AA Related
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This simple little chart has surprising facts about AA, what it’s about and how well it works. We recommend taking a second to look and also to forward to a friend.
Courtesy of Rehab Programs. Designed by Dawn Shepard
Related:
The AA Promises
Recovery Resources for Friends, Families and Employers
Have you “tried everything?” To learn about Affordable Phone Counseling with Joe Herzanek click here.
•More info and testimonials click here
“Why Don’t They Just Quit? What families and friends need to know about addiction and recovery.”
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AA Facts, AA History, AA Facts and History
Tags: AA, AA Facts, AA Facts and History, AA History, addiction help, addiction recovery, addicts help, Al-Anon, alanon, alcoholic help, alcoholics anonymous, Christian recovery, help an addict, help for alcoholism, help for family of addicts, Why Don't they Just Quit
ASK JOE:
Old friends and recovery:
Q: Do you have to stop seeing all your old friends
in order to recover?
A. It depends
When I was first getting off alcohol and drugs, many of my old friends
were just like me. I knew that being around drugs and being around
people using them was a bad idea. Exposing myself to the wrong influences
would have been a set-up for relapse. It wasn’t easy to let go of
some of my longstanding relationships. At the same time, though, I was
meeting new people who were also in recovery. I quickly learned that
my new lifestyle and old friends were kind of like oil and water—they
just didn’t mix.
After several weeks of sobriety, I started to see these old relationships
in a different light. I tried to talk to some of my old friends about recovery.
A few of them actually quit using. Others began to avoid me. I stayed
busy concentrating on not using. It was a little depressing, in a way. I
wanted so much to help them change, but many just weren’t interested.
This is a difficult time for the recovering person. There is a sort of
lag-time between leaving old unhealthy relationships and developing
new and better ones. It doesn’t happen overnight—but it will happen.
Trust the process and trust God to provide. For myself, I knew what was
at stake. I had to do this or soon return to the old life. The void in my
social life was going to be filled one way or another. This is one more reason
why support groups are important.
Recovery means making many changes,
and some are more difficult than others.
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Ask Joe, old friends and recovery Ask Joe, old friends and recovery Ask Joe, old friends and recovery
I am including this story of “Jenny’s Pearl Necklace” at the request
of my wife Judy. It is one of her favorites—all about “letting go, and letting
God.” Time and time again Judy and I have found that once we were
willing to trust God, He would surprise us with a blessing far beyond anything we would have dreamed.
The story of “Jenny’s Pearl Necklace” touches everyone in a different way—as we are all at different stages of our journey.
This “Q & A with Joe Herzanek” is excerpted from Part 5 of “Why Don’t They Just Quit? What families and friends need to know about addiction and recovery.”
RELATED:
Relapse. It Happens. ~by Joe Herzanek
NEED HELP NOW?
Affordable Phone Counseling for Families Dealing with Substance Abuse
Recovery Resources for Friends, Families and Employers
MORE ASK JOE:
> Is a relapse—failure?
> If someone can stop using drugs or alcohol for weeks at a time, they “aren’t an addict—correct?
>Chronic Pain Management & Pain Pill Addiction: What to do?
>How can I know if my addicted friend or loved one is telling the truth?
>”I need help because I’m not able to deal with my live-in Fiance’s need to get drunk every night.”
>Should my husband “back off?”
>Gambling vs. Drug Addiction? What is your opinion?
>How can I tell if someone is an addict/alcoholic or just a heavy user?
>What is Methadone? What is Harm Reduction?
RELATED:
> Self-Tests: Codependence
> Self-Tests: Alcohol and Drug Addiction
Sign up for our Free Changing Lives E-Newsletter!
RETURN:
From “If both parents are addicts, does that increase the child’s chances of addiction?” to Changing Lives Foundation Blog Home
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Old friends and recovery Old friends and recovery Old friends and recovery
Tags: AA, addicted teen, addiction books, addiction help, addiction recovery, Al-Anon literature, alcohol addiction help, alcohol help, Ask Joe, changing lives foundation, friends and recovery, help for family of addicts, how to help a drug addict, how to help an addict, Joe Herzanek, Old friends and recovery, Why Don't they Just Quit
“This is a preventable loss
caused by a preventable disease,
that we, as loved ones are powerless to prevent”
~Trish Frye
Trish Frye, Program Director of Palmer Drug Abuse Program, spoke at the funeral of “Brittany” on February 11, 2012.
I’m glad others spoke before me because I have been asked to talk about the reason Brittany died . . . and people need to know that her illness was not who she was . . . it is what happened to her.
Mom and dad want good to come from their loss, so what do I say? I hate this disease. It’s a harsh disease and I’m not sure I can speak about it without being a bit harsh. I know I cannot sugar coat things because it is when we refuse to acknowledge the truth that the sickness is allowed to expand.
Brittany suffered from an insidious disease called chemical dependency. This was not a moral failure on Brittany’s part. She never intended to hurt anyone. She loved her family. She had a great sense of humor, she wanted to help others, but she was sick . . . along with 12 million other Americans battling drug abuse. She made several attempts to stop using but Brittany’s body had had enough and succumbed to the sickness . . . just as 29,000 other people do each year due to prescription drugs alone.
