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Why Do Alcoholics Drink? ~by Toby Rice Drews

Why do alcoholics drink?
~written by Toby Drews, author, “Getting Them Sober”
Posted with permission.

“It is so easy to slide into believing that the alcoholic drinks “because of a problem.”  And that if the alcoholic just “gets to the root of the problem” the drinking/drugging problem will just “wither away” by itself.”

 

That was the thinking of almost the entire mental-health profession about 25 years ago—before the days of James Milam (author of “Under the Influence”), who, along with other pioneers in the field of addictions, toured the country on a regular basis, lecturing and training mental-health practitioners, judges, pastoral counselors, nurses, criminal-justice personnel, and others, to help them understand that alcoholism is a primary disease.

What does that mean? It means that nothing can get you drunk. It means that no matter what else is going on in your life; no matter what your childhood was like; it means that no matter what your job is like, your spouse and/or kids are like; that none of those things get you drunk.

Yes, they cause stress! Life causes stress! And if everyone who had stress drank alcoholically, everyone would be an alcoholic.

“But the stressors of life are not what makes one an alcoholic.”

Why do alcoholics drink?
You “get” alcoholism because you are genetically predisposed to it. (You have to go back about six or eight generations to see the proclivity to alcoholism in one’s family; just because your parents did not have it, doesn’t mean it is not in your family. And back then, no one said people were alcoholic unless they were falling down in the gutter. And they certainly did not say that women or the clergy or any “good people” were alcoholic).

But, getting back to the mythology of “stress causing alcoholism”: Yes, stress can make you want to drink. Yes, having violent parents and being thrown out on the street at age 17 can make you want stress-relief and want to drink. But if you don’t have the brain receptors, etc., to be alcoholic or addicted, it’ll be a “passing phase” (It’s like the veterans after Vietnam: many, many of them tried heroin in Vietnam; but only 1/3 of those who took it in Vietnam, continued to take it, after they came home. Why? Because if you don’t have the physical set-up to become an alcoholic or other-drug addict, you won’t.

Look at all the spouses in Al-Anon who are not alcoholics who sat on bar stools to try to drink alongside their alcoholic spouses—to be there, to have their spouses at least physically with them—who could not keep up the drinking, even when they tried to).

And, if a catastrophe in life happens to a non-addict/non-alcoholic—and if they drink or do any other temporary thing to relieve stress—if they are not addicted, they will probably, after a while, not continue that drinking but get down to dealing with life on life’s terms.

Why do alcoholics drink?
The difference with alcoholics is that if they start to drink at all, even for a “legitimate stress reason”, then the craving and the obsession make them continue the process of the disease of alcoholism. And once that disease process in in effect, that disease does not need any “reason” to drink: In other words, alcoholics drink because the Yankees won; alcoholics drink because the Yankees lost; and alcoholics drink because the Yankees didn’t play.

“Alcoholics drink because the Yankees won; alcoholics drink because the Yankees lost; and alcoholics drink because the Yankees didn’t play.”

It often LOOKS like the alcoholic drinks because he lost his job—or because he hates the weather. But when that same alcoholic gets a job . . . a better-paying job and/or moves to where the weather is great . . . the probability is that alcoholic will still continue drinking or start drinking again, and the disease will still progress and the drinking will get worse. “Stuff” happens. “Stuff” does not cause alcoholism.

When alcoholics get sober and go to A.A. on a regular basis, they learn to replace that knee-jerk reaction of picking up a drink or a chemical for stress-relief—and replacing it with “taking it to a meeting” and talking about it. And by the Grace of God, it relieves it. A way is found to deal with it.

One more thing: when an alcoholic has, alongside the alcoholism, a psychiatric illness (like clinical depression) they may initially only drink to relieve the clinical depression—and they may receive temporary relief from it because they drank. But, and this is a big “but”—when they drink even for that reason . . . it gets and keeps the disease-of-alcoholism process going.

And even if that particular cycle of clinical depression “lets up” for awhile because of the temporary relief of the alcohol, the alcoholic drinking usually continues, because the alcoholism has its own dynamic and is itself progressive. It gets to exists alongside, in addition to, the psychiatric illness.

And if the alcoholism is not treated for itself and the drinking does not stop (even if the psychiatric illness is treated with medication and therapy) then two things usually happen:

A) intaking alcohol when the medicine is in the body usually makes the medicine less effective

B) the alcoholism follows a progressive course and continues to eventually make that person’s life worse on just about every level, if not all levels. And it usually continues to make that psychiatric illness worse, too.

“If a person with both psychiatric illness and alcoholism wants to get better, they usually have to get help for both problems.”

If a person with both psychiatric illness and alcoholism wants to get better, they usually have to get help for both problems—and that help is often found in an alcoholism treatment center (one that is A.A.-oriented) that is good at diagnosing and treating persons with both addiction and psychiatric illness. And after initial treatment is completed, ongoing counseling, as well as A.A., of course—is usually the prescribed course of treatment.

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This article, “Why Do Alcoholics Drink?” is from Toby Drews’ “Getting Them Sober” newsletter.
Click here to sign up

Getting Them Sober

What is “Getting Them Sober”?
“Getting Them Sober”, by Toby Rice Drews, is the million-selling series of books—endorsed by ‘Dear Abby’, by Dr. Norman Vincent Peale, and by Melody Beattie (author of ”Codependent No More” who wrote, ”Getting Them Sober’ is the BEST book for the family of the still-drinking alcoholic”).

How are the books different from each other?  What are the table of contents in each of the books?
Click to read excerpts and to purchase “Getting Them Sober”

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RELATED:
The AA Promises

All Those AA Meetings: What he’ll hear when he goes to those AA meetings

AA Facts and History

12 Step Prayers

Recovery Resources for Friends, Families and Employers

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Why Don't They Just Quit? What families and friends need to know about addiction and recovery." by Joe Herzanek
Why Don’t They Just Quit? What families and friends need to know about addiction and recovery

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> Audible Audio Download  (LISTEN TO 4 MIN. SAMPLE)

 

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The Wisdom of the Rooms

AA Wisdom: “Don’t take yourself so damn seriously!”

So many people who call Changing Lives Foundation feel like they are all alone in their struggles. Our best advice to those who have limited resources is to visit an Open AA meeting or two, attend an Al-Anon or Nar-Anon meeting. There , you will find others with concerns, similar to yours. Many of these people offer gems of wisdom just like this—one of our favorites:

AA Wisdom: “Don’t take yourself so damn seriously!”
~ by Michael Z.

When I came into the program, everything was a big deal, and I was very serious. My finances, my future, my wreaked relationships – everything was overwhelming. I remember attending meetings and hearing the laughter and thinking, “What’s so damn funny? The only reason we’re here is because our lives suck!” It took me quite a while before I could join in with that laughter, and the moment I did my life began to change.

As I got further into the program, that sense of impending doom began to dissipate, and I felt like I could breathe again. The secrets and shame I had hidden so long began to come out, and as I shared what was inside me with others, I began to feel lighter. I began to laugh more at myself and with others, and I finally began to feel human and a part of again. Most of all, I started to realize what was truly important.

Today I know that the future will take care of itself if I take care of today. I now have faith that there is a God working in my life and that even if things don’t go my way, that’s not only OK, it often turns out for the better. Today, money isn’t as important as relationships, and the only thing that really matters is health and sobriety.

Today I’ve learned to live life on life’s terms and, most of all, not to take myself so damn seriously.

 

Wisdom of the Rooms, Volume 4

 

AA Wisdom: “Don’t take yourself so damn seriously!”
Excerpted from “The Wisdom of the Rooms Volume IV”

~by Michael Z.

Click Here
to Purchase

This beautiful, Fourth Volume will enrich your recovery for years to come!

More from Wisdom of the Rooms:
Things might not get better for me, but I can get better despite things
12 Step AA Wisdom: Bring the body, the mind will follow
We found we couldn’t help ourselves, but we could help each other

Related:
The AA Promises

RESOURCES:
Addiction Recovery Resources for Families of Substance Abusers, Addicts and Alcoholics

Why Don't They Just Quit? by Joe Herzanek
Why Don’t They Just Quit? What families and friends need to know about addiction and recovery.

