Al-Anon Related. . .

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Is it okay to smoke some weed

 

JoeHerzanekQ Is it okay for a recovering addict
to smoke pot?


A. No


This has also been referred to as the “marijuana maintenance plan.”
Regardless of what a person’s past drugs of choice were, smoking pot
during recovery is a very bad idea.

Many people who have tried this have ended up with one of two results:
the same lack of control and abuse problem with smoking pot, or a return to their drug of choice.
Drug users tend to make poor choices while under the influence
of any mind-altering drug. Good intentions fly out the window when
any use begins.

This is actually just an attempt to continue using something—
anything—rather than remain substance free. In order to set the record straight and make this simple, below are questions I am asked over and over, and I’ve included the answers I give over and over.
Our persistent attempts to find a loophole can be quite
humorous at times!

 

JoeHerzanekQ Is it okay to smoke some weed once
in a while?


A. No


 

JoeHerzanekQ If I was a heroin addict and I quit that drug
completely, is it okay to just smoke some weed?


A. No



 

JoeHerzanekQ If I’m a recovering alcoholic, is it okay to
smoke some weed?


A. No


 

JoeHerzanekQ I’m in recovery, but since weed is found to
grow naturally in many places, is it okay
to just smoke weed?


A. No


 

JoeHerzanek

Q Since weed is not really a drug, is it okay to
smoke some weed?


A. No


 

JoeHerzanekQ I heard about a guy in recovery that smokes
weed. Do you think I might be able to?


A. No


 

JoeHerzanekQ There is an organization called NORMAL.
If a group like this is able to get marijuana legalized,
do you think I could just smoke weed?

A. No


 

JoeHerzanekQ I’ve heard about smoking “medical marijuana” for people
with health problems. What’s up with this?


A. This is one really bad idea.

 

Supposedly for pain relief, it is now possible to get a medical marijuana
(MM) card. The typical MM card-holder is a twenty-three-year-old
male. Even if it were true that we have high numbers of young males
with chronic pain—smoking marijuana for “medical reasons” is still a
mistake. First of all, it is very easy to just extract the active ingredient,
THC, and use it in pill-form. Why inhale the smoke into the lungs, other
than to get the quicker rush, or “high” the drug produces?

Secondly, this is one more way of throwing our hands up in the air and saying
“People are just going to get stoned and there’s nothing we can do about it.”

Do we, as a nation, want to make it easier for young people to get stoned? Personaly, I don’t think so. Lastly, marijuana addiction is number three on the list of reasons people seek treatment. The first is alcohol, second is for
opiates (pain meds) and then marijuana. After these three, come cocaine, and methamphetamine.

“We owe it to the people we serve to speak out
about the unintended consequences legalization (of
marijuana) would have and the toll it would take on the
health and safety of our communities.”
“Over the course of my career, from St. Petersburg
to Seattle, I learned a lot about the damage drug abuse
does to the fabric of our society—and about the terrible
toll it takes on individuals, families and communities
across this country,” Kerlikowske told his former peers.
“I’ll never forget the rage and despair I felt when I
worked undercover and I saw a drug dealer take a hit of
marijuana—and then blow the smoke in the face of his toddler.”

~Gil Kerlikowske, Director, Office of National Drug Control Policy
(comments from a speech given at the International Conference of Chiefs of Police Annual Convention, October 23, 2009).

 

Why Don't They Just Quit? What families and friends need to know about addiction and recovery." by Joe HerzanekThis “Q & A with Joe” is excerpted from Part 5 of “Why Don’t They Just Quit? What families and friends need to know about addiction and recovery.”

 

NEED HELP NOW?
Affordable Phone Counseling for Families Dealing with Substance Abuse

MORE ASK JOE:
>How can I know if my addicted friend or loved one is telling the truth?

>”I need help because I’m not able to deal with my live-in Fiance’s need to get drunk every night.”

>Should my husband “back off?”

Sign up for our Free Changing Lives E-Newsletter!

 

okay for recovering addict to smoke pot okay to smoke pot okay for recovering addict to smoke pot
okay to smoke pot okay to smoke weed

 

 

February 16, 2012 by jherzanek | 5 comments

How can I tell if someone is an addict/alcoholic or just a heavy user?

February 14, 2012 by jherzanek | 2 comments

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alcoholic or heavy user?

 

JoeHerzanekQ How can I tell if someone is an addict/alcoholic or just a heavy user?


A. It is almost impossible to tell when someone has crossed
this line.

 

What you will be able to see, however, are the signs of dependency.
Sometimes these signs will be subtle and other times they’ll be more
obvious.

Here are a few questions regarding behavioral signs that may
signal dependency:
• Has this person’s attitude changed?
• Are they using daily?
• Are they unable to control how much they are using?
• Are they defensive about their using?

• Has work or school performance declined?
• How long has this persisted? Do they try to hide their use?
• Have they lost interest in people or activities that were once
important to them?

Beyond these, there may be more obvious signs such as legal problems,
DUIs, or frequent job changes. Seeking advice from a professional
is always a good idea. You may also take a self-test. It you’re
concerned about this person, you probably know him or her fairly well.
Take the self-test for alcoholism/drug addiction found on our Changing Lives Foundation website and answer as if you were your friend or loved one. See how well you score.

 

Why Don't They Just Quit? What families and friends need to know about addiction and recovery." by Joe HerzanekThis “Q & A with Joe” is excerpted from Part 5 of “Why Don’t They Just Quit? What families and friends need to know about addiction and recovery.”

 

NEED HELP NOW?
Affordable Phone Counseling for Families Dealing with Substance Abuse

MORE ASK JOE:
>How can I know if my addicted friend or loved one is telling the truth?

>”I need help because I’m not able to deal with my live-in Fiance’s need to get drunk every night.”

>Should my husband “back off?”

Sign up for our Free Changing Lives E-Newsletter!

addict/alcoholic or heavy user alcoholic or heavy user addict or heavy user

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Raising the Bottom?

February 12, 2012 by jherzanek | 3 comments

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Joe Herzanek, Author, Addiction Counselor and Interventionist

Joe Herzanek, Author, Addiction Counselor and Interventionist

Rock Bottom, Raising the Bottom
or Tough Love?

After speaking to and emailing hundreds of parents, spouses and other family members, I know this is a lot easier said, than done. Raising the bottom is especially difficult for mothers and is one of the reasons I wrote the book Why Don’t They JUST QUIT? — to get the message to as many as possible.

Exactly what do I mean by “raising the bottom”? This whole idea of “hitting bottom” is out of date. Some people will wait years–even decades–for their friend to reach this mythical point in their alcohol and drug use. But why wait for them to “hit bottom”? Why not help them by raising their bottom? There are ways to encourage someone to reach for help much earlier. In doing so, we can avoid a lot of unnecessary pain and heartache and maybe even save their life. For some people, hitting bottom will be six feet underground.

So does everyone have to hit rock bottom? I would say no. Tough love can prevent a substance abuser from prolonging their usage. There are loving ways to refuse to rescue someone that in the long run will help him or her to choose recovery. Loving means doing the right thing to help. This can take all of our strength and energy at times. “We all hate to see someone suffer even when the suffering is a consequence of their bad choices. This approach, or some form of it, is something you might consider: Raise the bottom. Whether it is a teenage son or daughter, a spouse, boyfriend, aunt or uncle, the same principles can apply. A few nights in jail could be the best thing that ever happens to them. The next time this person you care about appeals to you to get them out of a bind (loan them money, pay their electric bill, buy them gas, pay for a lawyer), think twice. You just might be prolonging their disease and robbing them of the natural consequences that they need to experience in order to seek help and begin to connect the dots.

I receive a lot of mail from family members who are searching for “Al-anon type” answers and information. Here’s a typical email and my response (I’ve changed the name and some of the details to protect the identity of this woman).