Let me speak for those who have suffered from this illness and anyone who has loved someone with this illness. We will testify to the power of addiction. This truly is a brain disease that affects not only the body but also the mind and spirit.
See, Brittany wasn’t just partying and having fun. Her addiction started with a prescription drug. She had some pain and a friend offered a pill. She got positive results and sought a doctor to give her more pills . . . and eventually a line was crossed in her brain where drug use became her source of relief from pain and stress, and over time her brain falsely translated pills as “required for survival”. Drugs are so powerful that I have seen hungry people choose drugs rather than food. It is one of the only things I have ever seen a woman give up her children for. It eats our nature and without help it leads to self-destruction.
“She wanted to beat it.
She wanted to be strong.
She wanted to succeed.”
I have worked with addicts for many years and rarely have I seen someone on drugs who wanted to be dependent on them. Brittany did not want to be a slave to her pills, yet she was. Her brain had been hijacked and her mind screamed for relief from the addiction and saw relief as another pill. She wanted to beat it. She wanted to be strong. She wanted to succeed.
Earnest Campbell wrote a book titled “Locked in A Room with Open Doors”. Perhaps this is a great explanation of addiction. It is easy to think of people locked in a room with doors shut, but locked in a room with the doors open suggests that sometimes it is not the external barriers that bind. It is the internal barriers that hold us captive. We sometimes fail to experience freedom through the help that is available, because we lie to ourselves with preconceived ideas of who we are, what we can do, and what life has to offer.
If there was any failure in this it was Brittany believing the lie that she needed to be strong and that there was something wrong with allowing herself to need help. She couldn’t be honest with herself and accept the fact that her intelligence, kind heart, strong will and beauty weren’t enough. She saw needing this kind of help as weakness just as many people see substance abuse as a mere decision. She had a degree in psychology and thought she knew better and could pull herself out of it and teach others to do the same.
“You loved her.
You loved her unconditionally
and you loved her selflessly.”
I tell parents every day that the reality is that substance abuse is deadly and as parents they have to get through this guilt free. This family has nothing to feel guilty about . . . no real guilt will stand because they tried every intervention possible, but like cancer, some forms are just resistant to the chemotherapy while others are healed. There were no stones left unturned when it came to helping Brittany access treatment for her disease. You loved her. You loved her unconditionally and you loved her selflessly.
You gave her to God every day and literally would lift a Brittany doll up in prayer. When I visited the other day the Brittany doll was in the arms of a teddy bear. Just like the doll is in the arms of the teddy bear, Brittany is now resting in the arms of Jesus.
Sadly I know I am standing here speaking not just about Brittany but about others who have gone before and others that will go later. Here it is. The ultimate fear for parents became real in this family’s life. They are living our nightmare…everything they have tried to prevent . . . a preventable loss . . . and powerless to prevent it. The battle for this person seems to have brought defeat.
I read somewhere recently about how Saint Paul spoke in metaphors and Jesus spoke in parables so perhaps at this point it would benefit us to see not with our eyes of flesh but with eyes of faith when it comes to this disease and loving someone with this disease. Jesus said “I have come that you may have life and life abundant”. To celebrate God’s love is to know that in everything, in life and even in death, God is with us for the Good. There is a certainty that God has been with Brittany as she struggled, and He has been with the family as they watched her struggle, and God is with this family and Brittany now.
Instead of viewing this death as a time of finality, perhaps through our faithful eyes this death can be viewed as birth, not as a limitation but as an unfolding possibility . . . the possibility that parents will acknowledge that this can happen to anyone, even their own children regardless of their upbringing . . . the possibility that someone here will not be driven by the lie of shame regarding this issue but rather the promise of hope that recovery is possible if we are willing to access help . . . the possibility that the people here have heard through Brittany’s story that what we are up against is something much too big for us to handle on our own and find the courage to reach out without judgment to help those that are sick . . . the possibility that someone here will stay sober another day because each day really does matter . . . and the possibility that someone here will look deep within and reach out seeking help for their own substance abuse problem, knowing and believing that there is a room full of people waiting to embrace them and point them to a truth that recovery and redemption are real.
Trish Frye is Program Director at the Palmer Drug Abuse Program (PDAP)
San Antonio, Texas area.
She is our guest expert on the March 10, 2012 “Eye on Addiction Radio” show
and will be speaking on “Help and Hope for Families”
The show will be archived on our website.
READ MORE ABOUT PDAP-
PDAP: “An Instant Army, of Love and Support”
Alternative Peer Groups (APG), Successful Recovery Model for Teens and Young Adults
RETURN:
From “Powerless to Prevent” to Changing Lives Foundation Blog Home
March 6, 2012 by jherzanek |
Q How can I tell if someone is an addict/alcoholic or just a heavy user?
A. It is almost impossible to tell when someone has crossed
this line.
What you will be able to see, however, are the signs of dependency.
Sometimes these signs will be subtle and other times they’ll be more
obvious.
