December 2010

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Dear Changing Lives,

Thank you for your quick action on the billing and the response in receiving the book.  I received the book in less than 24 hours and sat down immediately and read it.

I had NO idea what was happening to my daughter in-law and had constant tears for the last week.   After reading the book I went to bed with some peace of mind and hope last night.
Thank you again.

~ MJ in Fort Collins, CO

 


“I received your book today in the mail, I curled up on the couch by the fire and read it cover to cover. I just finished, and feel I can now face 2011 with a new optimism. A HUGE thank you to you both!”

~ Optimistic Mom (Whitesboro, NY)

And another from Julie—a  reader and participant on our Facebook and Blog Page:

“please feel free to use my full name. I’ve found that being transparent about all of this is very freeing, plus it helps other people in some way. I love it when I can share my experience with others & see how it helps them.

Wanted to share that I told a fellow Nar-Anon dad about your book & your philosophy about raising the bottom. He said it gave him the courage to kick his 23-year old daughter out when she got high on Christmas Day & caused a huge problem when they were hosting family.

Three days later, she called them from a detox hospital…that SHE had checked herself into! A great start . . . thank you both for letting me share about your book & how it has helped me!!!”

~ Julie Jordan-Wade (Coppell, TX)

We love to hear from everyone. Our best to you all!

~Joe and Judy

Joe and Judy Herzanek, Changing Lives Foundation

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OTHER ARTICLES:
Family Secrets, That rather sounds like “acceptance” equals “resignation”

RETURN:
Return from: “I had NO idea what was happening to my daughter in-law” to BLOG HOME

PURCHASE:
To purchase “Why Don’t They Just Quit? What families and friends need to know about addiction and recovery”


 

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Joe Herzanek gives Keynote Address at Co. Springs Drug Court GraduationOn Wednesday, October 20, 2010 Changing Lives Foundation/Joe Herzanek was honored to have the privilege of conducting the Keynote Address for the Adult Drug Treatment Court Graduation in Colorado Springs, CO.

During his address, Joe spoke of his (often humorous) past experiences, displaying a large “before photo” of himself, and ended the ceremony by leading the group in an emotional “pledge” —first recited by the new graduates, and followed by friends and family (see below). We have reprinted the feature article on this event that appeared recently in the Colorado Springs Gazette.

We received many great comments regarding the keynote address by Joe Herzanek at our Drug Court graduation ceremony. The attendees related to Mr. Herzanek’s personal experience on the road to addiction recovery and were encouraged by his long term success.  He made them laugh at some of his (and their) choices, and reached them with down to earth examples that hit home with their recovery challenges. We were pleased to have Joe speak at our graduation and hope to have him back again.

~ Marilyn Burnett/Program Manager: Adult Drug Treatment Court State of Colorado 4th Judicial District Court, Division 5L

Second chances: Drug Court helps people turn lives around

November 27, 2010
Barbara Cotter/The Gazette Photos by Mark Reis, The Gazette

Deanna Simmons chokes up as she grabs the microphone in the jury room of the Fourth Judicial District courthouse, but who can blame her? This is her night to graduate from Drug Court, and it represents a huge step in mending the life she shattered with her meth addiction.

“In this room, I had supervised visits with my son,” the 40-year-old woman tells a roomful of other Drug Court participants and their families. “Now, I get to take him home with me.”

The crowd applauds as Simmons returns to her seat and hugs her 12-year-old son and her mother.

It’s another success story for Drug Court, an 11-year-old program for people facing their first-ever felony drug charge. It relies on a team of two psychotherapists, two probation officers, a prosecutor from the District Attorney’s office and Magistrate Lisa Kirkman to assess the offenders’ issues and needs, equip them with a “toolbox” of coping strategies and plug them into services to help them get clean and stay that way.

“We wrap ’em up in services,” Kirkman says.

As of Oct. 19, 624 people had successfully completed the program, representing a graduation rate of about 76 percent. The graduates are rewarded with dismissal of the charge that got them into Drug Court in the first place. If they can stay clean for two years after graduation and undergo aftercare for the first of those two years, they can even get their records sealed.

But the biggest reward goes beyond their status with the legal system. They leave with a sense of accomplishment, higher self-esteem, a much healthier body, a set of coping tools and the prospect of a rosier future, the Drug Court team says.