> Paperback

> Audio Book CD, MP3 (NEW!)

> Kindle

> Audible Audio Download  (LISTEN TO 4 MIN. SAMPLE)

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ASK JOE:
Can a person just cut down on their drinking?:

Can a person just cut down on their drinking?

JoeHerzanek


Q:
Can a person just cut down on their drinking?


A. Yes, a person can just cut down.

But not if the person is an alcoholic or drug addict. When we are talking about cutting down, the implication is that the person has the ability to control how much he uses without going overboard or having problems.

Lack of control is perhaps the biggest sign of addiction. For the dependent person, alcohol or drugs now have control. At this point, it is often the person’s stubborn pride that keeps them from seeing the problem.

Whether you are asking this question of yourself or if you are thinking of someone close to you, it is a red flag—a warning sign.

Social drinkers rarely, if ever, need to think about being able to control how much they drink.

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cut down drinking cut down drinking cut down drinking

 

Why Don't They Just Quit? What families and friends need to know about addiction and recovery." by Joe HerzanekThis “Q & A with Joe Herzanek” is excerpted from
Part 5 of “Why Don’t They Just Quit? What families and friends need to know about addiction and recovery.”

> Paperback

> Audio Book CD, MP3 (NEW!)

> Kindle

> Audible Audio Download  (LISTEN TO 4 MIN. SAMPLE)


RELATED:
Relapse. It Happens.
~by Joe Herzanek

RESOURCES:
Addiction Recovery Resources for Families of Substance Abusers, Addicts and Alcoholics

NEED HELP NOW?
Phone Counseling for Families Dealing with Substance Abuse

MORE ASK JOE:
> Do you have to stop seeing all your old friends in order to recover?

> Is a relapse—failure?

> What is a Pink Cloud? What does the term “pink cloud” mean?

> If someone can stop using drugs or alcohol for weeks at a time, they “aren’t an addict—correct?

>Chronic Pain Management & Pain Pill Addiction: What to do?

>How can I know if my addicted friend or loved one is telling the truth?

>”I need help because I’m not able to deal with my live-in Fiance’s need to get drunk every night.”

>Should my husband “back off?”

>Gambling vs. Drug Addiction? What is your opinion?

>How can I tell if someone is an addict/alcoholic or just a heavy user?

>What is Methadone? What is Harm Reduction?

RELATED:

> Self-Tests: Alcohol and Drug Addiction

Sign up for our Free Changing Lives E-Newsletter!

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Relapse. It Happens.

. . . but it doesn’t have to be the end of the road.

This article excerpted from the award-winning book “Why Don’t They Just Quit? What families and friends need to know about addiction and recovery.” by Joe Herzanek

Is Relapse Part of Recovery?
Addiction has been called a chronic relapsing disease. Relapse is when the person in recovery chooses to try some controlled using again after attempting to remain abstinent. We know that addicts/alcoholics can’t control substance use. If they could, they wouldn’t be in this situation in the first place. Relapse is one more failed attempt at trying to control how much they are able to use.

Using a substance occasionally and in moderation isn’t a problem for social drinkers. But once someone crosses over to habitual and uncontrolled use, there is no going back. Attempts to regain control—to use alcohol or drugs socially and occasionally—are common, and these attempts lead to relapses. Statistics show that approximately 90 percent of those who complete treatment will have a relapse—sometimes referred to as a slip.


Five months after leaving treatment in April, I tried just one more time to see if I could control my using. I went out with an old friend and drank.

I don’t remember if I called Gary or he called me. Gary and I used to take drugs together. He was a good friend. We had known each other since high school. He knew I had quit, but he didn’t know much about recovery. We hadn’t seen each other for months, since before I had gone to the treatment center. We went out to a bar. I don’t think I had any intention of drinking. After an hour or two of playing pool and being in the midst of a crowd of people who were drinking, I ordered a beer. To this day, I don’t know what I was thinking. After five or six beers, I knew I had screwed up.

I wasn’t nearly as wasted as I wanted to be. What now? Be- cause of everything I had heard in recovery groups, I now felt a tremendous sense of guilt. Why did I let this happen? Looking back on it, I can see that it was a chain of events. Talking with Gary, meet- ing him at a bar, staying and playing pool—all the sights, sounds and smells were too much for me in the beginning of my sobriety. A bad idea. Those few drinks did not give me the effect I craved. I realized that it was going to take much more than a few drinks. I didn’t want that old life back and it became obvious to me that I had to make an all or nothing choice.

It was just one night, but that one night motivated me to get right back to working on my recovery. This would fall into the category of a slip—one stupid decision that was brief and over quickly. I guess I just had to test the water one more time. What this experience did was confirm to me that my addiction was real. I felt like an idiot. I had just blown one hundred fifty days of sobriety, and I didn’t even enjoy it.

Having a few drinks had always been the start of trouble for me. I knew I had to come to my senses right away, or I would soon be looking for drugs as well. This small slip would end up as a complete return to full-blown using, or I could end it that night. By this time in my recovery, I had learned enough to know what was happening and what the consequences could be. I must have had a moment of clarity. No- body needed to tell me that I’d screwed up. Going back to the old life was the last thing I wanted.

I wasn’t sure what to do, so I decided to go back to my treatment center for a couple of days to sort this out.

I have heard similar stories from others who have relapsed. Many of them remember that exact, pivotal moment when they were faced with the decision of what to do. Here are the two different trains of thought that can occur to an addict after a relapse. I’ve blown it anyway, so I may as well keep using for a while. Or, This was a dumb idea. I’d better get right back to recovery before it gets much worse. Thankfully, the latter was my thinking.

Ways to Avoid Relapse
Developing relationships with others who are facing the same challenges are very important. A couple of close friends, a sponsor, a mentor—any one of these—can help hold a person accountable. I knew I had let some people down. But these same people were able to encourage me to keep moving forward.


One of the results of an addict spending time with people in recovery is that it will ruin their once seemingly gratifying relationship with alcohol and drug use. Those in recovery learn about the disease, and from that point on they know too much about its power to ever enjoy it the way they used to. They know that there’s no going back. If some- one slips, they often feel the way I did—like an idiot for even trying to enjoy it again. But this is all okay, as we all learn from mistakes like this. Family and friends shouldn’t get too discouraged when someone slips, because it’s common in early recovery. Look at it as one more opportunity for your loved one to become convinced that the addiction is indeed real.

My friend and addiction counselor Larry Weckbaugh in Eagle, CO compares recovery to a series of stairs—and landings in-between the flights. The addict might be up three flights and two landings when they relapse. They don’t fall into the basement; they only go down one floor.

Is there a difference between a slip and a relapse?
Sort of. The difference lies in how a person handles it. . .

This article is excerpted (pg. 187) from the 2010 revised and updated book
“Why Don’t They Just Quit? What families and friends need to know about addiction and recovery.”

RELATED:
Relapse explained: “Slips and Human Nature”

Addiction. What if they just CAN’T quit?

Get the help you need today.

Why Don't They Just Quit? What families and friends need to know about addiction and recovery." by Joe Herzanek
Why Don’t They Just Quit? What families and friends need to know about addiction and recovery

> Paperback

> Audio Book CD, MP3 (NEW!)

> Kindle

> Audible Audio Download (LISTEN TO 4 MIN. SAMPLE)

 

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September 25, 2012 by jherzanek | 4 comments

 

ASK JOE:
What is a Pink Cloud?:

what is a pink cloud

JoeHerzanek


Q:
What is a Pink Cloud? What does the term “pink cloud” mean?

“I fell off my pink cloud with a thud.”
~Elizabeth Taylor

A. Being “on a Pink Cloud” means to feel almost like being high, but without using drugs or alcohol.

The first few days or weeks in recovery are normally a time of adjustment for the addict’s body and mind. Early recovery can be a roller coaster of emotions—often frustrating and stressful. After this will come a leveling-out period in which many people will have an almost euphoric feeling, sometimes referred to as a “pink cloud.”

