November 2011

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This article excerpted from the award-winning book “Why Don’t They Just Quit? What families and friends need to know about addiction and recovery.” by Joe Herzanek

The Parable of the Prodigal Son

While he was still a long way off,
his father saw him coming.
Filled with compassion
the father ran to the son,
threw his arms around him and said,
“Welcome home.”
His son had come to his senses.
Let’s have a party!

His brother refused to come to the party
even after his father pleaded with him
to join them.
“I’ve stayed here all these years
and never caused a problem.
No one ever had a party for me,”
said the brother.
–paraphrased from the Gospel of Luke

Siblings often find themselves caught in the middle of the recovery process. In the story of the prodigal son, a father waits and watches expectantly for the return of his wayward child. The boy left home and not only squandered his inheritance, but also wasted a big chunk of his life. But there is so much more to the story. As we take a closer look at the entire family, we see that “the rest of the story” can apply to families and siblings today who are struggling with the early stages of recovery.


I know from firsthand experience how siblings can suffer. During my addiction, I was blind to how my actions were affecting my brother and two sisters. Actually, the entire family did not understand what was happening. Even now, more than thirty years later, some members of my family remain bitter, and we have never been able to resolve those hard feelings.

There is only so much time in any given day and when there is one high-maintenance family member, often the other children are neglected. Parents have a limited amount of energy for each day, and then they reach a point of exhaustion. In my case, which again is not unique, I received more than my share of attention. I, like many other addicts, was a very needy person. My life was one crisis after another. There were many occasions when I needed money. I drained my parents of their finances as well as their time and energy. Who suffered? At the time, it was far from obvious, but as I look back it is clear that my brother and sisters—basically good, low-maintenance kids were the innocent victims.

Mom and Dad spent a lot of their parenting energy either helping me with a problem or worried about what I might do next; they were even afraid to answer the phone. They couldn’t be in two places at once, physically or mentally. As a result, my siblings did not receive nearly the amount of attention they deserved. My parents missed their school programs and sports games because of my problems, and holidays were often ruined. Much of the focus was on Joe, and I was messing up my life while my brother and sisters were left striving to do the right thing and gain my parents’ approval and attention.

To make matters worse, my parents’ attention continued to be focused on me for a long time into my recovery. My siblings had to hear over and over, Isn’t it great that Joe’s quit using drugs? How wonderful that Joe is clean and sober. Joe has been drug-free for a year now “let’s celebrate!” These sort of comments continued, even after everything should have been back to normal. Talk about rubbing psychological salt in a wound; my brother and sisters must have been ready to puke. At that time, none of us had a clue how this would ultimately affect our future relationships.


Insidious: working or spreading harmfully in a subtle or stealthy manner. awaiting a chance to entrap; treacherous. harmful but enticing. Developing so gradually as to be well established before becoming apparent. (Webster’s Dictionary)

It was only after years of recovery and study on this topic that this realization came to me. Because of this disease’s slow progression, few families are aware of the effect addiction has on the family as a whole. Few addicts think of making amends toward those who did not appear to be directly affected.

When I entered treatment many years ago, there was not much emphasis placed on the importance of family in the recovery process. Today, this is a key component in most treatment programs. Parents and siblings are strongly encouraged to be part of the process. Some centers will even offer what is called Family Week. This is a time for those who have been negatively affected to become involved in the recovery process. Many times family members will refuse to get involved: “He/she had the problem, not me. And now you are asking me to get counseling? You must be crazy.” Nonetheless, I strongly suggest that family members attend some meetings–if for no other reason than to vent frustration. It will be worth it.

Addiction is treacherous for the whole family. Over time, relationships can become a tangled web. Feelings get hurt and bitterness creeps in, almost unnoticed. Strife begins to build, and after a while no one remembers why. But life is too short to waste years like this. Miracles can happen when a professional helps untangle the mess.

Time has yet to heal some of the wounds in my family. The impact of my addiction and recovery has left deep scars, and damaged relationships among my immediate family that we are still attempting to understand and mend. Despite our attempts to keep things simple, life can sometimes become very complicated. Over the years, my siblings have married. Bitterness and unresolved strife have colored relationships not only among my siblings, but among our spouses and children as well. Recovery and the process of making amends to those who were hurt takes a while. Sometimes these differences may never be resolved.

Quitting, as wonderful as that may be, is not the same as recovering. Recovery means taking responsibility for the broken relationships that occurred when the addict was using. Repairing broken relationships is critical to the process of recovery. With patience and time, progress can be made.

