June 2011

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“When an adult child recognizes a problem with alcohol.”

June 22, 2011 in Ask Joe by jherzanek | 3 comments

Joe Herzanek, Author, Addiction Counselor and Interventionist

Joe Herzanek, Author, Addiction Counselor and Interventionist

ASK JOE:

Q:
“When an adult child recognizes that he has a problem with alcohol–-even has called himself an alcoholic but refuses any help–-are there things that we, as the parents, can do to bring the adult child closer to getting help?
Are there things to avoid saying/doing?”

A:
There can be many variables with this question but let me give it a try.

First of all, regardless of the age, most know that stopping substance use and abuse is going to be difficult. It means making many changes and most of us resist change. It’s the same for a person who has found himself in a bad (very bad) marriage. Those who know the person can see how the relationship has deteriorated and so can the person—but they delay facing the inevitable. Why? Fear of the unknown.

So it is with the addict. They often know, but fear of the unknown will keep then stuck. The “unknown” for the addict is—trying to imagine life without drugs and also everything AND everybody that goes along with it.

What can family members or friends do about the addiction? The better question might be, what can they stop doing? Often the family will buy into the addict’s belief that their situation is unique, different (which means that the addict has “a good excuse for being the way they are”). Going one step further, the addict now may believe, and have those close to him believing that it’s something “outside of him” that is to blame.

The family needs to become educated on this topic and then move toward using some tough love. No rescuing, loaning money, bonding out of jail, paying utilities. Allow the consequences to do the work they are meant to do. Pain is a wonderful teacher. The addict will need to learn some lessons the hard way.

READ MORE “ASK JOE”:

Son needs $75 for drug dealer or he’ll be “killed for sure.”

I’m not able to deal with my live-in fiance’s need to get drunk every night.

What if they just CAN’T quit?

 

NEED HELP NOW?
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12 Step AA Wisdom: “Bring the body, the mind will follow.”

June 13, 2011 in The Wisdom of the Rooms, Words of Wisdom by jherzanek | 1 comment

The Wisdom of the Rooms

So many people who call Changing Lives Foundation feel like they are all alone in their struggles. Our best advice to those who have limited resources is to visit an Open AA meeting or two, attend an Al-Anon or Nar-Anon meeting. There , you will find others with concerns, similar to yours. Many of these people offer gems of wisdom just like this—one of our favorites:

 

“Bring the body, the mind will follow.”
~ by Michael Z.

 

This is a quote I heard early on in my recovery, and it has served me well over and years. Over and over again, when I haven’t wanted to go to a meeting, I went anyway and once my body was there, my mind ended up being glad it went along, too. Like much of the wisdom in the program, I can apply the truth in this quote to many other areas of my life as well.

What I’ve learned is that taking action is almost always the gateway into feeling better. Rarely have I been able to think my way into different behavior or results, instead it’s only when I take action (especially when I don’t want to) that things begin to shift, and I begin feeling better.The program, like life, doesn’t work when I’m into thinking, only when I’m into action.

It’s interesting how, even with this knowledge and experience, my mind still tells me not to do the things that will make me feel better. Often I’d rather watch TV than go to a meeting, rest after work than go to the gym, procrastinate rather than take action. The good news, though, is that it always works out for the best when I go ahead and take action anyway.

Whenever I bring my body, my mind always follows…
Wisdom of the Rooms, Volume 4

 

Volume Four Now Available! Order Your Signed Copies Today!

Just $14.95 each!

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This beautiful, Fourth Volume will enrich your recovery for years to come!

To go from “12 Step AA Wisdom” to  Visit “Why Don’t They Just Quit?” Home

Related Articles:
Drug Addiction: Moving Into Recovery

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I’m worried he may never recover

June 2, 2011 in Ask Joe by jherzanek | 3 comments

Joe Herzanek, Author, Addiction Counselor and Interventionist

Joe Herzanek, Author, Addiction Counselor and Interventionist

ASK JOE: ADDICTED TO OXYCONTIN

Q
Hi Joe:
I purchased your book in Jan. I read it from front to back several times for more than one reason. It was so full of information I wanted to make sure I absorbed it all.

My 20 year old son has just entered rehab for the 3rd time. We have tried to send him to the best places and so far have spent $30,000.00. He is addicted to Oxycontin. I had so much hope the first few times and now I am starting to realize what a stronghold this drug has on him. I am worried that he may never recover.

I am also feeling so much guilt and keep looking back to try and figure out what I could have done differently when he was growing up. I’m constantly convincing myself that if we had only been more firm with him, had more rules, if I hadn’t been a working mom and put him in so many daycares, things would have ended up differently (he wouldn’t be addicted to Oxycontin). I know that I’m just trying to find a way to ease my pain and guilt. Do you have any suggestions?

–Guilt-ridden in Minneapolis

A
Sorry to hear about your son who is addicted to Oxycontin. I’ll get right to the point. He doesn’t need another rehab to go to; he can completely stop using pain meds if he wants to–and you didn’t cause his addiction.

His age is a big issue. Most treatment places won’t even take him because he’s an adolescent. They have learned over the years that the success rate for treating adolescents is abysmal. He needs to feel the pain and consequences of his use.

I would use the tough love approach if it were me. Foster Kline’s book, “Parenting Teens with Love and Logic” is a book you should also read.

If the “want to” is there, your son will be able to quit. Your job is to make it crystal clear to him that you love him and will help him on the journey to recovery. And you will not do anything that keeps him from growing up and becoming a mature adult.

This is a process that will take some time but needs to begin now! The longer you wait the harder it will become. He will fight this in the beginning, that’s just the way it is. “Do you love your son enough to let him be mad at you?” I hope you do because that too is part of the process.

Seek some wise counsel for yourself as well.

Best regards,
Joe

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MORE ASK JOE:

Son needs $75 for drug dealer of he’ll be “killed for sure.”

“I need help because I’m not able to deal with my live-in Fiance’s need to get drunk every night.”

Should my husband “back off?”

 

addicted to Oxycontin addicted to Oxycontin addicted to Oxycontin addicted to Oxycontin

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