This ah-ha experience can last for days or even weeksI really have this recovery thing figured out; I can do this!

I remember feeling this way myself. It was almost like a natural high. But the addict should be careful not to think that he or she is cured, because this could lead to another try at controlled using (i.e., a slip or relapse).

Five months after leaving treatment I tried some controlled using. For me this verified that I indeed was addicted, and I quickly got back to working on my recovery.

A person in recovery can almost plan on experiencing a pink cloud, but the ensuing relapse doesn’t have to happen.

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What is a Pink Cloud What is a Pink Cloud What is a Pink Cloud

 

Why Don't They Just Quit? What families and friends need to know about addiction and recovery." by Joe HerzanekThis “Q & A with Joe Herzanek” is excerpted from Part 5 of “Why Don’t They Just Quit? What families and friends need to know about addiction and recovery.”

RELATED:
Relapse. It Happens.
~by Joe Herzanek

NEED HELP NOW?
Phone Counseling for Families Dealing with Substance Abuse


Recovery Resources for Friends, Families and Employers

MORE ASK JOE:

> Do you have to stop seeing all your old friends in order to recover?

> Is a relapse—failure?

> If someone can stop using drugs or alcohol for weeks at a time, they “aren’t an addict—correct?

>Chronic Pain Management & Pain Pill Addiction: What to do?

>How can I know if my addicted friend or loved one is telling the truth?

>”I need help because I’m not able to deal with my live-in Fiance’s need to get drunk every night.”

>Should my husband “back off?”

>Gambling vs. Drug Addiction? What is your opinion?

>How can I tell if someone is an addict/alcoholic or just a heavy user?

>What is Methadone? What is Harm Reduction?

RELATED:

> Self-Tests: Alcohol and Drug Addiction

Sign up for our Free Changing Lives E-Newsletter!

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~written by Toby Drews, author, “Getting Them Sober”
Posted with permission.

FAMILIES OF ALCOHOLICS WANT TO KNOW
“WHAT HE’LL HEAR WHEN HE GOES TO THOSE A.A. MEETINGS.”

What is often underlying that question is the fear that no one will tell him how serious this disease is . . . that no one will tell him that he must go to A.A. meetings a lot . . . that no one will tell him that he must stop drinking—and stay stopped.

What he’ll most probably hear from the old timers in A.A meetings:

1.) ”Don’t drink if your rear-end falls off. And if it falls off, put it in a basket and take it to a meeting.”

2.) ”Meeting-makers make it”—almost all relapses occur because people stopped going to meetings.

(Even if the speaker says he ‘slipped’ and doesn’t say why—if you ask the person privately after the A.A. meeting, ”did you stop going to meetings?” the response is almost always ‘yes’).

3.) What’s dangerous about “slips” (relapses)? As the old timers will tell the newcomer, ”you know you have another drunk in you, but you don’t know if you have another recovery in you” (i.e., you may feel like you can ‘slip and slide’ and go in and out of A.A. at will—and that ”a little slip that only lasts a short time doesn’t really count”).

But one day, the way this disease works, you probably will lose the choice and won’t be able to go back even if you want to. In other words, each ‘slip’, no matter ‘how long’ or ‘how short’, is akin to playing Russian Roulette with your life.

IT’S EASIER TO STAY SOBER—THAN TO GET SOBER.

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This article, “All Those AA Meetings: What he’ll hear when he goes to those AA meetings” is from Toby Drews’ “Getting Them Sober” newsletter. Click here to sign up: http://www.gettingthemsober.com/newsletter.html

What is “Getting Them Sober”?
“Getting Them Sober”, by Toby Rice Drews, is the million-selling series of books—endorsed by ‘Dear Abby’, by Dr. Norman Vincent Peale, and by Melody Beattie (author of ”Codependent No More” who wrote, ”Getting Them Sober’ is the BEST book for the family of the still-drinking alcoholic”).

How are the books different from each other?  What are the table of contents in each of the books? 

Click to read: http://www.gettingthemsober.com/excerpts.html

Related:
The AA Promises

AA Facts and History

12 Step Prayers

Recovery Resources for Friends, Families and Employers
Have you “tried everything?” To learn about Affordable Phone Counseling with Joe Herzanek click here.
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Why Don't They Just Quit? What families and friends need to know about addiction and recovery." by Joe Herzanek
Why Don’t They Just Quit? What families and friends need to know about addiction and recovery.”

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ASK JOE:
Passing out from drinking alcohol vs. blacking out:

JoeHerzanek


Q:
Are passing out from drinking alcohol and blacking out
the same thing?

A. No

Both of these terms are often associated with alcohol use. Elsewhere in this book (Why Don’t They Just Quit? What families and friends need to know about addiction and recovery), we speak of alcohol as being a sedative/hypnotic drug.

Passing out from drinking too much alcohol is definitely a sign of being sedated and/or drunk. Passing out is what is referred to when a person becomes unconscious, similar to going to sleep.

Blacking out is completely different from passing out. In fact, the word hypnotic (as in sedative/hypnotic) is one way to think about blackouts from alcohol. For instance, someone who has been hypnotized can appear to function normally; they can follow commands, and so on. When the hypnotic state is over, they often can’t remember what they have done.

A blackout is like a temporary form of amnesia. Alcohol can and does affect our memory. Short-term memory loss is what happens after a person has experienced a blackout. The user may not have to be very drunk for this to happen. They will appear to be functioning normally—carrying on a conversation, driving a car, playing a game, watching a movie, or even having sex—yet not remember the events the following day.

This condition will also worsen over time; blackouts will start happening more often and the person will remember less. Blackouts from alcohol happen to many, but not all drinkers. Others may reach a point where it happens every time they drink—even after the first drink of the evening. Some drugs can create this experience as well.

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passing out from drinking, blacking out from drinking, alcohol blackout, passing out from alcohol

 

Why Don't They Just Quit? What families and friends need to know about addiction and recovery." by Joe HerzanekThis “Q & A with Joe Herzanek” is excerpted from Part 5 of “Why Don’t They Just Quit? What families and friends need to know about addiction and recovery.”

RELATED:
Relapse. It Happens.
~by Joe Herzanek

NEED HELP NOW?
Phone Counseling for Families Dealing with Substance Abuse


Recovery Resources for Friends, Families and Employers

MORE ASK JOE:

> Do you have to stop seeing all your old friends in order to recover?

> Is a relapse—failure?

> If someone can stop using drugs or alcohol for weeks at a time, they “aren’t an addict—correct?

>Chronic Pain Management & Pain Pill Addiction: What to do?

>How can I know if my addicted friend or loved one is telling the truth?

>”I need help because I’m not able to deal with my live-in Fiance’s need to get drunk every night.”

>Should my husband “back off?”

>Gambling vs. Drug Addiction? What is your opinion?

>How can I tell if someone is an addict/alcoholic or just a heavy user?

>What is Methadone? What is Harm Reduction?

RELATED:
> Self-Tests: Codependence

> Self-Tests: Alcohol and Drug Addiction

Sign up for our Free Changing Lives E-Newsletter!

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REAL PEOPLE, REAL STORIES:
From Hopkins To Homeless: My True Story Of Prescription Drug Addiction

From Hopkins To Homeless: My True Story Of Prescription Drug Addiction
~by David Tod Loffert

After completing 4 years at the University of Northern Colorado for my Bachelor of Science, 1 year at Johns Hopkins University for my Masters in Health Science, and 2 ½ years into my Ph.D. in respiratory medicine at the Medical College of Virginia/Virginia Commonwealth University, I thought I had complete control of my life.  Specifically, my career in aerosol respiratory medicine.  I had published my first paper in a respectable peer-reviewed medical journal (Chest) when I was 27. Several months after that, I presented the paper at a medical conference in Garmisch-Partenkirchen, Germany. It was one of 9 trips I would take to Germany to consult with a medical company established in Starnberg, Germany.

