Herzanek started in 1999 when Local Missions began supporting him as the Chaplain at the Boulder County Jail. In that role, Joe leads Bible studies, Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) and Narcotics Anonymous (NA) meetings in the jail, provides Bibles, conducts one-on-one Christian Studies and substance abuse counseling—along with coordinating all religious volunteer activities.

In his role as Addictions Counselor at the jail, Joe spends time counseling inmates and advising their family members and others in the community on effective ways to negotiate the often complex “world of addiction and recovery.” Approximately 90% of all inmates have an alcohol or drug problem. He often gets calls from family members asking for advice on what they can do to help the person quit.

Why Don't They Just Quit? Combo pack book & DVD

Why Don't They Just Quit? Combo pack book & DVD

Joe’s personal struggles earlier in life were preparation for working with offenders who also have addiction problems. From age 13 to 29, Joe battled his own drug and alcohol problem—finally receiving treatment. He now has over 30 years of abstinence from substances. Joe has a real passion for helping people caught up in substance abuse and also their family and friends. He is the founder of Changing Lives Foundation and author of the book Why Don’t They Just Quit? What families and friends need to know about addiction and recovery which won the Best Self-Help Book award in 2008.

Changing Lives Foundation is committed to bringing to the public clear and concise information on substance abuse, drug addiction, alcoholism and compulsive behaviors. Perhaps more importantly, they focus on how individuals and families recover from these problems. Although it is very challenging, many people recover and make dramatic changes in their lives.

In addition to the book Why Don’t They Just Quit? Joe has a number of other resources to help families:
• a DVD titled The 10 Toughest Questions, which seem to come up again and again during the counseling he does. These include such topics as: “How can I tell if a person is addicted or just a heavy user? How do I confront this person? How do I handle adolescent use and abuse? How do I show my love without enabling? How do I get my life back?”
•    a wealth of resources on the website www.ChangingLivesFoundation.org
•    seminars for the public, like the one he held at First Pres last April.
•    radio shows
•    family counseling.
Joe specializes in “crisis counseling” for those situations that seem hopeless or impossible. He’s especially gifted at helping families find their way “out” and partnering with them to formulate a plan. This counseling can be in person or by phone.

Joe is a quiet, calm man with a deep faith in Jesus Christ—important attributes for dealing with crisis situations. According to Keith Vandergrift, Missions Pastor at First Pres: “Joe strikes a fine balance—demonstrating religious values in his approach to recovery, but avoiding a preachy or pushy posture. He makes it clear he is a Christian, but speaks in a way that is comfortable to anyone who wants to learn more about how to help others in their struggle. That’s not an easy thing to do and Joe pulls it off as well as anyone I’ve seen.”

Joe’s wife Judy works behind the scenes. As the Director of Creative Development and Marketing for Changing Lives Foundation she manages all communications, graphic design, marketing, customer service, order fulfillment and creative implementation of content for printed and online resources, publicity and presentations.

Lewis & Clark

Lewis & Clark

Joe and Judy have three children—and are fairly new “empty-nesters.” They enjoy living in Colorado, playing with their two Cairn Terriers Lewis and Clark (yes, just like Toto), camping, and most of all—hiking above treeline in the beautiful Rocky Mountains.

*NEED HELP NOW?
Drug Addiction Phone Counseling for Families Dealing with Substance Abuse

CLICK HERE to view a wonderful video of all the missions First Pres supports.

September 5, 2010 by jherzanek | No comments

Coping With Family Tragedies
By Chase Block

Chase Block is the 15-year-old author of the new book, Chasing Happiness: One Boy’s Guide to Helping Other Kids Cope with Divorce, Parental Addictions and Death.

(Read more about Chase at the end of this article)

Chasing Happiness

I was a 13-year-old kid growing up in Jacksonville, Florida, when I decided I wanted to help other kids whose parents were divorcing.  My own folks split when I was 6, and then had other relationships, marriages and divorces. I felt I could help my friends learn what to expect when they were facing similar family shifts.

I decided to write a book of practical tips and advice to share, from a kid’s point of view, how to survive divorce. The day before I actually began working with an editor on the book, my mom killed herself.

My beautiful, wonderful mom, who was dearly loved by everyone, lost her decades-long battle with mental illness, an addiction to pills, and alcoholism. She took her own life eight years after she and my dad split up. I was shocked and confused – but I didn’t want to forget the book. As horrible as I felt, I knew other kids would go through this stuff too, and maybe my story could help them.

It wasn’t easy to talk about everything I was going through.  Now that my book, Chasing Happiness: One Boy’s Guide to Helping Other Kids Cope with Divorce, Parental Addictions and Death, is out, I’m hearing from people, like parents and teachers, who are so glad other kids can check it out.

I talk about the shock of Mom’s suicide, my grief and guilt, and my own suicidal thoughts. The biggest thing I learned, both from my parents’ divorce and my mom’s death, is that you can’t do it alone. Family, friends, teachers, therapists, hobbies — all have their place in helping kids work through the tough spots.

By the age of 14, I had gone through challenges that people twice my age couldn’t imagine. I hope my book can help kids dealing with their parents’ divorce, suicide, or any personal tragedy.  My message isn’t, “Look at how horrible this is,” but, “Here’s what I learned, and how I learned it. I want to share this information with you.”

I also hope to let people know we’re pretty smart.

We kids know a lot more than adults give us credit for.  We usually already know the stuff you try to hide from us. Just ask us! We really appreciate straight talk, and not just pretending that what’s happening right in front of us isn’t there.

For all the kids out there reading this, I hope you never have to go through really hard times. But, if you do, please know you’re not alone — you can make it through, and you can make a difference.

As for adults, after you read this, I hope you’ll never ignore our emotions, or think we don’t feel things as deeply as grownups because we’re not acting the way you think an upset or depressed person should. Don’t confuse ‘young’ with ‘clueless.’ We’re more intelligent, worldly, stressed out, and plugged in than you guys were at our age. We need your help, and we also need your respect.

——————————————————————————————————————————-

Chase Block

Chase Block

Chase Block is the 15-year-old author of the new book, Chasing Happiness: One Boy’s Guide to Helping Other Kids Cope with Divorce, Parental Addictions and Death. Chase’s parents divorced when he was 5. He wanted to help other kids understand what to expect when parents split, so he started outlining the information he wanted to share. The day before he began writing his book, Chase’s popular mom committed suicide, shocking and devastating the community. Instead of shelving the book project, Chase felt renewed urgency to share his personal journey from devastation to hope in order to help others dealing with similar tragic situations. Chase is considering a career in politics, and lives in Jacksonville with his dad and brother. To learn more, visit http://www.chasinghappinessbook.com or http://www.chaseblockbook.com.

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September 1, 2010 by jherzanek | No comments

Click Here to view a short clip before reading article below

Can’t afford treatment? Need to know cost of treatment? Low cost treatment?

 

Does treatment have to cost a lot?
Addiction crosses all education level “from Yale to jail.” IQ has little to do with it. Some of the lucky ones recognize the problem early, swallow their pride, and seek help. The majority, though, are like me. By that I mean they have an attitude–an attitude that says, “No one is going to tell me what to do!” One person may need only a few counseling sessions. Another might need a few months in a residential setting. Many centers offer outpatient and intensive outpatient treatment as well as residential treatment.