Dear Joe,
I have just ordered Why Don’t They JUST QUIT? as my last resort to get off the emotional rollercoaster my alcoholic husband has put me on! He has been an alcoholic since he was a teenager. It’s like living with Jekyl & Hyde! The physical & emotional rollercoaster is killing me. He has been incarcerated about 4 times and was in many different programs for alcohol, at least 5 or 6. He drives while drinking, and gambles when he drinks. I could go on forever. I constantly walk on eggshells and don’t know how much more I can handle. This book is my last resort before I suffer a mental breakdown.

Thanks Joe,
Sarah

Hi Sarah,
Thanks for your email. Sorry to hear about your current struggle. Your life does not have to be this way! The book will definitely help and give you some insights on the addiction problem. The difficult part will be sticking with the tough love that is necessary to motivate your husband to begin recovery. You can do it and so can he.

I don’t know your entire situation, but the number one issue must be dealt with, and that is HIS alcohol and or drug use.

Keep that in mind. You didn’t cause this problem and you can’t control or cure it. What you can do is confront it and perhaps give ultimatums. You can force him to see the light or feel the heat.

At some point he needs to choose which relationship is the most important–his relationship with you or his relationship with alcohol. Let him know there is a high cost to continue his current way of living. The pain of consequences is often the best teacher.

Hang in there.
Joe

 

NEED HELP NOW?
Affordable Phone Counseling for Families Dealing with Substance Abuse

ASK JOE:
>Son needs $75 for drug dealer of he’ll be “killed for sure.”

>”I need help because I’m not able to deal with my live-in Fiance’s need to get drunk every night.”

>Should my husband “back off?”

Sign up for our Free Changing Lives E-Newsletter!


RELATED:
Drug Addiction Help Recovery Resources for Friends, Families and Employers

Al-Anon, Nar-Anon and AA Abreviations

Return from Raising the Bottom? ~by Joe Herzanek, to Blog Home

 

_______________________________________________________________________
Rock Bottom Raising the Bottom Tough Love Rock Bottom Raising the Bottom Tough Love

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Pain Meds Cause More PainPain Meds Cause More Pain! The new silent epidemic.

This article excerpted from the award-winning book “Why Don’t They Just Quit? What families and friends need to know about addiction and recovery.” by Joe Herzanek

Technology is wonderful—up to a point. The medical and pharmaceutical industries have made huge advances to help those suffering from all sorts of diseases. Most of these advances are genuine lifesavers.

Americans are enjoying longer and higher quality lives—so much so, that we have come to expect many things as normal (diseases cured, symptoms gone and less pain for those suffering the debilitating affects of certain health problems).

Much Too Popular
One class of drugs—opiate painkillers, has become much too popular. These meds will not only relieve physical pain but will also give the user a pleasant euphoric effect at the same time. For a significant and growing number of people this euphoric state of mind is becoming more and more difficult to let go of (similar to the popularity of Valium in the 70′s—which by the way, has been recently increasing as well).

So how and why is this happening? How do pain meds cause even more pain? Let me start by saying that these drugs are very necessary for genuine pain—such as pain experienced after a surgery, broken bones, dental work and more. When used as prescribed, for short periods of time these drugs make life manageable. In some very rare cases they may be appropriate for extended periods of time—especially when a person has a terminal disease. A very small percentage of people fall into this category. Thank God for these medications.

The majority of people who take these medications do not fall in this group. Here is where the problem starts. Rarely does anyone start out to become dependent on opiate pain meds. It happens slowly without being noticed. This is an insidious process. Usually, there comes a time when a person’s physical pain is gone. With regular use of painkilling drugs, the central nervous system has come to expect the drug and the sedative affect it produces—as normal.

Withdrawal
When a person stops using the drug, the body revolts. This is called withdrawal. It’s normal. Much less extreme, but nonetheless similar, a heavy coffee drinker who suddenly quits drinking coffee altogether will experience headaches for a few days. This is because their central nervous system has become accustomed to regular jolts of caffeine throughout the day. Withdrawal from caffeine is usually short-lived and not too difficult. Stopping opiate pain meds is similar, but much, much more intense. The withdrawal symptoms are often very painful—so much so that the person will start to think that their pain is not really gone and they must get and take more pain meds.

A Vicious Cycle
Not only is the body expecting this drug, but a person who is taking pain medication is also building a tolerance to it. Their body is requiring more, sometimes lots more—to feel better. This is a vicious cycle that feeds on itself and only gets worse over time. The person taking theses drugs will also become much more sensitive to all pain—as the normal ability to handle mild pain with over-the-counter medications is now diminished.

I’ve recently watched this problem arise close to home, as a family member needed surgery. He had been regularly taking large amounts of pain meds for back pain. While in the hospital for knee-replacement surgery, he found that he required a much larger dosage of pain meds than a normal person would need. After he was given the maximum safe dosage—excruciating pain still persisted. One feels helpless in these situations.

To ensure that this doesn’t happen, pain meds really should only be used when truly needed. Otherwise, when the time comes that a person genuinely needs them—these pain-relieving drugs may not work at all.

How large is this problem really? In 2007 there were a total of 3.7 billion prescriptions written in the United States. 182 million were for pain meds*! I have double-checked these numbers because I thought they couldn’t be correct. Pain meds are second only to prescriptions written for lowering cholesterol (192 million prescriptions). Anti-depressant prescriptions came in third with 158 million.

If you subtract people aged 21 and under from these numbers—that leaves 230 million adults. According to these calculations, over 15 million people are taking opiate pain medications every day. This is 5% of the entire adult population.

Do all these people need opiate pain medication every day? The only way to know for sure is to quit, go through withdrawal and see how you feel after a few months—drug-free. More and more people are unwilling to go through this process. Today, addiction to opiate pain medications is one of the main reasons people are checking into rehab centers.

So how does one avoid becoming dependant on pain medications? And once a person has become dependant on them, how do they learn to safely quit?

Return from Pain Meds Cause More Pain! The new silent epidemic to Drug Addiction Help Now Home

RELATED ARTICLES:
Opiate Pain Meds: Avoiding Opiate Prescription Drug Addiction in Recovery

Read more about this topic—chapter 27, Why Don’t They JUST QUIT?

Effects of Addiction


* IMS Health Services (2007 Research Statistics)

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February 12, 2012 by jherzanek | 6 comments

Children of Addicts: The Innocent Victims

January 18, 2012 by jherzanek | No comments

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Eye on Addiction Radio
Show #2
January 21, 2012

Children of Addicts:
The Innocent Victims

Guest: David Meggitt
Program manager, Betty Ford Colorado Children’s program

Listen (on your radio or online) to Matthew and his Mom tell their story
Saturday, Jan 21st at 5:00 pm (Mountain Standard Time)
4:00 Pacific, 6:00 Central, 7:00 Eastern
Call: 303.713.8255 with your comment or question

Listen Live
Eye on Addiction Radio website and more details

In 2011, we had the honor of sitting in on a portion of the Betty Ford Children’s Program. Needless to say, we were very impressed. Our guest David Meggitt has a genuine passion for children of addicts and alcoholics and has made this his life’s work. Listen to David, along with our very special guests Denise and her son Matthew as they tell their story and give hope to others.
WATCH NOW

Kids of Alcoholics

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“My son Matthew and I are glad to help and hope his story reaches someone. This is the episode of Nick News he was on. It won an Emmy. Such a powerful message! Thank for letting him share it.

WATCH NOW

Matthew, Children of Addicts

“I want kids to know it’s not easy when your parent drinks and uses drugs but you can make good choices and you can love your parent and hate the addiction.  I want kids to really understand it’s not their fault and that they don’t have to follow their parent’s footsteps.”
 