By the time I was in my second year of my Ph.D. I had published/presented 54 medical papers, published 6 peer reviewed medical papers, was contributing author on one book, owned and operated my own consulting company in respiratory medicine, developed a patent for respiratory devices, and was progressing successfully in my Ph.D.  I was 31 years old and I was proud of my accomplishments and my continuing success in respiratory medicine. But, that was all about to change. Prescription drug addiction would enter my life and take away from me my possessions, my profession, my loved ones, and my sanity.

“I thought I was too intelligent
to become addicted.”

My pathway to prescription drug addiction started when I made an appointment to see Dr. Cary S., M.D. for migraine headaches.  I put great trust in him due to the fact that he was the medical schools doctor and was responsible for taking care of the students enrolled in the medical school programs. In a timeframe of 8 months I was prescribed 6,647 controlled substance pills.

I had pills to help me stay awake and study, pills for helping me sleep, pills for anxiety, and pills for pain. I knew about addiction but I thought I was too intelligent to become addicted. Anyway, these pills were provided to me by the schools doctor who said he had taken pills when he was in medical school to help him succeed. My ignorance would cause me to lose almost a decade of my life and would bring me close to death many times as a result of my severe prescription drug addiction.

Although “Dr. S.” lost his medical license for over-prescribing controlled substances and not monitoring that prescribing, it was too late for me. I had to drop out of my Ph.D. program due to my addiction. ”Dr. S.” lost his license 3 months after I dropped out of the program. At this point in my life, I had to confront and accept some very disturbing facts: I no longer was pursuing the goal I had been following for the past 15 years, I was severely addicted to prescription drugs, the doctor who had been prescribing me the drugs had his medical license revoked and the main focus of my life was to obtain drugs. I was, in essence, trapped in the severity of my addiction. For the first time I had lost complete control over my life.

My first of numerous prescription drug addiction-related detrimental events came when I was presenting a medical paper at a conference in Atlanta, Georgia. Before my lecture I forged a prescription on my computer and proceeded to the pharmacy to have it filled. Since the prescription was for Demerol, the pharmacy called the doctor and verified the prescription was forged. The police were waiting for me (at the conference lecture hall) to finish my lecture and when I did they handcuffed and arrested me.  I was taken out in front of all my colleagues and conference members and taken to jail. Needless to say I was immediately fired from my job as a senior aerosol scientist for a prominent German company established in the United States.

“I was taken out in front of all my colleagues and conference members and taken to jail.”

For many years I was doctor shopping.  I would acquire my drugs in many ways: the internet, hospital emergency rooms, forged prescriptions, clinics, private doctors, and in other countries. I would stay employed by various companies because of my experience in respiratory medicine. But, I would ultimately get fired when my drug addiction interfered with the quality of my work. Eventually, word of my addiction became known to my colleagues and the respiratory medicine industry. From that point on, I was not called upon to lecture, to consult, or in any way work in the respiratory medicine industry. I was, for all intents and purposes, “blackballed” from my profession.

Shunned from my profession, disenchanted from my family and friends, and homeless, I fell into a deep depression. It was at this time that I wrote a suicide note and attempted to commit suicide.  Over the next 9 years I would attempt suicide 1 more time, have 35 toxic overdoses, and 45 seizures. All of which brought me close to death each time.

During the 9 years of my prescription drug addiction, I would periodically give rehabilitation a try. Nine times I made a serious effort to get sober. But, every time, I would relapse within weeks of being discharged. After 9 years, I completely surrendered to my disease and came to the understanding that my addiction was not going to be successfully addressed in weeks or even in a couple months of treatment.

I realized that my recovery would require at least a year in a long term residential program where I could work on my addiction issues every day with no distractions. I found that in a year-long cognitive/behavioral rehabilitation program. This program not only worked on my addiction issues but also worked on my cognitive/behavioral issues that caused me to seek drugs.

Currently, my life is finally in a direction I can be proud of. I graduated from a year-long in-patient residential cognitive/behavioral rehabilitation facility. My sobriety restored my clarity of thought and determination—two attributes which are essential for completing my autobiography “From Hopkins To Homeless: My True Story Of Prescription Drug Addiction”. I believe I can inspire and educate others about addiction and recovery with my memoir.

My future is completely open with possibilities. I do know that I am very thrilled and inspired living life as a sober individual since December 25, 2007. And, for the first time in over 9 years I have a sense of self-confidence and respect for myself. This confidence reminds me that I can accomplish anything I put my mind to. For this reason, I have enrolled and been accepted to complete my doctorate in public health education.

It has been a long, arduous, and self-revealing journey through the past 9 years from addiction to recovery. Unfortunately along the way I became deceitful, dishonest, unreliable and untrustworthy. On the other hand, I can proclaim that through my suffering and adversity came great rewards and prosperity.

Today, I continue to advocate for those affected by this disease of prescription drug addiction. This is a passion and pathway that I will pursue for the rest of my life.

David Todd Loffert, B.S., M.H.S., (Ph.D. Candidate)
Public Health and Addiction Education
303-898-7859

 

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RELATED:

Pain Meds Cause More Pain! The new silent epidemic

Opiate Pain Meds: Avoiding Opiate Prescription Drug Addiction in Recovery

Chronic Pain Management & Pain Pill Addiction: What to do?

Read more about this topic—chapter 27, Why Don’t They JUST QUIT?

Effects of Addiction

The Accidental Addict

RESOURCES:
Addiction Recovery Resources for Families of Substance Abusers, Addicts and Alcoholics

Why Don't They Just Quit? by Joe Herzanek
Why Don’t They Just Quit? What families and friends need to know about addiction and recovery.

> Paperback

> Audio Book CD, MP3 (NEW!)

> Kindle

> Audible Audio Download  (LISTEN TO 4 MIN. SAMPLE)

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This simple little chart has surprising facts about AA, what it’s about and how well it works. We recommend taking a second to look and also to forward to a friend.

AA Facts and History Information Graphic

Courtesy of Rehab Programs. Designed by Dawn Shepard

Related:
The AA Promises

RESOURCES:
Addiction Recovery Resources for Families of Substance Abusers, Addicts and Alcoholics

Why Don't They Just Quit? by Joe Herzanek
Why Don’t They Just Quit? What families and friends need to know about addiction and recovery.

> Paperback

> Audio Book CD, MP3 (NEW!)

> Kindle

> Audible Audio Download  (LISTEN TO 4 MIN. SAMPLE)

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The Missing Link in Addiction Recovery. What’s Missing?
The Missing Link in Addiction Recovery. What’s Missing?

~by Joe Herzanek

As I look back over three decades of working with chemically dependent men, women, adolescents and their families I ask myself what’s changed?

I try to be optimistic and honest at the same time but I have to say not much. This applies to both the Christian community and the general population. The problem of chemical dependency continues to get worse over time, treatment is only so effective, new ideas and research continue and these things are just as perplexing now as they were in ’77 when I quit. Addiction is called a disease and yet it is one of the few diseases that people can choose to put in remission and leave there if they want to (badly enough).

One of the biggest reasons I continue to work with offenders and their families is that a higher percentage of those incarcerated for criminal behavior know they need a miracle to change. Miracles are a God Thing.

The person with the addiction/substance abuse problem touches so many lives and often remains stubborn and in denial (that he or she even has a problem). Interventions, education, treatment programs, counseling for the addict and the family all play a powerful role in the change process. Just the same, we—as a society are still mired in a dilemma that won’t go away.

If I were asked what is the missing link? What could improve the miserable statistics on treatment and relapse, what would I say? Well in my honest opinion the missing link is the spiritual component. Yes I know we are a very ‘spiritual nation’ but why is this still such a vague part of recovery? And then, “How’s that working?”

Can a recovering person just believe anything they choose concerning things of God? Do addicts and alcoholics need a miracle? I believe they do. I also believe that “the God piece” could be and should be, much more defined.

