April 2012

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Do you have to stop seeing all your old friends in order to recover?

April 24, 2012 in AA Related, Al-Anon Related. . ., Ask Joe, Relapse, Why Don't they Just Quit, Why Don't They Just Quit? Book Excerpts by jherzanek | 2 comments

ASK JOE:
Old friends and recovery:

Friends Partying

JoeHerzanek


Q: Do you have to stop seeing all your old friends
in order to recover?

A. It depends

When I was first getting off alcohol and drugs, many of my old friends
were just like me. I knew that being around drugs and being around
people using them was a bad idea. Exposing myself to the wrong influences
would have been a set-up for relapse. It wasn’t easy to let go of
some of my longstanding relationships. At the same time, though, I was
meeting new people who were also in recovery. I quickly learned that
my new lifestyle and old friends were kind of like oil and water—they
just didn’t mix.



After several weeks of sobriety, I started to see these old relationships
in a different light. I tried to talk to some of my old friends about recovery.
A few of them actually quit using. Others began to avoid me. I stayed
busy concentrating on not using. It was a little depressing, in a way. I
wanted so much to help them change, but many just weren’t interested.


This is a difficult time for the recovering person. There is a sort of
lag-time between leaving old unhealthy relationships and developing
new and better ones. It doesn’t happen overnight—but it will happen.


Trust the process and trust God to provide. For myself, I knew what was
at stake. I had to do this or soon return to the old life. The void in my
social life was going to be filled one way or another. This is one more reason
why support groups are important.

Recovery means making many changes,
and some are more difficult than others.

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Ask Joe, old friends and recovery Ask Joe, old friends and recovery Ask Joe, old friends and recovery


Jenny's Pearl NecklaceI am including this story of “Jenny’s Pearl Necklace” at the request
of my wife Judy. It is one of her favorites—all about “letting go, and letting
God.” Time and time again Judy and I have found that once we were
willing to trust God, He would surprise us with a blessing far beyond anything we would have dreamed.

The story of “Jenny’s Pearl Necklace” touches everyone in a different way—as we are all at different stages of our journey.

 

Why Don't They Just Quit? What families and friends need to know about addiction and recovery." by Joe HerzanekThis “Q & A with Joe Herzanek” is excerpted from Part 5 of “Why Don’t They Just Quit? What families and friends need to know about addiction and recovery.”

RELATED:
Relapse. It Happens. ~by Joe Herzanek

NEED HELP NOW?
Affordable Phone Counseling for Families Dealing with Substance Abuse


Recovery Resources for Friends, Families and Employers

MORE ASK JOE:
> Is a relapse—failure?

> If someone can stop using drugs or alcohol for weeks at a time, they “aren’t an addict—correct?

>Chronic Pain Management & Pain Pill Addiction: What to do?

>How can I know if my addicted friend or loved one is telling the truth?

>”I need help because I’m not able to deal with my live-in Fiance’s need to get drunk every night.”

>Should my husband “back off?”

>Gambling vs. Drug Addiction? What is your opinion?

>How can I tell if someone is an addict/alcoholic or just a heavy user?

>What is Methadone? What is Harm Reduction?

RELATED:
> Self-Tests: Codependence

> Self-Tests: Alcohol and Drug Addiction

Sign up for our Free Changing Lives E-Newsletter!

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Trusting God: Jenny’s Pearl Necklace

April 24, 2012 in Spirituality, Why Don't They Just Quit? Book Excerpts, Words of Wisdom by jherzanek | 2 comments

Jenny's Pearl Necklace

The story of “Jenny’s Pearl Necklace” touches everyone in a different way—as we are all at different stages of our journey . . . and trusting God.

Jenny’s Pearl Necklace
The cheerful girl with bouncy golden curls was almost five. Waiting with her mother at the checkout stand, she saw them: a circle of glistening white pearls in a pink foil box.

“Oh please, Mommy. Can I have them? Please, Mommy, please!” Quickly the mother checked the back of the little foil box and then looked back into the pleading blue eyes of her little girl’s upturned face. “A dollar ninety-five. That’s almost $2. If you really want them, I’ll think of some extra chores for you and in no time you can save enough money to buy them yourself.”

As soon as Jenny got home, she emptied her piggy bank and counted out 17 pennies. After dinner, she did more than her share of chores. She went to the neighbor, Mrs. McJames, and asked if she could pick dandelions for ten cents. On her birthday, Grandma gave her another new dollar bill and at last she had enough money to buy the necklace.

Jenny loved her pearls. They made her feel grown up. She wore them everywhere—Sunday school, kindergarten, even to bed. Jenny had a very loving daddy and every night he would stop whatever he was doing and come upstairs to read her a story. One night when
he finished the story, he asked Jenny, “Do you love me?” “Oh yes, Daddy. You know that I love you.”

“Then may I have your pearls?”