 

READ MORE ABOUT MATTHEW:
Winning AttitudeSecond 2011-12 Winning Attitude Recipient
CenturyLink, Root Sports and the University of Colorado have named Ranum Middle School (Denver, Colo.) sixth grader Mathew Martinez the second Winning Attitude award winner of 2011-12.  Winners are selected from a pool of written essays submitted by Colorado middle school students explaining how their winning attitude made a difference in their communities.  READ MORE

 

CO Springs GazetteBetty Ford program helps Springs kids cope with addicted parents
He was only 8 years old, but already, he’d been suspended from school for five days. He rarely smiled, and the slightest little aggravation would send him into a rage. Someone warned his mother that one day, he’d end up hurting her.
READ MORE

RELATED:
Siblings: The Forgotten Ones by Joe Herzanek

 

Listen (on your radio or online)
to Matthew and his Mom tell their story

Saturday, Jan 21st at 5:00 pm (Mountain Standard Time)
7:00 Eastern, 6:00 Central, 4:00 Pacific


Call: 303.713.8255 with your comment or question

Listen Live

Eye on Addiction Radio website and more details

 

If you miss the show, listen to it on our
Show Archive

Like us on FacebookPlease “Like Us” on Facebook! Thanks.

 Sign up for our Free Changing Lives Newsletter

RETURN: from Children of Addicts: The Innocent Victims, to Blog Home

TO PURCHASE: “Why Don’t They Just Quit? What families and friends need to know about addiction and recovery”

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12 Step Prayers

January 11, 2012 by jherzanek | 1 comment

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12 Step Prayers

12 Step Prayers

Thanks to our friend Holly Jo for passing this on to us. These little prayers are great for anyone in AA, Alanon, Alateen or anyone who wants to have a greater understanding of the 12 Step Program, in order to grow closer to their friend or loved one who is in recovery. Enjoy.

~First Step Prayer~
Dear Lord,
I admit that I am powerless over my addiction.
I admit that my life is unmanageable when I try to control it.
Help me this day to understand the true meaning of powerlessness.
Remove from me all denial of my addiction.

~Second Step Prayer~
Heavenly Father,
I know in my heart that only you can restore me to sanity.
I humbly ask that you remove all twisted thought and
addictive behavior from me this day.
Heal my spirit and restore in me a clear mind.


~Third Step Prayer~
(Page 63 – A. A. Big Book)
God,
I offer myself to Thee
To build with me and to do with me as Thou wilt.
Relieve me of the bondage of self, that I may better do
Thy will. Take away my difficulties, that victory over them may bear
witness to those I would help of Thy Power, Thy Love and
Thy Way of life, May I do Thy will always!

~Fourth Step Prayer~
Dear God,
It is I who have made my life a mess.
I have done it, but I cannot undo it.
My mistakes are mine, and I will begin a
searching and fearless moral inventory.
I will write down my wrongs,
but I will also include that which is good.
I pray for the strength to complete the task.

~Fifth Step Prayer~
Higher Power,
My inventory has shown me who I am,
yet I ask for Your help in admitting my wrongs
to another person and to You. Assure me, and be with me, in this Step,
for without this Step I cannot progress in my recovery.
With Your help, I can do this, and I do it.

~Sixth Step Prayer~
Dear God,
I am ready for Your help in removing from me the defects of character
which I now realize are an obstacle to my recovery. Help me to continue
being honest with myself and guide me toward spiritual and mental
health.

~Seventh Step Prayer~
(Page 76 – A. A. Big Book)
My Creator,
I am now willing that you should have all of me, good and bad.
I pray that you now remove from me every single defect of character
which stands in the way of my usefulness to you and my fellows.
Grant me strength, as I go out from here to do your bidding. Amen

~Eighth Step Prayer~
Higher Power,
I ask Your help in making my list of all those I have harmed.
I will take responsibility for my mistakes, and be forgiving to others as
You are forgiving to me. Grant me the willingness to begin my
restitution.
This I pray.

~Ninth Step Prayer~
Higher Power,
I pray for the right attitude to make my amends,
being ever mindful not to harm others in the process.
I ask for Your guidance in making indirect amends.
Most important, I will continue to make amends by
staying abstinent, helping others, and growing in spiritual progress.

~Tenth Step Prayer~
I pray I may continue:
To grow in understanding and effectiveness;
To take daily spot check inventories of myself;
To correct mistakes when I make them;
To take responsibility for my actions;
To be ever aware of my negative and self-defeating attitudes and
behaviors;
To keep my willfulness in check;
To always remember I need Your help;
To keep love and tolerance of others as my code;
And to continue in daily prayer how I can best serve You, my Higher
Power.

~Eleventh Step Prayer~
Higher Power, As I understand You, I pray to keep my connection with
You open and clear from the confusion of daily life.
Through my prayers and meditation I ask especially for
freedom from self-will, rationalization, and wishful thinking.
I pray for the guidance of correct thought and positive action.
Your will Higher Power, not mine, be done.

~Twelfth Step Prayer~
Dear God,
My spiritual awakening continues to unfold.
The help I have received I shall pass on and give to others,
both in and out of the Fellowship. For this opportunity I am grateful.
I pray most humbly to continue walking day by day on
the road of spiritual progress.
I pray for the inner strength and wisdom to practice the principles of
this way of life in all I do and say.

12 Step Prayers
Source Unknown

__________________

RELATED:

Al-Anon, Nar-Anon and AA Abbreviations

The AA Promises

A recovering Addict’s taste of tough love! (for the loved ones of the addict)

NEED HELP NOW? (do you need help with tough love?)
Drug Addiction Phone Counseling and Intervention
for Families Dealing with Drug or Alcohol Abuse

PURCHASE:
To purchase the award-winning book “Why Don’t They Just Quit?
What families and friends need to know about addiction and recovery”

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12 Step Prayers AA 12 Step Prayers

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12 Ways Recovery From Addiction Will Save Your Marriage12 Ways Recovery From Addiction Will Save Your Marriage

 

Addiction in a marriage is never a good thing. The drug or alcohol becomes almost like a third person in the relationship and drives a wedge between spouses. The personality of the addict and spouse changes, which alters the dynamic of the marriage. However, odd as it may seem, there are ways that recovery from addiction can end up saving your marriage. Here’s how:

The Role of Therapy and the Marriage Dynamic

Addiction recovery will involve therapy of some kind. For addicts who are married or have a family, it often involves therapy sessions in which the entire family participates. These family therapy sessions offer an excellent opportunity to address the family dynamics, discuss past hurts and rebuild damaged relationships. Doing so will cause you to come out with a stronger marriage, a renewed sense of trust in each other, and a deeper bond.

Without therapy, the marriage and family relationships may languish in the same dysfunctional interactions that arose as a result of the addiction. The behavior of the addict during the addiction likely caused significant damage to family relationships. Trust was replaced with deceit. Integrity was replaced with lies. If these emotions and actions are allowed to remain, the likelihood of the marriage surviving is very small.

Therapy can help families work through the emotional and mental component of addiction and its impact on the entire family. Through therapy, the addict and spouse or family members can regain open and honest communication, rebuild trust, foster forgiveness and learn self-acceptance. Once the old wounds have been brought out into the open, family recovery can begin to take place.

Family therapy provides a necessary and safe environment for children of addicts as well. Not only can children of addicts play a part in their parents’ recovery, family therapy can also serve as an intervention for at-risk children of addicts. These children may be on the path to addiction themselves, as a result of having to grow up with addiction in the family as well as genetic factors. Early intervention can help prevent children from following in their parents’ footsteps.

The 12 Recovery Principles

The principles learned during recovery from addiction can also assist in improving the marriage. A principle is a basic action or guideline that the addict has committed to following as he or she progresses through recovery from addiction. Principles become a way of life for recovering addicts and their families.