Here are a few questions regarding behavioral signs that may
signal dependency:
• Has this person’s attitude changed?
• Are they using daily?
• Are they unable to control how much they are using?
• Are they defensive about their using?
• Has work or school performance declined?
• How long has this persisted? Do they try to hide their use?
• Have they lost interest in people or activities that were once
important to them?
Beyond these, there may be more obvious signs such as legal problems,
DUIs, or frequent job changes. Seeking advice from a professional
is always a good idea. You may also take a self-test. It you’re
concerned about this person, you probably know him or her fairly well.
Take the self-test for alcoholism/drug addiction found on our Changing Lives Foundation website and answer as if you were your friend or loved one. See how well you score.
This “Q & A with Joe” is excerpted from Part 5 of “Why Don’t They Just Quit? What families and friends need to know about addiction and recovery.”
NEED HELP NOW?
Affordable Phone Counseling for Families Dealing with Substance Abuse
MORE ASK JOE:
>How can I know if my addicted friend or loved one is telling the truth?
>”I need help because I’m not able to deal with my live-in Fiance’s need to get drunk every night.”
>Should my husband “back off?”
Sign up for our Free Changing Lives E-Newsletter!
addict/alcoholic or heavy user alcoholic or heavy user addict or heavy user
Tags: AA, addict or heavy user, addict/alcoholic, addicted spouse, addicted teen, addiction books, addicts help, alanon, alanon group, alanon help, alcoholic or heavy user, drug use help, help for family of addicts, how to help a drug addict, how to help an addict, Self-test for alcoholism, Why Don't they Just Quit
Joe Herzanek, Author, Addiction Counselor and Interventionist
Rock Bottom, Raising the Bottom
or Tough Love?
After speaking to and emailing hundreds of parents, spouses and other family members, I know this is a lot easier said, than done. Raising the bottom is especially difficult for mothers and is one of the reasons I wrote the book Why Don’t They JUST QUIT? — to get the message to as many as possible.
Exactly what do I mean by “raising the bottom”? This whole idea of “hitting bottom” is out of date. Some people will wait years–even decades–for their friend to reach this mythical point in their alcohol and drug use. But why wait for them to “hit bottom”? Why not help them by raising their bottom? There are ways to encourage someone to reach for help much earlier. In doing so, we can avoid a lot of unnecessary pain and heartache and maybe even save their life. For some people, hitting bottom will be six feet underground.
So does everyone have to hit rock bottom? I would say no. Tough love can prevent a substance abuser from prolonging their usage. There are loving ways to refuse to rescue someone that in the long run will help him or her to choose recovery. Loving means doing the right thing to help. This can take all of our strength and energy at times. “We all hate to see someone suffer even when the suffering is a consequence of their bad choices. This approach, or some form of it, is something you might consider: Raise the bottom. Whether it is a teenage son or daughter, a spouse, boyfriend, aunt or uncle, the same principles can apply. A few nights in jail could be the best thing that ever happens to them. The next time this person you care about appeals to you to get them out of a bind (loan them money, pay their electric bill, buy them gas, pay for a lawyer), think twice. You just might be prolonging their disease and robbing them of the natural consequences that they need to experience in order to seek help and begin to connect the dots.
I receive a lot of mail from family members who are searching for “Al-anon type” answers and information. Here’s a typical email and my response (I’ve changed the name and some of the details to protect the identity of this woman).
Dear Joe,
I have just ordered Why Don’t They JUST QUIT? as my last resort to get off the emotional rollercoaster my alcoholic husband has put me on! He has been an alcoholic since he was a teenager. It’s like living with Jekyl & Hyde! The physical & emotional rollercoaster is killing me. He has been incarcerated about 4 times and was in many different programs for alcohol, at least 5 or 6. He drives while drinking, and gambles when he drinks. I could go on forever. I constantly walk on eggshells and don’t know how much more I can handle. This book is my last resort before I suffer a mental breakdown.
Thanks Joe,
Sarah
Hi Sarah,
Thanks for your email. Sorry to hear about your current struggle. Your life does not have to be this way! The book will definitely help and give you some insights on the addiction problem. The difficult part will be sticking with the tough love that is necessary to motivate your husband to begin recovery. You can do it and so can he.
I don’t know your entire situation, but the number one issue must be dealt with, and that is HIS alcohol and or drug use.
Keep that in mind. You didn’t cause this problem and you can’t control or cure it. What you can do is confront it and perhaps give ultimatums. You can force him to see the light or feel the heat.
At some point he needs to choose which relationship is the most important–his relationship with you or his relationship with alcohol. Let him know there is a high cost to continue his current way of living. The pain of consequences is often the best teacher.
Hang in there.
Joe
NEED HELP NOW?
Affordable Phone Counseling for Families Dealing with Substance Abuse
ASK JOE:
>Son needs $75 for drug dealer of he’ll be “killed for sure.”
>”I need help because I’m not able to deal with my live-in Fiance’s need to get drunk every night.”
>Should my husband “back off?”
Sign up for our Free Changing Lives E-Newsletter!