Inpatient or residential treatment is one option, though it is the most expensive. Even at discounted rates many families cannot afford a 28- day program. However, this isn’t necessary for every drug-dependent person. In fact, more than half of all recovering people didn’t have the inpatient experience. As I make this point, please bear in mind that I’m not suggesting that inpatient treatment isn’t beneficial. It would be wonderful if this was available to everyone; but it’s not. There just aren’t enough facilities for the demand. Even if there were, many people can’t afford it.

Let’s talk about a few other ways to begin recovery. Determining which treatment is appropriate will depend on the drugs the addict has been using, how much, for how long, and his or her level of motivation. We will start with the simplest and work our way up.

Counseling
For those who experience intervention early, before the addiction has become severe, the recovery process might be less complicated. It may involve only a couple of counseling sessions with an addiction counselor and then committing to attend recovery group meetings. There will be some who commit to recovery sooner than others, and the sooner, the better. Some people are lucky enough to not have to hit a low bottom (see chapter 18).

Outpatient Treatment
For those with a moderate problem, outpatient treatment may be appropriate. This works well for the high-functioning addict/alcoholic. By high-functioning I mean the user still has a job and a home, pays his bills on time and is generally responsible, yet knows he has a real problem. Maybe a spouse or a friend has noticed his excessive drinking and mentioned something about it. If the dependent person is doing well on the job or in school and just can’t leave for a month, outpatient treatment may be the answer. This candidate would attend group meetings, typically in the evenings and maybe also see a counselor a few times a week.

Intensive Outpatient Treatment
The next level of treatment is what is called intensive outpatient treatment. This usually consists of two-hour group meetings three to five nights a week. A professional addiction counselor facilitates the meeting. Again, the advantage here is that the addict can continue going to school or work and return to his or her home at night. This is a long day, but is an ideal solution for some who need daily support to be successful in recovery. It also is much less expensive, than residential treatment because the treatment center does not have to provide housing and meals. This option usually lasts four to six weeks and tapers down to whatever is best for the individual.

Inpatient/Residential Treatment
For serious cases, inpatient or residential treatment may be the best option. Residential treatment is what worked for me. I believe it is exceptionally effective for several reasons. First, it pulls the patient completely out of their environment, removing them from their friends, who are usually other substance abusers. A family may also want to consider sending the user out of state to really move them to a different environment (at this point, we are talking about only a few hundred extra dollars for traveling expenses).

Inpatient treatment is very structured. The first few days are often referred to as detox, which means going through some physical withdrawal. This phase varies quite a bit from person to person. Believe me, this experience is not fun, but I made it through. The severity of a person’s detox experience depends on the drug or drugs a person has been using. I’ve heard a few people say it was no big deal at all. Others have described it as four or five days of living hell. There are some drugs available now that can help ease the discomfort of the first few days of withdrawal.

When I arrived at the treatment center in Atchison, Kansas, the intake person asked me about my drug use history. Along with everything else, I had been taking a high dose of Valium every day. I didn’t think it was going to be a big deal to give up. But stopping this drug all at once, after years of use, was a shock to my system. I had a couple of very difficult days. The feelings I had are not easy to describe. Along with the insomnia came some hallucinations. In some ways it was like having a nightmare while being awake. The rational part of my brain knew I needed to quit using, not just Valium, but everything else as well. But my body and part of my mind still wanted and needed that drug. There was a battle going on. A real fight. Had I tried to do this on my own, I seriously doubt that I would have stuck it out. Treatment centers want to move everyone through this stage as quickly as possible and get them involved in recovery work.

Most facilities post their regular schedule on their website. The lectures and groups that take place throughout the day shed light on every aspect of drug and alcohol dependency. The person learns in great detail what will happen (or has already happened) to them physically, mentally and spiritually. In addition to participating in groups, each person meets one-on- one with a professional counselor. Many facilities have a chaplain on staff. Few, if any, chaplains will get into debating religion or suggest that a person must adopt any certain belief-system. Regardless of this, people often come into treatment looking for answers to spiritual issues, and centers have found it beneficial to have a professional available to meet the spiritual needs of their patients.

I will always remember how meaningful it was to spend time during the evenings and weekends with others who shared the same struggles. There is a special bond among those who have been there. People are encouraged to take walks and to experience their feelings on a deeper level through journaling. Time allotted for reading, reflecting, prayer, and meditation are luxuries the addict did not have (and did not care about having) in his home environment. This experience can be a real turning point in a person’s life.

Specialized Treatment
Gender-specific (all-men or all-women) centers have recently be- come a great option. A patient who is in a gender-specific facility has the advantage of speaking more openly and gaining a more complete understanding from group members who share the same life experiences. There are certain issues that apply to men more than women, and vice-versa. When addiction issues are dealt with in a specifically male or female context, a very therapeutic and powerful camaraderie forms.

Men, for example, find it difficult to admit weakness and accept defeat. But if they are with a group of other men who have also had their lives destroyed by drug abuse, they are more likely to be humble and honest in a group setting. Having to admit to brokenness in a mixed group is much more difficult (it’s that whole macho thing). Even the reason men and women become users can be different. Men seem to take illicit drugs to get a high and as an adventure, whereas women take them more often to relieve stress and to self-medicate.

Women in treatment often have been taken advantage of by men, so they may be more likely to open up without men in the room. They are more sensitive to the social stigma of addiction, and therefore may have been more private about their substance use than men. Women also are more likely to be dealing with parenting issues. Lately, more and more inpatient treatment centers are opening their facilities to children so they can stay with their mothers for the duration of their treatment.

Depending on the severity of a person’s addiction, longer treatment can be more effective than a typical twenty-eight-day stay. Sixty-day and ninety-day treatments are becoming more common. Someone who was using large amounts of methamphetamine, cocaine, or heroin over a period of years may need ninety days of treatment. But regardless of the drug the person has been using, there can be varying reasons why extended treatment may be to their advantage. For example, some people will need more time to work on ways to resist drug use and develop replacements for drug-using activities. There are many factors to consider before a person leaves treatment; the center itself will make recommendations. I can’t think of any cases where a few extra weeks in treatment turned out to be a bad idea. There is a lot at stake here.

Cost of Treatment
In today’s unstable economy, the financial strain of recovery is a real issue for families. How much does treatment have to cost? Who pays? The average cost for a one-month program is about $20,000. Prices usually begin around $10,000 and go up to $40,000 or more. This is a lot of money seemingly out of reach for most families. But when you consider how much money the addict has blown on drug and alcohol use in the past, and how beneficial this treatment program will be, it may be well worth it.

There are ways to defray the cost of treatment. First of all, some employers are willing to help cover the cost; all you have to do is ask. Some insurance companies will cover the cost as well, so families need to find out what their insurance plan will and will not cover. However, many treatment facilities unfortunately do not accept insurance. Dealing with insurance companies is often a paperwork nightmare, and some centers do not have the staff to keep up with what it requires. Moreover, some insurance companies try to dictate just what type of treatment they will cover and for how long, and this may not fit with a treatment center’s philosophy or diagnosis. However, there are centers that do take insurance, and usually they will make all the phone calls concerning coverage and handle the details for you.

If the employer won’t help cover the cost of a treatment program, and the insurance plan doesn’t cover it or if it does but the treatment center won’t accept insurance money you should know that many facilities will take people for less than the standard fee–sometimes much less. Occasionally, patients are able to get ten to fifty percent off of the normal rate. Some centers will even let you make payments on a discounted price. In these cases, they are essentially loaning you the money in spite of credit history. How do you find out about these discounts? Ask. That’s right, simply ask if there is any way to get a reduced fee.