The principles of recovery from addiction will vary from person to person, but the most common core principles are taken from the 12 steps to recovery:

  • Honesty – The addict openly and honestly faces up to their addiction and commits him or herself to honest interactions henceforth.
  • Hope – As it pertains to the hope the addict can develop as recovery progresses. Hope of recovery is a powerful motivator.
  • Faith – This can refer to having faith in yourself, your spouse or in a higher power, any of which can pull you through the tough times.
  • Courage – This refers to the courage to openly and honestly confront yourself, your addictions and related actions.
  • Integrity – The ability to own up to our past mistakes and take responsibility for them.
  • Willingness – Willingness to change and willingness to let go of destructive habits.
  • Humility - A willingness to ask for help when needed.
  • Discipline and Action – Committed actions to support recovery from addiction and repair relationships.
  • Forgiveness - Asking for forgiveness from those you have hurt through your addictions. The forgiveness must come in the form of actions, not just words.
  • Acceptance – Admitting mistakes and accepting others and yourself.
  • Knowledge and Awareness – Becoming aware of yourself as you move through life and having awareness of your life’s purpose. This principle requires you to try to do the right thing in all actions.
  • Service and Gratitude – Serving as a mentor to other recovering addicts and expressing gratitude for the accomplishments you’ve made.

The Impact of the 12 Principles on Relationships

These 12 principles can go a long way toward saving your marriage. By following the principles, you and your spouse can enjoy more honest communication and trust, which will lead to a rebuilt intimacy. You will learn about codependent behaviors and how to break free of them. You will learn how to help your spouse, not control them. You will learn about taking personal responsibility for yourself and your actions.

Although recovery from addiction is a painful process and may at times feel as though it is tearing your marriage further apart, a couple can make it through addiction and recovery with their marriage intact and stronger than ever before.

Related Resources:

Learn about using the Family Medical Leave Act for addiction recovery.

 

About the Author:

Alan Goodstat, LCSW, Licensed Clinical Social Worker, received his Masters in Social Work at Columbia University in New York City. He’s now a Director of Performance Improvement for a Behavioral Hospital System and contributes to the addiction treatment site RecoveryConnection.org. He wrote a chapter on substance abuse in the book Put Yourself in Their Shoes: Understanding Teenagers With Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder.

 

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December 21, 2011 by jherzanek | 3 comments

Al-Anon, Nar-Anon and AA Abbreviations

December 2, 2011 by jherzanek | 1 comment

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Al-Anon, Nar-Anon and AA Abbreviations

Al-Anon, Nar-Anon and AA Abbreviations
for Chat Rooms, Groups and Bulletin Boards

 

People who attend Al-Anon, Nar-Anon and AA often use abbreviations to simplify their conversations and to make typing quicker and easier when they are posting online. Have you found yourself trying to read some of these posts and thought you were reading a foreign language or secret code? You are not alone!

This post will make things a little easier. We have listed some abbreviations and terms that are specific to recovery chat rooms/boards:

A or The A: the alcoholic in my life

AA: Alcoholics Anonymous

ABF or AGF: alcoholic boy friend or girlfriend

AFG: Al-Anon Family Groups

AH or AW: alcoholic husband or wife

Active A: an alcoholic who is still drinking alcohol

Big Book: refers to the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous

CAL: Conference Approved Literature, writings that have been approved by the WSO

C2C or CTC: courage to change

CLOSED MEETING: a meeting of AA or Al-Anon that is only to be attended by members who qualify for either AA or Al-anon

CROSSTALK: During an Al-anon meeting cross talking is speaking when
someone else has the floor and is sharing.  It is also cross talking
when, after another member shares, someone shares and comments directly
about what the other person’s share was about and directs it to that
person.  Both of these things are generally discouraged at Al-anon meetings
because it disrupts the meeting, takes away the anonymity of the
person’s share and can also become “advice giving” which is also discouraged
in Al-anon.

DRY DRUNK: refers to an alcoholic who is no longer drinking alcohol but who is still exhibiting a lot of the negative behaviors associated with the drinking

ESH: experience, strength and hope

FTF or F2F: a Face-to-Face meeting; real world meetings

HALT: Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired

JADE: Justify, Argue, Defend, Explain

MIP: Miracles in Progress

ODAAT: one day at a time

OPEN MEETING: a meeting of AA or Al-Anon that may be attended by anyone who is interested.

Q-tip: Quit taking it personally

TYFS OR TFS: Thank you for sharing

WSO: World Service Organization Al-Anons headquarters

If someone puts your nickname in parenthesis (((((nickname))))) that means they are giving you a cyber hug!

 

RELATED:

A recovering addict’s taste of tough love! (for the loved ones of the addict)

Raising the Bottom? ~by Joe Herzanek

To read 413 more common abbreviations

Return from Al-Anon, Nar-Anon and AA Abbreviations to Blog Home

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This article excerpted from the award-winning book “Why Don’t They Just Quit? What families and friends need to know about addiction and recovery.” by Joe Herzanek

The Parable of the Prodigal Son

While he was still a long way off,
his father saw him coming.
Filled with compassion
the father ran to the son,
threw his arms around him and said,
“Welcome home.”
His son had come to his senses.
Let’s have a party!

His brother refused to come to the party
even after his father pleaded with him
to join them.
“I’ve stayed here all these years
and never caused a problem.
No one ever had a party for me,”
said the brother.
–paraphrased from the Gospel of Luke

Siblings often find themselves caught in the middle of the recovery process. In the story of the prodigal son, a father waits and watches expectantly for the return of his wayward child. The boy left home and not only squandered his inheritance, but also wasted a big chunk of his life. But there is so much more to the story. As we take a closer look at the entire family, we see that “the rest of the story” can apply to families and siblings today who are struggling with the early stages of recovery.

I know from firsthand experience how siblings can suffer. During my addiction, I was blind to how my actions were affecting my brother and two sisters. Actually, the entire family did not understand what was happening. Even now, more than thirty years later, some members of my family remain bitter, and we have never been able to resolve those hard feelings.

There is only so much time in any given day and when there is one high-maintenance family member, often the other children are neglected. Parents have a limited amount of energy for each day, and then they reach a point of exhaustion. In my case, which again is not unique, I received more than my share of attention. I, like many other addicts, was a very needy person. My life was one crisis after another. There were many occasions when I needed money. I drained my parents of their finances as well as their time and energy. Who suffered? At the time, it was far from obvious, but as I look back it is clear that my brother and sisters—basically good, low-maintenance kids were the innocent victims.

Mom and Dad spent a lot of their parenting energy either helping me with a problem or worried about what I might do next; they were even afraid to answer the phone. They couldn’t be in two places at once, physically or mentally. As a result, my siblings did not receive nearly the amount of attention they deserved. My parents missed their school programs and sports games because of my problems, and holidays were often ruined. Much of the focus was on Joe, and I was messing up my life while my brother and sisters were left striving to do the right thing and gain my parents’ approval and attention.

To make matters worse, my parents’ attention continued to be focused on me for a long time into my recovery. My siblings had to hear over and over, Isn’t it great that Joe’s quit using drugs? How wonderful that Joe is clean and sober. Joe has been drug-free for a year now “let’s celebrate!” These sort of comments continued, even after everything should have been back to normal. Talk about rubbing psychological salt in a wound; my brother and sisters must have been ready to puke. At that time, none of us had a clue how this would ultimately affect our future relationships.

Insidious: working or spreading harmfully in a subtle or stealthy manner. awaiting a chance to entrap; treacherous. harmful but enticing. Developing so gradually as to be well established before becoming apparent. (Webster’s Dictionary)

It was only after years of recovery and study on this topic that this realization came to me. Because of this disease’s slow progression, few families are aware of the effect addiction has on the family as a whole. Few addicts think of making amends toward those who did not appear to be directly affected.

When I entered treatment many years ago, there was not much emphasis placed on the importance of family in the recovery process. Today, this is a key component in most treatment programs. Parents and siblings are strongly encouraged to be part of the process. Some centers will even offer what is called Family Week. This is a time for those who have been negatively affected to become involved in the recovery process. Many times family members will refuse to get involved: “He/she had the problem, not me. And now you are asking me to get counseling? You must be crazy.” Nonetheless, I strongly suggest that family members attend some meetings–if for no other reason than to vent frustration. It will be worth it.