“Oh, Daddy, not my pearls. But you can have Princess—the white horse from my collection. Remember, Daddy? The one you gave me.
She’s my favorite.”

“That’s okay, honey. Daddy loves you. Good night.” And he brushed her cheek with a kiss.

About a week later, after story time, Jenny’s daddy asked again, “Do you love me?”

“Daddy, you know I love you.”

“Then will you give me your pearls?”

“Oh, Daddy, not my pearls. But you can have my baby doll. The brand new one I got for my birthday.

“That’s okay, Honey. Sleep well. God bless you, little one. Daddy loves you.” And as always, he brushed her cheek with a gentle kiss.

Several days later, when Jenny’s father came in to read her a story, Jenny was sitting on her bed and her lip was trembling. “Here, Daddy,” she said, and held out her hand. She opened it and her beloved pearl necklace was inside. She let it slip into her father’s hand.
With one hand her father held the plastic pearls and with the other he pulled out of his pocket a blue velvet box.

Inside of the box were real, genuine, beautiful pearls. He had had them all along. He was waiting for Jenny to give up the cheap stuff so he could give her the real thing.

So it is with our Heavenly Father. He is waiting for us to be willing to give up things in our lives so he can give us beautiful treasure. God only wants you to have the best.

—Author Unknown, Source Unknown

RETURN:
From “If both parents are addicts, does that increase the child’s chances of addiction?” to Changing Lives Foundation Blog Home

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Why Don't They Just Quit? What families and friends need to know about addiction and recovery." by Joe HerzanekThis story is excerpted from Part 5 of “Why Don’t They Just Quit? What families and friends need to know about addiction and recovery.”

RELATED:
Ask Joe: Do you have to stop seeing all your old friends in order to recover?
Relapse. It Happens. ~by Joe Herzanek

NEED HELP NOW?
Affordable Phone Counseling for Families Dealing with Substance Abuse
Recovery Resources for Friends, Families and Employers

MORE ASK JOE:
> Is a relapse—failure?

> If someone can stop using drugs or alcohol for weeks at a time, they “aren’t an addict—correct?

>How can I tell if someone is an addict/alcoholic or just a heavy user?

>What is Methadone? What is Harm Reduction?

 

Sign up for our Free Monthly Changing Lives E-Newsletter!

RETURN:
From “Trusting God: Jenny’s Pearl Necklace” to Changing Lives Foundation Blog Home

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If both parents are addicts, does that increase the child’s chances of addiction?

April 17, 2012 in Al-Anon Related. . ., Ask Joe by jherzanek | 5 comments

 Children of Addicts

JoeHerzanek

Q: If both parents are addicts, does that
increase the child’s chances of addiction?


A. There is a fifty-fifty chance.

The more alcoholics there are in a family, the higher the odds of passing along this addiction. In fact, when both parents have had substance abuse issues, the odds are 50/50 that their children will as well—should they decide to experiment with alcohol or drugs.

So what does that mean? In a case where both parents have a problem, with the odds at 50/50, will half of the kids become addicts? Not necessarily. This is an average. But it does mean the likelihood of becoming dependent is very high. Knowing this can help families recognize warning signs earlier rather than later. Depending on their maturity level, children and teenagers may decide to wait until early adulthood to begin experimentation (or, they may decide not to start at all).

Parents and other family members with such histories can consider how to help their children avoid developing a substance abuse problem. It is also a good idea for them to educate their children as to what is likely to happen if they are not on their guard. Knowing the dangers, facts, and warning signs of addiction is helpful, especially for those with a genetic predisposition. If we can get these kids to even delay trying drugs or alcohol, it will help to lessen their chances of falling into a life of dependency. Many research studies show that the later someone waits to start using, the less likely they are to become dependent.

Why Don't They Just Quit? What families and friends need to know about addiction and recovery." by Joe HerzanekThis “Q & A with Joe Herzanek” is excerpted from Part 5 of “Why Don’t They Just Quit? What families and friends need to know about addiction and recovery.”

> Paperback

> Audio Book CD, MP3 (NEW!)

> Kindle

> Audible Audio Download  (LISTEN TO 4 MIN. SAMPLE)

RELATED:
Relapse. It Happens. ~by Joe Herzanek

NEED HELP NOW?
Recovery Resources for Friends, Families and Employers

MORE ASK JOE:
> Is a relapse—failure?

> If someone can stop using drugs or alcohol for weeks at a time, they “aren’t an addict—correct?

>Chronic Pain Management & Pain Pill Addiction: What to do?

>How can I know if my addicted friend or loved one is telling the truth?

>”I need help because I’m not able to deal with my live-in Fiance’s need to get drunk every night.”

>Should my husband “back off?”

>Gambling vs. Drug Addiction? What is your opinion?

>How can I tell if someone is an addict/alcoholic or just a heavy user?