“It’s changed my life,” says 32-year-old Bonnie Norris, a habitual meth user and mother of an 11-year-old daughter. “My goals are to graduate, stay sober, raise my daughter without drugs, move up in my job and get my GED.” She eventually wants to be a crime scene investigator.

Four “strikes” allowed

For Simmons, Norris and the 120 or so others in the program at any given time, Kirkman’s courtroom is a place of second chances. And third.

And even more.

Joe Herzanek displays "before" photo at Co. Springs Drug Court Graduation

Joe Herzanek displays "before" photo at Co. Springs Drug Court Graduation

We never lose hope in Drug Court,” says Kirkman.

Magistrate Lisa Kirkman claps for the 100 days of sobriety for Drug Court participant Kathrin Bueche Wednesday, October 20, 2010.

Magistrate Lisa Kirkman claps for the 100 days of sobriety for Drug Court participant Kathrin Bueche Wednesday, October 20, 2010.

Most participants can finish the program in a year as they pass through three phases that require several commitments: random drug tests, meetings with probation officers, regularly scheduled court appearances and the presentation of a “life plan” after the last phase.

They’re allowed up to four “strikes” — mistakes — in the first two phases, and one in the third.

Even that isn’t hard and fast, however, because the DA can combine strikes “and give more opportunity to people,” Kirkman says.

“I had five strikes in my first three weeks. I wasn’t taking it seriously,” says 25-year-old Chelsea Oubre, who expects to be in the next group of graduates.

“I kept using. I went back to jail.”

Jail is the consequence for the more egregious violations, such as a missed or “hot” urinalysis tests.

Other violations, such as missing a treatment group, might bring a requirement for public service and electronic home monitoring.

“One of the reasons Drug Court works is that consequences for behavior are immediate and swift,” the program material states.

But Kirkman says the strike system isn’t front and center in the program.

“It’s not so focused on strikes as it is on accountability, honesty and success,” she says.

Ironically, Kirkman was once known as “lock ’em up Lisa,” a reference to her success rate as a prosecutor, which included the prosecution of many drug crimes.

She helped launch Drug Court in 1999 and served as prosecutor, then was appointed magistrate.

She left the position for two years to go back to the DA’s Office, but then returned to being magistrate.

“I really like to see people changing their lives; I like to be part of the solution,” says Kirkman, who has four children, including a set of twins.

And so she goes to extraordinary lengths to keep these first-time drug offenders out of lockup, and she does it with a velvet hammer.

Her courtroom is a place where applause breaks out at any piece of good news. Oubre announces she’s pregnant.

Applause.

One man says he’s been drug-free for 10 months.

Applause.

Someone else has come up with productive ways to combat the boredom that would ordinarily have sent him running for a high.

More applause.

But it’s not just the supportive atmosphere of Kirkman’s courtroom that sets it apart from many others. It’s her approach — part concerned

mother, part savvy social worker, part humorist, part cheerleader, part stern but loving teacher — that she uses with each person who steps up for his or her case review.

“Remember: Mistakes are for learning,” she tells one man who messed up and received a “strike.” “What did you learn from your mistake?”

“Don’t hang out with those people no more,” he says with a grin.

“That would be like me hanging out in a bakery,” she responds, drawing a laugh from everyone in the

Deputy state public defender Carrie Lynn Thompson, right, listens as David Jones talks about charges he faces during an appearance in Drug Court

Deputy state public defender Carrie Lynn Thompson, right, listens as David Jones talks about charges he faces during an appearance in Drug Court

courtroom. “It would be ugly.”

Another man is about to move up into another phase of the program, but Kirkman looks at his charts and notices he has a legal issue to clear up: He was throwing things at cars.

“You’re not going to do that again, are you?” she says. Then she tells him the prosecutor is going to look into having the charge related to the offense dropped, so it won’t affect his status in Drug Court.

“That’s a huge gift,” Kirkman tells him. “Remember: An instant decision can change your whole future.”

Recognizing the individual

The parade of people continues its march in front of Kirkman’s bench, where a sign behind her reads “Justice with Heart.”

She asks about their children, and what character the kids will be for Halloween.

She notices improvements in their physical appearance, and keeps encouraging them, even those who show up in orange jail suits because they’ve failed a drug test or done something else to incur a strike.