Addiction is treacherous for the whole family. Over time, relationships can become a tangled web. Feelings get hurt and bitterness creeps in, almost unnoticed. Strife begins to build, and after a while no one remembers why. But life is too short to waste years like this. Miracles can happen when a professional helps untangle the mess.

Time has yet to heal some of the wounds in my family. The impact of my addiction and recovery has left deep scars, and damaged relationships among my immediate family that we are still attempting to understand and mend. Despite our attempts to keep things simple, life can sometimes become very complicated. Over the years, my siblings have married. Bitterness and unresolved strife have colored relationships not only among my siblings, but among our spouses and children as well. Recovery and the process of making amends to those who were hurt takes a while. Sometimes these differences may never be resolved.

Quitting, as wonderful as that may be, is not the same as recovering. Recovery means taking responsibility for the broken relationships that occurred when the addict was using. Repairing broken relationships is critical to the process of recovery. With patience and time, progress can be made.

This article excerpted from the book Why Don’t They Just Quit?

* Have you “tried everything?” To learn about individual counseling with Joe Herzanek (in person or by phone) click here.

RELATED ARTICLES:
Alcohol Addiction, Getting Rid of Resentments; Easier Said Than Done
Children of Addicts: The Innocent Victims

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November 20, 2011 by jherzanek | 6 comments

The Difference between a Sponsor and a Therapist

November 17, 2011 by jherzanek | No comments

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Just discovered this as I was poking around. Hope you enjoy it as much as I did.

1. A sponsor isn’t all that interested in why you used.

2. A therapist thinks your problem is lack of self-esteem and negative self-image; a sponsor thinks your problem is you.

3. A therapist wants to nurture your inner child; your sponsor thinks it should be spanked.

4. A sponsor thinks your inventory should be about you, not your parents.

5. A sponsor thinks you should not confront your parents, but rather make amends to them.

6. The only time your sponsor uses the word “closure” is before the word “mouth.”

7. A sponsor thinks boundaries are things you need to take down — not build up.

8. A therapist wants you to love yourself first; a sponsor wants you to love others first.

9. A therapist prescribes care-taking medication while a sponsor prescribes prayer-making and meditation.

10. A sponsor thinks anger management skills are numbered one through twelve.

11. Because you’ve been clean ninety days, a therapist recommends you make a list of all your goals and objectives for the next five years — starting with finishing up that degree. A sponsor thinks you should continue cleaning coffee pots and occasionally mopping.

12. Lastly, a sponsor will not lose his/her license if he/she talks about God.

~ this post from Addicted2Clean Blog

* Have you “tried everything?” To learn about individual counseling with Joe Herzanek (in person or by phone) click here.

 

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Resentments, the Ultimate PoisonResentments, the Ultimate Poison . . . to self.

~ by Nikki Holman

In recovery there is a lot of talk about resentments. WE ALL HAVE THEM, WE ALL CARRY THEM & HOLD ON TO THEM.  I can remember being in treatment & being told that it was paramount to our recovery to let these resentments go. Easier said than done at the time (you see for me I believed that holding on to these resentments kept me safe). They kept me safe both physically and emotionally. How totally totally wrong. Not only did it keep me twisted up inside, it prevented me from being FREE.

Moving on and letting go of resentments was something I tried to do for a long time. I tried without success; the failure was not because I was doing all the right things, it was because I was failing to look HONESTLY AT MY PART.

Allowing myself to carry this resentment toward another person without accepting my part of the problem—gave me a feeling of entitlement to be angry. I have really been trying to live recovery—and for me that means looking honestly at situations with a different perspective.

The largest resentment I carried for years was in regard to my ex-husband. Did he harm me and mine? An emphatic yes!! But recently I have begun to realize that not only did I have a part in that harm but I also harmed him!! We harmed each other and boy how nice it was of me all these years to hold myself less accountable than I held him, NOT! We were both human, we allowed ourselves to become embroiled in a bitter harmful dysfunctional pattern. Who am I to say the wrongs to him were less painful than his wrongs to me. This has been so FREEING!

I recently dealt with him again on the phone; no he is not someone I care to hang out with, surround myself with—but I can be caring and kind and healthy in my interactions with the father of my children. And ultimately with the loss of this resentment I can change my patterns for the future.

I am so grateful to have come to this point. I was able to make amends with him regardless of whether he did the same to me. You see, I can ultimately only control me, my actions and reactions. If we are truly trying to find full recovery, we don’t get to withhold our amends due another—in a STAND-OFF till they “right their wrongs” with us (doesn’t work like that and we only keep ourselves miserable).

I finally understand how important this is. I am not a VICTIM; I am a HUMAN—one who makes mistakes. I’m no better, no worse than another.

THIS brings me peace.

 

MORE FROM NIKKI HOLMAN:
A recovering Addict’s taste of tough love! (for the loved ones of the addict)

RELATED:
The AA Promises

NEED HELP NOW? (do you need help with tough love?)
Drug Addiction Phone Counseling and Intervention
for Families Dealing with Drug or Alcohol Abuse

PURCHASE:
To purchase the award-winning book “Why Don’t They Just Quit?
What families and friends need to know about addiction and recovery”

RETURN:
Return from: “Resentments, the Ultimate Poison” to BLOG HOME

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November 2, 2011 by jherzanek | No comments

The Haven, Moms and Meth: Breaking the Cycle of Addiction

October 19, 2011 by jherzanek | No comments

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“The Haven, Moms and Meth:
Breaking the Cycle of Addiction”

The Haven, Moms and Meth: Breaking the Cycle of Addiction

Joe Herzanek interviews Julie Krow, with Melanie and Evangelina on Recovery Television



The Haven
Julie Miller/Former Director
With Melanie and Evangelina
Host: Joe Herzanek

In “The Haven, Moms and Meth: Breaking the Cycle of Addiction”,
Joe interviews Julie Krow, former Director of The Haven.

The Haven treats pregnant women and women with babies.

This show dispels the myth
that treatment for meth addiction is not effective.

A young mother and her daughter are interviewed
and give a powerful testimony
—that change and recovery are available
to anyone who truly wants it.

(Playing time: 28:30 Minutes)

Changing Lives Foundation Logoto order your copy of this DVD, please donate (below) to our
Phone Counseling Scholarship Fund:

For as little as $10 you can make a difference
for someone without the means to pay.

(Choose from 10 different DVD topics)

DVD Choice:
Gift Amount:


Thanks!

READ MORE ABOUT EACH OF THE 10 DVD CHOICES:

(click each title for more detailed info on each DVD)

1) God and the Alcoholic Experience, with author James B. Nelson

2) The Addicted Brain, with Michael Connelly/Odyssey Training

3) Meth, The Devil’s Drug, with Tonya Wheeler and Dr. Nicolas Taylor

4) What is Addiction? with Michael Connelly/Odyssey Training

5) Women in Recovery, with Rebecca J. Flood and Helena Routhe

6) The Journey of Recovery, with Mike Richards/addiction2recovery

7) Teens Under the Influence, with Don Williams/Clearbrook Lodge

8) The Haven, Moms and Meth: Breaking the Cycle,
with Julie Krow/The Haven

9) Substance Use and The Workplace,
with Jennifer Place and Sean Stevens/Peer Assistance

10) Pornography, The Hidden Epidemic,
with Mike Richards/addiction2recovery

CONTACT US


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Moms and Meth Breaking the Cycle meth addiction meth babies Moms and Meth

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Alcoholic Gummy Bears. What Next? Alcoholic Gummy Worms!

October 19, 2011 by jherzanek | No comments

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Alcoholic Gummy Bears

Newest Teen Alcohol Trend: Alcoholic Gummy Bears (and alcoholic gummy worms)

Just in time for Trick or Treat.
Alcoholic Gummy Bears. What Next?