This article excerpted from the book Why Don’t They Just Quit?

* Have you “tried everything?” To learn about individual counseling with Joe Herzanek (in person or by phone) click here.

RELATED ARTICLES:
Alcohol Addiction, Getting Rid of Resentments; Easier Said Than Done
Children of Addicts: The Innocent Victims

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TO PURCHASE: “Why Don’t They Just Quit? What families and friends need to know about addiction and recovery”

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November 20, 2011 by jherzanek | 6 comments


This article “10 Tips for Surviving Holidays
with the Dysfunctional Family”
It is so full of great information that I decided to repost it again.

~By Marie Hartwell-Walker, Ed.D.

For some families, holidays are just another excuse to get together to eat good food and to have a good time. They’re not looking for articles like this one because they’ve somehow figured out the formula for successful family togetherness with minimum stress. If you have a challenging family, it’s only human to be a bit incredulous and then more than a bit jealous to see other folks living out the holiday fantasy when you’re just trying to live through it.

Just because it’s always been that way doesn’t mean you’re doomed to a lifetime of holiday gatherings where you just grin and go to your happy place until, thank goodness, it’s over! You can make a difference. You may even be able to start to enjoy your personal dysfunctional crowd. With a little planning and some social engineering, you can take control of the situation and make this holiday feel better.

First, make an honest appraisal of the family. It’s not new information that your mother doesn’t like your sister’s husband or your grandmother is going to want attention for her latest ache and pain. It’s not news to anyone that so-and-so has to be the center of attention or so-and-so somehow gets her feelings hurt every year. Instead of denying these realities, plan for them. (You get extra credit if you can find a way to have a sense of humor about them too.) Then consider using the following tips to begin to avoid at least some of the usual family drama.


1. Line up some co-conspirators. Chances are you’re not the only one who is irked by your family’s dysfunctional routines. Figure out who you can call on to help make things different. Then do some pre-event strategizing. Agree to tag-team each other with the folks you all find particularly difficult. Set up a signal you’ll use to call in a replacement. Brainstorm ways to steer a certain individual’s most tiresome and troublesome antics in a different direction.

2. Ask your co-conspirators to brainstorm ways to give challenging relatives an assignment: Is someone always critical of the menu? Ask her if she would please bring that complicated dish that is her trademark so she’ll have a place to shine. Is there a teenager who mopes about, bringing everyone down? Maybe offer to pay him to entertain the younger set for a couple hours after dinner so the adults can talk.

3. Invite “buffers.” Most people’s manners improve when outsiders enter the scene. If you can count on your family to put their best feet forward for company, invite some. (If not, don’t.) There are always people who would love a place to go on holidays. Think about elderly people in your church or community whose grown children live far away, or divorced friends whose kids are with the other parent this year, or foreign exchange students from your local high school or college.

4. Nowhere is it written that there shall be alcohol whenever a family gets together. If there are problem drinkers in the family, let everyone know ahead of time that you are holding an alcohol-free party. Serve sparkling cider and an interesting non-alcoholic punch. People in your family who can’t stand being at a gathering without an alcoholic haze will probably leave early or decline the invitation. Everyone else will be spared another holiday ruined by someone’s inability to handle their drinking.

5. Take charge of seating. Have some of the younger kids make place cards and assign seats. Folks are less likely to switch places when admiring kids’ handiwork. Put people who rub each other the wrong way at opposite ends of the table. Seat the most troublesome person right next to you or one of your co-conspirators so that you can head off unfortunate conversation topics as soon as they start.


6. Guide the conversation. If your family doesn’t seem to know how to talk without getting into arguments or if you’re not the most socially adept person yourself, give yourself some help by introducing The Conversation Game (see below). Announce at the beginning of the meal that you want to use the gathering as a time to get to know each other better. Ask everyone to indulge you by playing the game for at least part of the meal. Hopefully, people will like this change in family dynamics enough to want to keep it going.

7. Give kids a way to be included. Then set them free. Kids are simply not going to enjoy being trapped at a table with adults (especially dysfunctional adults) for extended periods of time. They get restless. They get whiny. They slump in their chairs. Yes, they should be expected to behave with at least a minimum of decorum during the meal but head off complaints and tantrums by planning something for them to do while the adults linger at the table. Have the materials for a simple craft project set up and ready to go. Remember that teenager in #4? Perhaps this is when she plays a game outside with the younger kids while older ones watch a movie.