My personal choice concerning things of God led me back to where I started. In my early years the Christian faith was our family’s faith. I wandered away from that for many years. What I found later (after 16 years of life on alcohol and drugs) was that I had a skewed belief system. I had blamed God for all the bad and took personal credit for all the “good.”

(A funny line heard at a 12-Step meeting: “The difference between me and God is that God doesn’t want to be me”).

Today my higher power has a name. It’s not doorknob; it’s Jesus. I try to follow both His teachings and the 12-Step philosophy at the same time. I have found this to be a winning combination, not just for me—but over the past several years I’ve seen the same thing work in a powerful way for a significant number of my fellow recovering friends, their families and clients I have worked with.

I know I’m losing some readers at this point. That’s okay and I understand. Not everyone will seek this same path. At the same time I would be dishonest if I didn’t share my own personal experience strength and hope. I believe it is God’s will that people recover, resist temptation, remain drug free, that families heal and strife ends. Lasting change is possible for anyone.

RELATED:
>12-Step Recovery and “Things of God.” A Perfect Match.
~by Joe Herzanek

RESOURCES:
Addiction Recovery Resources for Families of Substance Abusers, Addicts and Alcoholics

Why Don't They Just Quit? by Joe Herzanek
Why Don’t They Just Quit? What families and friends need to know about addiction and recovery.

> Paperback

> Audio Book CD, MP3 (NEW!)

> Kindle

> Audible Audio Download  (LISTEN TO 4 MIN. SAMPLE)

ASK JOE:
> Do you have to stop seeing all your old friends in order to recover?

> Is a relapse—failure?

>Should my husband “back off?”

> If someone can stop using drugs or alcohol for weeks at a time, they “aren’t an addict—correct?

>Chronic Pain Management & Pain Pill Addiction: What to do?

>How can I know if my addicted friend or loved one is telling the truth?

>”I need help because I’m not able to deal with my live-in Fiance’s need to get drunk every night.”

>How can I tell if someone is an addict/alcoholic or just a heavy user?

>What is Methadone? What is Harm Reduction?


SELF TESTS:

> Self-Tests: Codependence

> Self-Tests: Alcohol and Drug Addiction

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May 4, 2012 by jherzanek | 5 comments

ASK JOE:
Old friends and recovery:

Friends Partying

JoeHerzanek


Q:
Do you have to stop seeing all your old friends
in order to recover?

A. It depends

When I was first getting off alcohol and drugs, many of my old friends
were just like me.
I knew that being around drugs and being around
people using them was a bad idea. Exposing myself to the wrong influences
would have been a set-up for relapse. It wasn’t easy to let go of
some of my longstanding relationships. At the same time, though, I was
meeting new people who were also in recovery. I quickly learned that
my new lifestyle and old friends were kind of like oil and water—they
just didn’t mix.



After several weeks of sobriety, I started to see these old relationships
in a different light.
I tried to talk to some of my old friends about recovery.
A few of them actually quit using. Others began to avoid me. I stayed
busy concentrating on not using. It was a little depressing, in a way. I
wanted so much to help them change, but many just weren’t interested.


This is a difficult time for the recovering person.
There is a sort of
lag-time between leaving old unhealthy relationships and developing
new and better ones. It doesn’t happen overnight—but it will happen.


Trust the process and trust God to provide.
For myself, I knew what was
at stake. I had to do this or soon return to the old life. The void in my
social life was going to be filled one way or another. This is one more reason
why support groups are important.

Recovery means making many changes,
and some are more difficult than others.

________________________________________________________________________________
Ask Joe, old friends and recovery Ask Joe, old friends and recovery Ask Joe, old friends and recovery


Jenny's Pearl NecklaceI am including this story of “Jenny’s Pearl Necklace” at the request
of my wife Judy.
It is one of her favorites—all about “letting go, and letting
God.” Time and time again Judy and I have found that once we were
willing to trust God, He would surprise us with a blessing far beyond anything we would have dreamed.

The story of “Jenny’s Pearl Necklace” touches everyone in a different way—as we are all at different stages of our journey.

 

Why Don't They Just Quit? What families and friends need to know about addiction and recovery." by Joe HerzanekThis “Q & A with Joe Herzanek” is excerpted from Part 5 of “Why Don’t They Just Quit? What families and friends need to know about addiction and recovery.”

RELATED:
Relapse. It Happens.
~by Joe Herzanek

NEED HELP NOW?
Affordable Phone Counseling for Families Dealing with Substance Abuse


Recovery Resources for Friends, Families and Employers

MORE ASK JOE:
> Is a relapse—failure?

> If someone can stop using drugs or alcohol for weeks at a time, they “aren’t an addict—correct?

>Chronic Pain Management & Pain Pill Addiction: What to do?

>How can I know if my addicted friend or loved one is telling the truth?

>”I need help because I’m not able to deal with my live-in Fiance’s need to get drunk every night.”

>Should my husband “back off?”

>Gambling vs. Drug Addiction? What is your opinion?

>How can I tell if someone is an addict/alcoholic or just a heavy user?

>What is Methadone? What is Harm Reduction?

RELATED:
> Self-Tests: Codependence

> Self-Tests: Alcohol and Drug Addiction

Sign up for our Free Changing Lives E-Newsletter!

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Open Door

JoeHerzanek

Q: Does relapse mean failure?


A. No

Since addiction/alcoholism is a chronic relapsing disease, relapse does not mean failure. For many men and women, recovery can be a pattern of two steps forward, one step back. Relapse, in a way, just confirms that the person does indeed have a problem.

As crazy as this may sound, I would say to almost anyone: Consider that relapse might happen, and then plan what to do if or when it does. After a relapse, the person should call a friend who is also in recovery and get right back to doing what is needed to avoid it in the future. Learn from it.

The recovering person should ask, Why did this relapse happen? He needs to be honest. What triggered the event? Was it planned out? What events may have led up to it? Then be honest about what to do in order to ensure that it doesn’t happen again.

“You may have to fight a battle
more than once to win it.”
—Margaret Thatcher


 

Why Don't They Just Quit? What families and friends need to know about addiction and recovery." by Joe HerzanekThis “Q & A, Does Relapse Mean Failure?,with Joe Herzanek” is excerpted from Part 5 of “Why Don’t They Just Quit? What families and friends need to know about addiction and recovery.”

> Paperback

> Audio Book CD, MP3 (NEW!)

> Kindle

> Audible Audio Download  (LISTEN TO 4 MIN. SAMPLE)

RELATED:
Relapse. It Happens.
~by Joe Herzanek

NEED HELP NOW?
Recovery Resources for Friends, Families and Employers

MORE ASK JOE:
> If someone can stop using drugs or alcohol for weeks at a time, they “aren’t an addict—correct?

>Chronic Pain Management & Pain Pill Addiction: What to do?

>How can I know if my addicted friend or loved one is telling the truth?

>”I need help because I’m not able to deal with my live-in Fiance’s need to get drunk every night.”

>Should my husband “back off?”

>Gambling vs. Drug Addiction? What is your opinion?

>How can I tell if someone is an addict/alcoholic or just a heavy user?

>What is Methadone? What is Harm Reduction?

RELATED:
> Self-Tests: Codependence

> Self-Tests: Alcohol and Drug Addiction

Sign up for our Free Changing Lives E-Newsletter!

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From “Does Relapse Mean Failure?” to Changing Lives Foundation Blog Home

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Addiction: A Disease Powerless to Prevent“This is a preventable loss
caused by a preventable disease,
that we, as loved ones are powerless to prevent”
~Trish Frye

Trish Frye, Program Director of Palmer Drug Abuse Program, spoke at the funeral of “Brittany” on February 11, 2012.

 Addiction: Powerless to Prevent

I’m glad others spoke before me because I have been asked to talk about the reason Brittany died . . . and people need to know that her illness was not who she was . . . it is what happened to her.

Mom and dad want good to come from their loss, so what do I say? I hate this disease. It’s a harsh disease and I’m not sure I can speak about it without being a bit harsh. I know I cannot sugar coat things because it is when we refuse to acknowledge the truth that the sickness is allowed to expand.

