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A valuable tool . . . when you don’t have time to wade through volumes of material. Joe Herzanek offers simple, straightforward, no-nonsense answers to the most often-asked questions.
A wealth of information. Being able to gain this much information in one short sitting will put your mind at ease and give you the confidence to move forward—knowing that recovery is within reach.
1. How can I tell . . . if a person is addicted or just a heavy user?
2. How do I confront this person?
3. How to handle adolescent use and abuse?
4. How do I show my love without enabling?
5. Does treatment work?
6. We cant afford treatment. What now?
7. How do I handle relapse? Will this ever stop?
8. What if they just cant quit?
9. Ive tried it all. Nothing is working. What now?
10. How do I get MY life back?
THIS RESPONSE FROM JOE HERZANEK:
Dear Sharon,
Obviously I don’t have enough info to give real specific advice but there is enough here to comment. First of all your son is THIRTY THREE YEARS OLD, so if not now then when? When does he begin to take responsibility for his own poor choices? When does he decide to grow up and act like an adult? If it were my son I would be willing to give him a place to stay for a brief period of time, 90 days max, but this would be with the condition that he stop all alcohol and substance use now. I would require him to go to 12-Step meetings and make it crystal clear that this is a “one strike and you’re out” kinda deal. Take it or leave it. If not now then when? When does he stop blaming other people or other things for his use?
I know this may sound a bit harsh, please don’t take this personally (there will be many others who read this reply) but to be honest this about the 10,000th time I’ve answered this same question. Some people listen to me and tell me that this kind of advice made all the difference and it worked.
Others go on and wait years before trying the empathy and tough love approach. So much time wasted…it’s sad. I’m sorry you have to go through this but you can go through this and go on to enjoy life. One day your son may just walk into your house and you’ll hear the words you never expected to hear, “Thanks mom for helping me see the light.â€
I don’t know if you have my book and new DVD, “The 10 Toughest Questions†but there are a lot more of the specifics in both of them.
Regards, Joe
My 33 year old son is being kicked out of the Coast Guard with an other than honorable discharge because he went a-wall. He says he didn’t test positive for drugs but I don’t believe it. He has no money, no job and no place to go. What do you suggest I do to help him? Should I let him come back and stay for a certain amount of time, until he finds work ?
Thank you
I wish I would have looked at this sight many months ago maybe it could have saved my family and the ones that i loved for the pain and the hurt that we now must go though all over again.