I’m worried he may never recover

Dear Sue,

Thanks for the question.

This gives me an opportunity to talk more about this stage of life called adolescence (some refer to it as temporary insanity).

Do I consider a 20 year old to be an adolescent? Yes I do. There is nothing magical about being 19 one day and 20 the next. One of the signs of moving from adolescence to young adulthood is a person’s ability to function at a higher level–to be independent (i.e. more responsible as demonstrated by handling life’s ups and downs–similar to the way a mature adult would). This means being able to function independently, work hard in college or on the job, pay their own bills, avoid many common problems like not getting lots of traffic tickets, avoiding criminal behavior of any kind and so on.

I don’t expect perfection from a 20-year-old, but to convince me that they have left adolescence, I need to see many of these things at least beginning to be part of their life. In addition to that there has been a ton of research done that gives light to the fact that most 20-something “men and women” do not demonstrate this level of maturity. It is now believed that adolescence often begins at puberty and extends into the mid 20′s. Obviously there are exceptions—like my daughter Jessica (-:

Here is a link that might help.
http://ezinearticles.com/?Four-Principles-of-Teen-Addiction-Recovery&id=2453178

Although being nurtured in a loving family environment does help avoid (or at least delay) substance use and abuse, it’s not a guarantee by any means! The later in life that experimentation begins–the less likely it is that a person will become alcohol or drug dependent. One reason for that is that early use can start a young person to begin to see and rely on their use as a “coping skill.”

Waiting till later in life forces a person to learn other coping skills for life’s struggles “if I can make it to the age of 25 without beginning to use drugs I will have had many disappointments and frustrating experiences that will have helped me gain the confidence that I will need to handle life on life’s terms” (so to speak).

Concerning part two of your question (“do you find the consequences of drug addiction to hit in one’s mid to late 20s (as opposed to later in life) if family have a strong history of NOT enabling?”)

I would, in a very general way, say “yes“. It often takes several years for real problematic consequences to present themselves. So generally speaking I agree–but there are sooooo many variables.

Enabling at any stage is always counter-productive.