RELATED:
Drug Addiction Help Recovery Resources for Friends, Families and Employers
Al-Anon, Nar-Anon and AA Abreviations
Return from Raising the Bottom? ~by Joe Herzanek, to Blog Home
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Rock Bottom Raising the Bottom Tough Love Rock Bottom Raising the Bottom Tough Love
Tags: addict, addicted, addicted spouse, addiction, addiction recovery, addictions, addicts, Al-Anon, Al-Anon Books, Al-Anon literature, alanon, alcohol, alcoholic, alcoholics, alcoholism, award-winning, book reviews, books, bottom, care, cocaine, consequences, families, family, friends, help, Herzanek, hit bottom, hitting bottom, Indie Award, just quit, parent, quit, recovering, recovery, rock bottom, Self-Help Books, success stories, Why Don't they Just Quit
12 Step Prayers
Thanks to our friend Holly Jo for passing this on to us. These little prayers are great for anyone in AA, Alanon, Alateen or anyone who wants to have a greater understanding of the 12 Step Program, in order to grow closer to their friend or loved one who is in recovery. Enjoy.
~First Step Prayer~
Dear Lord,
I admit that I am powerless over my addiction.
I admit that my life is unmanageable when I try to control it.
Help me this day to understand the true meaning of powerlessness.
Remove from me all denial of my addiction.
~Second Step Prayer~
Heavenly Father,
I know in my heart that only you can restore me to sanity.
I humbly ask that you remove all twisted thought and
addictive behavior from me this day.
Heal my spirit and restore in me a clear mind.
~Third Step Prayer~
(Page 63 – A. A. Big Book)
God,
I offer myself to Thee
To build with me and to do with me as Thou wilt.
Relieve me of the bondage of self, that I may better do
Thy will. Take away my difficulties, that victory over them may bear
witness to those I would help of Thy Power, Thy Love and
Thy Way of life, May I do Thy will always!
~Fourth Step Prayer~
Dear God,
It is I who have made my life a mess.
I have done it, but I cannot undo it.
My mistakes are mine, and I will begin a
searching and fearless moral inventory.
I will write down my wrongs,
but I will also include that which is good.
I pray for the strength to complete the task.
~Fifth Step Prayer~
Higher Power,
My inventory has shown me who I am,
yet I ask for Your help in admitting my wrongs
to another person and to You. Assure me, and be with me, in this Step,
for without this Step I cannot progress in my recovery.
With Your help, I can do this, and I do it.
~Sixth Step Prayer~
Dear God,
I am ready for Your help in removing from me the defects of character
which I now realize are an obstacle to my recovery. Help me to continue
being honest with myself and guide me toward spiritual and mental
health.
~Seventh Step Prayer~
(Page 76 – A. A. Big Book)
My Creator,
I am now willing that you should have all of me, good and bad.
I pray that you now remove from me every single defect of character
which stands in the way of my usefulness to you and my fellows.
Grant me strength, as I go out from here to do your bidding. Amen
~Eighth Step Prayer~
Higher Power,
I ask Your help in making my list of all those I have harmed.
I will take responsibility for my mistakes, and be forgiving to others as
You are forgiving to me. Grant me the willingness to begin my
restitution.
This I pray.
~Ninth Step Prayer~
Higher Power,
I pray for the right attitude to make my amends,
being ever mindful not to harm others in the process.
I ask for Your guidance in making indirect amends.
Most important, I will continue to make amends by
staying abstinent, helping others, and growing in spiritual progress.
~Tenth Step Prayer~
I pray I may continue:
To grow in understanding and effectiveness;
To take daily spot check inventories of myself;
To correct mistakes when I make them;
To take responsibility for my actions;
To be ever aware of my negative and self-defeating attitudes and
behaviors;
To keep my willfulness in check;
To always remember I need Your help;
To keep love and tolerance of others as my code;
And to continue in daily prayer how I can best serve You, my Higher
Power.
~Eleventh Step Prayer~
Higher Power, As I understand You, I pray to keep my connection with
You open and clear from the confusion of daily life.
Through my prayers and meditation I ask especially for
freedom from self-will, rationalization, and wishful thinking.
I pray for the guidance of correct thought and positive action.
Your will Higher Power, not mine, be done.
~Twelfth Step Prayer~
Dear God,
My spiritual awakening continues to unfold.
The help I have received I shall pass on and give to others,
both in and out of the Fellowship. For this opportunity I am grateful.
I pray most humbly to continue walking day by day on
the road of spiritual progress.
I pray for the inner strength and wisdom to practice the principles of
this way of life in all I do and say.
12 Step Prayers
Source Unknown
__________________
RELATED:
Al-Anon, Nar-Anon and AA Abbreviations
The AA Promises
A recovering Addict’s taste of tough love! (for the loved ones of the addict)
NEED HELP NOW? (do you need help with tough love?)
Drug Addiction Phone Counseling and Intervention
for Families Dealing with Drug or Alcohol Abuse
PURCHASE:
To purchase the award-winning book “Why Don’t They Just Quit?