8. No willing teens? Set up a childcare schedule ahead of time so the adults spell each other. Auntie oversees a kid project while the rest of the adults finish their meal. Uncle takes the kids out to run around between dinner and desert. Plan ahead to share the load and nobody feels martyred and everybody has a better time.

9. Provide escape routes. Togetherness is not for everyone. Make sure there are ways for the shyer or more intimidated to get away from the crowd. If most people will be watching football, set up a movie in another room for those who want out. Ask for help in the kitchen to give the overwhelmed person a graceful way to withdraw from the bore who is boring her. Set up a jigsaw puzzle on a card table in a corner so that people who don’t want to be part of the conversation have a way to occupy themselves and still be part of the party. Arrange with one of your co-conspirators to suggest a before- or after-dinner walk for people who need a breather.

10. After everyone leaves, reward yourself. Sink into your favorite chair and give yourself credit (and an extra piece of pie?) for trying to make a difference. It takes a lot of time and a lot of effort to make significant change in the habits and attitudes of a dysfunctional family. Any small step in the right direction is something to be thankful for. Good for you!

The Conversation Game

This is a game the whole family can play. Make up a stack of cards with discussion starters on them. Brainstorm “starters” that will make people reminisce or laugh. Make sure to include cards that appeal to all ages. Some ideas are listed below.

To play the game, ask the person to your right to pick a card and read it. Each person at the table gets to answer. It’s fine for someone to “pass” if they don’t have something to say. After everyone has had a turn to respond, the deck gets passed to the next person to choose a card. And so on.


Sample starters:

• What song brings up the happiest memories for you?
• If you were a car, what kind would you be?
• If you were given a thousand dollars with the rule that you couldn’t spend it on yourself, what would you do with it?
• What was the best day of your life so far?
• If you could change places with a celebrity, who would it be and why?
• If you could go to a fancy restaurant and price were no object, where would you go and what would you order?
• What is the best way to cheer you up when you’re down?
• What is the one thing you’ve done in your life that you are proudest of?
• What was your favorite childhood game or toy? (For kids, what is it now?)
• If you formed a band, what would you name it? What kind of music would you play?
• If you had the choice of a day: Would you rather choose a day 10 years ago or a day 10 years from now?
• If you could have 1 superpower, what would it be?
• If you could live somewhere else for a year, where would you go?
• If you knew you were going to spend a year in a science station in Antarctica, what 3 things would you most want to take with you to do when you weren’t working?
• What do you think is the secret to staying young at heart?
• When you were a child, what did you want to be when you grew up? Do you remember why? (For kids: What do you think you’d like to be and why?)
• What bargain would you love to find on eBay or at a garage sale?
• What do you really, really hope someone will invent soon?
• If someone gave you a gift certificate for a tattoo, what would you get and where would you put it?
• Which would you rather be: A famous athlete, a great singer, or an important politician?


RELATED ARTICLES:
Siblings: The Forgotten Ones, by Joe Herzanek
Dysfunctional Families, Validating Their Children


RETURN:
Return from “10 Tips for Surviving Holidays with the Dysfunctional Family” to Blog HOME


PURCHASE:
To purchase “Why Don’t They Just Quit? What families and friends need to know about addiction and recovery”

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Dysfunctional Family Dysfunctional Family

November 20, 2011 by jherzanek | 2 comments

Difference between Sponsor and Therapist

November 17, 2011 in AA Related, Al-Anon Related. . . by jherzanek | No comments

Just discovered this as I was poking around. Hope you enjoy it as much as I did.

1. A sponsor isn’t all that interested in why you used.

2. A therapist thinks your problem is lack of self-esteem and negative self-image; a sponsor thinks your problem is you.

3. A therapist wants to nurture your inner child; your sponsor thinks it should be spanked.

4. A sponsor thinks your inventory should be about you, not your parents.

5. A sponsor thinks you should not confront your parents, but rather make amends to them.

6. The only time your sponsor uses the word “closure” is before the word “mouth.”

7. A sponsor thinks boundaries are things you need to take down — not build up.

8. A therapist wants you to love yourself first; a sponsor wants you to love others first.

9. A therapist prescribes care-taking medication while a sponsor prescribes prayer-making and meditation.

10. A sponsor thinks anger management skills are numbered one through twelve.

11. Because you’ve been clean ninety days, a therapist recommends you make a list of all your goals and objectives for the next five years — starting with finishing up that degree. A sponsor thinks you should continue cleaning coffee pots and occasionally mopping.