It’s good for everyone to be “up on the latest” concerning dangers to our kids. The latest trend that our creative youth has invented is Alcoholic Gummy Bears (soaking Gummy Bears in Alcohol). I did a test and searched for “Alcoholic Gummy Bears” online and got 78,500 results, added the word recipe (“Recipe Alcoholic Gummy Bears”) and got 217,000 links to teach kids how to make these Alcoholic Gummy Bears. Nice.

Here’s what The Huffington Post has to say about Alcoholic Gummy Bears (and Alcoholic Gummy Worms):


Underage Alcohol Usage: Soaking Gummy Bears In Alcohol Is Newest Trend For Teens

October 19, 2011  One of the scariest things about raising teens is the possibility that they might be influenced to drink. You can warn them of the dangers and consequences until you’re blue in the face, but sometimes, peer pressure gets the best of them. The American Academy of Pediatrics found that more than four million adolescents drink alcohol in any month.

And what’s more frightening, is how clever they’ve become about hiding the act from parents. Once upon a time, teens stole alcohol from their parents, so keeping a close watch on your own liquor cabinet was a fine way to curb the problem. But today, their creativity puts the old trick of refilling bottles with Sprite to shame. And the latest trend in undercover drinking is especially savvy – especially around Halloween time.

Teens are using gummy candy (bears and worms to be exact) to get drunk. They soak the candy in alcohol, Keloland.com

Alcoholic Gummy Worms

Alcoholic Gummy Worms

reports.

Darcy Jensen from Prairie View Prevention Services in South Dakota works with school districts to prevent teen drinking as part of the “Parents Matter” campaign. She sent out a warning to schools last week to warn them about the trend. It’s important for parents to be aware so that they can spot if their teen has tried it, she says.

“Maybe someone has offered the candy and they didn’t even know. So telling the kids ahead of time this could be something to be aware of is important,” Jensen said.

And though it’s hard to see the positive side of teens becoming sneakier when it comes to something as dangerous as underage drinking, a trend like this can be used to open communication on the topic.

“It’s a good conversation starter to talk about the whole issue of alcohol and underage drinking and the hazards,” Jensen said.

 

RELATED:
Typical YouTube “how to make” video

Drug czar warns against taking ‘bath salts’ drugs

Teens Under the Influence

Specialty “Bath Salts” Linked to Hospitalizations, Suicides

Warnings and Threats

NEED HELP NOW?
Drug Addiction Phone Counseling for Families Dealing with Substance Abuse

 

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What is Addiction?

October 18, 2011 by jherzanek | 4 comments

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What is Addiction

Joe Herzanek interviews Michael Connelly on "Eye On Addiction"

“What is Addiction?”

“What is Addiction?”
Michael Connelly/Odyssey Training Center
Host: Joe Herzanek

This show explores all the basics of Addiction
and answers the question “Why Don’t They Just Quit?”

Michael Connelly speaks about the human brain, “triggers”, and why addicts continue
in spite of negative consequences.

Michael’s 25 years of experience in the recovery field
helps to answer these difficult questions.

People can and do recover every day.

(Playing time: 29:58 Minutes)

Changing Lives Foundation Logoto order your copy of this DVD, please donate (below) to our
Phone Counseling Scholarship Fund:

For as little as $10 you can make a difference
for someone without the means to pay.

(Choose from 10 different DVD topics)

DVD Choice:
Gift Amount:


Thanks!

READ MORE ABOUT EACH OF THE 10 DVD CHOICES:

(click each title for more detailed info on each DVD)

1) God and the Alcoholic Experience, with author James B. Nelson

2) The Addicted Brain, with Michael Connelly/Odyssey Training

3) Meth, The Devil’s Drug, with Tonya Wheeler and Dr. Nicolas Taylor

4) What is Addiction? with Michael Connelly/Odyssey Training

5) Women in Recovery, with Rebecca J. Flood and Helena Routhe

6) The Journey of Recovery, with Mike Richards/addiction2recovery

7) Teens Under the Influence, with Don Williams/Clearbrook Lodge

8) The Haven, Moms and Meth: Breaking the Cycle, with Julie Krow/The Haven

9) Substance Use and The Workplace, with Jennifer Place and Sean Stevens/Peer Assistance

10) Pornography, The Hidden Epidemic, with Mike Richards/addiction2recovery

CONTACT US


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What is Addiction triggers Michael Connelly Chemical Dependency What is Addiction
triggers Michael Connelly Chemical Dependency

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A recovering Addict’s taste of tough love! (for the loved ones of the addict)

October 18, 2011 by jherzanek | 9 comments

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 From time to time I read a story that paints a vivid picture in my mind. This one, by Nikki Holman is one such story that gives the reader a clear picture of what tough love looks like. Nikki shows us what it is like for someone who has lived both sides of the coin—who has essentially been the “wrecking ball” in so many lives, to becoming the strong one. . . who manages to administer tough love and compassion to people she cares about.

In doing so, Nikki learns firsthand, what like is like on both sides of the fence. Nikki works at a Colorado Resort, where this story takes place. Please take the time to read all the way to the end. . . and also to forward to someone who needs a bit of encouragement and strength to continue with Tough Love. Thanks Nikki for allowing us to reprint this.

A recovering Addict’s taste of tough love!
(for the loved ones of the addict)

~ by Nikki Holman

Yesterday was an emotional onslaught of the reminders of the pain & wreckage that as addicts in active addiction we bring to our families, our friends, to our neighbors, society as a whole. My day started as usual, veryyyy early to work. After handling the things I needed to handle I popped back into the break room for a quick second to find one of my sponsees that is also employed by the hotel in the break room dissolving into tears at the very sight of me.

A little background may help. She has been in active relapse for a few weeks now. We are in contact nearly every day as I love her, want to help her but I am not going to enable her. To this point she is again homeless, actively drinking & drugging & having violent outbursts of mutual domestic violence with not just her partner but with friends, etc. We talk for a few moments every day. I will always hug her, tell her first that I love her, that I believe in her but that she has to stand up & take her own life back; that I will walk beside her but can’t carry her even if that was an option. This happens daily—with increasing call-ins to work—in crisis, begging to workers to let her pitch a tent in their yards, etc etc etc etc etc. the rest of the details you can probably imagine; today was only slightly different as she dissolved once again.

I had to hug her and then do the hardest thing ever; I had to tell her point blank that “No, I will Not give you one dime of cash, No I will Not pay for a room at the hotel for you, No I will Not ask anyone to let you stay there, that you need to go to the homeless/ dv women’s shelter” (that she cannot go to because she created wreckage there). I had to tell her that she was about to lose her job. It broke my heart to have to stand up, hug her tight, smooth her hair, hold her face in my hands and say “I Love you enough to not help you die! The minute you stand up & choose to fight, to do the right thing I will be right there to help you”. She just sobbed and sobbed and I cried too as I let her go and HAD TO GO BACK TO WORK.

If that was not enough, a half hour later I caught sight of a familiar faced child. A little boy came into the restaurant during brunch drenched in sweat, asking for a drink and practically drooling at the sight of food. Of course we gave him a drink, turned our backs while he ate and later as a co-worker and I were driving home on her way to drop me off we saw this little boy again (mind you this is four hrs. later and at least eight miles away or more. She then told me that the little boy told one of them that his parents had locked him out of the house early a.m. and told him he could not come back till after four.

So this morning I caught a glimpse of him once more. As my co-worker headed for the door he got scared off and bolted. I told her the story and went out to look for him with no luck. Ten minutes later he popped back in and we were ready this time. We asked him if he was thirsty, took the food and juice we prepped for him and I walked out the door with him. I asked him if he was locked out again, he blurted out “NO!!!!!!” I said gently “yes you are, aren’t you?” He said “Yes, Yes and I’m really hungry.” He started walking faster—trying to escape. I stepped up the pace and gently tasked him, “will you come have breakfast if you need to tomorrow?” His eyes got huge, “Yes! …Yes and then he bolted out the door”.