>What is Methadone? What is Harm Reduction?

RELATED:
> Self-Tests: Codependence

> Self-Tests: Alcohol and Drug Addiction

Sign up for our Free Changing Lives E-Newsletter!

RETURN:
From “If both parents are addicts, does that increase the child’s chances of addiction?” to Changing Lives Foundation Blog Home

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Does Relapse Mean Failure?

April 5, 2012 in AA Related, Al-Anon Related. . ., Ask Joe, Relapse by jherzanek | 7 comments

Open Door

JoeHerzanek

Q: Does relapse mean failure?


A. No

Since addiction/alcoholism is a chronic relapsing disease, relapse does not mean failure. For many men and women, recovery can be a pattern of two steps forward, one step back. Relapse, in a way, just confirms that the person does indeed have a problem.

As crazy as this may sound, I would say to almost anyone: Consider that relapse might happen, and then plan what to do if or when it does. After a relapse, the person should call a friend who is also in recovery and get right back to doing what is needed to avoid it in the future. Learn from it.

The recovering person should ask, Why did this relapse happen? He needs to be honest. What triggered the event? Was it planned out? What events may have led up to it? Then be honest about what to do in order to ensure that it doesn’t happen again.

“You may have to fight a battle
more than once to win it.”
—Margaret Thatcher


 

Why Don't They Just Quit? What families and friends need to know about addiction and recovery." by Joe HerzanekThis “Q & A, Does Relapse Mean Failure?,with Joe Herzanek” is excerpted from Part 5 of “Why Don’t They Just Quit? What families and friends need to know about addiction and recovery.”

> Paperback

> Audio Book CD, MP3 (NEW!)

> Kindle

> Audible Audio Download  (LISTEN TO 4 MIN. SAMPLE)

RELATED:
Relapse. It Happens. ~by Joe Herzanek

NEED HELP NOW?
Recovery Resources for Friends, Families and Employers

MORE ASK JOE:
> If someone can stop using drugs or alcohol for weeks at a time, they “aren’t an addict—correct?

>Chronic Pain Management & Pain Pill Addiction: What to do?

>How can I know if my addicted friend or loved one is telling the truth?

>”I need help because I’m not able to deal with my live-in Fiance’s need to get drunk every night.”

>Should my husband “back off?”

>Gambling vs. Drug Addiction? What is your opinion?

>How can I tell if someone is an addict/alcoholic or just a heavy user?

>What is Methadone? What is Harm Reduction?

RELATED:
> Self-Tests: Codependence

> Self-Tests: Alcohol and Drug Addiction

Sign up for our Free Changing Lives E-Newsletter!

RETURN:
From “Does Relapse Mean Failure?” to Changing Lives Foundation Blog Home

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“We couldn’t help ourselves, but we could help each other.”

April 2, 2012 in The Wisdom of the Rooms, Words of Wisdom by jherzanek | No comments

The Wisdom of the Rooms“We couldn’t help ourselves,
but we could help each other.”

~by Michael Z

So many family members who call Changing Lives Foundation
feel like they are all alone in their struggles.
Our best advice to those who have limited resources is
to visit an Open AA meeting or two, attend an Al-Anon or Nar-Anon meeting.
There,they will find others with similar concerns.
Many of the people in these meetings offer gems of wisdom just like this
from Michael Z.
Read what he has to say about helping others, the power of God and ultimately, helping yourself—


Before recovery I did everything I could think of to get better on my own. I’d try to stop drinking during the week; then on Mondays through Thursdays. I’d join a gym and exercise a while, or I’d go on a healthy diet. I went into therapy to work on myself, and I started journaling. At the end of all of this, though, I’d find myself alone, depressed and drunk.

When I entered the program, I thought I might finally learn how to help myself. Instead, I was given direction that made no sense. “Wash the coffee cups after the meeting,” I was told. “Get a commitment to get to a meeting early and set the chairs up.” “Become a greeter and ask other people how they are doing.” What about me? I thought. How am I going to get better if I’m focused on helping others rather than myself? Even though I didn’t understand it, I was desperate, so I followed your direction.

And that’s when the miracle took place. Over time I came to see that alone I couldn’t, but together we could recover. I learned that the solution began when I got out of myself and helped you. That when two alcoholics got together, that’s when the power of God flowed and healed us both. Ultimately I learned that when I was helping you, you were helping me and that was the solution I could never find by myself.

Today I know that while I can’t help myself, I can always help you – and together, we can help each other.

 

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Excerpted from “The Wisdom of the Rooms Volume 2″
~by Michael Z.

 

The Wisdom of the Rooms Volume 2Order Your Signed Copies Today!

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More from Wisdom of the Rooms:
Things might not get better for me, but I can get better despite things
12 Step AA Wisdom: Bring the body, the mind will follow

Related:
The AA Promises

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