What families and friends need to know about addiction and recovery”
Return from Al-Anon, Nar-Anon and AA Abbreviations to Blog Home
12 Step Prayers AA 12 Step Prayers
Tags: 12 step alanon, 12 step Christian, 12 Step Prayers, 12 step program, 12 Steps of AA, 12 Steps of Al-Anon, 12 Steps of Nar-Anon, 12-Steps, AA 12 Steps, AA 12-step program, Addiction and spirituality, Christian recovery, recovery prayers, Spiritual awakening, Spirituality and AA, Spirituality and Al-Anon
Al-Anon, Nar-Anon and AA Abbreviations
for Chat Rooms, Groups and Bulletin Boards
People who attend Al-Anon, Nar-Anon and AA often use abbreviations to simplify their conversations and to make typing quicker and easier when they are posting online. Have you found yourself trying to read some of these posts and thought you were reading a foreign language or secret code? You are not alone!
This post will make things a little easier. We have listed some abbreviations and terms that are specific to recovery chat rooms/boards:
A or The A: the alcoholic in my life
AA: Alcoholics Anonymous
ABF or AGF: alcoholic boy friend or girlfriend
AFG: Al-Anon Family Groups
AH or AW: alcoholic husband or wife
Active A: an alcoholic who is still drinking alcohol
Big Book: refers to the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous
CAL: Conference Approved Literature, writings that have been approved by the WSO
C2C or CTC: courage to change
CLOSED MEETING: a meeting of AA or Al-Anon that is only to be attended by members who qualify for either AA or Al-anon
CROSSTALK: During an Al-anon meeting cross talking is speaking when
someone else has the floor and is sharing. It is also cross talking
when, after another member shares, someone shares and comments directly
about what the other person’s share was about and directs it to that
person. Both of these things are generally discouraged at Al-anon meetings
because it disrupts the meeting, takes away the anonymity of the
person’s share and can also become “advice giving” which is also discouraged
in Al-anon.
DRY DRUNK: refers to an alcoholic who is no longer drinking alcohol but who is still exhibiting a lot of the negative behaviors associated with the drinking
ESH: experience, strength and hope
FTF or F2F: a Face-to-Face meeting; real world meetings
HALT: Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired
JADE: Justify, Argue, Defend, Explain
MIP: Miracles in Progress
ODAAT: one day at a time
OPEN MEETING: a meeting of AA or Al-Anon that may be attended by anyone who is interested.
Q-tip: Quit taking it personally
TYFS OR TFS: Thank you for sharing
WSO: World Service Organization Al-Anons headquarters
If someone puts your nickname in parenthesis (((((nickname))))) that means they are giving you a cyber hug!
RELATED:
Raising the bottom ~by Joe Herzanek
A recovering addict’s taste of tough love! (for the loved ones of the addict)
To read 413 more common abbreviations
Return from Al-Anon, Nar-Anon and AA Abbreviations to Blog Home
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Al-Anon Abbreviations, Nar-Anon Abbreviations, AA Abbreviations
Tags: AA, AA Abbreviations, addiction help, addicts help, Al-Anon, Al-Anon Abbreviations, alanon steps, alcohol addiction help, allanon, help for family of addicts, Nar-Anon Abbreviations
Just discovered this as I was poking around. Hope you enjoy it as much as I did.
1. A sponsor isn’t all that interested in why you used.
2. A therapist thinks your problem is lack of self-esteem and negative self-image; a sponsor thinks your problem is you.
3. A therapist wants to nurture your inner child; your sponsor thinks it should be spanked.
4. A sponsor thinks your inventory should be about you, not your parents.
5. A sponsor thinks you should not confront your parents, but rather make amends to them.
6. The only time your sponsor uses the word “closure” is before the word “mouth.”
7. A sponsor thinks boundaries are things you need to take down — not build up.
8. A therapist wants you to love yourself first; a sponsor wants you to love others first.
9. A therapist prescribes care-taking medication while a sponsor prescribes prayer-making and meditation.
10. A sponsor thinks anger management skills are numbered one through twelve.
11. Because you’ve been clean ninety days, a therapist recommends you make a list of all your goals and objectives for the next five years — starting with finishing up that degree. A sponsor thinks you should continue cleaning coffee pots and occasionally mopping.
12. Lastly, a sponsor will not lose his/her license if he/she talks about God.
~ this post from Addicted2Clean Blog
* Have you “tried everything?” To learn about individual counseling with Joe Herzanek (in person or by phone) click here.
Tags: AA, AA sponsor, Al-Anon, alanon, sponsor, therapist
“Criticism: Advice That is Not Asked For”
~by Michael Z
So many family members who call Changing Lives Foundation
feel like they are all alone in their struggles.
Our best advice to those who have limited resources is
to visit an Open AA meeting or two, attend an Al-Anon or Nar-Anon meeting.
There,they will find others with similar concerns.
Many of the people in these meetings offer gems of wisdom just like this
from Michael Z.