How are they able to charge less? There may be some scholarship money available, or sometimes a hospital or a graduate of the treatment program will help cover the cost. If a treatment center sees that a person is able to pay only a portion of the cost, and if it is obvious that the person is motivated to begin recovery, those at the center will be motivated to help as well. For people working in this field, drug treatment is both a business and a passion. A high percentage of counselors, staff and owners are also recovering people. For most, it’s not all about the money. Call around. Ask a lot of questions. You just might be surprised what you find out.

So far we’ve covered the more formal, structured treatment methods. So, what other forms of treatment or support are available?

Twelve-Step Programs
Probably the most obvious are the twelve-step programs. AA (Alcoholics Anonymous) and NA (Narcotics Anonymous) are literally everywhere, all the time, across the world, and they are free. Al-Anon is also available to the family member who needs support or information. These groups all have listed phone numbers and will give you information twenty-four hours a day.

Sadly, within the Christian Community there are some who see a conflict with The Twelve Steps (of AA and Al-Anon) and biblical principles. I’ve studied this at length and I have found none. For those who are followers of Christ, we can simply know that He is our Higher Power–our understanding of God.
As I mentioned earlier, many churches are now adding addiction counselors to their staff. Some churches even refer to themselves as Recovery Churches. Things are changing. An important point to keep in mind is that the addict or alcoholic must have daily support as they begin this road to recovery. In the beginning, a person in recovery is high-maintenance and needs daily support. This is why I believe that a twelve-step program must be part of early recovery. Are there rare exceptions to this? Yes. But remember how much is at stake. I personally know of many Christians who took advantage of what AA had to offer and are now glad they did.

Is AA or NA appropriate for everyone? This is a tough question. You can surely check it out for yourself. Discourage your friend or family member from making a judgment too quickly after visiting just one group. Each group has its own personality. Sometimes it takes visiting several to find a group that the addict will feel comfortable with. There are different meetings in all parts of town, including: men’s, women’s, open meetings (where a person doesn’t have to be an alcoholic to attend), and speaker meetings.

Some people in certain professional fields might not feel comfortable attending AA or NA meetings, even though the names of those attending, and the content of such meetings, are confidential. Why? Some people are very visible in their community. If a person is a doctor, dentist, police officer, city official, pastor, judge, lawyer, school-teacher, swim coach, school counselor, CEO, pharmacist, pilot, or bus driver, it might be very difficult to stay anonymous. Most people wouldn’t want to jeopardize their career to get support in such a potentially public manner. I wouldn’t want to meet my surgeon at an AA meeting! Some people may need to find a different resource, but more often than not, twelve-step groups are very beneficial.

Spin-offs of the traditional twelve-step groups include faith-based groups like Celebrate Recovery, Christians in Recovery and the Salvation Army. The Salvation Army also offers free in-patient recovery programs in some cities. There is help available for almost everyone. People that need recovery have choices, ranging from those that cost absolutely nothing to a multitude of deluxe high-priced options. Help is out there. Just ask.

Over the past two decades I’ve seen addicts and families recover from both mild and severe addiction problems. Sadly, there are others who give up the fight before they even get started. Finding a good support group or counselor doesn’t always happen overnight. Get referrals, talk to others who had similar problems, and be persistent. Determination always pays off.

“There is help available for almost everyone.
People that need recovery have choices.”

“We can’t afford treatment. What now?”
excerpted from revised edition (pg. 101) of
Why Don’t They Just Quit?
What families and friends need to know about addiction and recovery.
(click on title above to purchase)

RELATED ARTICLES:
Alcohol Drug Abuse: Christian Treatment Made in God’s image

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__________________________________________________
can’t afford treatment cost of treatment low cost treatment

May 4, 2010 by jherzanek | 3 comments

I just noticed new privacy controls for Facebook, in which kids can let others see their posts—excluding their parents. Read more below:

Teens use Internet to share drug stories
By Donna Leinwand, USA TODAY

Ashley Duffy, 18, knew her parents wouldn’t tap into her online journal so she wrote freely about her drug use. She says she used the Internet to contact her dealer and connect at parties with people who had drugs.

“Kids are really open about it. I see posts from other people describing a night on acid or whatever,” says Duffy of West Chester, Pa., who underwent treatment and says she has been drug-free for 16 months. “I think they think their parents are clueless. And I guess they are.”

A study being released today of more than 10 million online messages written by teens in the past year shows they regularly chat about drinking alcohol, smoking pot, partying and hooking up. The Caron Treatment Centers, a non-profit program in Wernersville, Pa., that also funds research into drug addiction, commissioned the study by Nielsen BuzzMetrics.

Nielson analysts used a computer program to search blogs, public chat rooms, messages boards and other places that attract teens. About 2% of the posts specifically mentioned drugs or alcohol.

The study offers insight into what teens talk about online and classifies the messages into common themes. Many of the teens who posted messages about drugs or alcohol often traded information about using illicit substances without getting hurt or caught. Some teens debated drug legalization and the drinking age. Other teens recounted their partying experiences, including sexual liaisons while drunk or high, the study says.

Kids often use code words they believe their parents won’t understand, says Duffy, who was treated at Caron. “You can’t use any words like pot and mary jane and weed because your parents will know that.”

Lucky O’Donnell, 19, of New York, used to refer to cocaine as “yay” or “cocoa” and heroin as “skag” when he posted messages on friends’ sites on MySpace.

O’Donnell, who says he has been drug-free since Dec. 12, 2005, had used the Internet to research how much cocaine he could carry without risking arrest for drug dealing and how much he could take — and in what combinations with other drugs — without getting sick.

He says his research landed him in the intensive care unit just before his 17th birthday. He says his mother found him convulsing on the floor after he had combined cocaine with Tylenol PM and alcohol.

“One site said it was fine, one site said it wasn’t,” O’Donnell says. “I wasn’t able to differentiate the information. You want to believe everything you read.”

The misinformation on the Internet about drugs is staggering, says Carol Falkowski, director of research communications for Hazelden Foundation, an addiction treatment, education and research center in Center City, Minn. “What kids used to learn about drugs on street corners, they now learn online,” Falkowski says. The Internet “erases geographic and social boundaries,” she said. “Kids who live in remote areas can develop a camaraderie online of drug-abusing kids. They can share stories about drug experiences.”

Janice Styer, an addiction counselor at Caron, says the treatment center now urges parents to monitor their teens’ Web surfing and to keep the computer in a family room. “Five years ago, we weren’t even thinking about this,” Styer says.

Scott Burns, deputy director of the White House Office of National Drug Control Policy, said he had a blistering fight with his teenage daughter when he insisted on moving the computer to the family room. He also learned the acronym, “POS” — parent over shoulder.

“It’s a lot easier said than done, I know,” Burns says. “As a parent, it’s hard to keep up with your teens and their technologies. If you’re not tech savvy, if you don’t have Internet skills, you need to learn them.”

The study’s analysis of alcohol messages found that teens mentioned hooking up and having sex while drunk, being drunk at parties, getting help for a friend who drinks too much and drinking until getting sick. The most popular drinks mentioned in the messages were beer and vodka.

In a sample message included with the study, one unnamed teen wrote: “I’ve had alcohol once or twice (once to the point of being drunk) and sex is waaaaay better.”

In postings about marijuana, teens asked about possible addiction and whether it alleviated depression, the study shows. Teens also shared stories about cutting class, drinking alcohol, smoking cigarettes and mutilating themselves while getting high.

Another message from an unnamed teen included in the study asked about marijuana: “Has anyone ever passed out from smoking weed? I was at the beach and I just collapsed and I don’t remember that happening.”