12. Lastly, a sponsor will not lose his/her license if he/she talks about God.

~ this post from Addicted2Clean Blog

* Have you “tried everything?” To learn about individual counseling with Joe Herzanek (in person or by phone) click here.

 

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Criticism: Advice That is not Asked for

November 14, 2011 in AA Related, The Wisdom of the Rooms, Words of Wisdom by jherzanek | No comments

The Wisdom of the Rooms“Criticism: Advice That is Not Asked For”

~by Michael Z

So many family members who call Changing Lives Foundation
feel like they are all alone in their struggles.
Our best advice to those who have limited resources is
to visit an Open AA meeting or two, attend an Al-Anon or Nar-Anon meeting.
There,they will find others with similar concerns.
Many of the people in these meetings offer gems of wisdom just like this
from Michael Z.
Read what he has to say about criticism, advice and AA—



I have someone in my life that, after she asks how I’m doing and I begin to tell her, immediately begins telling me the things I need to change or start doing. Until this quote I didn’t realize that the reason her unasked for advice made me feel so bad was because it was thinly veiled criticism of the way I was living my life.

Thank God the program doesn’t work that way. If people in the program or my sponsor started giving me unasked for advice or telling me what to do, I would have left long ago. Instead, people give me suggestions (when I ask for them) based on their own experience. If they had a similar situation as mine and they did something that worked for them, then they may suggest that it might work for me as well. It’s up to me at that point to try it or not.

Because of the AA program, I have learned to apply this wisdom in my other relationships as well. In fact, people now call me a good listener, and it’s because I know that all people really want is to be heard and understood. If asked, the best I can do is share my experience with a similar situation – if I have it. Otherwise, it’s best to listen, empathize and help them process their experience.

That’s always better than giving advice that’s not asked for.

________________________________________________

Excerpted from “The Wisdom of the Rooms Volume 2″
~by Michael Z.

 

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More from Wisdom of the Rooms:
Things might not get better for me, but I can get better despite things
12 Step AA Wisdom: Bring the body, the mind will follow

Related:
The AA Promises

Have you “tried everything?” To learn about Affordable Phone Counseling with Joe Herzanek click here.
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Suboxone: Switching from one drug to another.

November 7, 2011 in Ask Joe, Feedback from You, In the News, Other topics of interest by jherzanek | 6 comments

Jaywalker Lodge

Jaywalker Lodge

“Suboxone does get us on the road to recovery, but don’t confuse the the on-ramp with the destination.”

~ Bob Ferguson
Founder/Director, Jaywalker Lodge, Carbondale, CO


“Say what you will, the truth is that people, LOTS OF PEOPLE
—millions have quit all alcohol and drug use.
Methadone and suboxone users are users.”

~ Joe Herzanek
President, Changing Lives Foundation
Author, Why Don’t They Just Quit?

Quite a heated discussion regarding the article
Roxane Labs Generic Suboxone Hits the Market

 

Read all the comments below.
To follow the original discussion, click here on “Dad on Fire” blog

November 6, 2009 at 3:59 pm
It seems to me that way to many have bought into the idea that some people just won’t/can’t quit. Sad. Switching from one drug to another. At least now they can be strung out on a legal drug. Harm reduction is a joke. I’m sure the pharmaceutical companies are happy though.
Joe

November 6, 2009 at 6:06 pm
Point accepted. However, what is an affordable alternative? I would really like to know. I have watched a lot of young opiate addicts trip over recovery and rehab for years–over and over again. My own son; one of them. Even residential rehab wasn’t the answer to many. Initially, the intense withdrawals stops most of them from continuing–so comes replacement drug therapy. The big Pharmas do profit off it. That’s another issue. If an addict accepts suboxone or methadone for that matter without trying to use street opiates, they can regain much of what they lost physically and mentally and when stable, they can wean off of either of these. The problem with weaning off of suboxone is the issue of micro-dosing. Its a powerful drug. 1 mg is equal to 20-30 mgs. of methadone. Micro doses and time release implants are available in Europe just for that purpose; not here yet. Methadone is easier to wean off in that respect. the problems is timing. Being a craving addict doesn’t go away that soon enough–and then there is Methamphetamine of which physical and mental restoration is even more questionable. I think residential rehab is a better answer for that.
dadonfire