She passes along phone numbers of treatment providers, asks family members if they can afford medical expenses, makes a note to follow up on dental care for Bonnie Norris, whose teeth are missing, though not from meth.

Kirkman believes it’s imperative to make sure participants are covered on the basics, including health care.

“Safe housing, food and water — we focus on these three first,” she says.

“Then, when they’re sober, we work on their health. They’re encouraged to see doctors and get their bodies healthy.”

Because many of the people are on the lower end of the economic scale and don’t have health insurance, the Drug Court team works with organizations to address their physical and mental health needs and get them medications.

They work with sobering houses to find people a supportive, drug-free place to live.

They’ve hooked up with an organization that arranges outdoors activities for people trying to stay off drugs and alcohol.

“Just about anything we can think of that will help, we try to plug into,” Kirkman says.

A huge component of the program is the team approach to handling each case.

Kirkman, prosecutor Judy Haller and DA volunteer Leticia Cisneros, therapists Gregory Ortega and Laura Fetters, and probation officers Jennifer Jones and Mike Hernandez meet regularly to discuss each Drug Court participant, what obstacles the person might be facing, and what he or she might need to succeed.

Most team members have been with Drug Court for at least four years, and they operate like a well-oiled machine.

“They have a very strong team that’s cohesive,” says Carrie Thompson, head of the Office of the Colorado State Public Defender office here.

“It’s been enlightening to see how they can work as a team, because that’s a concept that’s not in the regular court system.”

No easy process

Despite the best efforts of the team, about two in 10 people fail the Drug Court program, and they end up with a felony conviction, the result of a plea bargain they entered to get into the program. (Read about long-term studies on drug courts here.)

Team members also know some people will slip up after graduation, although they haven’t extensively tracked anyone long term.

“I think we can all think of a few cases where someone relapsed,” Haller says.

“That’s the reality of addiction,” Kirkman adds.

Still, they hope that the graduates will commit to long-term sobriety, but they know it’s not easy.

People often have to change their circle of friends, their routines, their whole reality. “It’s brutal,” Haller says.

 

Drug Court Graduate's Pledge

Drug Court Graduate's Pledge. ~By Joe Herzanek (click image for larger view)

But those who stick with it — and even some who are getting their first blush of sobriety through Drug Court — start to see the possibilities of a drug-free life.

“There’s a lot of drama, a lot of turmoil, chasing a bag,” says 45-year-old Gary Daily Jr., who used meth for 30 years before cleaning up nine months ago and is moving into the third phase of the program.

“I feel at peace. I still have my moments of life that are not always joyful, but I deal with it in different ways.”

If he graduates, he’ll get to go up to the podium at the next graduation ceremony, as Deanna Simmons and about a dozen other people did one evening last month, and go through the rites of passage.

He’ll hug Kirkman and, perhaps, some of the team members who are sitting off to the side, applauding his accomplishments.

He might say a few words of encouragement to the crowd, as several of the graduates did.

And Kirkman will give him a parting gift: his booking photo.

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To contact Joe Herzanek for Family Workshops, speaking engagements or one-on-one phone counseling:
Call: 303.775.6493 or Email Changing Lives Foundation: jherzanek@gmail.com

NEED HELP NOW?
Joe Herzanek, Addiction CounselorDrug Addiction Phone Counseling for Families Dealing with Substance Abuse

 

December 15, 2010 by jherzanek | No comments

“Do It Anyway”

Mother Teresa

Mother Teresa

Found written on the wall
in Mother Teresa’s home for children in Calcutta*

People are often unreasonable,
illogical and self centered;
Forgive them anyway.

If you are kind, people may accuse you of
selfish, ulterior motives;
Be kind anyway.

If you are successful, you will win some false friends
and some true enemies;
Succeed anyway.

If you are honest and frank,
people may cheat you;
Be honest and frank anyway.

What you spend years building,
someone could destroy overnight;
Build anyway.

If you find serenity and happiness,
they may be jealous;
Be happy anyway.

The good you do today,
people will often forget tomorrow;
Do good anyway.

Give the world the best you have,
and it may never be enough;
Give the world the best you’ve got anyway.

You see, in the final analysis,
it is between you and your God;
It was never between you and them anyway.