Brittany suffered from an insidious disease called chemical dependency. This was not a moral failure on Brittany’s part. She never intended to hurt anyone. She loved her family. She had a great sense of humor, she wanted to help others, but she was sick . . . along with 12 million other Americans battling drug abuse. She made several attempts to stop using but Brittany’s body had had enough and succumbed to the sickness . . . just as 29,000 other people do each year due to prescription drugs alone.

Let me speak for those who have suffered from this illness and anyone who has loved someone with this illness. We will testify to the power of addiction. This truly is a brain disease that affects not only the body but also the mind and spirit.

See, Brittany wasn’t just partying and having fun. Her addiction started with a prescription drug. She had some pain and a friend offered a pill. She got positive results and sought a doctor to give her more pills . . . and eventually a line was crossed in her brain where drug use became her source of relief from pain and stress, and over time her brain falsely translated pills as “required for survival”. Drugs are so powerful that I have seen hungry people choose drugs rather than food. It is one of the only things I have ever seen a woman give up her children for. It eats our nature and without help it leads to self-destruction.

“She wanted to beat it. She wanted to be strong. She wanted to succeed.”

I have worked with addicts for many years and rarely have I seen someone on drugs who wanted to be dependent on them. Brittany did not want to be a slave to her pills, yet she was. Her brain had been hijacked and her mind screamed for relief from the addiction and saw relief as another pill. She wanted to beat it. She wanted to be strong. She wanted to succeed.

Earnest Campbell wrote a book titled “Locked in A Room with Open Doors”. Perhaps this is a great explanation of addiction. It is easy to think of people locked in a room with doors shut, but locked in a room with the doors open suggests that sometimes it is not the external barriers that bind. It is the internal barriers that hold us captive. We sometimes fail to experience freedom through the help that is available, because we lie to ourselves with preconceived ideas of who we are, what we can do, and what life has to offer.

If there was any failure in this it was Brittany believing the lie that she needed to be strong and that there was something wrong with allowing herself to need help. She couldn’t be honest with herself and accept the fact that her intelligence, kind heart, strong will and beauty weren’t enough. She saw needing this kind of help as weakness just as many people see substance abuse as a mere decision. She had a degree in psychology and thought she knew better and could pull herself out of it and teach others to do the same.

“You loved her. You loved her unconditionally and you loved her selflessly.”

I tell parents every day that the reality is that substance abuse is deadly and as parents they have to get through this guilt free. This family has nothing to feel guilty about . . . no real guilt will stand because they tried every intervention possible, but like cancer, some forms are just resistant to the chemotherapy while others are healed. There were no stones left unturned when it came to helping Brittany access treatment for her disease. You loved her. You loved her unconditionally and you loved her selflessly.

You gave her to God every day and literally would lift a Brittany doll up in prayer. When I visited the other day the Brittany doll was in the arms of a teddy bear. Just like the doll is in the arms of the teddy bear, Brittany is now resting in the arms of Jesus.

Sadly I know I am standing here speaking not just about Brittany but about others who have gone before and others that will go later.

Here it is. The ultimate fear for parents became real in this family’s life. They are living our nightmare…everything they have tried to prevent . . . a preventable loss . . . and powerless to prevent it. The battle for this person seems to have brought defeat.

I read somewhere recently about how Saint Paul spoke in metaphors and Jesus spoke in parables so perhaps at this point it would benefit us to see not with our eyes of flesh but with eyes of faith when it comes to this disease and loving someone with this disease.

Jesus said “I have come that you may have life and life abundant”. To celebrate God’s love is to know that in everything, in life and even in death, God is with us for the Good. There is a certainty that God has been with Brittany as she struggled, and He has been with the family as they watched her struggle, and God is with this family and Brittany now.

Instead of viewing this death as a time of finality, perhaps through our faithful eyes this death can be viewed as birth, not as a limitation but as an unfolding possibility . . . the possibility that parents will acknowledge that this can happen to anyone, even their own children regardless of their upbringing . . . the possibility that someone here will not be driven by the lie of shame regarding this issue but rather the promise of hope that recovery is possible if we are willing to access help . . . the possibility that the people here have heard through Brittany’s story that what we are up against is something much too big for us to handle on our own and find the courage to reach out without judgment to help those that are sick . . . the possibility that someone here will stay sober another day because each day really does matter . . . and the possibility that someone here will look deep within and reach out seeking help for their own substance abuse problem, knowing and believing that there is a room full of people waiting to embrace them and point them to a truth that recovery and redemption are real.  

 

Trish Frye, PDAP Trish Frye is Program Director at the Palmer Drug Abuse Program (PDAP) San Antonio, Texas area.

She is one of our guest experts on “Eye on Addiction Radio.” This show speaks on “Help and Hope for Families” and is archived on our website.

 

READ MORE ABOUT PDAP:

> PDAP: “An Instant Army, of Love and Support”

> Alternative Peer Groups (APG), Successful Recovery Model for Teens and Young Adults    

 

Click Here To Sign up for Free Changing Lives Monthly E-Newsletter!

MORE REAL PEOPLE, REAL STORIES:

> From Hopkins to Homeless: My true story of prescription drug addiction

> A Mother Reflects on Her Daughter’s Addiction

> The Haven, Moms and Meth: Breaking the Cycle of Addiction

> Wife of Alcoholic. An Amazing Story

> Addiction: Powerless to Prevent

> The Accidental Addict

 

RESOURCES: Addiction Recovery Resources for Families of Substance Abusers, Addicts and Alcoholics

Why Don't They Just Quit? by Joe Herzanek

 

 

Why Don’t They Just Quit? What families and friends need to know about addiction and recovery. > Paperback

> Kindle

> Audio Book CD, MP3 (NEW!)

> Audible Audio Download  (LISTEN TO 4 MIN. SAMPLE)

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March 6, 2012 by jherzanek | 9 comments

alcoholic or heavy user?

 

JoeHerzanekQ How can I tell if someone is an addict/alcoholic or just a heavy user?


A. It is almost impossible to tell when someone has crossed
this line.

 

What you will be able to see, however, are the signs of dependency.
Sometimes these signs will be subtle and other times they’ll be more
obvious.

Here are a few questions regarding behavioral signs that may
signal dependency:
• Has this person’s attitude changed?
• Are they using daily?
• Are they unable to control how much they are using?
• Are they defensive about their using?

• Has work or school performance declined?
• How long has this persisted? Do they try to hide their use?
• Have they lost interest in people or activities that were once
important to them?

Beyond these, there may be more obvious signs such as legal problems,
DUIs, or frequent job changes. Seeking advice from a professional
is always a good idea. You may also take a self-test. It you’re
concerned about this person, you probably know him or her fairly well.
Take the self-test for alcoholism/drug addiction found on our Changing Lives Foundation website and answer as if you were your friend or loved one. See how well you score.

 

Why Don't They Just Quit? What families and friends need to know about addiction and recovery." by Joe HerzanekThis “Q & A with Joe” is excerpted from Part 5 of “Why Don’t They Just Quit? What families and friends need to know about addiction and recovery.”

 

NEED HELP NOW?
Affordable Phone Counseling for Families Dealing with Substance Abuse

MORE ASK JOE:
>How can I know if my addicted friend or loved one is telling the truth?

>”I need help because I’m not able to deal with my live-in Fiance’s need to get drunk every night.”

>Should my husband “back off?”

Sign up for our Free Changing Lives E-Newsletter!

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Joe Herzanek, Author, Addiction Counselor and Interventionist

> Chaplain Joe Herzanek, Author, Addiction Counselor

 

 

Rock Bottom, Raising the Bottom
or Tough Love?

After speaking to and emailing hundreds of parents, spouses and other family members, I know this is a lot easier said, than done. Raising the bottom is especially difficult for mothers and is one of the reasons I wrote the book Why Don’t They JUST QUIT? — to get the message to as many as possible.