November 6, 2009 at 5:51 pm
I think this is good news. I am curious if Joe from the above comment has overcome heroin addiction. Suboxone DOES help addicts get off opiates. It may be addicting but it does NOT get you high, it does not ruin your life, it does not land you in jail or the grave. Therefore, its somewhat of a miracle drug. My insurance company covered it and we got it at a reasonable cost. I am all for it.
Barbara

November 6, 2009 at 6:44 pm
This is a really important discussion. I’m glad you brought it up. Suboxone and methadone are both controversial. But then again, so is rehab. I have known numerous families who have spent thousands of dollars (sometimes their child’s college fund) for one rehab after another and no lasting results. As parents we would do just about anything to help our children overcome their addiction problems, but in reality there’s not much we can do. I think Suboxone is one option, but my son ended up selling his doses to pay for heroin. Bottom line is they have to want to stop. Jail seems to be working for my son, he’s got 76 days clean now. The fear is when he gets out. There is NO easy answer.
Barbara

November 6, 2009 at 6:58 pm

As one recent story contributor put it “it is love and love alone that will help you and your family thru this nightmare. Tough love mostly.” I would add everything the experts can offer, sheer human will and a more compassionate world of recovery. Some 22 million drug addicts and alcoholics can’t be wrong. No easy answers is right. Someone I love dearly who fought opiate addiction for a decade and a half views jail as a rescue. I still want to see drug policy reform as part of a growing nation of compassion, acceptance and recovery.
dadonfire


November 6, 2009 at 8:10 pm
Wow, seems like a bit of a hornet’s nest. I spent sixteen years lost in addiction to alcohol and drugs. Heroin and opiate pain meds were some of my favorites. I now have a few decades of total abstinence. Say what you will, the truth is that people, LOTS OF PEOPLE, millions have quit all alcohol and drug use. Methadone and suboxone users are users. They have just switched to legal dope. They have convinced you that they are unique and they just can’t quit. Which is a bunch of crap from a bunch of cry babies.
Regards, Joe

November 7, 2009 at 8:30 am
I have to agree with Joe, millions of folks have recovered, myself included. Barbara, I also see the value of suboxone as a detox protocol–it’s a safe and effective bridge from active opiate use to chemical abstinence. But too many times, the addict and their caregivers get stuck on that bridge. Reducing the damage and consequences of active addiction through harm reduction is an intoxicating notion for weary addicts and their families. Often i have seen cases where active opiate addicts on the road to ruin will “behave themselves” once they start on suboxone. Harm reduction in that sense is effective, insofar as it goes. Many treatment providers LOVE this drug because it makes disruptive patients act compliant. But make no mistake, harm reduction + compliance does NOT equal sobriety. These folks are NOT sober–the pupils are pinned, they have a flat personal affect, and reaction times are off by at least a beat or two. What’s worse, they have switched from an unacceptable chemical dependence to a more socially acceptable drug dependence, and deep down, they know that. This stunts their self-esteem and blocks them from the freedom they are seeking. Sobriety is an onerous, difficult deal and involves a commitment to change and usually, some level of personal and physical discomfort. The notion that you can make lasting and profound personal change without experiencing any personal discomfort or sacrifice whatsoever–that is what the drug companies and their representatives are selling. It’s an intriguing, intoxicating notion, isn’t it? Suboxone does get us on the road to recovery, but don’t confuse the the on-ramp with the destination. The real work begins when patients and their doctors summon the courage to go from “less”chemicals to no chemicals.
Bob Ferguson

November 7, 2009 at 10:36 am
I may have been a bit harsh in my last comment. I tend to do that at times. Using suboxone for a brief period during detox can be helpful. Beyond that and the person has simply decided to use the drug rather than find another coping skill. Talk therapy is the key ingredient in long term total abstinence. 12 Step programs are the best place to turn for this long term help.
Joe

November 7, 2009 at 10:49 am
Joe, Thanks for your comments. I mean that sincerely. For me, what former addicts have to say on these subjects is very valuable because you are the only ones who actually know, first hand, what its like. The rest of us are striving to understand and willing to do just about anything we can to help our loved one, but what we learn over and over is that the addict has to be ready, they have to do it themselves. I hear that 12 Step is the way to go and am praying that my 18 y.o. will open his mind to it when he gets in rehab. You give me hope that anyone can do it – when they are ready. A lot of us just pray that our loved ones are ready sooner than later because we feel helpless as we watch them waste precious years. Thanks again.
Barbara