In posts about other drugs, teens sought or offered information on Ecstasy, hallucinogenic mushrooms, LSD and heroin. They talked about experimentation with drugs and sought advice on taking drugs safely.

An unnamed teen in one post included in the study asked for information about DXM, a drug found in over-the-counter cough syrup:

“I tried DXM for the first time on Saturday (200mg) and it was interesting. Can I try it again … say tomorrow … or should I wait longer. I read somewhere you should give DXM at least a week until you try it again. Anyone know?”

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April 22, 2010 by jherzanek | No comments

HOW DO I SHOW MY LOVE WITHOUT ENABLING?


CLICK TO WATCH SHORT CLIP

The 10 Toughest Questions Families and Friends Ask About Addiction and Recovery

“What family & friends need to know” about alcohol and substance abuse in the life of a loved-one.

View a short video preview of DVD

• How can I tell . . . if a person is addicted or just a heavy user?
• How do I confront this person?
• How do I handle adolescent use and abuse?
• How do I show my love without enabling?
• Does treatment work?
• We can’t afford treatment. What now?
• How do I handle relapse? Will this ever stop?
• What if they just can’t quit?
• I’ve tried it all. Nothing is working. What now?
• How do I get MY life back?

For more info visit Changing Lives Foundation

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April 13, 2010 by jherzanek | No comments

Need for substance abuse treatment could double by 2020, report shows

FRIDAY, Jan. 8 (HealthDay News) — Almost 5 percent of aging Baby Boomers in the United States are abusing drugs, a new government report shows.

That’s about 4.3 million adults over the age of 50 who are smoking marijuana, abusing prescription medication and engaging in other illicit drug activity — a number that far exceeds that of their parents’ generation.

“This is becoming more and more apparent in practice,” said Dr. Ihsan M. Salloum, chief of the Division of Alcohol and Drug Abuse: Treatment and Research at the University of Miami Miller School of Medicine. “You have both prescription drugs being used that people can become addicted to and also people who have had a pattern of use from before.”

The driving force behind the trend, said Peter Delany, director of the Office of Applied Studies at the U.S. Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA), is people who used drugs when they were younger and never really stopped.

This is, after all, the era of the Rolling Stones as senior citizens.

The projected increase in the number of older drug abusers is expected to double the demand for treatment services by 2020, the report stated.

The report, based on data collected during 2006-08 from almost 20,000 U.S. adults born between 1946 and 1964, found that more men are smoking marijuana than are abusing prescription drugs (4.2 percent vs. 2.3 percent). About the same proportion of women engage in both behaviors (hovering near 2 percent).

Many more men aged 50 to 54 acknowledged using marijuana in the previous year than women (8.5 percent vs. 3.9 percent).

Pot smoking was more prevalent among the younger end of the spectrum (those aged 50 to 59), while prescription drug abuse was more common in the older age bracket (aged 65 and up).

Less than 1 percent of older adults said they had used drugs other than pot or prescription-like medications, including 0.5 percent for cocaine, 0.1 percent for hallucinogens and 0.1 percent for heroin.

In the period 2002-06, the annual average number of people over the age of 50 using illicit drugs was 2.8 million.

Although “harder” drugs such as crystal meth and cocaine aren’t the main offenders in this demographic, drug use among older, generally more frail, individuals does bring special concerns.

“This population tends to have other health problems, especially chronic health problems,” Delany explained. “And as we age we don’t metabolize drugs the same way.”

Also, older people with a substance-abuse diagnosis are much more at risk of suicide, said Dr. David Schlager, clinical assistant professor of psychiatry and behavioral science at Texas A&M Health Science Center College of Medicine and a psychiatrist with Lone Star Circle of Care, which has health clinics throughout Texas.

Finding appropriate treatments for this group adds more potential complications.

“We don’t really have data and research for the most effective treatments for older individuals,” said Jeffrey Parsons, chair of psychology at Hunter College in New York City. “Are existing programs effective or do we need to start from scratch?”

And the two different groups of older drug users — those with new addictions and those with long-term issues — may need different treatments, he added.

Not to mention the inherent limitations in drug abuse treatment and services as they currently stand. “The treatment is not terrible advanced,” Schlager noted.

On the other hand, Schlager said, Baby Boomers may be in a better position both to access what services there are and to pay for them.

SOURCES: Jeffrey T. Parsons, Ph.D., professor and chair, psychology, Hunter College, New York City; Ihsan M. Salloum, M.D., professor, psychiatry and behavioral sciences, and chief, Division of Alcohol and Drug Abuse: Treatment and Research, University of Miami Miller School of Medicine; David Schlager, M.D., clinical assistant professor, psychiatry and behavioral science, Texas A&M Health Science Center College of Medicine, and psychiatrist, Lone Star Circle of Care; Peter J. Delany, Ph.D., director, Office of Applied Studies, Substance Abuse & Mental Health Services Administration

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March 22, 2010 by jherzanek | 1 comment

PouringFoundation2

Note: The Haven is our all-time favorite recovery program for women. A visit to this facility is all it takes to fall in love with the Moms, the babies and this “incredibly successful recovery program.”

The Window

~ By Julie Krow

Early in my career I was a child protection caseworker and one of my first assignments was to investigate alleged substance use and domestic violence in a home with three young children. I had an address for an apartment building and wondered how I would find the family I was looking for. As I pulled up to the apartment building I saw people lingering on the lawn, discarded liquor bottles and trash everywhere, and a window.

There was something about that window that caught my eye. There was a screen blowing loosely in the wind and a small child’s legs were protruding from the window. I saw tiny hands clutching a damaged window frame. In a moment, I knew that I had located the family.

I heard some yelling, some swearing, saw the child being yanked back in, and heard a loud smacking noise and some crying. I headed up the stairs, trying to keep an open mind, thinking about what I might find.

An older woman opened the door and said there were no children in the home. I saw another woman. She was very thin, missing her front teeth, lying on the couch, nearly passed out. There was a drugs on the table, beer cans and cigarettes strewn everywhere.

I asked to see the home. The woman on the couch woke up and started making calls. The older woman led me to each room showing me that there were no children in the home. I asked her to open the last door and she grudgingly opened it. I found three children lying on a mattress on the floor, clothing and trash everywhere. The baby was very thin. I could see her ribs and she had on a dirty diaper. The other children had bruises on their arms and legs and cigarette burns on their backs. They huddled together and were fearful of their caretakers. I knew that this was not an isolated incident and struggled internally with the dilemma of how to help these children without making their lives more complicated or their situation worse. At the same time, I felt some compassion for their caretakers, knowing that they probably came from a similar situation themselves.

The children did not cry when they said goodbye to their family and happily jumped in the police car. I thought about the childrens view and wondered how they could say goodbye so easily.

At the station, they ate everything the officers brought to them, and smiled and posed gleefully for the camera. It didn’t seem to occur to the children that photographing their extensive bruises and burns was part of documenting a criminal case; they had adapted to their situation.

I tried to be fair, to keep children safe, and to work with families so children could remain safely in their homes. I searched for caring relatives, and placed kids in foster and adoptive homes when nothing else worked. But I always wished that I could have intervened earlier, that I could have helped these mothers when they were pregnant. I knew it would be best if the mother and baby could be in a safe environment together and the infant could be raised by their own family, in their own culture. Every child I worked with always looked for their family at some point; they always wanted to go home. I stayed in that job for several years, oftentimes saddened by the suffering and despair I witnessed.