Chasing him wouldn’t help; he needs to trust us. We talked it over and we will buy his breakfast every chance we get—even if that means we only make a couple dollars. We would do this, not just to feed him but to build trust with him so that he will let us help him.  I know this note is really long but these examples slammed home the terrible pain and suffering addiction causes to those that love us.

Wrecking Ball of Addiction

. . . reminders of the pain & wreckage that as addicts in active addiction we bring to our families, our friends, to our neighbors, society as a whole.

I have not a shred of doubt that this little boy lives in a home filled with active addiction and also that my sponsee’s life is like a wrecking ball to everything she comes into contact with—especially to herself. I know that administering Tough Love to her today and just plain love to that little boy today damn near broke my heart. I know that what I experienced today is possibly, mayyyyyyybe one tenth of the heartbreak that my FAMILY and MY FRIENDS FELT WITH EVERY CRISIS, EVERY SLAM OF THE WRECKING BALL TO THEIR LIVES.

YA SEE, I CARE FOR THESE TWO BUT THEY ARE NOT MY DAUGHTER (like my parents) OR NOT MY SONS (like my babies). My addiction robbed my parents of a daughter, my siblings of a sister, my sons of a mother, my neighbors of a decent neighbor and so on. I also know that the very best “amends” I can ever make is: to BE DIFFERENT.

WORDS OF REGRET, REMORSE, SORROW and OWNING MY WRECKAGE IS GREAT, BUT WITHOUT BEING BACKED UP BY ACTION THEY ARE MEANINGLESS.  I also know that I hated getting “TOUGH LOVED” HATED HATED IT, PISSED ME OFF! But in retrospect I know that It helped to save me.

Oh I was stubborn! Believe me I flipped em the bird and thought, “Well now I don’t have anything left to lose so I’ll just stay high! And I did for a while. But this allowed me to hit my personal bottom sooner than I would’ve had they continued to enable me, to turn a blind eye, let me continue to actively harm them.

I loved my family. No I never set out to harm them but it’s what we do when we use—regardless of intent. Tough Love Sucks!!! It sucks for the families that carry guilt for thinking they are leaving their loved one alone, that they are abandoning them. I used the guilt card lots of times. But TOUGH LOVE MADE HELPED ME TO CHOOSE TO SAVE MY OWN LIFE.

IF YOU ARE ONE OF THE LOVED ONES—KNOW THAT IT IS THE BEST THING YOU CAN DO. IT MAY NOT WORK IN THE TIME THAT YOU IMMEDIATELY HOPE IT DOES. MOST OFTEN IT TAKES A LITTLE BIT.

You don’t ever have to give up hope. I am living proof that hope should never be lost. I am so grateful to my family for tough loving me. I am Now A DAUGHTER, A SISTER, A MOTHER , A FRIEND!

RELATED:
Raising the Bottom? ~by Joe Herzanek
Explore our Changing Lives eNewsletter Archive

NEED HELP NOW? (do you need help with tough love?)
Drug Addiction Phone Counseling and Intervention for Families Dealing with Substance Abuse

PURCHASE:
To purchase the award-winning book “Why Don’t They Just Quit? What families and friends need to know about addiction and recovery”

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Melanie Griffith speaks about her addiction to pain pills

September 27, 2011 by jherzanek | 1 comment

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Melanie Griffith and Antonio Banderas. — Photo by AP


melanie Griffith talks about her husband’s support (or lack of it) regarding her recovery from addiction to pain pills.

“I went away to rehab for three months; it took 10 days just to detox. I wish he would go to a meeting with me or to Al-Anon, but it’s very foreign to him.”

This article below illustrates the fact that anyone can feel “all alone” (even being married to a sex symbol), addiction strikes people from virtually all walks of life, and that we all need support and understanding.

by: Meg Grant | from: AARP The Magazine | November 2011 issue

Q: What first attracted you to Antonio?

A: Everything, really. His way. He’s very funny. The first thing he asked me was my age. I said, “That’s the rudest thing anyone has asked me first.” But there was something about him. Still is. I just love him.

Q: Is it hard to be married to a sex symbol?

A: No — not any harder than being married to any man.

Q: How do you keep your marriage going?

A: We’re willing to change with each other, let old things die and new things be born. But it’s a constant endeavor.

Q: How is Antonio as a dad?

A: If the kids need him, he’s there. But he has a different parenting style. He can talk to them deeply about things they won’t talk to me about, because I’m the one saying, “You’re supposed to be doing this right now. It’s your responsibility.” I’m the disciplinarian; he’s the understanding, philosophical one. We balance each other.

Q: Antonio and I talked about the recent news of men being unfaithful. What do you think of these guys?

A: I would feel so hurt. I don’t know if humans were meant to be with only one person. I don’t think so. But I don’t believe Antonio could tolerate my being with someone else, just as I couldn’t tolerate his being with someone else.

Q: He said that you all participated in your rehab a few years ago, and it welded you.

A: I’m sorry to say, that’s in his mind. I started on pain pills when I hurt my knee skiing and just kept taking them. The kids knew; Dakota and Stella called me on it. Antonio was in London at the time. I went away to rehab for three months; it took 10 days just to detox. We had two family weeks there, but we didn’t follow through. Antonio was supportive to the extent that he can be, but if you’re not an alcoholic or drug addict, and you find out that your wife is a bad one, it’s hard to deal with. As long as I’m okay, he’s okay. I wish he would go to a meeting with me or to Al-Anon, but it’s very foreign to him. Addiction runs in my family but not in his.

Q: So it’s been your journey alone.

A: Yes. And I don’t mean that against him. I would like him to do more, but it’s a difficult thing to have happen in any family, and in that way he has been totally by my side. He really is the greatest guy.

 

NEED HELP NOW?
Drug Addiction Phone Counseling and Intervention for Families Dealing with Substance Abuse

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To purchase the award-winning book “Why Don’t They Just Quit? What families and friends need to know about addiction and recovery”

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Relapse. It Happens.

. . . but it doesn’t have to be the end of the road.

This article excerpted from the award-winning book “Why Don’t They Just Quit? What families and friends need to know about addiction and recovery.” by Joe Herzanek

Is Relapse Part of Recovery?
Addiction has been called a chronic relapsing disease. Relapse is when the person in recovery chooses to try some controlled using again after attempting to remain abstinent. We know that addicts/alcoholics can’t control substance use. If they could, they wouldn’t be in this situation in the first place. Relapse is one more failed attempt at trying to control how much they are able to use.

Using a substance occasionally and in moderation isn’t a problem for social drinkers. But once someone crosses over to habitual and uncontrolled use, there is no going back. Attempts to regain control—to use alcohol or drugs socially and occasionally—are common, and these attempts lead to relapses. Statistics show that approximately 90 per- cent of those who complete treatment will have a relapse—sometimes referred to as a slip.


Five months after leaving treatment in April, I tried just one more time to see if I could control my using. I went out with an old friend and drank.

I don’t remember if I called Gary or he called me. Gary and I used to take drugs together. He was a good friend. We had known each other since high school. He knew I had quit, but he didn’t know much about recovery. We hadn’t seen each other for months, since before I had gone to the treatment center. We went out to a bar. I don’t think I had any intention of drinking. After an hour or two of playing pool and being in the midst of a crowd of people who were drinking, I ordered a beer. To this day, I don’t know what I was thinking. After five or six beers, I knew I had screwed up.

I wasn’t nearly as wasted as I wanted to be. What now? Be- cause of everything I had heard in recovery groups, I now felt a tremendous sense of guilt. Why did I let this happen? Looking back on it, I can see that it was a chain of events. Talking with Gary, meet- ing him at a bar, staying and playing pool—all the sights, sounds and smells were too much for me in the beginning of my sobriety. A bad idea. Those few drinks did not give me the effect I craved. I realized that it was going to take much more than a few drinks. I didn’t want that old life back and it became obvious to me that I had to make an all or nothing choice.