November 7, 2009 at 11:13 am
Thank you for your kind words Barbara. I didn’t start this yesterday for any other reason than it just makes me mad that SOME, not all, rehab places want to just put people on another drug to FIX their current drug problem. I also didn’t start this to sell books but having said that I am an author and have written a very helpful book on this topic. If you are interested in looking at it just google my name from the first comment.
Regards, Joe

November 10, 2009 at 11:13 am
I was really excited reading the posts. Especially from Bob–one of the best I’ve read in a long time. Gotta admit though I lost that excitement when I clicked on a suboxone link that brought me to a site sponsored by Reckitt.
Jay

November 10, 2009 at 11:13 am
Jay–I encourage you to stay linked with this site. Appreciate your comments a lot. We don’t support Reckitt’s recent actions, as their interest is to sustain profit from a drug (suboxone) that was developed to bridge addiction to recovery and has an expired patent. I say that because they are fighting generic status. We also do not typically support the long term use of drug replacement therapy. Both Suboxone and Methadone are difficult enough for an addict to manage initially. A lot to say about that later. These drugs usefulness is the bridge they provide to an ultimate full and sober recovery. I have to defer to Joe’s comments above for a good description of what they really are in a lot of cases. Legal replacement drugs have their “place”. If it stops an addict on a dangerous steep downhill slope, or pulls him or her out of an abyss; its difficult for addiction doctors in the therapy community to discount their use.
dadonfire

November 10, 2009 at 11:13 am
Great follow-up dad. Nothing wrong with a little help to get started in recovery. Then the real answer can begin, which in my opinion is talk therapy. This applies to more than substance dependent people. Almost anyone can benefit from a mentor of some kind.
Joe

* Have you “tried everything?” To learn about affordable phone counseling with Joe Herzanek  click here.

 

Suboxone addiction quit suboxone  Suboxone addiction quit suboxone  Suboxone addiction quit suboxone

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Resentments, the Ultimate PoisonResentments, the Ultimate Poison . . . to self.

~ by Nikki Holman

In recovery there is a lot of talk about resentments. WE ALL HAVE THEM, WE ALL CARRY THEM & HOLD ON TO THEM.  I can remember being in treatment & being told that it was paramount to our recovery to let these resentments go. Easier said than done at the time (you see for me I believed that holding on to these resentments kept me safe). They kept me safe both physically and emotionally. How totally totally wrong. Not only did it keep me twisted up inside, it prevented me from being FREE.

Moving on and letting go of resentments was something I tried to do for a long time. I tried without success; the failure was not because I was doing all the right things, it was because I was failing to look HONESTLY AT MY PART.

Allowing myself to carry this resentment toward another person without accepting my part of the problem—gave me a feeling of entitlement to be angry. I have really been trying to live recovery—and for me that means looking honestly at situations with a different perspective.

The largest resentment I carried for years was in regard to my ex-husband. Did he harm me and mine? An emphatic yes!! But recently I have begun to realize that not only did I have a part in that harm but I also harmed him!! We harmed each other and boy how nice it was of me all these years to hold myself less accountable than I held him, NOT! We were both human, we allowed ourselves to become embroiled in a bitter harmful dysfunctional pattern. Who am I to say the wrongs to him were less painful than his wrongs to me. This has been so FREEING!

I recently dealt with him again on the phone; no he is not someone I care to hang out with, surround myself with—but I can be caring and kind and healthy in my interactions with the father of my children. And ultimately with the loss of this resentment I can change my patterns for the future.

I am so grateful to have come to this point. I was able to make amends with him regardless of whether he did the same to me. You see, I can ultimately only control me, my actions and reactions. If we are truly trying to find full recovery, we don’t get to withhold our amends due another—in a STAND-OFF till they “right their wrongs” with us (doesn’t work like that and we only keep ourselves miserable).

I finally understand how important this is. I am not a VICTIM; I am a HUMAN—one who makes mistakes. I’m no better, no worse than another.

THIS brings me peace.

 

MORE FROM NIKKI HOLMAN:
A recovering Addict’s taste of tough love! (for the loved ones of the addict)

RELATED:
The AA Promises

RESOURCES:
Addiction Recovery Resources for Families of Substance Abusers, Addicts and Alcoholics

Why Don't They Just Quit? by Joe Herzanek
Why Don’t They Just Quit? What families and friends need to know about addiction and recovery.

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November 2, 2011 by jherzanek | No comments