Today, as Director of the Haven — a substance abuse treatment program for pregnant women, where babies can live with their moms while their moms learn to be kind and effective parents — my wish to intervene early, and keep families together, has come true.

Every day, about 3:45, our chubby, happy babies crowd around the window at the Baby Haven waiting for their moms to arrive. Staff and volunteers hold the younger babies who pedal their legs and waive their arms in anticipation. I wonder how these infants and toddlers seem to intuitively know what time it is. A group of Haven moms walk down the sidewalk pushing colorful strollers, waving happily at the babies. These moms hold their heads high. They look healthy, sober, happy, and confident. The babies bounce, point, blow kisses, squeal, and giggle excitedly knowing their moms are coming for them.

Our program has been so effective that we have outgrown our small childcare facility. We are now preparing to build a therapeutic early childhood education center for drug exposed infants up to age three.

Our volunteer, Kathryn Winn, has made a request for our new building. The window at the current Baby Haven is too small and there is not enough room for every baby to look for their mother. Kathryn wants a new window, one that is very large and low with a safe, smooth ledge to pull up on.

I can’t wait for the day we open our new building and Kathryn will have her window. All of the Haven babies will see their mothers coming up the street to gather them up and take them home.

These babies cannot wait to see their mothers coming. And nothing could make me happier.

To Donate to the Haven


Your donation will ensure that more moms and babies have a chance for a happy, healthy substance free childhood!  Thank you!


Find out how YOU can Help.
Click here to download brochure

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March 3, 2010 by jherzanek | 2 comments

“Real Stories, Real People”
excerpted from revised edition (pg. 263) of
Why Don’t They Just Quit?
What families and friends need to know about addiction and recovery.

Never give up hope.
I’ve been inspired over and over by the testimonies
of those who have lived through the nightmare of addiction and managed
to regain control of their lives. When you find yourself discouraged
and ready to give up hope for someone you love, you may find
these accounts to be the inspiration you need.

This story comes to us from a woman I recently helped coach
through some very tough times. Little did I realize just how tough. I like
to try to remember, “you never know just what someone might be going
through . . .”

Although it was difficult for her to revisit these experiences, she did
a superb job recounting the past and sharing her insights. But for the
grace of God and her wise but painful decisions about how to handle
Dan, she could so easily have had one more funeral to attend.

Daniel’s Story
A Mother’s Painful Lessons Learned

It is difficult to think back on the story of my son, Daniel, and his addiction.
It is hard to experience once again the pain of that time in my life. I
do so that I may remember more clearly the lessons I have learned and
perhaps help someone else who may be facing this destructive disease.

Although Daniel’s father and I divorced when Dan was seven, it was in Daniel’s
early middle school years when my family started on his painful
path of using. Perhaps Daniel’s use started because there was more friction
between his parents, or his best friend moved away in 6th grade, or that
in six months time Dan went from a little boy to looking like he was
eighteen years old. It really doesn’t matter how it began, the truth is Dan
used because he is an addict.

My relationship with my son was very strong and loving throughout
his young life, so when there started to be some tension and fighting, it
seemed normal; it was important that he “break” from his strong ties
with his mom to search out his identification as a young man. I still think
that was a reasonable explanation initially but I held on to that explanation
long after I knew in my heart it was more than that.

My son was an athlete who excelled at all team sports. He had gone
through puberty early which gave him an advantage of size and coordination.
He was unassuming and coachable; his teams were successful
and his teammates looked up to him. For whatever reasons, he was attracted
to the wrong crowd. He said kids his age were boring and since
he looked older, he gravitated to older kids.

In eighth grade his behavior became erratic. He would get angry in
a split second over little things and he started punching walls and breaking
chairs. He got into some minor trouble at school and at the end of
his eighth grade summer, he and a friend stole a car. He went through
the diversion program and participated in a restorative justice program.
It seemed he really understood that he needed to change his ways.

Daniel’s first year of high school had many successes in academics
and sports. Socially, he still had friends his age but once again, the older
crowd was becoming a big part of his life. Toward the end of his freshman
year something changed and he started shutting me out of his life
again. At the time I knew it was a red flag but could not convince his dad
or his counselor that he was using.

Sophomore year was difficult. Dan would not speak to me, he lived
full-time with his dad and was spiraling down. He was in therapy off
and on with someone who was highly respected in the community and
credible as an adolescent counselor. I kept insisting that I thought Daniel’s
behavior was indicative of substance abuse, but no one agreed.

In February, Dan came to my house after school drunk with marks
on his arms from hurting himself. He said he wanted to die. I called
the police, Dan went to the ER and then was released to a psychiatric
hospital. When he was to be dismissed, he said he would not do any
outpatient care and his therapist recommended a wilderness program. I
knew I couldn’t watch him 24-7 and I knew that is what he needed. He
was there for two and a half months which gave me some hope and
some sleep, but the program did not emphasize the disease of addiction.
Dan had no 12-step skills, no understanding of his disease and the first
weekend home he went to a party and came home totally smashed.

I don’t remember specifics of junior year. It was a fog of sleepless
nights, days and nights of not knowing where he was or what he was
doing or who he was with. Daniel’s dad was still in denial and refused to
address the use issues. Most high school kids drink and get in trouble,
right? “This is just normal high school stuff � was the response I would
get from so many people. I knew it wasn’t; I knew Dan was one of those
people who could not drink alcohol. I heard rumors about the people he
was friends with and some of the criminal things they were doing. And
I was torn about what I should do. I consulted many different therapists
and was told there was nothing I could do. I called the police, I called
a parole officer whose son struggled with the same issues, I talked to
friends. It was the most frustrating, helpless, depressing time of my life.
I would wake in the middle of the night in panic. Was my son dead
somewhere? Was he lying passed out in the freezing cold? If I did something
now, would I save his life? I would call his phone, not expecting him to pick up,
but believing that it might wake him and keep him from dying.
It was the most stressful and hopeless time of Daniel’s addiction for
me. He ended up in the psychiatric hospital in February. Again, I asked
the professionals if this could be a result of using and they said maybe,
but they were looking at mental illness diagnoses.

In the summer after his junior year, my family experienced a tragedy.
My oldest daughter’s husband was killed by an impaired driver.
It was devastating to the whole family and a turning point for Dan and
me. Dan, of course, stepped up his use. He started using hard drugs and
dropped out of school. For me, I had to turn my attention to my daughter
and granddaughter. It forced me to let go of Daniel’s use and abuse
issues and give them to him to figure out. I still prayed that he would
live and choose to live clean and sober but I stopped trying to make it
happen. My response changed from “You have to stop doing this to
yourself or you will die” to “I pray that you choose to live life clean
and sober and let me know what I can do to help you.” I was consumed
with grief over the loss of my son-in-law and with the need to help my
daughter as a single parent. I had to prioritize my use of energy with a
full-time job, my twenty-seven year old widowed daughter, my fatherless
granddaughter, my fifteen year old daughter, and my using addict
son. I just didn’t have the energy to continue worrying about him the
same way I had been. I had to “let it go” and trust that he would figure
it out.

Dan expressed survivor guilt after his brother-in-law was killed,
thinking he was the one who messed up, he was the one who caused
so much pain to the family and he was the one who deserved to die. He
ended up in jail the summer after what should have been his graduation
from high school. He had stolen a car again and was writing checks on
his dad’s account. When he got out of jail he came to live with me amid
promises of not using and following the terms of his probation. After a few
months his use escalated to using heroin and he attended a 30
day treatment program in December. His sisters and I came to family
week to support him in his recovery. We wanted to show him we cared,
but we also were resentful that he was asking more of us. We hoped for
the best for him this time, but we still saw signs that he didn’t take full
responsibility.

