Q: “I need help because I’m not able to deal with my live-in fiance’s need to get drunk every night”
I need help because I’m not able to deal with my live-in fiance’s need to get drunk every night. I’m not comfortable with it.
He says I need counseling to just deal with it because lots of people drink every night. He comes up with bizarre stuff to justify his drinking. Like he’s an Aquarius so he has to drink because that’s just what Aquarians do. He also says it’s because he’s so filled with hate, anger and rage at the whole world because he DEMANDS everyone in the world respect his authority/superiority and fall in line accordingly.
This scares the crap out of me because I grew up with this kind of rage but my family does not drink because they’re Methodist Christians and are against drugs and alcohol. But my mom still had that kind of rage and so I’m a very timid person who can not handle people’s rage and anger. I really fear for my future, either way. I tell him that I can not and will not be with a drunk but then he goes off on the same I’m an Aquarius I have to drink I’m so angry and filled with rage I have to drink or I’ll kill someone.
I’m not at all comfortable with it. I believe in a clean and sober drug & alcohol free life just like my family. Also neither of us believe in god we are pagans so religious AA stuff would not help. He is also 4000 miles from his home and birthplace so it’s not like I’m just casually dating. I’m at a complete loss. His drinking makes me miserable and I don’t even fully understand why. What am I supposed to do?
A: Dear Fiance,
This is a very easy email for me to reply to.
You have two options—only two.
Option one: Continue to live together with this very disturbed individual and do the best you can to accept that your life will be hell and you will suffer a great deal. From what I have read in your post, this guy is FAR from seeing the light, has no interest whatsoever in recovery. If it were me I would go for option two.
Option two: Immediately go to the bedroom, grab a few things, put them in a bag or suitcase and leave this guy to go and begin a new life and go to lots of Al-Anon meetings. Never mind that I guess because as you say, “neither of you believe in God.”*
Option three: Oooops, sorry there is NO option three.
So now you can decide between one or two.
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* Read page 255 in “Why Don’t They Just Quit?” (Ask Joe: Do you have to believe in God to attend AA or Al-Anon meetings?)
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