Exactly what do I mean by “raising the bottom”? This whole idea of “hitting bottom” is out of date. Some people will wait years–even decades–for their friend to reach this mythical point in their alcohol and drug use. But why wait for them to “hit bottom”? Why not help them by raising their bottom? There are ways to encourage someone to reach for help much earlier. In doing so, we can avoid a lot of unnecessary pain and heartache and maybe even save their life. For some people, hitting bottom will be six feet underground.

So does everyone have to hit rock bottom? I would say no. Tough love can prevent a substance abuser from prolonging their usage. There are loving ways to refuse to rescue someone that in the long run will help him or her to choose recovery. Loving means doing the right thing to help. This can take all of our strength and energy at times. “We all hate to see someone suffer even when the suffering is a consequence of their bad choices. This approach, or some form of it, is something you might consider: Raise the bottom. Whether it is a teenage son or daughter, a spouse, boyfriend, aunt or uncle, the same principles can apply. A few nights in jail could be the best thing that ever happens to them. The next time this person you care about appeals to you to get them out of a bind (loan them money, pay their electric bill, buy them gas, pay for a lawyer), think twice. You just might be prolonging their disease and robbing them of the natural consequences that they need to experience in order to seek help and begin to connect the dots.

I receive a lot of mail from family members who are searching for “Al-anon type” answers and information. Here’s a typical email and my response (I’ve changed the name and some of the details to protect the identity of this woman).

Dear Joe,
I have just ordered Why Don’t They JUST QUIT? as my last resort to get off the emotional rollercoaster my alcoholic husband has put me on! He has been an alcoholic since he was a teenager. It’s like living with Jekyl & Hyde! The physical & emotional rollercoaster is killing me. He has been incarcerated about 4 times and was in many different programs for alcohol, at least 5 or 6. He drives while drinking, and gambles when he drinks. I could go on forever. I constantly walk on eggshells and don’t know how much more I can handle. This book is my last resort before I suffer a mental breakdown.

Thanks Joe,
Sarah

Hi Sarah,
Thanks for your email. Sorry to hear about your current struggle. Your life does not have to be this way! The book will definitely help and give you some insights on the addiction problem. The difficult part will be sticking with the tough love that is necessary to motivate your husband to begin recovery. You can do it and so can he.

I don’t know your entire situation, but the number one issue must be dealt with, and that is HIS alcohol and or drug use.

Keep that in mind. You didn’t cause this problem and you can’t control or cure it. What you can do is confront it and perhaps give ultimatums. You can force him to see the light or feel the heat.

At some point he needs to choose which relationship is the most important–his relationship with you or his relationship with alcohol. Let him know there is a high cost to continue his current way of living. The pain of consequences is often the best teacher.

Hang in there.
Joe

 

ASK JOE:
>Son needs $75 for drug dealer of he’ll be “killed for sure.”

>”I need help because I’m not able to deal with my live-in Fiance’s need to get drunk every night.”

>Should my husband “back off?”

Sign up for our Free Changing Lives E-Newsletter!


RESOURCES:
Addiction Recovery Resources for Families of Substance Abusers, Addicts and Alcoholics

Why Don't They Just Quit? by Joe Herzanek
Why Don’t They Just Quit? What families and friends need to know about addiction and recovery.

> Paperback

> Audio Book CD, MP3 (NEW!)

> Kindle

> Audible Audio Download  (LISTEN TO 4 MIN. SAMPLE)

RETURN:

Return from Raising the Bottom? ~by Joe Herzanek, to Blog Home

 

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12 Step Prayers

12 Step Prayers

Thanks to our friend Holly Jo for passing this on to us. These little prayers are great for anyone in AA, Alanon, Alateen or anyone who wants to have a greater understanding of the 12 Step Program, in order to grow closer to their friend or loved one who is in recovery. Enjoy.

~First Step Prayer~
Dear Lord,
I admit that I am powerless over my addiction.
I admit that my life is unmanageable when I try to control it.
Help me this day to understand the true meaning of powerlessness.
Remove from me all denial of my addiction.

~Second Step Prayer~

Heavenly Father,
I know in my heart that only you can restore me to sanity.
I humbly ask that you remove all twisted thought and
addictive behavior from me this day.
Heal my spirit and restore in me a clear mind.


~Third Step Prayer~
(Page 63 – A. A. Big Book)
God,
I offer myself to Thee
To build with me and to do with me as Thou wilt.
Relieve me of the bondage of self, that I may better do
Thy will. Take away my difficulties, that victory over them may bear
witness to those I would help of Thy Power, Thy Love and
Thy Way of life, May I do Thy will always!

~Fourth Step Prayer~

Dear God,
It is I who have made my life a mess.
I have done it, but I cannot undo it.
My mistakes are mine, and I will begin a
searching and fearless moral inventory.
I will write down my wrongs,
but I will also include that which is good.
I pray for the strength to complete the task.

~Fifth Step Prayer~
Higher Power,
My inventory has shown me who I am,
yet I ask for Your help in admitting my wrongs
to another person and to You. Assure me, and be with me, in this Step,
for without this Step I cannot progress in my recovery.
With Your help, I can do this, and I do it.

~Sixth Step Prayer~
Dear God,
I am ready for Your help in removing from me the defects of character
which I now realize are an obstacle to my recovery. Help me to continue
being honest with myself and guide me toward spiritual and mental
health.

~Seventh Step Prayer~
(Page 76 – A. A. Big Book)
My Creator,
I am now willing that you should have all of me, good and bad.
I pray that you now remove from me every single defect of character
which stands in the way of my usefulness to you and my fellows.
Grant me strength, as I go out from here to do your bidding. Amen

~Eighth Step Prayer~

Higher Power,
I ask Your help in making my list of all those I have harmed.
I will take responsibility for my mistakes, and be forgiving to others as
You are forgiving to me. Grant me the willingness to begin my
restitution.
This I pray.

~Ninth Step Prayer~
Higher Power,
I pray for the right attitude to make my amends,
being ever mindful not to harm others in the process.
I ask for Your guidance in making indirect amends.
Most important, I will continue to make amends by
staying abstinent, helping others, and growing in spiritual progress.

~Tenth Step Prayer~
I pray I may continue:
To grow in understanding and effectiveness;
To take daily spot check inventories of myself;
To correct mistakes when I make them;
To take responsibility for my actions;
To be ever aware of my negative and self-defeating attitudes and
behaviors;
To keep my willfulness in check;
To always remember I need Your help;
To keep love and tolerance of others as my code;
And to continue in daily prayer how I can best serve You, my Higher
Power.

~Eleventh Step Prayer~
Higher Power, As I understand You, I pray to keep my connection with
You open and clear from the confusion of daily life.
Through my prayers and meditation I ask especially for
freedom from self-will, rationalization, and wishful thinking.
I pray for the guidance of correct thought and positive action.
Your will Higher Power, not mine, be done.

~Twelfth Step Prayer~

Dear God,
My spiritual awakening continues to unfold.
The help I have received I shall pass on and give to others,
both in and out of the Fellowship. For this opportunity I am grateful.
I pray most humbly to continue walking day by day on
the road of spiritual progress.
I pray for the inner strength and wisdom to practice the principles of
this way of life in all I do and say.

12 Step Prayers
Source Unknown

__________________

RELATED:

Al-Anon, Nar-Anon and AA Abbreviations

The AA Promises

A recovering Addict’s taste of tough love! (for the loved ones of the addict)

NEED HELP NOW? (do you need help with tough love?)
Drug Addiction Phone Counseling and Intervention
for Families Dealing with Drug or Alcohol Abuse

PURCHASE:
To purchase the award-winning book “Why Don’t They Just Quit?
What families and friends need to know about addiction and recovery”

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Al-Anon, Nar-Anon and AA Abbreviations

Al-Anon, Nar-Anon and AA Abbreviations
for Chat Rooms, Groups and Bulletin Boards

 

People who attend Al-Anon, Nar-Anon and AA often use abbreviations to simplify their conversations and to make typing quicker and easier when they are posting online. Have you found yourself trying to read some of these posts and thought you were reading a foreign language or secret code? You are not alone!