Most importantly, during these family sessions I gained clarity about
what my boundaries needed to be and made a commitment to hold to
them. If I suspected that he was high, I would not ask him to confirm or
deny it, I would ask him to leave. He could not live in my house if he
was using. And I learned to trust my intuition regarding whether he was
and I did not need someone else to agree with me. I had the confidence
to believe that I knew my son and his behavior well enough to know
when he was clean and when he was not. I also came to the realization
that there was nothing I could have done to keep my son-in-law from
being killed and there was nothing I could do to keep my son alive if he
was determined to die.

A few weeks after he “graduated” from rehab, he started using again.
I told him I loved him and he was not following the rules we established.
He needed to leave. When I came home from work I began to realize
that he had been coming in the house through different windows. He
had done this in the past just to get in, but this time was different. This
time, he was coming in to steal from me. He stole gold jewelry, tools,
and musical instruments. I went to pawn shops in town and was able to
track down some of the items and get the names of the young men who
had pawned them for Dan. With this information, I filed a police report.
Although it was difficult to do, I was certain that my son was begging
me to do something drastic. He was out of control and could not stop
himself. I was going to help him by keeping my boundaries.

The next time I talked with Dan I gave him a choice.
He could admit himself into a detox unit and make a commitment to
staying clean and sober or I was going to file charges against him for theft.
He choose detox. He worked with his probation officer on some different living
situations after he detoxed, but one required a year commitment and one was
not an option because Dan was on probation. Joe coached me through
this trying time. I had read Joe’s book and knew I needed to be clear
about my boundaries and the consequences. When my son got out after
3 days of detoxing, once again, he got high. I told him to leave again.
Joe had told me to tell Dan not to come back until after he was clean for
90 days. I told Dan that. Dan left the house and I broke down in tears.

The next day I called one of the counselors at the detox and told
him that I kicked Dan out because he used. The counselor said good. I
needed that support. I called Joe and asked if I should file charges, like I
said I would. Joe reminded me that my son would not die of an overdose
in jail. I needed that reminder. I needed the support of these recovery
experts in order to do what I needed to do.

The next morning I went into the garage to let out the dog before I
went to work. My son was sleeping there, huddled up next to the dog.
It was one of the most heartbreaking sights for me. How could it have
come to this? My once sweet, loving boy, now a heroin addict who is
living like a dog? Again, I told him I loved him and the agreement we
had was that if he used I would file charges. I told him that I would file
charges after work. That afternoon I got a call from Daniel’s probation
officer who said Dan had come and asked her to do something for him.
He needed help. She called a Christian sober living home and Dan could
come and live there, but needed to make a one year commitment. Dan
agreed. I did not file charges that afternoon, but there is no doubt in my
mind I would have. And I think there was no doubt in Daniel’s mind that
day that I would have.

The relief I felt for the next few weeks was unbelievable. I woke up
in the morning after a full nigh’s sleep. I rested with the assurance that
my son was in a safe and healthy place. The surrender that began when
I turned my son’s addiction over to him ended with complete relief. I
couldn’t talk with him the first month he was there and I was glad of
that. I knew I could get hooked back in and I knew it would not be good
for any of us.

I went to see him after about four weeks and he looked better than he
had in the last year. My son looked like himself, talked to me with love
and gentleness and wanted to stay where he was and be clean.

That was over twelve months ago and our relationship continues to rebuild.
I learned well that he was not trustworthy and I’m not sure how
long it will take for me to believe what he says. I have always believed
in him and I still do. The lying, deceit, and stealing destroyed the foundation
of our relationship. That is a reality of the using addict’s life. I
imagine it will take as many years to rebuild my trust as he spent destroying
my trust.

When I look back, it’s hard to say if I did the right thing or not all
those years. I have come to believe that life is a process and I can only
know what I know when I know it. I am grateful that Dan is where he is
now and I relish each day of his sobriety. I pray that he chooses life each
day and not the death that comes with using. Recovery is a marathon and
he is in the first mile. I am clear that my role is to support and not enable,
to have clear boundaries and to love him. Everything else is up to him.

I am grateful today not for the pain of these last few years of my life
but for the lessons I have learned from dealing with that pain. Those lessons
include learning to trust my intuition, learning to set and maintain
clear boundaries with love and kindness, learning acceptance for what
is, and trusting the judgment of people like Joe.

Addendum:
As of this posting, Dan remains clean and sober, working and living out-of-state with his father.

“Real Stories, Real People”
excerpted from revised edition (pg. 263) of
 Why Don’t They Just Quit?
What families and friends need to know about addiction and recovery.
(click on title above to purchase)

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_______________________________________________________
Painful lessons learned Painful lessons learned Painful lessons learned

February 27, 2010 by jherzanek | 5 comments

Willpower. Isn't Addiction Just A Willpower Problem?
Q. Isn’t addiction just a willpower problem?

A. No.
When men or women begin using alcohol or drugs, willpower does play an important role. Deciding to drink or use drugs the first few times is simply a choice. The person may find the initial experiences enjoyable and pleasurable, but that doesn’t make them an addict or alcoholic. Certain drugs can have a much more powerful effect than others, which the user may want to repeat. Just the same, it takes time to become physically and mentally dependent.

Over time, the brain and central nervous system will expect the drug to come in from the outside. This is where physical dependence begins: stopping the use now will result in some signs of withdrawal. Mental or psychological dependence also plays a role in addiction. Once the person develops a physical and mental dependency (i.e. an obsession), willpower becomes less effective. The longer a person continues to use and build tolerance, the more difficult it is to just quit with willpower alone.

There is much to be said regarding this subject of willpower, or lack of it. Many recovering people swear, If not for a power greater than myself, I would still be using. Many addicts who recognize their need to quit do not want to quit. Where then will this desire come from?

Whether this power comes from the person’s spiritual life, or the power of their group or caring friends, recovering people recognize that sheer willpower does not work for them. At some point in recovery, a desire to stop using manifests itself in a person’s consciousness.

Call it what you will; I call this a miracle.
–Joe Herzanek

Footprints in the sand
~ Footprints in the Sand ~

One night I dreamed I was walking along the beach with the Lord.
Many scenes from my life flashed across the sky.
In each scene I noticed footprints in the sand.
Sometimes there were two sets of footprints, other times there was one only.
This bothered me because I noticed that during the low periods of my life, when I was suffering from anguish, sorrow or defeat,
I could see only one set of footprints, so I said to the Lord,
“You promised me Lord, that if I followed you, you would walk with me always.
But I have noticed that during the most trying periods of my life
there has only been one set of footprints in the sand.
Why, when I needed you most,
have you not been there for me?”
The Lord replied,
“The years when you have seen only one set of footprints, my child,
is when I carried you.”

–Author (still) unknown

This article is excerpted from the 2010 Revised and updated book “Why Don’t They JUST QUIT? What friends and families need to know about addiction and recovery.“

Article photos by Judy Herzanek

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January 14, 2010 by jherzanek | No comments


by Joe Herzanek

The holiday season is quickly approaching. In this twenty-first century, the winter holidays are both a joyous and stressful time of the year-a time when social gatherings with friends, family and co-workers are happening all around us. Little children are excited at seeing all the sights and experiencing the festivities. For many adults and some children, this can also be a stressful time.