Read what he has to say about criticism, advice and AA—
I have someone in my life that, after she asks how I’m doing and I begin to tell her, immediately begins telling me the things I need to change or start doing. Until this quote I didn’t realize that the reason her unasked for advice made me feel so bad was because it was thinly veiled criticism of the way I was living my life.
Thank God the program doesn’t work that way. If people in the program or my sponsor started giving me unasked for advice or telling me what to do, I would have left long ago. Instead, people give me suggestions (when I ask for them) based on their own experience. If they had a similar situation as mine and they did something that worked for them, then they may suggest that it might work for me as well. It’s up to me at that point to try it or not.
Because of the AA program, I have learned to apply this wisdom in my other relationships as well. In fact, people now call me a good listener, and it’s because I know that all people really want is to be heard and understood. If asked, the best I can do is share my experience with a similar situation – if I have it. Otherwise, it’s best to listen, empathize and help them process their experience.
That’s always better than giving advice that’s not asked for.
________________________________________________
Excerpted from “The Wisdom of the Rooms Volume 2″
~by Michael Z.
Tags: AA, addiction books, addiction recovery, Advice, Al-Anon, Al-Anon literature, alanon, alanon group, alanon help, Criticism, help for family of addicts, Michael Z, recovery wisdom, The Wisdom of the Rooms, wisdom
Resentments, the Ultimate Poison . . . to self.
~ by Nikki Holman
In recovery there is a lot of talk about resentments. WE ALL HAVE THEM, WE ALL CARRY THEM & HOLD ON TO THEM. I can remember being in treatment & being told that it was paramount to our recovery to let these resentments go. Easier said than done at the time (you see for me I believed that holding on to these resentments kept me safe). They kept me safe both physically and emotionally. How totally totally wrong. Not only did it keep me twisted up inside, it prevented me from being FREE.
Moving on and letting go of resentments was something I tried to do for a long time. I tried without success; the failure was not because I was doing all the right things, it was because I was failing to look HONESTLY AT MY PART.
Allowing myself to carry this resentment toward another person without accepting my part of the problem—gave me a feeling of entitlement to be angry. I have really been trying to live recovery—and for me that means looking honestly at situations with a different perspective.
The largest resentment I carried for years was in regard to my ex-husband. Did he harm me and mine? An emphatic yes!! But recently I have begun to realize that not only did I have a part in that harm but I also harmed him!! We harmed each other and boy how nice it was of me all these years to hold myself less accountable than I held him, NOT! We were both human, we allowed ourselves to become embroiled in a bitter harmful dysfunctional pattern. Who am I to say the wrongs to him were less painful than his wrongs to me. This has been so FREEING!
I recently dealt with him again on the phone; no he is not someone I care to hang out with, surround myself with—but I can be caring and kind and healthy in my interactions with the father of my children. And ultimately with the loss of this resentment I can change my patterns for the future.
I am so grateful to have come to this point. I was able to make amends with him regardless of whether he did the same to me. You see, I can ultimately only control me, my actions and reactions. If we are truly trying to find full recovery, we don’t get to withhold our amends due another—in a STAND-OFF till they “right their wrongs” with us (doesn’t work like that and we only keep ourselves miserable).
I finally understand how important this is. I am not a VICTIM; I am a HUMAN—one who makes mistakes. I’m no better, no worse than another.
THIS brings me peace.
MORE FROM NIKKI HOLMAN:
A recovering Addict’s taste of tough love! (for the loved ones of the addict)
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The AA Promises
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Resentments Ultimate Poison letting go Resentments Ultimate Poison letting go
November 2, 2011 by jherzanek |
“Things might not get better for me, but I can get better despite things.”
So many people who call Changing Lives Foundation feel like they are all alone in their struggles. Our best advice to those who have limited resources is to visit an Open AA meeting or two, attend an Al-Anon or Nar-Anon meeting. There , you will find others with concerns, similar to yours. Many of these people offer gems of wisdom just like this—
Things might not get better for me, but I can get better despite things.
~by Michael Z.
When I was a newcomer, I was convinced that because I was now sober, things in my life would get better. I was sure my career would finally get on track, my relationships would improve, etc., and I knew that as those things came together, I would finally be happy. In fact, I secretly felt like I deserved for things to improve now that I was being “good”. Boy was I wrong.
What actually happened was that my life started to spiral out of control. It was as if things had a natural momentum to them, and even though I wasn’t acting the same way, the wreckage of my past was beginning to catch up with me. As I grew more and more miserable, my sponsor taught me something that set me free.
I remember he sat me down and asked me if I could make it through the day without a drink or a drug. I told him I could, and that’s when he taught me that while I may not be able to control all the things in my life, I could control the most important thing of all – my sobriety and my recovery. He told me that if I took care of that, then all the other “things” would work out.
While at first I didn’t believe him, it turns out he was right.
Today I know that while things may not always get better for me,
I can get better if I focus on the one thing that matters.
The above is excerpted from “The Wisdom of the Rooms” by Michael Z.
Tags: AA, AA Wisdom, Al-Anon, Al-Anon literature, alanon, alanon help, alcohol addiction help, changing lives foundation, help for family of addicts, I can get better, Why Don't they Just Quit, wisdom, Wisdom of the Rooms
The AA Promises
1. If we are painstaking about this phase of our development,
we will be amazed before we are halfway through.