This post will make things a little easier. We have listed some abbreviations and terms that are specific to recovery chat rooms/boards:

A or The A: the alcoholic in my life

AA: Alcoholics Anonymous

ABF or AGF: alcoholic boy friend or girlfriend

AFG: Al-Anon Family Groups

AH or AW: alcoholic husband or wife

Active A: an alcoholic who is still drinking alcohol

Big Book: refers to the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous

CAL: Conference Approved Literature, writings that have been approved by the WSO

C2C or CTC: courage to change

CLOSED MEETING: a meeting of AA or Al-Anon that is only to be attended by members who qualify for either AA or Al-anon

CROSSTALK: During an Al-anon meeting cross talking is speaking when
someone else has the floor and is sharing.  It is also cross talking
when, after another member shares, someone shares and comments directly
about what the other person’s share was about and directs it to that
person.  Both of these things are generally discouraged at Al-anon meetings
because it disrupts the meeting, takes away the anonymity of the
person’s share and can also become “advice giving” which is also discouraged
in Al-anon.

DRY DRUNK: refers to an alcoholic who is no longer drinking alcohol but who is still exhibiting a lot of the negative behaviors associated with the drinking

ESH: experience, strength and hope

FTF or F2F: a Face-to-Face meeting; real world meetings

HALT: Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired

JADE: Justify, Argue, Defend, Explain

MIP: Miracles in Progress

ODAAT: one day at a time

OPEN MEETING: a meeting of AA or Al-Anon that may be attended by anyone who is interested.

Q-tip: Quit taking it personally

TYFS OR TFS: Thank you for sharing

WSO: World Service Organization Al-Anons headquarters

If someone puts your nickname in parenthesis (((((nickname))))) that means they are giving you a cyber hug!

 

RELATED:

Raising the bottom ~by Joe Herzanek

A recovering addict’s taste of tough love! (for the loved ones of the addict)

To read 413 more common abbreviations

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Al-Anon Abbreviations, Nar-Anon Abbreviations, AA Abbreviations

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Just discovered this as I was poking around. Hope you enjoy it as much as I did.

1. A sponsor isn’t all that interested in why you used.

2. A therapist thinks your problem is lack of self-esteem and negative self-image; a sponsor thinks your problem is you.

3. A therapist wants to nurture your inner child; your sponsor thinks it should be spanked.

4. A sponsor thinks your inventory should be about you, not your parents.

5. A sponsor thinks you should not confront your parents, but rather make amends to them.

6. The only time your sponsor uses the word “closure” is before the word “mouth.”

7. A sponsor thinks boundaries are things you need to take down — not build up.

8. A therapist wants you to love yourself first; a sponsor wants you to love others first.

9. A therapist prescribes care-taking medication while a sponsor prescribes prayer-making and meditation.

10. A sponsor thinks anger management skills are numbered one through twelve.

11. Because you’ve been clean ninety days, a therapist recommends you make a list of all your goals and objectives for the next five years — starting with finishing up that degree. A sponsor thinks you should continue cleaning coffee pots and occasionally mopping.

12. Lastly, a sponsor will not lose his/her license if he/she talks about God.

~ this post from Addicted2Clean Blog

* Have you “tried everything?” To learn about individual counseling with Joe Herzanek (in person or by phone) click here.

 

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The Wisdom of the Rooms“Criticism: Advice That is Not Asked For”

~by Michael Z

So many family members who call Changing Lives Foundation
feel like they are all alone in their struggles.
Our best advice to those who have limited resources is
to visit an Open AA meeting or two, attend an Al-Anon or Nar-Anon meeting.
There,they will find others with similar concerns.
Many of the people in these meetings offer gems of wisdom just like this
from Michael Z.
Read what he has to say about criticism, advice and AA—



I have someone in my life that, after she asks how I’m doing and I begin to tell her, immediately begins telling me the things I need to change or start doing. Until this quote I didn’t realize that the reason her unasked for advice made me feel so bad was because it was thinly veiled criticism of the way I was living my life.

Thank God the program doesn’t work that way. If people in the program or my sponsor started giving me unasked for advice or telling me what to do, I would have left long ago. Instead, people give me suggestions (when I ask for them) based on their own experience. If they had a similar situation as mine and they did something that worked for them, then they may suggest that it might work for me as well. It’s up to me at that point to try it or not.

Because of the AA program, I have learned to apply this wisdom in my other relationships as well. In fact, people now call me a good listener, and it’s because I know that all people really want is to be heard and understood. If asked, the best I can do is share my experience with a similar situation – if I have it. Otherwise, it’s best to listen, empathize and help them process their experience.

That’s always better than giving advice that’s not asked for.

________________________________________________

Excerpted from “The Wisdom of the Rooms Volume 2″
~by Michael Z.

 

The Wisdom of the Rooms Volume 2Order Your Signed Copies Today!

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This makes a Great Gift for yourself and others you know in and out of recovery.

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More from Wisdom of the Rooms:
Things might not get better for me, but I can get better despite things
12 Step AA Wisdom: Bring the body, the mind will follow

Related:
The AA Promises

Have you “tried everything?” To learn about Affordable Phone Counseling with Joe Herzanek click here.
•More info and testimonials click here

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Resentments, the Ultimate PoisonResentments, the Ultimate Poison . . . to self.

~ by Nikki Holman

In recovery there is a lot of talk about resentments. WE ALL HAVE THEM, WE ALL CARRY THEM & HOLD ON TO THEM.  I can remember being in treatment & being told that it was paramount to our recovery to let these resentments go. Easier said than done at the time (you see for me I believed that holding on to these resentments kept me safe). They kept me safe both physically and emotionally. How totally totally wrong. Not only did it keep me twisted up inside, it prevented me from being FREE.

Moving on and letting go of resentments was something I tried to do for a long time. I tried without success; the failure was not because I was doing all the right things, it was because I was failing to look HONESTLY AT MY PART.

Allowing myself to carry this resentment toward another person without accepting my part of the problem—gave me a feeling of entitlement to be angry. I have really been trying to live recovery—and for me that means looking honestly at situations with a different perspective.

The largest resentment I carried for years was in regard to my ex-husband. Did he harm me and mine? An emphatic yes!! But recently I have begun to realize that not only did I have a part in that harm but I also harmed him!! We harmed each other and boy how nice it was of me all these years to hold myself less accountable than I held him, NOT! We were both human, we allowed ourselves to become embroiled in a bitter harmful dysfunctional pattern. Who am I to say the wrongs to him were less painful than his wrongs to me. This has been so FREEING!

I recently dealt with him again on the phone; no he is not someone I care to hang out with, surround myself with—but I can be caring and kind and healthy in my interactions with the father of my children. And ultimately with the loss of this resentment I can change my patterns for the future.

I am so grateful to have come to this point. I was able to make amends with him regardless of whether he did the same to me. You see, I can ultimately only control me, my actions and reactions. If we are truly trying to find full recovery, we don’t get to withhold our amends due another—in a STAND-OFF till they “right their wrongs” with us (doesn’t work like that and we only keep ourselves miserable).

I finally understand how important this is. I am not a VICTIM; I am a HUMAN—one who makes mistakes. I’m no better, no worse than another.

THIS brings me peace.

 

MORE FROM NIKKI HOLMAN:
A recovering Addict’s taste of tough love! (for the loved ones of the addict)

RELATED:
The AA Promises

RESOURCES:
Addiction Recovery Resources for Families of Substance Abusers, Addicts and Alcoholics

Why Don't They Just Quit? by Joe Herzanek
Why Don’t They Just Quit? What families and friends need to know about addiction and recovery.

> Paperback

> Audio Book CD, MP3 (NEW!)

> Kindle

> Audible Audio Download  (LISTEN TO 4 MIN. SAMPLE)

 

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Resentments Ultimate Poison letting go Resentments  Ultimate Poison letting go

 

November 2, 2011 by jherzanek | No comments

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