Many of us overcommit to school, church, and work programs. When you add shopping, baking, gift buying, house decorating and entertaining, many will find themselves a little busier than they care to be.

Now, let’s add one more element to the mix: a family member or close friend who is either in recovery or needs to be. How does this impact the scenario?

First, we’ll talk about the person in recovery; and for the sake of discussion, we’ll talk about he or she being in early recovery (the first year or two). Then we’ll move to the person who should be in recovery.

The man or woman in early recovery, who is experiencing the holiday season clean and sober for the first or second time, may also feel a little overwhelmed. For him or her, this time of year can be bittersweet. Most will be excited about going through this season sober or drug-free for the first time in a long time. They may also be remembering some of the past holidays that were, shall we say, “less than ideal”.

For the person new in recovery this is no time to slack off when it comes to attending support groups. Stress is the number one reason for a relapse. Those in early recovery need to be aware of the many things that can trigger a poor decision. Spending some extra time with friends who are also in recovery can make all the difference.

Now, let’s shift our thinking to person number two-the one who needs to be in recovery. How do we handle this situation-especially when this is someone we are about? When the person is someone we may even be living with? What can we do?

What we decide to do may depend on how severely this person’s addiction has progressed. As family members or friends, we too will need to “vent”. For some, it means just making the best of a difficult situation. There may be children involved who don’t understand what’s going on. Finding someone to talk with will make a big difference for us as well. There are a number of resources to take advantage of. Many of them are available at no cost. It just takes a little looking around.

Al-Anon, for adults as well as teens, family groups at a local treatment center, church and community groups-all want to help. One of the great things people experience after attending one of these resources is the peace of knowing that they are not alone. Many other people are experiencing the same thing. People in these groups can offer hope in the midst of what may appear to be a very stressful and hopeless time. “This too shall pass.”

Have you “tried everything?” To learn about individual counseling with Joe Herzanek (in person or by phone) click here.

(Joe now offers counseling to the alcoholic/addict— as well as to family members)

December 16, 2009 by jherzanek | No comments


These words of wisdom came to me from the “There is always hope” Facebook Fan Page.

I think this time of year (especially) we should pin these words up on our refrigerator where we will see them daily!

Today I will practice detachment by letting go of things I can’t control.

Detachment means standing back and looking at a situation without having a hand in it. Watching fireworks is practicing detachment. Flying a kite is not. Allowing friends the freedom to have their own opinions is practicing detachment. Feeling compelled to change their minds is not. Watching a child create her own drawing is practicing detachment. Holding her hand while she draws is not.

I can’t control other people, their actions, or their beliefs by forcing them to act or believe as I do. Detachment helps me see the big picture, since I can see things more clearly from a distance.

Today, and from now on, I will practice taking care of myself by detaching from people or situations that aren’t good for me. Today I will pay close attention to when I am trying to force the issue, and I’ll remember that my time would be better spent leaving it alone

* Have you “tried everything?” To learn about individual counseling with Joe Herzanek (in person or by phone) click here.

December 3, 2009 by jherzanek | 1 comment

A great post by our friend and Addiction Chaplain Ned Wicker:

My friend Joe Herzanek wrote a terrific book, “Why Don’t They Just Quit” which is a fitting title because that’s the question people always ask. If somebody drinks, why don’t they just quit? The short answer is simply that’s it’s not that easy. Just because they do quit doesn’t mean they’re not a drunk.

Before you get all riled up and offended understand one important point—just because somebody isn’t using doesn’t mean they are not an addict. People who abstain from using alcohol for long periods of time, people who have been diagnosed as being alcoholics, may be dry, but they are still alcoholics. All of the pieces are in place for their lives to go out of control; it’s just that the triggering element, alcohol, is missing. That is why Alcoholics Anonymous strongly advocates for abstinence. Even people who have been in recovery for years understand that all it takes is alcohol for them to be right back on a destructive path.

Over the years I have known many people who have gone through the criminal justice system and served time for DUI. The police arrest them, the judge convicts them and they spend time behind bars. However, while in jail they do not receive treatment. Yes, they are dry, but that only lasts while they are physically prevented from getting a drink. They are still addicts, but they just aren’t using the drug alcohol at the time. Jason comes to mind. He was serving after being convicted yet again of DUI, but like his first time, he was receiving no treatment. There was a program, but a waiting list to get into it was a mile long. Jason got an early release and never did get into treatment. He was a dry drunk. The first opportunity that came along was all he needed to get a snoot full.

Recovery programs are not just limited to going to meetings and not drinking. They are about the rebuilding of one’s life and learning new skills and habits. People who have honestly and openly journeyed through the 12 Step process understand that recovery is about a return to wholeness. People are transformed from drunks, to dry drunks, to recovering drunks. I do not use the term drunks in the pejorative, but instead use it intentionally to illustrate an important point. No matter the addiction, no matter the human condition, just because one is not directly engaged in an activity does not exempt them from potential danger. What is needed to prevent relapse is a change of lifestyle and a commitment to healthy activity.

It wasn’t long after Jason was released that he was in trouble with the law for another DUI. This time the judge wasn’t at all understanding and the sentence was for four years or so. He was back on the waiting list for treatment, but with more time, he finally got in. He was given the opportunity to go from dry drunk to “recovering.” As he learned new ways of dealing with his life, with his cravings and with his out of control lifestyle, he began to realize that, like millions of others, he was in need of help and could get into recovery with the right kind of support and guidance.

It was a major turning point for him. He was not longer the “victim” of the criminal justice system, but a grateful recipient of treatment for his illness. Unlike others who were going through a prison 12 Step program to earn brownie points with the parole board, Jason was earnestly and actively working the program for its long-term benefits. He wasn’t merely going through the motions. When he was released, he continued his recovery program on the outside, this time with a new sense of purpose and direction. He was no longer a dry drunk.

Abstinence is good, but abstinence along does not get the alcoholic out of the woods. You can lock them up and deny them alcohol, but they are still drunks. Treatment and the right kind of support program is what makes the difference. Jason knows that difference.

November 24, 2009 by jherzanek | No comments


“Raise the Bottom Training and Consulting”
Click here to read the article

The following story and its related comments appeared on the Nov 19th 2News.TV site from Boise, Idaho. Although I submitted my below comment last night, it has yet to be posted. I guess my views don’t coincide with theirs? I’ve posted so you can read for yourself and comment here if you would like:

“Raise the Bottom Training and Consulting”
Shame on you. RAISE the bottom? What a joke. Methadone clinics such as the one featured here are one more failed attempt at society’s solution to drug addiction.

This belief, often referred to as harm reduction, does not work. It will never work because it is simply switching from one opiate drug to another opiate drug. Methadone clinics are popping up everywhere. The same is true for the current craze to open “medical marijuana” shops. “They’re going to keep smoking weed so we may as well give up trying to stop them; heck we might even be able to make some money here.”

Someone has been making A LOT of money selling methadone —and the same will be true with pot.

Believe it or not there are many who have just quit using dope, both legal and illegal dope.

Is it easy?
No. So what.

* Have you “tried everything?” To learn about individual counseling with Joe Herzanek (in person or by phone) click here.

November 19, 2009 by jherzanek | 2 comments

This woman did not lose her sense of humor while at the same time doing a great job of Raising the Bottom. Way to go Pat!
By Pat Aussem, October 15th, 2009

Despite the fact that my son Alex was cutting his sophomore classes and ignoring mounting piles of homework assignments, he readily morphed into a Constitutional scholar right before my very eyes whenever it came to the subject of privacy. He had no aspirations to be a lawyer, but argued like one, vehemently stating that privacy was a basic human right, protected under the auspices of the 9th Amendment. In his pursuit of life, liberty and unfettered drug use, he felt that his room, belongings, computer, and cell phone were off limits to parental scrutiny.