*Some sources say that these words were written on the wall in Mother Teresa’s own room in her home for children in Calcutta, India, and are widely attributed to her. In any case,
their association with
Mother Teresa and the Missionaries of Charity
has made them popular worldwide, expressing as they do,
the spirit in which they lived their lives.

They seem to be based on a composition originally by Kent Keith,
but much of the second half has been re-written
in a more spiritual way.

~ To view a video version of the above ~

NEED HELP NOW?
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Wise Advice Mother Teresa Wise Advice Mother Teresa Wise Advice Mother Teresa

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Holidays are more stressful for families
struggling with an addicted loved one

Why? Because most of us realize that family gatherings are both special and important. These are times when most of us will go out of our way to say “I love you”.

The warning I’m speaking about refers to a select few organizations who try to take advantage of hurting people.

You may have noticed several recent TV and radio ads touting various “addiction cures.”

There is a solution and a way to manage addiction–but there is NO CURE.

 

Holiday WarningBeware of anyone who tells you otherwise.

It saddens me to know that there are hurting families who are even more emotionally and financially drained–by false claims.

Please know that alcoholism and drug addiction are manageable problems. There is hope. And many, many people begin the journey called recovery every day.
~ Joe Herzanek

Learn even more about the difference between “quitting” and true recovery in Part 4 of “Why Don’t They Just Quit? What families and friends need to know about addiction and recovery.”

NEED HELP NOW?
Low-cost, Affordable Drug Addiction Phone Counseling for Families Dealing with Substance Abuse

 

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stressful holidays families struggling addicted loved one stressful holidays families struggling addicted loved one

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Home from RehabThey’re BAAaaack! What should you do when he comes home from treatment?

What Now?
When the recovering person comes home from treatment, the real journey is about to begin. They have just been immersed in a crash course—Everything you need to know about addiction and how to live substance free. Coming home is an important event. How successfully will your husband apply his newfound wisdom? Will your friend be able to make a lasting change now that she is back in the real world?  Remember, they just left a safe place where they made friends and received daily encouragement—and now they are back, facing many of the harsh realities of life.

Most likely, your loved one will feel a real sense of accomplishment, having successfully completed the program. Having confidence that he can start a new life is a good thing. At the same time, however, he is about to receive his first dose of reality as he is home from treatment. Now all the knowledge he gained about recovery must be practically lived out. He is going to have a myriad of questions: How do I tell old friends about my new life? How are they going to react? How am I going to react if they aren’t supportive of my new lifestyle? Will I have the strength? What will I say? Who should I see and who should I avoid? What do I need to start doing right now to avoid using again? Where will I find a new group to belong to? What if I don’t find a group of people I like? How hard do I have to work to stay away from alcohol or drugs? Do I have what it takes to do this?

Seek Support
All recovering addicts must decide what they need to do to continue their lives in recovery with success and then follow through with action—all by themselves. In light of their own circumstances, only they can take the next step. Obviously many people and groups can be helpful, but it’s the individual that must decide to seek out the support that will make his commitment to change successful. This needs to happen soon. Some form of support will be needed to keep this recovery ball rolling, whether it’s AA, NA, an outpatient group, or counseling. This period of time, when the person has just returned home from treatment, is when all the talk and good intentions need to turn into positive action.

It should not take long to determine the sincerity of the recovering person. Actions speak louder than words, and no one successfully recovers alone. How much and how long the person makes use of outside support will depend on the situation, but everyone will need some form of support as they adjust to life on life’s terms.

What to Do
So as a family member or friend, what do you do? If possible, anticipate this situation by meeting with treatment staff for sound advice before your loved one comes home from treatment. This can be a time to debrief and get answers to some of your questions. Try not to be overly self-conscious about what you do or say to the person returning home. You don’t need to be walking on eggshells. Talking about recovery and encouraging someone is a good thing. By the same token, recovery shouldn’t dominate all discussions. The process is just beginning, and you should give it time. The recovering person is trying to build a new life—one they can call normal. The more they see that life can be normal without using, and that they can deal successfully with everyday situations, the more motivated and encouraged they will be to continue with sober living. It may take time, but it does become easier.

