How to know if my addicted loved one is telling the truth?

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How can I tell if they are telling the truth?

JoeHerzanekQ How can I know if my addicted friend or
loved one is telling me the truth?


A. Most of the time, you can’t.


There is no hard and fast test for honesty in a person—especially a substance abuser. Don’t be surprised or terribly hurt if and when a recovering
person fails to tell you the truth. I have done this myself, and seen it
during my interactions with the men and women I’ve counseled over the
years (particularly those in the jails and prisons). The thought life of the
chemically dependent person is all about the drug—24/7/365.

When I was using drugs, I planned my days around getting high.
When someone asked me what I’d been doing, where I was going, where
I’d been, why I needed money, or when I would be back, I just made
things up. Honesty would only have caused more problems for me. My
attitude was, I’ll tell you whatever I need to say to get you off my back.
This is one reason recovery is difficult at first, since it means being
honest for the first time in a long time.

This “Q & A with Joe” is excerpted from Part 5 of “Why Don’t They Just Quit? What families and friends need to know about addiction and recovery.”

RESOURCES:
Addiction Recovery Resources for Families of Substance Abusers, Addicts and Alcoholics

Why Don't They Just Quit? by Joe Herzanek
Why Don’t They Just Quit? What families and friends need to know about addiction and recovery.
> Paperback
> Audio Book CD, MP3 (NEW!)
> Kindle
> Audible Audio Download  (LISTEN TO 4 MIN. SAMPLE)

MORE ASK JOE:
>Son needs $75 for drug dealer of he’ll be “killed for sure.”

>”I need help because I’m not able to deal with my live-in Fiance’s need to get drunk every night.”

>Should my husband “back off?”

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2 thoughts on “How to know if my addicted loved one is telling the truth?

  1. Lisa Frederiksen

    Sadly, the nature of this chronic, often relapsing brain disease and the way it hijacks the brain, creating embedded brain maps around the characteristics of the disease (loss of control, cravings, physical dependence and tolerance), makes it just about impossible for the actively using (i.e., not treating their disease) addict/alcoholic to tell the truth. Their brain disease of addiction (whether to drugs or alcohol) causes chemical, structural and functional changes in their brain, causing their brain to interpret their substance as essential for survival (on par with food, for example). However the cravings for their substance can be up to five times stronger than for food because of their disease, which is what makes them absolutely lie, cheat, steal and do whatever it takes to get their substance. Their brain interprets their substance as necessary “to survive”. Hard to explain in a comment — check out The Addiction Project by NIAAA, NIDA, the Robert Wood Johnson Foundation in partnership with HBO: http://www.hbo.com/addiction.

  2. connie49

    If your loved one or family member has an addiction and they are still using and they have to feed that addiction, then everything that comes out of their mouth is a lie. They need money so they will come up with a lie to get it, you wouldn’t give them money if they came and told you they needed money for drugs would you? When you are living with an addict you have to hide your money, Valuables anything that can get them a high. My addict son stole my daughters ring right off her finger while she was asleep. my daughter also waited on tables and one night she was at the table counting her tips and got up and went to use the bathroom and left her pile of money on the table just for a few seconds. I was washing dishes and didn’t see what he was doing when he came into the kitchen, my back was turned to him, My daughter came back to the table and five minutes later she screamed out “MOM! I am missing two twenties. I had to give her back her two twenties because I felt bad for her, I should had been watching her addict brother. To top it alll off, I woke up the next morning got dressed and walked out to the parking lot to get into my car and it was gone. My addict son had stole my car to go and buy drugs, I went into the house and found him asleep on his headroom floor.. I asked him where was my car and he said “Down the road about a half of a mile, it ran out of gas. I was hot. Yeah, addicts are the biggest liars that ever walked and if you think you are going to get the truth out of them, you best think it all over again because you wont.

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