2. We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness.
3. We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it.
4. We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace.
5. No matter how far down the scale we have gone,
we will see how our experience can benefit others.
6. That feeling of uselessness and self-pity will disappear.
7. We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows.
8. Self-seeking will slip away.
9. Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change.
10. Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us.
11. We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us.
12. We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us
what we could not do for ourselves
Are these extravagant promises? We think not. They are being fulfilled among us -
sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. They will always materialize if we work for them.
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STEP 6: Became entirely ready to have God remove all our defects of character.
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STEP 7: Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.
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Removing defects of character. Joe Herzanek, author of “Why Don’t They Just Quit?“,
discusses Step 7, (Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings) this week on Recovery Now!…
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The AA Promises Alcoholics Anonymous Promises The AA Promises Alcoholics Anonymous Promises
We admitted that we were powerless over alcohol
and that our lives had become unmanageable.
—Step One, AA 12-Steps
After many years in recovery,
I know that I must not forget
this one principle–I will
always be an addict.
–Joe Herzanek
Whether you are a fan of twelve-step programs or not, the first step an attendee will hear offers a great deal of wisdom. The alcoholic/addict should never venture into the world without remembering the important bit of knowledge that Step One provides: Chemically dependent people will not ever be able to gain control over their substance use. Millions of addicted people have tried, and many have even died trying. Not one person has ever successfully returned to social use.
Admitting Powerlessness
After many years in recovery, I know that I must not forget this one principle–I will always be an addict. Confusion on this matter can lead to disastrous results. My substance use took me places I didn’t want to go, cost me more than I wanted to pay and kept me longer than I wanted to stay. My addiction is now in remission. Just the same, it is alive and well–ready to inflict a lot of pain on me. To forget this would be my greatest mistake.
I have a friend who owns a treatment center in the Colorado Rocky Mountains called Jaywalker Lodge. He accepts only men who are highly motivated to change. The program is a four-month-minimum-stay facility, cash only, no insurance. The entire focus is on Step One. It’s for men who have made several attempts to quit, only to find themselves stumbling again and again. Frustrated and broken, they arrive at the treatment center willing to do whatever it takes to regain their sobriety. This facility teaches men that the key to recovery starts with a true admission of powerlessness.
Once a recovering addict is convinced of their inability to ever control their using, they will no longer attempt to do so if they want to maintain their recovery. Incorporating Step One into a person’s life requires a daily ongoing shift in thinking–sometimes referred to as “one day at a time.” Lifelong recovery obviously involves much more than this one crucial admission. Recovery and rebuilding what was lost takes substantial time and effort. But it will all be in vain if this one fundamental principle is forgotten.
A Humbling Realization
Once the power or ability to control how much a person can use is lost, it is lost forever. Any attempt to regain control is futile. This applies to the user who is brand new to recovery as well as to someone with over two decades of abstinence. No one is tougher than addiction, and it’s one wound that time cannot heal. You, as a person close to the situation, should understand this fundamental step as a foundational principle.
It’s a humbling realization.
This article is excerpted from the book “Why Don’t They Just Quit?“
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powerless over alcohol powerless over alcohol powerless over alcohol
September 15, 2010 by jherzanek |
Charlie Vaughn
My alcoholism has led me from a substantial income, Living with a friend on a Yacht in Newport Beach, Ca., Dining on a Russian Freighter, to homeless looking for a private room at the City Union Mission, in Kansas City. Then I graduated to a 76 bed recovery house in the ghetto. I only have 3 years of continuous sobriety now, but I have living experiences that maybe, just maybe, I can help the poor person so they do not have to run this same gambit. This I believe is the mission of my journey from 9/13/07 til the day I leave the earth.. What a wonderful goal.. This is why I try to learn new things each day because it is impossible to pass on what you don’t have…. Love you All…SOBRIETY CAN BE A HOOT FOR ALL, IT IS FOR ME…. Love Ya… Charlie V.
CAREER VS. DRINKING:
I worked for the largest (at the time) railroad in the United States. We were an east coast railroad that ran no further west than St. Louis. I worked hard and was transferred to Los Angeles as Sales Manager. This job included entertaining customers and wives in various venues. I was so far from our actual railroad I literally did this every day–and was I good at it! I could entertain the Japanese firms in L.A, and drank so much I could almost speak Japanese by the end of the evening. Later I was promoted to Regional Manager, and I am sure it was because of my large capacity to hold my liquor. I drank so much–at the rate I was going, I was sure I could drink myself into the President of the railroad job if it came open. God I loved that job. This was the beginning of the end of my drinking career. Since leaving that job I have in one way or another, been working with recovery-orientated jobs. I am so grateful I have found recovery and don’t have to live like that ever again, if I am willing to do a few simple things to maintain continuous sobriety….Love Ya All
SOBRIETY IS REALLY A HOOT…
Today’s post from Charlie!