As he was growing up I gave him what I thought was age-appropriate privacy, but once Alex broke the rules of our home by using substances, all bets were off. I was waging an all out war against substance use and I needed as much information about my enemy (drugs) as possible. Not only did it give me a handle on what was going on, but it allowed me to share information with his therapist so that we could determine the appropriate level of intervention, more therapy, an outpatient or inpatient program.

While he was actively using, I found drugs and drug paraphernalia in the most creative places – inside an electric pencil sharpener, under the rug in a corner of the closet, and inside books where pages had been cut out, not to mention clothing pockets and his backpack. Checking Facebook and text messages on his cell phone also proved to be enlightening with messages like “R U puffin 2nite?” Although I did not use computer-monitoring software like eBlaster to track instant messages and email, some parents do this as well.

When I found my postal scales in his room, I immediately suspected that in addition to using, Alex was most likely dealing, a realization that terrified me on so many levels – his escalating drug use, the danger of dealing with drug dealers and the legal implications, to name a few.

I carted everything I had found with us to Alex’s next therapy appointment, placed it on his therapist’s table with a dramatic flourish and said, “What do we do about this?” As recognition flitted across Alex’s face, he blanched while the therapist commented that it didn’t “look good” and he would talk to Alex in more detail while I cooled my heels in the waiting room.

Unfortunately, Alex was masterful at spinning great stories and used his talents to get his therapist to believe that it was all a “big mistake” and everything belonged to a “friend,” although they both agreed it was the product of poor decision-making. The therapist went on to assure me that Alex was not dealing.

As much as I truly wanted to believe him, I had strong doubts and continued to be vigilant. It was not long afterward that another discovery led to Alex’s placement in an outpatient program, and eventually, an inpatient program.

While Alex was in the inpatient program, my husband, younger son and I attended their Family Education Program. When we arrived at the point in the program where the facilitator, Mark, brought up snooping, there was a great deal of giggling over the many imaginative places our teens had chosen to hide their drug stashes, wishing in a unified lament that they would channel their creativity to the good.

One comment Mark made that has stuck with me in this regard is that we could retire our CSI-like skills when our teens returned home. He told us that we would know long beforehand if they had chosen to start using again by their behaviors– a sort of uneasy restlessness, being short-tempered, skipping AA meetings, wanting to see former using friends, etc.

I took Mark’s advice and turned in my decoder ring and trench coat when Alex came home. I could see that Alex was not using and prayed that it would stay that way, noticing the day in ups and downs, but nothing that signaled the return to the pre-rehab nightmare.

The postscript is that Alex will celebrate five years of sobriety on September 27th.

So if I had it to do over again, would I snoop? Most definitely pre-treatment. I think parents need to know what their adolescents are doing in order to to determine the next steps to take. Every time I found something, I imposed consequences in an effort to make Alex’s drug-using life as miserable as I could. I wanted him to reach his bottom with drugs and I would do anything to speed up the process. And I would encourage any parent faced with a teenager using drugs to do the same.

Posted on:
INTERVENE. A community of parents concerned about their teens’ alcohol and drug use.

http://intervene.drugfree.org/

* Have you “tried everything?” To learn about individual counseling with Joe Herzanek (in person or by phone) click here.

November 13, 2009 by jherzanek | No comments

12-Step Recovery and "Things of God"

12-Step Recovery and “Things of God.” A Perfect Match.
~ by Joe Herzanek

We are re-posting this article on 12-Step Recovery Groups (AA, Al-Anon, Nar-Anon) in response to a recent local newspaper article. Would love your comments at the end of the post if you like. Thanks!

I’m often asked, especially by many in the Christian Community, if the AA 12-step program conflicts with Biblical Christianity. Some feel that the two just don’t go together. Personally, after three decades of studying and being part of both groups, I have to disagree.

Some in the faith community have come up with alternative support groups to the AA 12-steps (12-Step Recovery). These well-meaning Christians, in my opinion are attempting to “reinvent the wheel.” The real rub seems to come from the term “Higher Power.” There are people who feel that if they don’t say “Jesus Christ—the Son of God” during these meetings, that they are somehow denying their faith. This is just not true.

After counseling with thousands of addicts (and their families) over the past three decades, I’ve discovered two common challenges that occur, when discussions by alcohol and drug dependent people turn spiritual, or to “things of God.”

The first challenge deals with a person’s “history.” An extremely high percentage of recovering people have a negative, or skewed background concerning a belief in God and 12-Step Recovery. Most of these people end up thinking that if there is a God, he surely doesn’t care much about me. Many churches (not all) will try to use guilt to convince a person that they need God. Well-meaning parents and some family members have also used this tactic. In addition to this, negative news stories about men and women of faith, caught living a double life have become more and more common—making the “God thing” as it relates to 12-Step Recovery, even more complex. There’s nothing like a high-profile pastor—caught living a “secret double life”—a hypocrite, to add fuel to the fire (no pun intended).

I would venture to say that for most of us, coming to a clear understanding and commitment to our faith was a process. I know it was for me. It was not until I did my own personal searching and seeking, that I was able to make an “informed decision.” Well-thought, and informed commitments seem to last much longer than those made rashly, during an emotional, spur-of-the-moment event.

As I search the scriptures about Jesus, I see a pattern in His approach. Jesus, quite often attended to a person’s physical needs before talking about spiritual matters. Feeding the hungry, healing the blind, deaf or crippled, came first. Once a person’s physical needs were addressed, He opened the door for deeper discussions. You might say He had earned the right to be bold about faith.

We, (myself included) in the Christian Community will sometimes approach problems in just the opposite way. I think this is a big mistake—especially when I look around at some people’s quick emotional “conversions” which are often followed by repeated relapses to an old way of living.

Are faith, prayer and a strong belief in a kind and loving, benevolent God—critical for 12-Step Recovery and real, long-lasting change? You bet. But it’s good to remember that some things take time.

It’s also good to remember that concerning a person’s addiction, God is just as concerned, if not more, about the addict’s well being as we are. None of this has caught Him by surprise.

The second challenge with 12-step recovery and faith is this; the founders, Bill W. and Dr. Bob knew that they needed to “walk a fine line” when it came to religion and/or God. I’ve read much, and done a lot of research over the years—on both of these men. It’s a fact that both of them studied and read the Bible daily. It’s also a fact that their faith had great influence on their writings.

So why, you might ask, is the 12-step literature so generic when it comes to “things of God?” It appears to me that Bill W. and Dr. Bob intimately understood the mind of the alcoholic. They knew that if they placed great emphasis on a specific belief on Jesus Christ, it would alienate a large number of those needing recovery.

I believe these men had to come to a consensus on this matter. They needed to resolve these questions: What are we truly wanting to do? . . . to accomplish?

I feel they made the perfect choice. Yes, the “God part” is critical and must be a big part of AA and 12-Step Recovery. They knew that if they stepped “over the line” and were looked on as “preachy” many would “tune out.” They decided to trust God—to bring true seekers to Him.

Bill W. and Dr. Bob decided to let AA help with the sobriety part, and to let “God be God” (He will take it from there).

_________________________________________________________________________________

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Related Articles:
Alcoholism Step 12

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October 11, 2009 by jherzanek | 5 comments

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