It was just one night, but that one night motivated me to get right back to working on my recovery. This would fall into the category of a slip—one stupid decision that was brief and over quickly. I guess I just had to test the water one more time. What this experience did was confirm to me that my addiction was real. I felt like an idiot. I had just blown one hundred fifty days of sobriety, and I didn’t even enjoy it.

Having a few drinks had always been the start of trouble for me. I knew I had to come to my senses right away, or I would soon be look- ing for drugs as well. This small slip would end up as a complete return to full-blown using, or I could end it that night. By this time in my recovery, I had learned enough to know what was happening and what the consequences could be. I must have had a moment of clarity. No- body needed to tell me that I’d screwed up. Going back to the old life was the last thing I wanted.

I wasn’t sure what to do, so I decided to go back to my treatment center for a couple of days to sort this out.

I have heard similar stories from others who have relapsed. Many of them remember that exact, pivotal moment when they were faced with the decision of what to do. Here are the two different trains of thought that can occur to an addict after a relapse. I’ve blown it anyway, so I may as well keep using for a while. Or, This was a dumb idea. I’d better get right back to recovery before it gets much worse. Thankfully, the latter was my thinking.

Ways to Avoid Relapse
Developing relationships with others who are facing the same challenges are very important. A couple of close friends, a sponsor, a mentor—any one of these—can help hold a person accountable. I knew I had let some people down. But these same people were able to encourage me to keep moving forward.

One of the results of an addict spending time with people in recovery is that it will ruin their once seemingly gratifying relationship with alcohol and drug use. Those in recovery learn about the disease, and from that point on they know too much about its power to ever enjoy it the way they used to. They know that there’s no going back. If some- one slips, they often feel the way I did—like an idiot for even trying to enjoy it again. But this is all okay, as we all learn from mistakes like this. Family and friends shouldn’t get too discouraged when someone slips, because it’s common in early recovery. Look at it as one more opportunity for your loved one to become convinced that the addiction is indeed real.

My friend and addiction counselor Larry Weckbaugh in Eagle, CO compares recovery to a series of stairs—and landings in-between the flights. The addict might be up three flights and two landings when they relapse. They don’t fall into the basement; they only go down one floor.

Is there a difference between a slip and a relapse?
Sort of. The difference lies in how a person handles it. . .

This article is excerpted (pg. 187) from the 2010 revised and updated book
“Why Don’t They Just Quit? What families and friends need to know about addiction and recovery.”

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September 25, 2011 by jherzanek | 1 comment

Angel: Pulled from the Wreckage . . .

September 4, 2011 by jherzanek | 8 comments

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Angel: Pulled from the Wreckage

“You are pulled from the wreckage
of your silent reverie”

~ Angel (Sarah McLachlan)


Changing Lives friend and loving grandmother “Gramma Carole” sent us this picture as she recently walked the hospital corridor with her beloved grandson as he struggles with the tremendous grip of addiction.
She discovered that this photo seems to show the glow of a guardian angel on his shoulder.
The words of this song now take on a whole new meaning. 

“Angel”

Spend all your time waiting
For that second chance
For a break that would make it okay
There’s always one reason
To feel not good enough
And it’s hard at the end of the day
I need some distraction
Oh beautiful release
Memory seeps from my veins
Let me be empty
And weightless and maybe
I’ll find some peace tonight

In the arms of an angel
Fly away from here
From this dark cold hotel room
And the endlessness that you fear
You are pulled from the wreckage
Of your silent reverie
You’re in the arms of the angel
May you find some comfort there

So tired of the straight line
And everywhere you turn
There’s vultures and thieves at your back
And the storm keeps on twisting
You keep on building the lie
That you make up for all that you lack
It don’t make no difference
Escaping one last time
It’s easier to believe in this sweet madness oh
This glorious sadness that brings me to my knees

In the arms of an angel
Fly away from here
From this dark cold hotel room
And the endlessness that you fear
You are pulled from the wreckage
Of your silent reverie

You’re in the arms of the angel
May you find some comfort there
You’re in the arms of the angel
May you find some comfort here

To view music video of Sarah McLachlan performing “Angel”

Please leave a message of encouragement (below) for Gramma Carole and her grandson–who is literally “fighting for his life.” Many thanks.

When Your Child’s Addiction Becomes Your Own

July 11, 2011 by jherzanek | No comments

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Mother and child

 

Many thanks to our guest blog author
—who wishes to remain anonymous.

From the moment you give birth, an innate force within secures a powerful and concentrated intent at the deepest level to protect your precious child, protect them from harm. As a parent, you accept this role with reverence as it carries the highest priority.

Holding your child carefully, keeping them warm, nourished and safe, you show them the immeasurable importance of their place on earth. They feel loved and of great value, knowing that you care about their happiness, comfort and fulfillment. You are their greatest fan and root them on as they step into the world, deciding for themselves how they wish to engage in the life experience. Seeing them off, deep steadfast desires to protect surge through you still. As their caretaker for many years, this powerful urge does not ever truly end. You simply let go, hoping the years of love, guidance and care remain as the foundation for their own ability to keep themselves safe from harm.

What happens when your child is involved in one of the most harmful behaviors possible and they fall away from the safety you worked so hard to instill, strengthen and ensure? How do you handle watching them sink deeper into a world that seems to swallow them into darkness, an unreachable place where you feel powerless – the world of addiction?

Addiction is dangerous and destructive to everything you have committed to keep safe. How do you protect your child? Your natural instinct is to shield them from harm, however in your attempts to do this, the addiction begins to engulf your life as well. This is when your child’s addiction becomes your own.

Three major reasons for this are:

1) Believing you have the power to change or control the person/addiction.

Feeling powerless, you strive for ways to gain a sense of control – life centers around fixing the problem and dealing with the addiction’s consequences.

Attempts to gain control are:

• Becoming a “perfect” parent, supporter, nurturer
• Being careful about everything you say and do
• Peacekeeping
• Taking care of the child’s needs over your own

2) Treating addiction as a moral, behavioral issue rather than an illness.

Expecting rational thinking from an irrational, altered state of perception – addictions cease to be rational by their very nature. Usual support and guidance are ineffective. When tried, there is a great sense of failure, frustration and hopelessness for all involved.

3) Believing the addiction means something about you.

Self-blaming causes guilt, anger, regret, and a sense of inadequacy as a parent. Identifying with your child’s addiction – either feeling responsible for fixing it or unable to face it. The key is not gaining control or changing the addiction. It is understanding you have no control over the addiction. You do, however, have power; the power to let go.

Letting go is:

• Supporting, not fixing
• Permitting another to face reality
• Allowing consequences
• Not taking responsibility for them
• Admitting the outcome is not in your hands
• Acceptance

In letting go, you truly embrace your parental power, by being the example of that which you wish them to do. The addict will be most positively affected by a healthy parent who takes care of themselves, has good boundaries, follows through, respects themselves and honors their life. You don’t need to control or change the addict’s actions, but you can learn to change your responses.

You best help your addicted child by:

• Reaching out for support of others who have been through it
• Expressing your feelings
• Letting your child solve the problems their addiction creates
• Focusing on one day at a time
• Not determining your choices by theirs
• Not doing for them what they can do for themselves

Remember, your child doesn’t need you to take them away from their journey towards discovering their light, they simply need to see your light shining as a reminder of their own along the way.
__________________________________________________________
child’s addiction,addicted child,addict’s mom, help addicted child

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12 Steps to Hell

May 4, 2011 by jherzanek | No comments

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12 Steps to Hell

1. We decided that we could control alcohol/drugs, that our lives were manageable.

2. Came to believe that since our troubles were of our own making, we would have to solve them without outside help.   READ MORE >>>

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