When I returned home from treatment, I was both confident and scared at the same time. I know that sounds like a contradiction, but it’s true. I was having an internal battle: part of me believed that I would do whatever it took to stay away from drugs, but another part of me wasn’t sure about the “do whatever it takes” strategy that we had discussed in treatment. My family knew it wasn’t going to be easy. For the most part, they left me alone. When they saw that I made the effort to go to work and regularly attend my group meetings, the atmosphere gradually grew more relaxed. They saw that I was moving in the right direction and seemed to discern that it was okay to trust me. I’m glad they gave me some space. I guess they knew they didn’t have the answers I needed anyway. Only another recovering person can really understand what it’s like, so my parents and family could not fully put themselves in my situation. Their ability to understand what I was going through was limited, yet I needed their support.  This is when I began to spend a lot of time with other recovering people.

Not everyone will be able to go to a residential treatment center; therefore, recovery will look a little different in such cases. It will mean attending a lot of evening and weekend groups. A healthy level of busyness can help ensure sobriety. Work and recovery should be the two main priorities for those in recovery. If your loved one is not working, then that means they should spend more time attending groups. Idle time can be a strong temptation to revert to old habits.

For families in this recovery situation, encouraging the recovering addict to continue with his new life and not give up will take a great deal of patience. Because the user has not been totally removed from his life setting, it may take longer for him to become strong. Remember, you have a limited understanding of addiction and recovery, so attending some Al-Anon or “open” AA meetings would be an excellent idea. This will give you more knowledge about what your loved one might be going through. In addition, these meetings are a way for people in similar situations to connect and give one another support and advice. Attending these meetings is also a huge sign of support from you to your friend or loved one.

In some cases, it would benefit the recovering person to temporarily relocate. If they can live with a relative or friend for a few months, it will give them a chance to concentrate on their recovery without the pressures of dealing with old buddies, bad influences, and triggers that can cause a relapse.

If you have been a positive influence in this person’s life, continue that support. However, you will need to provide a healthy balance of support. Don’t smother them with an unusual amount of concern, as this will make them feel self-conscious. On the other hand, don’t distance yourself, because you may be afraid and unsure how to act around them. Be yourself. Help them to see that life without using can be fun. They may have been afraid of losing all their friends, including you. Be a friend. Good friends who don’t use are what they need.

It won’t take long to figure out how serious your loved one is about their new life. Their attitude will be one indication of how they are adjusting. Admitting complete defeat in the face of addiction is a humbling experience. In my case, life in recovery meant acting differently than I did before: striving to listen to others without overreacting, and learning how to be patient. This again is a process that takes time. Some moodiness should be expected, but if it persists it needs to be addressed, as it could be a sign of too much stress. It could also be a result of the void created by not using, sadness from losing old friends, and abandoning an old lifestyle that defined who they were.

There will be some peaks and valleys in early recovery. Remember: If relapse occurs, don’t be too harsh. Rather, be concerned about the next step they need to take. If your struggling friend gets right back to their recovery program, then stay as optimistic as possible. And when they fall down, help them to get back up and moving in the right direction. Remember, recovery is a process, and your relationship with your friend or loved one can greatly impact their desire to stay on course and make the right choices.

This article excerpted from Part 4/Life in Recovery: Why Don’t They Just Quit? What families and friends need to know about addiction and recovery.

Home from Treatment, Home from Treatment, Home from Treatment
_______________________________________________________

Chaplain Joe HerzanekTried everything?

Wise Counsel and Professional Intervention Services for Your Situation.

Providing families in crisis with over 30 years of real-life,
hands-on experience and success
.

Your situation may be unique, but it’s not hopeless.
We specialize in those tough, “seemingly impossible” situations.

There IS a solution. Together we can formulate a plan to restore sanity to your life—saving you and your family time, money, stress and unnecessary heartache.

Learn more about personalized consultations
with author/addiction counselor Joe Herzanek.

Specialized to your unique situation.

(in person or by phone)

Call: (303) 775.6493
or
Email: jherzanek@gmail.com

to learn more about this option.
(call now to speak to Joe about our many options)

Note:
At Changing Lives we know that the need for counseling is not run on an 8 to 5,
Monday through Friday schedule.

We are often available on weekends and even holidays.
Please don’t hesitate to call as the need arises.

Related:
Drug Addiction Statistics


December 7, 2010 by jherzanek | No comments