“Years ago I kept praying for a great big house, and a fishing lake. In 1991 God gave me a 3 story recovery house in the Ghetto, with a lake where they sometimes found dumped bodies from the night before.. SOBRIETY IS A HOOT…. AND THAT’S THE TRUTH…”
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Tags: AA, AA humor, addiction, addiction help, addiction recovery, Al-Anon, Al-Anon literature, alanon, alanon steps, alcohol addiction help, changing lives foundation, Charlie Vaughn, just quit, Why Don't they Just Quit
More from Charlie:
“I just got home from a meeting and have to share this very valuable thought I had.. Notice how my brain was thinking at this moment.. A gentleman who had been sober about 2 weeks felt it necessary to ramble on and on.. I thought will this guy ever shut up, even thought about leaving it was so disturbing to me.. It was not until I got home that what disturbed me so much was I saw myself in him…As the literature says will happen in acceptance. If it was important enough for him to spill his guts, who am I not to listen and learn.. And I did learn… Good Meeting.. Had to share this “As Charlie see’s it Moment” Love you all and SOBRIETY IS A HOOT. only if we can listen better than we speak as everyone no matter how much sobriety they have we can learn from and I just did…”
* Have you “tried everything?” To learn about individual counseling with Joe Herzanek (in person or by phone) click here.
Tags: AA, AA humor, acceptance, addiction help, alcohol addiction help, Charlie Vaughn, help an addict, Why Don't they Just Quit
Charlie’s Corner: “Sobriety is a Hoot!”
“I have spent my whole life stuffing my feelings. As a child raised in a strict Southern Baptist household, I was told big boys don’t cry. And never show any sign’s of anger. So I stuffed these bad feelings. As an adult with alcohol raging through my sick brain, I learned not to show any emotions. Became a very calm drunk on the outside, to other people I was laid back and very easygoing. Then one day along came these feeling all at once. . . like a freight train with no engineer.
When I removed the alcohol I had used as my “I’m not feeling today medicine” I had no idea what to do with all these feelings. I don’t like the words “work the steps.” “Work it” is not for me “Live the steps” works better for me. The steps allow me to feel again, some good and some bad, but I at least have a way to recognize the difference. If sad things happen to me or someone–I cry; and so on.
These are the things the program of Alcoholics Anonymous have taught me.
Thank you all for being part of my miracle. We’re a family and I love you all…. Charlie”
Charlie V., “house dad” of several recovery houses near Independence, MO, keeps us all posted on what is important in life, and even more that that. . . how to laugh!
Keep checking for updates. We think you’ll be glad you did!
CHARLIE’S CORNER:
I dropped my AA Sobriety Coin in the parking lot of Price Chopper, and as my luck would have it landed on end and started rolling down the parking lot…
I was terrified, you would have thought I lost gold.. It just meant that much to me.. finally i was lucky and caught up with it…I love my sobriety… SOBRIETY REALLY IS A HOOT
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AA Sobriety Coin,Charlie Vaughn
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MORE FROM CHARLIE:
I dropped my AA Sobriety Coin in the parking lot of Price Chopper
A Memory of my Relapses
A God “of my understanding”
I still do stupid stuff sober
Careful what you Pray for
Home:
Return from “Feelings—in Sobriety” to Blog Home
Tags: AA, AA sponsor, AA Steps, AA Wisdom, addict, addiction, addiction help, addiction recovery, Al-Anon, alanon, alcohol addiction help, changing lives foundation, Charlie Vaughn, drug use help, Feelings in Sobriety, help an addict, Sobriety is a hoot!, Why Don't they Just Quit
We’ve added a new “category” to our blog called:
Charlie’s Corner: “Sobriety is a Hoot!”
Charlie V., “house dad” of several recovery houses near Independence, MO, keeps us all posted on what is important in life, and even more that that. . . how to laugh!
In reality. . . Charlie is a hoot!
Keep checking for updates. We think you’ll be glad you did!
“It is such a joy to me that someone would come to me and ask for sobriety help. This is what I really want in sobriety—to help another Alcoholic.
It keeps me right-sized and that is important, because they are helping me stay sober more than the other way around. I haven’t been sober all that long myself, but I do have tons of past pain and experiences to share.
At 63 years old I ran alcohol the full gamit and I will always remember my last drunk. Sometime I must share my burning fuse experience—not burning bush, I had a fuse that stopped my last drunk short of death.”
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sobriety help,AA,AA sponsor,AA Steps,AA Wisdom,addict,addiction,addiction help
NEED HELP NOW?
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MORE FROM CHARLIE:
I dropped my AA Sobriety Coin in the parking lot of Price Chopper
A Memory of my Relapses
A God “of my understanding”
I still do stupid stuff sober
Careful what you Pray for
Home:
Return from “What a Joy to be Sober” to Blog Home
Tags: AA, AA sponsor, AA Steps, AA Wisdom, addict, addiction, addiction help, addiction recovery, Al-Anon, alanon, alcohol addiction help, changing lives foundation, Charlie Vaughn, drug use help, help an addict, sobriety help, Sobriety is a hoot!, Why Don't they Just Quit
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